Heavy Metal 2000

Instead of cartoon vignettes that chronicle adolescent fantasies of sex and drugs in the near future, this sequel to 1981's Heavy Metal follows but one story. On a distant planet, a fountain of eternal life has been locked away by a race of supposedly wise people, who have buried the only key deep in space. If found, the key will give directions to the planet, but will also drive the finder crazy--which is exactly what happens. On his way to the planet of youth, Tyler (voice of venerable character actor Michael Ironside) wipes out most of a space colony and kidnaps a sexy woman. His big mistake is that he doesn't kill the woman's sister, Julie (voice of B-movie actress Julie Strain), who then sets out on a mission of rescue and revenge. Created with an uneasy blend of computer and traditional cel animation, Heavy Metal 2000 is utterly predictable. Even the sex scenes are bland and politically correct, eschewing the joy of dirty sex in favor of glimpses of T&A and lots of violence and gore. Of course, one big reason for this movie is to supplement its heavy metal soundtrack, which includes Pantera, Monster Magnet, MDFMK, Insane Clown Posse, Billy Idol, and others. It's probably better to think of it more as a string of music videos than as a story. --Andy Spletzer