James Bond Jr.

Dr.Julius No:
I should have known. Bond. Up to his... young tricks.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[before the start of the school test] Gee... looks like James and his friends are going to be late. Maybe he's disguised as one of these empty chairs. [bursts into laughter]

Julia Frost:
What have you done with my father?

Dr.Julius No:
He's doing very important work for me. Defrosting a colleague of mine.

James Bond Jr.:
If his personality is as cold as yours, it's going to take a long time.

James Bond Jr.:
So, that's his plan: undermine the skyscraper with tunnels, blow them up and sink the world's tallest building, just like the rock club.

The Worm:
[arriving with his men] Very perceptive, Bond. You figured exactly what I'm doing. Now, can you guess why?

James Bond Jr.:
You want to build a parking lot?

The Worm:
[laughing] Very funny. Try one billion dollars in deposits in the new ground floor bank. Not to mention, once the building is sunk, I'll have a one mile new lair from which to take more juicy bites out of the Big Apple.

James Bond Jr.:
There's something else I figured out about you, Worm. You're hiding more than your face behind those glasses. [removes the Worm's glasses]

The Worm:
[horrified by light] Give me my glasses! [Bond breaks the Worm's glasses. The workers grab him, take his own and give them to the Worm]

The Worm:
[putting on James' glasses, laughing] Thanks for the glasses, Bond! You won't be needing them again, because you'll never see another sunrise.

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
[on the phone] I'm calling from England to tell you that the mile-high skyscraper that's being dedicated tomorrow morning is going to be sunk.

Sergeant Polinsky:
[sarcastic] Oh, how? Somebody's gonna torpedo it?

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
[annoyed] I'm serious! There's miles of tunnels under the building, dug by the Worm!

Sergeant Polinsky:
I see. And this worm who dug the tunnels, he wasn't crawling away from a red, red robin, was he? [hangs up]

Sergeant Polinsky:
Next thing you know, they'll be telling me there's a guy in a red and blue suit flying around the city.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[having heard that James and Phoebe are going to New York] I just got to find a way to go to New York with them. Even since I was child I've dreamt about visiting F&O Schwarz.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[sneaking from behind] F&O Schwarz? That's just a big toy store!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[embarrassed] Oh, don't be ridiculous. It's... my father's New York stockbroker.

Peggy Rockwell:
[seeing James chasing the Worm down in the sewers] James!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Oh, it's just like James, running away when the going gets tough.

Phoebe Farragut:
I'll get a cab.

Peggy Rockwell:
They can be hard to find at this time at night.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
I've been hailing cabs in London since I was three. Let me show how it's done. Cabbie! [the Worm's car approaches at full speed to run them over]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[satisfied] Ah, I've got us a limo.

Dr.Julius No:
Good evening, Lo Fat. I wish you a happy festival of A-Ma.

Lo Fat:
And I wish you an eternity of suffering!

Dr.Julius No:
Enough of the niceties.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[to Lily, during a martial arts class] I'd like to see you throw me around.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Yeah, I'd like to see that too.

Phoebe Farragut:
We'd all like to see that.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[on the phone] No, they're not here yet. Mitchell phoned from the airport. No, he didn't say how it went. [the Warfield crew returns from the martial arts tournament. Lily is holding the cup won by the team. Trevor has a broken arm]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[saying hello to Milbanks through the open window] I did it, sir, I did it!

James Bond Jr.:
[to Bonnie, hanging onto the train] Would you mind giving me a hand? And I don't mean applause.

Bonnie:
[after the train crash] I hope you won't forget me!

James Bond Jr.:
How could I, after a train ride so... smashing?

Nick Nack:
[grabbing Bonnie, excited] I got her, I got her, I got... what's your name?

James Bond Jr.:
[getting tied] I suppose you think this gives you the upper hand.

Nick Nack:
The upper hand, the lower hand, the whole deck!

Jaws:
[talking into a device] Jaws to Scumlord. I got James Bond Jr.

Nick Nack:
Oh, you idiot! That the remote control for the helicopter!

Nick Nack:
But it's my turn! You let me drive or I'll... I'll...

Jaws:
You'll what? Punch me in the knee? [laughs]

Nick Nack:
Yeah. [punches Jaws in the knee]

Oddjob:
[having locked James and Debbie into the refrigerator room] Keep cool, Bond!

James Bond Jr.:
What are you going to do?

Auric Goldfinger:
It's very simple, really. I'm going to hook those chains to your cruise ship. Then down goes your ship and up comes my gold.

James Bond Jr.:
You're mad, Goldfinger!

Auric Goldfinger:
If you mean mad about gold, you're right.

Nick Nack:
The torpedo's hood's jammed!

Auric Goldfinger:
Then don't just stay there like a sea slug. Unjam it! [puts Nick Nack into the torpedo launcher]

Auric Goldfinger:
Oddjob, the escape torpedo!

Debbie:
[on Goldfinger's escape] He got away!

James Bond Jr.:
Yeah, I guess we blew a golden opportunity.

James Bond Jr.:
[watching Trevor throw up] We may have saved the ship, but it looks like poor Trevor's completely wrecked.

James Bond Jr.:
Taking a rest, Snuffer?

Snuffer:
No, but you're taking a fall, Bond. [throws a luggage trolley at him]

Miss Fortune:
Snuffer, this is all your fault!

Snuffer:
[politely] Oh... yes, ma'am.

Auric Goldfinger:
Who are you?

James Bond Jr.:
Bond. James Bond. Junior.

Auric Goldfinger:
[taking a look at him] Yes. I see the family resemblance. Not only physically, but in your talent for making trouble!

James Bond Jr.:
Goldfinger, wait!

Auric Goldfinger:
Not this time.

James Bond Jr.:
[trying to figure out how the Earth Cracker works] I've seen more complicated stereo systems.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Bond has taken your daughter to Peru!

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
Peru? Whatever for?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
I heard they went to find the lost city of El Dorado. And we all know there's no such place.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
Noseworthy, I must insist that you return to the nurses' station for further examination.

Dr.Julius No:
[preparing to fire on Mount Rushmore with his laser device] Now to wipe the smug grins off those five stone faces.

Dr.Julius No:
Bond! Where are you? I want you.

James Bond Jr.:
Do you ever take no as an answer, No?

Sage:
[meeting Dr.No in his underground lair] James, who is that creature?

James Bond Jr.:
Meet Dr.No. He must be right at home down here with the worms.

James Bond Jr.:
[about Dr.No's escape] I'm afraid he's gotten away again.

Michael 'Charging Buffalo':
But the important thing is that you're okay, James.

James Bond Jr.:
The heck with the cavalry. Give me the Indians any day.

James Bond Jr.:
Oddjob, wait. There's something I always wanted to tell you. That's a really terrible hat, you know that?

Miss Fortune:
[on top of the Himalayas] Snuffer, my tea seems a trifle cold.

Miss Fortune:
[taking a rotary-dial telephone out of her fur coat] Snuffer, I think my phone is ringing.

Snuffer:
[raising the receiver] Miss Fortune's residence. [to Miss Fortune] It's Jaws, for you, ma'am.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
No, no, I said the light should be from the left. Don't you know anything, Gordo? My right side is my best.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
I thought your backside was your best.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Trevor, will you please open up?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[locked in his dressing room] Not until I get my name on my parking spot.

Tracy Milbanks:
But Trevor, you don't even have a car!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
It's the principle. I'm the star.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[as Romeo] But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? [Tracy/Juliet is not on the window. Trevor tries to get there, but causes the tower set to collapse on top of him]

Director:
[furious] Well, there goes the play!

James Bond Jr.:
Yes. Good old Trevor. He really brought the house down.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[to the hypnotized Trevor] Hey, we should get moving if we want to do any sightseeing. The day is half-history!

Phoebe Farragut:
I wonder if James and the others are having any luck finding an antidote for Trevor.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Well, as far as I'm concerned, they can take their time. I think this new Trevor is a major improvement over the old one.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[bringing lunch to Gordo, hypnotized] I have prepared your lunch as you ordered.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
That's fine, Trevor. Now you can clean my cabin, wash my laundry and do my homework. Then come back here and make me a milkshake.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
I will obey.

Phoebe Farragut:
[laughing] Oh,Gordo. You shouldn't take advantage of Trevor's condition like that.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
What are you talking about? I'm just giving him the chance of making up for all the grief he's caused me in the past.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Boy, I sure wish James and the others would hurry back with an antidote for Trevor.

Phoebe Farragut:
I don't understand, Gordo. I thought you liked Trevor better this way.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
I did, but now it's getting on my nerves. Even more than usual. Watch this.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[to the hypnotized Trevor] Trevor, did you know that you have the brain of a golfer and the face of a warthog? Did you know that when they were passing out looks, you thought they meant books and said 'give me a scary one'? [Trevor doesn't react]

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
You see what I mean?

Phoebe Farragut:
No, I don't.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
You can't make him mad, no matter how hard you try. See, annoying that guy used to be the highlight of my day.

Goldie Finger:
[impatient] How long must we wait to dig up the gold from the mine?

Auric Goldfinger:
In one or two months.

Goldie Finger:
[whiny] One or two months? But I want a mine of gold now!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[seeing a monkey taking his clothes out of the chest and throwing them away] Those are very expensive outfits! [the monkey draws drown Trevor]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
...And I can't wait to see how they look on you.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[on his monkey friend] I think she thinks I'm her daddy!

James Bond Jr.:
Well, Trevor, that wouldn't be the first time someone's made a monkey out of you.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[to the visiting Russian students] And whatever you do, comrades, steer clear of a jerk named Trevor Noseworthy IV.

Russian girl:
Oh, thank you! [Trevor is waiting for the Russian students on the college entrance to welcome them]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Hello, I'm Trevor Noseworthy IV. Welcome to Warfield. [the students enter the building, ignoring Trevor]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Well, I suppose Siberia isn't the only cold thing in Russia.

Dr.Derange:
[breaking the glass of the display case] Thanks for removing the Chameleon, Bond! Now I'll have the diamonds all to myself!

[a cage lowers, trapping Derange]

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Whoops! Looks like you trapped yourself, dude.

Dr.Derange:
[pointing a breach in the roof] Guess again, fool!

[a helicopter is coming for him]

Dr.Derange:
Looks like for once, I'm on the right side of the bars!

Max:
[removing her mask] I'm Max. This is my partner, Jo.

The Chameleon:
Well, we might as well make this a face to face introduction.

[changes his face back to normal]

The Chameleon:
Looks like we've got company. It's Bond!

Dr.Derange:
Well, let's give him a warm welcome! [turns the laser on James' car]

Professor Comet:
[seeing Jaws removing his helmet] Why, you're not an alien! You're a large human! [Nick Nack removes his helmet]

Professor Comet:
And you're a small human! [Derange removes his helmet]

Professor Comet:
And you're... almost human!

Dr.Derange:
Bond, how did you get away?

James Bond Jr.:
Are you sure you want to know, Derange?

Dr.Derange:
No.

Professor Comet:
[getting down the false spaceship] Truly astounding! Your planet is almost identical to ours! [they landed in an English castle]

Dr.Derange:
[ironic] Yes! Amazing, isn't it?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Subject: James Bond Junior. Item: James Bond has not been seen at Warfield for exactly six hours and eleven minutes. Question: where the dickens is he?

Auric Goldfinger:
It's all about this, dear Captain: gold. And, sadly, the world supply is limited. Which means the amount of gold I can possess is also limited. I hate limits.

James Bond Jr.:
[having escaped a lava pit eruption] At least we were just shaken, not stir-fried.

James Bond Jr.:
What do you think of Iceland, Gordo?

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Well, not much so far. Where's all the ice?

Captain Pallas:
[to IQ] I'll make sure your friend gets out. [Captain Pallas leaps from the monorail over Oddjob, knocking him over]

James Bond Jr.:
Nice of you to drop in. The name's Bond. James Bond. Junior.

Auric Goldfinger:
Oddjob, give these gentlemen a warm, Icelandic welcome. And I don't mean a smorgasbord.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
I'll have you know that Mr.Milbanks and I are very close. If I tell him you're getting the answers, you haven't a chance!

Sue:
But that wouldn't be true!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
That's never stopped me before.

Miss Fortune:
After the volcano erupts, the world will believe the national treasures of San Cristobal and Verzano are buried under tons of lava.

James Bond Jr.:
You certainly believe in covering your tracks, Miss Fortune.

Snuffer:
[to the tied James, filling the swimming pool with water] Now you can practice the Australian crawl: down under!

Miss Fortune:
[before the volcanic eruption] Let's get out of here, Snuffer. Things are going to get hot.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[semi-bald, after removing the fake mind-reading device glued to his head] This is all your fault, Bond!

James Bond Jr.:
I must be a mind-reader too. I just knew he'd blame me.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
Blast it! Now we'll have to follow the San Andreas before we take her. And I did so want to terrorize a few pleasure craft before we went after them. Oh, well.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[to Captain Plank, after James has accepted to replace Trevor on the plank] James for Trevor? A rotten trade.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[looking at the San Andreas] Of course, Pater's yacht is ever so much better appointed than this tub!

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
No more earthquakes? What are people in California gonna do for fun?

Pirate:
Should we be feeling the quake this close, sir?

Captain Walker D.Plank:
What do I look like, a seismologist?

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
[on the ship] I don't feel so good.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
What's the matter, IQ, old boy? Feeling seasick? Why, these are calm seas! It's a piece of cake!

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
Don't mention food! [goes to throw up]

Captain Walker D.Plank:
We have destruction to attend to.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[on the pool's diving board, mocking Trevor] Oh, please, Mr.Pirate, don't make me walk the plank! Take the girls, take anyone! [makes some whining sounds]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[getting on the board] This is an outrage! I'm going to tell Mr.Milbanks on you! I'll see you in... [Gordo dives into the pool, making the board swing]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[stumbling] No... help! [the fully clothed Trevor falls into the pool]

James Bond Jr.:
Trevor always did seem a bit of a drip.

Jaws:
[brandishing an axe] You're about to get a spalling headache, Bond.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
Well, well. Young Bond. I expected you to show up.

James Bond Jr.:
How clever of you, D.Plank. But I've got a little surprise. [shows him a smoke device]

Captain Walker D.Plank:
[laughing] What is it? A videogame?

Captain Walker D.Plank:
[to the hostages] This is your captain speaking. [sn*ggers]

Captain Walker D.Plank:
I've always wanted to say that. This is so inform James Bond that, unless his surrenders in two minutes, one of his friends will walk the plank. [to his men]

Captain Walker D.Plank:
Pick one. [a pirate takes Trevor to bring him to the plank]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
No, not me, I'm too prolish to die! [looks at Phoebe and Tracy]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Take her! Or her! Please!

Captain Walker D.Plank:
Well, if Bond wants to join the party, let's light a candle for him! [Jaws fires a missile in James' direction]

Captain Walker D.Plank:
[to his parrot] Shut up before I have you stuffed!

Bilge:
[to the prisoners] Captain Plank always takes good care of his prisoners. Before he... takes care of' em! [makes the throat-slashing gesture]

Captain Walker D.Plank:
It's a pleasure to see you, Bond. A pleasure to see you at the end of my sword that is.

Coach Mitchell:
Good luck!

Phoebe Farragut:
With Trevor on our team we'll need it!

Coach Mitchell:
Good golfing is a tradition at Warfield, so I'm sure the four of you will do your best to win this tournament.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Are you sure I can't be in the foursome, Mr.Mitchell? I'm really a pro when it comes to hitting the ball past ol' spin windmills!

Coach Mitchell:
That's miniature golf, Gordo. There aren't any windmills on this course.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Oh... hey, how about the little castles with the drawbridge that goes up and down, huh? [Mr.Mitchell shakes his head]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Obviously Mr.Mitchell is interested in winning this tournament, Gordo, that's why he put me in the foursome. I happen to come from a long line of golfers. [Trevor places a ball on a golf tee and tries to hit it. Instead, he hits a piece of dirt, which flies away and lands on Mitchell's head]

Phoebe Farragut:
You sure you don't come from a long line of gardeners, Trevor?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[touchy] Hmm, obviously you've never seen a practice swing before.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[seeing IQ's microwave-guided smart balls] Hmm, with a gadget like that I could be a professional before you could say mashie niblick.

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
[realizing Trevor has stolen his invention to win the golf tournament] Why, that little cheat! He's been using my smart ball!

James Bond Jr.:
Well, we'll just have to swop it with a dumb ball!

Dr.Julius No:
As you can see, my young friend, it is a very powerful laser.

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
Oh, you must have an awful electric bill.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
It's... a lighter than air experiment.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
But when are you doing something with ice cream, Leiter?

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[hesitating] Right, this is it.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[perplexed] Oh, well... carry on.

Dr.Julius No:
[seeing that James, IQ and Sarah have boarded the vulture] It's that blasted Bond again! And worse, young Boothroyd!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[to Mr.Milbanks] Let me show you who the real genius is at Warfield. [Trevor uses his remote control, but activates the lawn sprinklers instead of the van, soaking everyone]

Everyone:
Trevor!

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
Noseworthy! Turn off the sprinklers right now!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
I'm trying, Mr.Milbanks, I'm trying!

Phoebe Farragut:
[amused] Poor Trevor. Mr.Milbanks is really mad.

James Bond Jr.:
At least that device will help Mr.Milbanks... cool off. [Mr.Milbanks is still getting sprinkled with water]

Dr.Julius No:
I wanted Major Boothroyd! This is his grandson!

Spoiler:
Well, how am I supposed to know? They don't come with labels on 'em!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[at the airport] Did five obnoxious teenagers just come in here and purchase tickets?

Ticket Vendor:
Yes.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
[admiring his inspired doll] Isn't it wonderful? Just look at those strong and handsome features!

Walker D.Plank Doll:
I'd throw you a life preserver, Bond. But I'm not interested in preserving your life!

Captain Walker D.Plank:
I love the smell of the river breeze in the evening.

James Bond Jr.:
[sitting at the poker table] Can anyone play at this table?

Nick Nack:
[surprised] Oh, Bond! The stakes are too high for you.

James Bond Jr.:
Almost everything is too high for you, Nick Nack.

Phoebe Farragut:
[seeing James flirting with Dixie] Just once I'd like to go somewhere that doesn't have any pretty girls.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Well, there's always Warfield!

Nick Nack:
[pointing a gun at James] I did it! I did it! I got Bond!

Jaws:
[also pointing a gun at James] I got him.

James Bond Jr.:
I'll just wait outside while you two settle this.

James Bond Jr.:
[seeing Jaws putting on a scuba gear] Scuba diving? I hope his teeth start to rust.

James Bond Jr.:
[to his friends, chased by a shark] Swim for it!

Tracy Milbanks:
[trapped inside a glass tube in Plank's underwater lair] Let us go, Plank! Or you'll be in even deeper water than you are right now!

James Bond Jr.:
[to Jaws] Come on, fang face, let's see you put the bite on me!

James Bond Jr.:
[to his friends, as they are brought into custody] I'm afraid the situation looks pretty grim.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[playing with his videogame] You can say that again! I can't get past level 3 of this killer game!

Jaws:
Your time's run out, Bond. [James attaches his electromagnetic watch to the anchor chain]

James Bond Jr.:
Yours too, Jaws. According to this electromagnetic watch! [Jaws' teeth are attracted towards the chain]

James Bond Jr.:
[releasing the anchor] Bon voyage! [the anchor is thrown into the water and Jaws with it]

Tracy Milbanks:
James, are you okay?

James Bond Jr.:
Yes. But I think Jaws bit off a bit more than he can chew.

Slug:
[pointing a spot on the map] Hey, I think I live over there!

The Worm:
You fool! This is a map of the ancient city of Pompeii.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Call me when lunch is ready, Trevor-man, I'm going to make some waves.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[fanning his mother's dog] After Fifi has finished with her special diet, we'll be lucky to get a can of dog food.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
[attacking James] Any last words, Bond?

James Bond Jr.:
Yes. Give up now, Plank. This show is over.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
This show is over and you're the one who's getting the hook! [tries to stab Bond with his hook]

Passenger:
[panicking] We've got to do something! There's only a few moments left! [all the passengers of the QE2 run about, knowing that Plank will fire some missiles on the ship]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[returning from the bathroom] Typical, the band takes a break and the party falls apart.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[seeing James climbing back onto the ship all dishevelled] Really, James, this is supposed to be a black tie. [James looks into the camera, incredulous]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
It's not the Chinese New Year, what were the fireworks for?

Tracy Milbanks:
Fireworks? Trevor, they were missiles! They almost blew up this ship.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
M-m-m-missiles? [faints]

Sir Alex:
Jade has escaped? Thank goodness!

Captain Walker D.Plank:
[pointing at Jaws and Nick Nack] No, thank these two idiots who left her unguarded!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[practicing his role as rowing captain with a megaphone] Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! [Tracy throws her gymnastics bag at Trevor, knocking him over]

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Stroke three. You're out, Trevor.

Bilge:
One Stirling nuclear engine. Check. Two high-tech silent propellers. Check, check. According to this, the last item on Plank's shopping list is a... Walter Gibson, nautical engineer.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
I'll blow that fool out of the water before you can say S.O.S.!

James Bond Jr.:
I think I know why you lost the sculling race, Trevor. Your skull is empty!

Jenny Gibson:
[to her father] What does a person have to do to get your attention?

Pump:
[entering the cabin] Well, how about this?

[shoots down the lightning fixture]

James Bond Jr.:
Where do you think you're going?

Pharaoh Fearo:
I am going... to send you to your next reincarnation! [opens fire on him]

Tomb Robber:
You should have paid attention to the ancient curse! [the tomb robber throws some lit dynamite at the Warfield crew. Trevor enters the tomb]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[catching the dynamite] I won't carry a torch for anyone!

Guard:
I tell you, I saw it! The mummy walks! [runs away terrorized]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Goo... good idea. [runs away terrorized]

Cleo Daway:
[noticing a steel door] But... the ancient Egyptians did not have steel.

Pharaoh Fearo:
[through a loudspeaker] No, but they did have stealing!

Horace 'IQ' Boothroyd:
[furious] I ought to do something... nasty to you!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Oh, don't try to fight me, IQ, because I don't scare easily. [notices the mummy approaching]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[screaming] Look! [faints]

Pharaoh Fearo:
[threatening Cleo with a snake] Now you will surrender, young Bond!

James Bond Jr.:
[giving himself up] I can't fight two snakes at once.

Cleo Daway:
James, we are like oil and water. Our cultures are too different for us to... mend. But I'd like you to have something to remember me by. [Cleo approaches to kiss James. Trevor appears on the adjacent balcony. In an attempt to overhear their conversation, he topples of it into the underneath moat]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[screaming] Help!

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[joining James on the balcony] Bond, what's happened to Trevor?

James Bond Jr.:
Oh, nothing sir. I just think he misses his... mummy.

James Bond Jr.:
[having opened a breach into the tomb] We thought we bring a breath of fresh air to the proceedings.

Tracy Milbanks:
James, look out for the mummy!

James Bond Jr.:
No problem, Tracy. He's too wrapped up in his work.

James Bond Jr.:
Maybe those bedouins can help us.

Bedouin:
[sneaking from behind] Help you to find Allah!

James Bond Jr.:
[held at sword point] I see your point.

Captain Walker D.Plank:
I haven't enjoyed myself so much since we created the artificial hurricane that sank the Calypso!

Captain Walker D.Plank:
With the mining rights to Kua-Kua, we'll have enough titanium ore to build an army of androids!

Jaws:
You mean a navy, boss.

Pirate Parrot:
We're looking for a few bad men, bad men!

Phoebe Farragut:
[looking at the caviar] Hmm, yummy. Maybe a teensy-weensy bite. My diet can wait' till tomorrow. [takes a spoonful of caviar] Sheesh, what harm could one spoonful of caviar do? [the X-11 robot enters the dining room by smashing the wall. Everyone runs away terrorized]

Phoebe Farragut:
[hiding behind a table] Oh, wow. This guy could keep anybody from breaking their diet!

The Chameleon:
[leaving the tied James and Mimi in the company of an activated bomb] Have a nice day, Bond. All fifteen seconds of it!

The Chameleon:
Now to pick up the paintings and frame Bond at the same time! [puts an empty picture frame around James' head]

The Chameleon:
Thanks for letting me borrow your face, Bond. I won't be needing it anymore now that it belongs to an art thief.

Mimi Chauss?e:
[bringing IQ's explosive cake to James] I brought a little something from IQ. He says you will get a real bang out his new icing recipe.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[after James' escape] James must have escaped and he's planning to rob the Louvre!

The Chameleon:
[after the waterfall mirage has scared people away] Nice work, Lex. Now let's get these paintings out of here before your illusion runs out of water.

Lex Illusion:
[having placed all the stolen paintings on the train and leaving] This is going to be our gravy train!

James Bond Jr.:
You might wanna change that face of yours to a sad one, Chameleon.

The Chameleon:
[pointing a fire extinguisher at James, ready to throw him down the train] Pardon me, Bond, but I'm going to have to extinguish you.

James Bond Jr.:
[seeing the Chameleon being arrested] Looks like you just painted yourself right out of the picture, Chameleon.

James Bond Jr.:
You know, Trevor, maybe you should suggest to your parents that they open up a museum in your honor. When comes to looking foolish, you're an original.

Pocus:
[on the train, commenting on a stolen Louvre painting] This one looks nice in here, don't you think, Hocus?

Hocus:
[grabbing the painting] Hey, I thought we agreed I get to hang this one in my room!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[at the Lincoln memorial] Some day thousands are going to flock to see a statue of me!

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Yeah, thousands of pigeons!

Tracy Milbanks:
Daddy, are you sure you can't pull some strings to get my passport renewed?

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
I'm sorry, it's impossible.

Tracy Milbanks:
But I've been looking forward to see Washington D.C. for weeks!

James Bond Jr.:
[taking Tracy's camera] Don't worry, Tracy. I promise to take a lot of pictures! [takes a photo of Tracy and leaves]

The Chameleon:
[having pushed James and Shelley down the Washington Monument] Enjoy the view!

Lt.Shelley Kaysing:
[to Trevor] If I were you, I'd join the girl scouts.

James Bond Jr.:
[holding on to the ledge of the Washington Monument] Please, give us a hand!

The Chameleon:
[having taken the appearance of an old lady] Why, of course! [applauds]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Haven't you got a limo?

Taxi driver:
Yeah. But I left it in the garage with my Rolls and Mercedes. [leaves]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
I'll guard the entrance! [to himself] Which will afford me a quick exit should anything dangerous happen.

Miss Fortune:
[to a departing Milbanks, as Alison] Adieu, adieu, parting is such... [Mr.Milbanks leaves]

Miss Fortune:
[in her natural voice]... a relief!

Bella Spumone:
[to James] What's your name?

James Bond Jr.:
The name is Bond. James...

Tracy Milbanks:
[to Bella] It's James Bond Jr, now step on it!

Tracy Milbanks:
You won't get away with this! [Snuffer goes away, leaving James, Tracy and Bella tied in front of an activated steam pipe]

Snuffer:
[taking the door] Oh, grow up. And if I were you, I'd do it quickly.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[to Miss Fortune, after she's broken cover] How can you do that to me after all we've meant to each other?

Miss Fortune:
[on the Da Cinzi painting] You know, Snuffer, I just can't decide where to put it. [Snuffer opens the box. They find Trevor's painting in it. Miss Fortune screams]

Snuffer:
[politely] May I suggest the garbage, Madam?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[on his horrible painting] Sheer genius! This will be my masterpiece!

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
More like a... mess-terpiece.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[to the students] Before we leave for the international scholastic competition in Germany, I want you to know that I'm proud of you. Your outstanding academic records are responsible for the five of you being... [notices Gordo's presence within the group] Just a minute: what are you doing here, Leiter? You're not one of the five finalists.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Yeah, well, I know, Mr.Milbanks, but I... I bought a ticket 'cause I hear the surfing in the south of Germany is totally gnarly.

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[to Coach Mitchell] Oh, dear. The south of Germany is in the middle of the European continent, not on the oceans.

Coach Mitchell:
Now you see why Gordo isn't a finalist, sir.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Hello, anybody there? Oh, I'm in luck. Maybe one of those men can help me. [walks towards Nick Nack and Skullcap, disguised as a vampire and a werewolf, respectively]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[without noticing the costumes] Excuse me, have either of you seen an obnoxious British teenager named Bond?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Please, let me go. If you need a human guinea-pig I've got lots of friends.

Quizzer:
What is the name of the part of your body which makes up the olfactory system?

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Oh, that's simple. It's the... the earlob. [the Warfield students moan]

Quizzer:
I'm sorry. The correct answer is the nose. Heiberg academy is the winner! [the German students cheer]

Mr.Bradford Milbanks:
[furious] Oh, how could you miss such a simple question, Nose-worthy?

Phoebe Farragut:
[to Trevor] Yeah, the answer was as plain as the... nose on your face.

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
Yeah, I thought you were the one who said... nose... everything.

James Bond Jr.:
[cheering up Trevor] Don't let it bother you, Trev. We came very close. We just lost by... a nose.

Dr.Derange:
Excellent choice of door, Bond. You've chosen my favourite room: I call it the shish kebab suite. Pleasant screams!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[waking on an operating table] Oh, where am I ? Oh, I must have dozed off in studying too hard. What a frightful dream. Garly! What an active imagination I have. This chap looks like a real killer. It's a good thing I'm only dreaming! [Professor Frederick attaches a helmet to Trevor's head]

Dr.Derange:
I've got good and bad news for you, young man.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[worried] W-What is it?

Dr.Derange:
The good news is: what the professor here is going to do to you will only destroy half of your brain cells.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
And what's the bad news?

Dr.Derange:
You're not dreaming. [bursts into manic laughter]

James Bond Jr.:
A chocolate milkshake, please. Shaken, not stirred.

Dr.Julius No:
Welcome to Japan, Master Bond. Like your uncle, you make a colourful entrance.

Dr.Julius No:
And now, Master Bond, after such an active day, might I suggest a nice, hot Japanese bath? [Dr.No pushes a button. The floor moves, revealing a lava pool]

James Bond Jr.:
[worried] No, thanks... I prefer to wait until Saturday.

Dr.Julius No:
There is no escape, unless you can fly.

James Bond Jr.:
Thanks for the suggestion! [takes a hang-glider and flies away]

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[seeing his moped being mysteriously attracted inside Miss Fortune's truck] Help! Haunted moped!

Gordon 'Gordo' Leiter:
[having heard that Trevor has been kidnapped] Let's hope nobody comes up with the ransom!

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[locked in a cage placed above a gorge] You can't treat me like this, I'm a British citizen! Why can't I have a TV set? I'm bored out here, and hungry! [a trap door is placed at Trevor's feet]

Snuffer:
Couldn't I open the trap door just a teeny bit, ma'am?

Miss Fortune:
Don't tempt me.

Miss Fortune:
My dear boy, I've decided to... shall we say... release you.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
Well, it's about time. But I still intend to press charges.

Miss Fortune:
Just so you know: when that wheel stops spinning, this entire place will be blown into... itsy bitsy pieces.

Trevor Noseworthy IV:
[satisfied] Good. It's a ghastly eyesore.

James Bond Jr.:
An underground chamber beneath the desert?

Nick Nack:
The last place you'll ever see, young Bond.

James Bond Jr.:
Nick Nack!

Jaws:
[grabbing James] And Jaws.

James Bond Jr.:
I see I've been dealt a pair of jokers. [Fatima points a gun at James]

James Bond Jr.:
Make that three of a kind. [a door opens and Dr.No appears]

Dr.Julius No:
Correction. You're now dealing with a full house.

Dr.Julius No:
The entire water supply will be flushed into the sea.

James Bond Jr.:
You wouldn't! Millions of people need that water.

Dr.Julius No:
When the people of Hamlin refused to pay the Pied Piper for ridding them of the rats, he took away their children. Just as I plan to take away their water. Well, young Bond, what do you think?

James Bond Jr.:
I think one of the rats came back.

Dr.Julius No:
[having attempted to murder Yasmine] So much for doing business fairly!

Dr.Julius No:
You know what they say about the best laid plans. Surrender, Master Bond, unless you want to follow the water out to sea. [Jaws and Nick Nack try to go and grab James, but they're hit and carried away by the torrent]

Dr.Julius No:
Now you will pay for having meddled in the plans of Doctor... [the torrent hits Dr.No and carries him away ]

Dr.Julius No:
...noooooo!

James Bond Jr.:
Time and tide wait for no doctor.