Liberty Heights

Ben Kurtzman:
You don't walk out on Sinatra, sir.

Ben Kurtzman:
I grew up in the northwest section of Baltimore. It was all Jewish. In fact I didn't even think of it in those terms, I just assumed everyone was Jewish. The whole world was Jewish. I remember when I was in the second grade, first clue that some people were different occurred to me then. I even thought Ping Dir was Jewish, the Ping part didn't sound Jewish but I just assumed it was a nickname. Her brother's named Min-Huey and that definitely sounded Jewish. I began to sense there was a world beyond what I knew when I had lunch at Butch Johnson's house...

Mrs. Johnson:
Is there something wrong Ben?

Ben Kurtzman:
No, this is fine; I've just never had raw bread before.

Mrs. Johnson:
What?

Ben Kurtzman:
We always cook it, you know? Toast it.

Mrs. Johnson:
Oh I can do that.

Ben Kurtzman:
No what, there's too much white here. The milk is white, the bread is white, it's all white stuff.

Mrs. Johnson:
Well what do you normally have?

Ben Kurtzman:
Not this.

Ada Kurtzman:
Well what was on the bread.

Ben Kurtzman:
A luncheon meat, I¡¯ve never heard of it.

Ada Kurtzman:
Not bologna, not salami?

Ben Kurtzman:
No, a luncheon meat, with mayonnaise, and milk, everything was white.

Ada Kurtzman:
Oh, they must not be Jewish. They¡¯re the other kind.

Ben Kurtzman:
A couple years later I realized, the ¡°other kind¡

Little Melvin:
Don't make me moody.

Nate Kurtzman:
The government doesn't know from sh*t. They integrate the golf courses in '51, and schools in '54. Where's their priorities?

Louie:
They integrated the cricket field in Clifton Park back in '50. Can't find a colored person who plays cricket.

Pete, Nate's Assistant:
I beg to differ. That was part of the separate but equal ruling. The coloreds could only play cricket on Tuesdays.

Louie:
You can't find a colored person who wants to play cricket on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Kiss-My-Tuchis-Day.

Charlie, Nate's Assistant:
For that matter, you can't find a white person who wants to play cricket. What is it with that game? It makes no sense. How many players do you need there? What do they use, a mallet or something?

Pete, Nate's Assistant:
Isn't that the one with the hoops?

Charlie, Nate's Assistant:
That's croquet.

Louie:
Nah, croquet is something you eat.

Nate Kurtzman:
Everything is something you eat.

Louie:
No, I saw it here on the menu.