Holes

Mr. Sir:
Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained, the end.

The Warden Walker:
I'm surrounded by cow turds.

Magnet:
I would'a made it out too... if my pocket didn't start barkin'.

Zig-Zag:
Say, I didn't know Marion was a man's name?

Mr. Sir:
It's ain't.

The Warden Walker:
Stanley, won't you just open it? Just let me see what's inside it, please!

Stanley:
Excuse me?

Mr. Pendanski:
Here Theodore.

Armpit:
Man the name is Armpit.

Mr. Pendanski:
They all have their little nicknames, however I prefer to use the names their parents gave them,the names society will recognize them by.

Mr. Pendanski:
You are here on account of one person; do you know who that one person is?

Stanley:
Yeah, my no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather, that's who it is.

Mr. Pendanski:
No you.

Stanley:
Man how did she know my name?

Zig-Zag:
She has these little cameras and microphones all over the place. In the tent, in the wreck room, in the showers.

Stanley:
They're not in the showers.

Squid:
Oh don't listen to him. I read his file. It said he suffers from, um, oh. acute paranoia.

Magnet:
So I guess that means she watches me everyday, huh.

Armpit:
Man, he said cameras and microphones, not microscopes.

Mr. Pendanski:
No one cares about Hector Zeroni.

Stanley:
I do.

Zero:
I'm not stupid, I know everyone thinks I am, I just don't like answering stupid questions.

Stanley:
You know what I keep thinkin' of?

Zero:
What?

Stanley:
How fine this Mary Lou must've looked like in a bikini.

Zero:
What do you thinks up there?

Stanley:
I don't know, a great big Frosty-Freeze?

Zero:
Good,cause I could use a hot fudge sundae.

Magnet:
You picked up X-Ray's shovel. It's shorter than the rest of 'em.

Squid:
Smaller shovel, smaller hole.

Squid:
Maybe my mom will stop drinkin and my dad'll will come home.

Mr. Sir:
I ain't on stupid pills.

The Warden Walker:
Is that all you jackasses can dig?

Magnet:
Maybe he found Zero. Maybe they're still alive.

X-Ray:
Yeah, and maybe the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are still alive.

Squid:
Maybe my mom'll stop drinkin' and my dad'll come back.

Twitch:
Man when Caveman stole that truck... oh...

Zig-Zag:
That was awesome.

Armpit:
Yeah, Caveman did have style.

Zero:
Did they have red X's on them?

Squid:
You got Zero to talk.

Armpit:
Hey yo, what else can you do Zero?

Stanley:
Yeah. Yeah they did.

Stanley:
I stole a pair of shoes.

Squid:
From a store or were they on someone's feet?

Zig-Zag:
No, he killed the guy first, just left out that little detail, huh?

The Warden Walker:
How about you dig, and Caveman can fill the canteens? So what do you want to do?

Mr. Pendanski:
I'll fill the canteens.

Zig-Zag:
Did you tell him about the lizards?

Magnet:
Hey. Maybe it'll rain for 40 days and 40 nights, like it did in the Bible.

Armpit:
Yeah, maybe we'll have to build an arc.

Squid:
We'll get two of every animal...

X-Ray:
Yeah, two scorpions, two rattlesnakes, two yellow spotted lizards all that.

Twitch:
I never mean to steal anything, but when I see a nice car, I just start twitching. You think I'm jumpy now, you should've seen me behind the wheel of that Mustang convertible. Whoo.

Twitch:
Jaguar, that's a nice car.

Magnet:
Don't even think about it, Twitch.

Armpit:
Look at the little fishes... I mean cave pictures.

Zig-Zag:
He's not giong to take it. Come here - eat the cookie.

Stanley:
Look, it says KB

Zig-Zag:
Yeah... yeah that's Keith Barrenger.

Squid:
Who?

Zig-Zag:
He was in my math class.

Mr. Pendanski:
Mr.Pendanski:

Mr. Pendanski:
I'll have the chicken tenders, Warden.

Mr. Pendanski:
It smells like puke from a mule been 'ruminating on asparagus for two weeks.

Stanley's Mother:
I feel so sorry for the old lady who lived in the shoe, 'cause it must've smelled real bad.

Mr. Sir:
This ain't a girl scout camp!

Mr. Sir:
This ain't no kindergarteners in the sandbox!

Mr. Sir:
How did that get there? Did it fall from the sky?

Madame Zeroni:
If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs,/ The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies./ The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,/ And cries to the moon,/ If only if only.

The Warden Walker:
This is my special nail polish. I make it myself. You Want to know my secret ingredient? Rattlesnake venom. I just love what it does to the coloring. It's perfectly harmless... when it's dry.

Mr. Sir:
Stanley Yelnats... the Fourth?

Stanley:
Everyone in my family names their son Stanley, 'cause it's Yelnats backwards. It's this little... tradition.

Madame Zeroni:
If you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity!

Mr. Pendanski:
it should be no labor to be nice to your neighbor.

Mr. Pendanski:
The early mole digs the deepest hole.

Stanley:
Hector, I'm glad you stole those shose and threw 'em on my head.

Clyde 'Sweetfeet' Livingston:
I don't understand what type of person steals from homeless children. You're no fan of mine.

Mr. Sir:
You take a bad boy, make him dig holes all day in the hot sun, it turns him into a good boy. That's our philosophy here at camp green lake.

Madame Zeroni:
You should go to America. That's where my son is. That's where your future is, not Myra Menke. Her head's as empty as a flowerpot!

Madame Zeroni:
Morris Menke is a shmuck!

Mr. Sir:
Everything turns to callous eventually. That's life!

Stanley:
I feel really awkward with you reading over my shoulder like that, so...

Zero:
I can't read.

X-Ray:
Hey Mom, who's the neanderthal?

Zig-Zag:
What color was it's blood?

Stanley:
I-I don't know. I couldn't tell.

Zig-Zag:
I wish I'd a seen it. Bam!

Magnet:
If Mr Sir didn't shoot it, Stanley, you be in the hole.

Zig-Zag:
Don't you know each one's got exactly 11 spots?

Squid:
Yeah, man, but if you ever get close enough to count em, you're dead.

Armpit:
Look, it's the lizards we're workin' for, man. We build their houses for 'em. I mean, yesterday I saw 10 of 'em in one hole.

Squid:
We ain't diggin' for no lizards

Armpit:
What we diggin' for then man?

X-Ray:
Like Mr. Sir said, we diggin' to build some character.

Stanley:
Where's a person go to the bathroom around here?

Magnet:
Pick a hole, any hole

Magnet:
Nobody messes with the Caveman.

X-Ray:
Did you see the Caveman back there?

Stanley:
I won't mess with anybody.

Zig-Zag:
Come on caveman.

Stanley:
...I'm Caveman?

Zero:
Better than Barfbag.

Mr. Sir:
All life begins with water. So think of it this way, I'm givin you life. Say thank you.

Stanley:
Thank you, Mr. Sir

Stanley's Mother:
I don't smell anythin'!

Mr. Sir:
What're we gonna do?

The Warden Walker:
You'll do as I say.

Mr. Pendanski:
What did she say?

Mr. Sir:
Not much.

Mr. Pendanski:
What do we do?

Mr. Sir:
You'll do as I say.

Mr. Sir:
Mr. Pendanski: But you didn't say anything either.

Kissin' Kate Barlow:
I've been wishin' I was dead for a long time.

Mr. Sir:
Yeah you had better run! There ain't gonna be no Yelnats the fifth!

X-Ray:
Hey, Barfbag. What are you doing?

Barfbag:
AAAAAHH!

Stanley:
So. Where's the lake?

"I can fix it"

Stanley Yelnats:
[runs to Armpit] Hey, Theodore, is there a place I can fill my canteen up with water? [Armpit puts Stanley in a headlock]

Squid:
I know he smells that.

Armpit:
Yo, my name is not Theodore. [shoves Stanley to the ground] It's Armpit. There's a water spigot over there.

Madame Zeroni:
[To Elya Yelnats] You must carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain and sing while I drink so I can get strong, too.

Louise Walker, Aka The Warden:
[Repeated line] Excuse me?

Louise Walker, Aka The Warden:
[When Armpit tries to pass off a stove knob as something he found] Are you trying to be funny, or do you just think I'm stupid?

Louise Walker, Aka The Warden:
[Orders Mr. Pendanski to fill Stanleys canteen] If that's too much trouble, you can grab a shovel and Caveman here can fill the canteens.

Louise Walker, Aka The Warden:
[About her rattlesnake venom nail polish] It's perfectly harmless... [strokes Stanley's cheek with her fingers] when it's dry.

Louise Walker, Aka The Warden:
[When asked what they will say to Stanley's lawyer when she returns looking for him] You'll do as I say. [Leaves]

Mr. Pendanski, Aka Mr. Sir:
[To Stanley, after preparing to give him a bottle of soda and faking out] Well, you're a bag of tricks.

Mr. Pendanski, Aka Mr. Sir:
[To Stanley] You don't bother them, they won't bother you, usually. Being bit by a rattler ain't the worst thing that can happen to you. You won't die...usually. But, you don't wanna get bit by a yellow-spotted lizard. That is the worst thing that can happen to you. You will die a slow and painful death. Always.

Stanley Yelnats:
[When the Warden begs him to let her look in the trunk] Excuse me?

Stanley Yelnats:
[Voice-over] Now, I don't really believe in the family curse, but she always ruins stuff, like later when we were leaving.

Stanley Yelnats:
[When asked whose fault it is while he is at the camp by Mr. Pendanski] My no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather. That's who it is.

Stanley Yelnats:
[Walks into the tent after Mr. Pendanski, who is inside, says that no one cares about Zero] I do.

Stanley Yelnats:
[Voice-over] I guess you'll have to fill in the rest of the holes yourself.

It should be no labor to be nice to your neighbor