Hideous Kinky

Lucy:
Mom, is it Christmas yet?

Julia:
No, darling. Not till morning.

Lucy:
Is it morning yet?

Bea:
It's because I flooded the bathroom and the ceiling fell in and the cats ran off, that's when she started talking about Marocco and the sufi's. Mom says a sufi doesn't ask who a sufi is... so what the hell is a sufi anyway?

Julia:
Every week a new set of men, have you noticed?

Bea:
Prostitutes

Julia:
Do you think so? Where did you learn that!

Julia:
What's this? Paper hats, how useful!

Julia:
So, how was your first day at school?

Bea:
Well, a little girl wet herself.

Julia:
[laughs] And?

Bea:
The teacher took her to the front of the class [pause] and beat her [pause] and beat her with a cane [pause] until she stopped crying and than she beat her some more [pause] and than the cane broke.

Julia:
My God, you can't go back there.

Bea:
Why not, of course I can. [walks away, stops and turns around] Only joking!

Lucy:
Mom, when can we have rice pudding again?

Julia:
As soon as the check comes from your father.

Bea:
Sure, father Christmas!

Julia:
London's cold, cold and sad. No camel, no Abdul's a jelliybean.

Bea:
No scorpions.

Lucy:
B, when you grow up would you like to be a shepherd?

Bea:
No, I don't think so.

Lucy:
[as she interupts Bilal and Julia's love making] Are you pleased to see me?

Julia:
[gasps] Hello darling, where did you spring from?