Goodness Gracious Me

[In an English restaurant in India. Ordering some food]

Indian man 1:
. For starter we shall have 6... no 12 bread rolls. For main course everybody?

Indian Man 2:
What's the blandest thing on the menu?

James the Waiter:
The scampi's our specialty sir.

Indian Man 2:
I'll have that.

Aubergine-Woman:
I can make it at home for nothing!

Resturant-guy:
Check please...

Hip Hop geezer 1:
Kiss my chuddies, man!

Dennis Cooper:
I knew that!

[a Buddhist, from Rat Killing Company, comes home to a woman to get rid of her mice, but instead he sits down on the floor and closes his eyes]

Woman:
So what do you use then; poison?

Buddhist:
Poison - no poison.

Woman:
Oh, you are going to smoke them out.

Buddhist:
Smoke - no smoke.

Woman:
Then how are you going to kill them?

Biddhist:
Kill? Buddha teaches us, that we are all clever human beings. We don't have to kill.

Woman:
Well, how are you going to get rid of them then?

Buddhist:
I intend to make them think about their actions.

[Rings on a door]

The Guru Maharishi Yogi:
Hello, do you want to be a Hindu?

Woman:
Yes, I have always wanted to become a Hindu.

The Guru Maharishi Yogi:
Well, you can't! Have a nice day!

Dennis Cooper:
Oyeeeee Surjeeeeet!

Butler:
May I take your hat, sir?

Dennis Cooper:
No, buy your own.

[talking to an elderly, ethnic man in a crowded place outdoors]

Reporter:
How would you describe the condition in the refugee camp?

Mr. Isaq:
What refugee camp?

Reporter:
Well, *this* refugee camp.

Mr. Isaq:
This is my family picnic.

Meena, Beena:
In your dreams, Buddy!

Meena, Beena:
As if!

Yoohoo surjita veena