Hetalia: Axis Powers

Austria:
You moron! Why did you become allied with Italy?

Germany:
Well... let's just say that there's a lot more to it than you think. It's better to have more people on our side, isn't it?

Austria:
No! He's probably mass-producing white flags as we speak! I'll express how angry I am with this piano.

Germany:
Alright, go for it.

[Austria proceeds to play a lengthy piece. Germany waits patiently]

Austria:
Do you understand now?

Germany:
So your anger is Chopin...?

[Russia, America, England, France and China are roasting marshmellows around a fire as England sings a demonic song]

U.K.:
The fire flares up and burns it to a crisp./Enflames it from side to side and burns it to a crisp./It leaves not a trace...

America:
[Hysterical] I feel like we're summoning a devil or something!

Germany:
[Germany is training Italy] Alright, beginning with instructions. Today concerns your interactions in the military with your inferiors!

Italy:
[Salutes] Yes, sir! Germ - er, Captain!

Germany:
Okay, first off. Before they're your inferiors, they're human beings. Thus, it's important to touch them gently.

Italy:
[Pets the cat he is holding] Gentle? Stroke, stroke.

Germany:
And sometimes, you must be strict!

Italy:
Strict! Paw out! [Repeatedly squeezes the cat's paw] Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish!

[the cat licks Italy's face. He screams]

Italy:
Captain! What's happening? This is mutiny! It's mutiny!

Germany:
The hell are you doing, Italy!

[England is attempting to curse Germany by summoning a demon through a magic ritual]

U.K.:
I summon thee, from faraway lands! Come forth!

[Russia's head emerges through the pentagram in the floor]

Russia:
You called?

[Germany is shopping at a supermarket, while a narrator comments in Japanese and English]

Narrator:
You're a German. Out shopping. Luckily, you were able to obtain a bunch of sausages, but the check-out area is really crowded.

[We see all the countries lined up in the check-out area, with Germany at the end]

Narrator:
This is because the cashier is Spanish, and they're known for their carefree and easy lifestyle. That's why a crowded check-out area is a daily thing to them. To make matters worse, the easygoing Greek is putting his groceries up *very* slowly. This scene is natural in Greece.

[Southern Italy, whistling nochalantly, cuts in line two people ahead of Germany, who is beginning to become frustrated]

Narrator:
Then an Italian cuts in line. In Italy, cutting in line is a normal thing to do. Did that irritate you? The Austrian in front of you is even angrier.

Spain:
Oh, really?

Greece:
Yup.

Spain:
Oh, really?

Greece:
Yup.

Spain:
Oh, really?

Greece:
Yup.

Narrator:
Oh, no! Now the Spanish and the Greek have started to chat!

Italy:
[Walks up and stands in line behind Germany] Ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve...

Narrator:
Another Italian. He didn't cut in line, but he's really loud. The Japanese man wants to say something, but he doesn't.

Austria:
[to the cashier among the gradually increasing commotion] Hey, you! Take your job seriously! Look how long the line is! Are you listening, you moron!

Russia:
Dunno, the line looks normal to me.

Spain:
[Completely oblivious to the chaos] Oh, really?

Austria:
For Christ's sake!

Sweden:
Another peaceful day...

Finland:
Well then, I'll tell you a funny joke while we're waiting in line!

[the entire line has now erupted into chattering, bickering, and America laughing obnoxiously in the background. Germany appears to be at the end of his rope]

Germany:
[Training Italy, holding a grenade] I'll teach you how to use a hand grenade. First, remove and discard the pin to arm it. [Removes the pin with his teeth and tosses the grenade, which explodes tremendously on the cliff in front of them] Then throw it at the enemy's position... is how it goes. Think you can handle it?

Italy:
[Dazed as usual] Yes, understood! If it's just that, I think I can do it if I try!

Germany:
[Is then hit in the head with something] Hey, don't throw it at-! [Turns and sees he was hit with the grenade pin, and Italy has the grenade in his mouth, humming] You've got it backwards! Backwards! Hurry up and throw it! If you don't hurry up and throw it, you'll go "boom"! [Screams in horror]

Germany:
Dear diary. Today, Italy was attacked by England and France while I was out.

[Cut to England hitting Italy on the head]

Italy:
[Whimpering] Ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve...

Germany:
Hey! Quit hitting Italy when I'm not around!

[England runs away]

Germany:
Get back here! Hit him again, and I'll shape Iona up like a heart! [Runs after him]

France:
Take this! [Hits Italy as he cries]

Germany:
[Offscreen] CUT IT OUT!

Germany:
[Narrating] One night, I couldn't sleep well and opened my eyes... [cut to a disheveled looking man standing over him] to find some strange guy staring at me.

Roman Empire:
What? So this is Italy's ally? For some reason, I'm a bit annoyed.

Germany:
Who the hell are you!

Roman Empire:
What did you say? You must be really ignorant if you don't know who I am. As you can see from my sculpture-like beauty, and my steel-like strength, I'm none other than the great Roman Empire, the supreme ruler of the Mediterranean! [Germany points a gun in his face]

Germany:
Get out, you suspicious bastard! What are you planning? On top of that, impersonating the Roman Empire, a man I have deep respect for, is unforgivable!

Roman Empire:
I'm serious though...

Germany:
Shut your trap! From now on, speak only when you're answering my questions. Who the hell are you?

Germany:
Whoa, food! [takes a bite of a raw potato] I'm the great Roman Empire.

Germany:
Because of what you just said, I've decided to put a bullet through your head.

Roman Empire:
Don't get so worked up! Come on, you heard my beautiful voice, remember?

Germany:
That was you? Well, why are you here?

Roman Empire:
Oh yeah, I forgot! [pulls back Germany's bedsheets to reveal a content Italy, deep in sleep] I came to see my precious grandson!

Germany:
Hang on! Why is he in my bed?

Roman Empire:
[Cuddles Italy] Gosh, you're so damn cute! You're such a good boy!

Germany:
A dream! A dream! This is all a dream!

Italy:
[On the phone with Japan] Listen to this! I woke up earlier than Germany for once!

Japan:
Are you serious? We must celebrate this occasion with a dish of red bean rice!

Italy:
The other day, I had an extremely disgusting pizza. England made it.

Italy:
It's been a while since I slept with you, Romano.

Romano:
Shut up! You should have at least two beds in your place!

Italy:
How weird... I usually sleep together with Germany and Japan.

Romano:
[Grabs Italy's throat] You still get along with them! [Repeatedly bashes his head into his brother's]

Italy:
Bro, I can't breathe. Bro, I can't breathe!

[Cut to Germany's office; his phone is ringing. He picks it up]

Italy:
Germany, save me! I'm on my bed and my brother is- ow!

Romano:
Not there!

Italy:
It's stuck! OW!

Romano:
Put down the phone, you fool!

Italy:
TAKE IT OUT!

Romano:
Put it down!

[Line goes dead]

Germany:
[Slightly disturbed] His brother's... stuck..."ow"... take it out...

[Germany bursts into Italy's room]

Italy:
Italy, are you okay! What's going-! [He realizes the brothers' signature hair curls are merely tangled with each other]

Italy:
Germany, you're late!

Italia:
PASTAAAAA!

U.K.:
[dead drunk] You don't know me! I'm the United bloody Kingdom and I can held my locker better than you any day!

America:
Dude, calm down!

U.K.:
Shut up! I felt bad about how the way ol' frog face was treating you, so I saved your ass! I thought maybe we could be friends and bond over our mutual hatred for France, but uh-uh! [yelling] You didn't want to be friends with me, you just wanted to tell me what to tell what to do, and you didn't know what to do anyway! I think that's total bullocks!