Little Miss Sunshine

Welcome to hell

Where's Olive?

A family on the verge of a breakdown

Everyone just pretend to be normal

Sheryl:
[after Frank tried to commit suicide] I'm so glad you're still here.

Frank:
Well, that makes one of us.

[Dwayne fetches Frank for dinner and, with sign language, instructs him to come]

Frank:
What, dinner? What you don't talk anymore?

[Dwayne shakes his head]

Frank:
Why not?

[Dwayne rolls his eyes]

Frank:
You can talk, but you choose not to.

[Dwayne points to painting of Nietzsche]

Frank:
Is that Nietzsche? You don't speak because of Friedrich Nietzsche?

[Dwayne walks off unemotionally]

Frank:
Far out.

Frank:
Who do you hang out with? [long pause] No one?

[Dwayne writes "I hate everyone" on his notepad]

Frank:
What about your family?

[Dwayne underlines "everyone"]

Olive:
Hi, Uncle Frank!

Frank:
Oh, hey, Olive. Wow, you're getting big, almost like a real person.

[Grandpa is complaining about the family having chicken for dinner]

Grandpa:
Every night it's the f***ing chicken! Holy God Almighty! Is it possible, just once, we could get something to eat for dinner around here that's not the goddamned f***ing chicken?

Richard:
Whenever you are ready to cook your own food, you're more than welcome to it.

Grandpa:
Well, at Sunset Manor, ya know...

Richard:
If you liked Sunset Manor so much, you shouldn't have gotten yourself kicked out of there, right?

Olive:
Why did you try and kill yourself?

Frank:
I tried to kill myself because I was very unhappy.

Olive:
Why were you unhappy?

Frank:
There were a lot of reasons, mainly though I fell in love with someone... (is interrupted by Grandpa blowing his nose) ...who didn't love me back.

Olive:
Who?

Frank:
One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.

Olive:
Him? It was a boy? You fell in love with a boy?

Frank:
Yes, I did. Very much so.

Olive:
That's silly.

Frank:
Yes you're right. It was very, very silly.

Grandpa:
[under his breath] There's another word for it.

Olive:
So that's when you tried to...

Frank:
Well, no, you see that was okay, except he went and fell in love with a colleague of mine: Larry Sugarman.

Sheryl:
Who's Larry Sugarman?

Frank:
He's the second highest regarded expert on Marcel Proust in the US.

Richard:
Oh. Who's number one?

Frank:
That would be me, Richard.

Frank:
[speaking about Richards obsessiveness with winning] Is he always like this?

[Dwayne nods head]

Frank:
How can you stand it?

Olive:
I practice everyday.

Frank:
Well, then, good luck.

Richard:
It's not about luck, Frank. Luck is the name losers give to their own failings. It's about wanting to win.

Cindy:
[Sheryl's sister on answering machine] The girl who won had to forfeit her crown. I don't know why, something about diet pills. But anyway, now she has a place in the state contest.

[after being persuaded to go on the trip, Dwayne writes]

Frank:
[reading Dwayne's writing] "Ok, but I'm not going to have any fun." Yeah, well, we're all with you on that one, Dwayne.

Grandpa:
I'm not driving.

Sheryl:
Well, Grandpa doesn't have to come.

Grandpa:
What? I coached her. I gave her the moves.

Dwayne [writes] Please don't kill yourself tonight.

Frank:
Not on your watch; I wouldn't do that to you.

Dwayne [writes] Welcome to Hell.

Frank:
Thank you, Dwayne. Coming from you, that means a lot. Goodnight.

Grandpa:
Can I give you some advice?

Dwayne:
[shakes head "no"]

Grandpa:
Well, I'm going to give it to you, anyway. I don't want you making the same mistakes I made when I was young. Dwayne, that's your name, right? Dwayne? Listen to me, this is the voice of experience talking. Are you listening? F*** a lot of women, Dwayne.

Richard:
Dad!

Grandpa:
I got no reason to lie to you kid, f*** a lotta women. Not just one, a lot. So are you gettin' any? Is it going anywhere?

Dwayne:
[shakes his head no]

Grandpa:
No? Jesus! What are you? Fifteen? You should be gettin' that young stuff! That young stuff is the best stuff in the world!

Sheryl:
[to Frank] He started snorting heroin.

Frank:
[to Grandpa] You started snorting heroin?

Grandpa:
[in response to Frank] I'm old! [To Dwayne] And don't you start taking that sh*t. When you're young, you're crazy to do that stuff.

Frank:
[to Grandpa] Well what about you?

Grandpa:
[to Frank] What about me? I'm old! When you're old you're crazy not to do it.

Frank:
I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?

Sheryl:
Frank.

Grandpa:
Are you kidding me? It was a f***ing paradise. They got pool, they got golf; now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a f***ing sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?

Frank:
You must have been very busy.

Grandpa:
Ho-oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.

Frank:
Really?

Grandpa:
Forget about it.

Olive:
[takes off her headphones] What are you talking about?

Grandpa:
Politics.

Olive:
Oh. [Puts her headphones back on]

Grandpa:
[To Dwayne] F*** a lotta women, kid. I've got no reason to lie to you. Not just one woman. A lotta women.

Frank:
Actually, Olive, "a la mode" in French translates as "in the fashion". A la mode. "Mode" is derived from latin "modus" do or proper...

Richard:
Frank, shut up.

Frank:
No one gets left behind! No one gets left behind! Outstanding soldier! [saluting Dwayne] Outstanding!

Richard:
I feel sorry for you.

Frank:
[sarcastically] You do?

Richard:
Sarcasm is the refuge of losers.

Frank:
[sarcastically] It is? Really?

Richard:
Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level and that's step four in the program.

Frank:
[sarcastically] Thank you for opening my eyes to what a loser I am! How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?

Richard:
Oh, that one's on the house!

Sheryl:
Guys, stop it, stop it!

Frank:
He started it!

Sheryl:
What happened?

Richard:
I'll tell you when I regain consciousness.

Olive:
Grandpa, am I pretty?

Grandpa:
Olive, you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

Olive:
You're just saying that.

Grandpa:
No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality. It's because you're beautiful, inside and out.

Olive:
Grandpa?

Grandpa:
Yeah?

Olive:
[tearfully] I don't wanna be a loser.

Grandpa:
You're not a loser. Where'd you get the idea you're a loser?

Olive:
[breaking down] Because... Daddy hates losers.

Grandpa:
Whoa whoa whoa, back up a minute. D'you know what a loser is? A real loser is someone who's so afraid of not winning, they don't even try. Now you're trying, right?

Olive:
[tearfully] Yeah?

Grandpa:
Well then you're not a loser! We're gonna have fun tomorrow, right?

Olive:
[more cheerfully] Yeah. [takes her glasses off; wipes her eyes]

Grandpa:
We can tell 'em all to go to hell.

Olive:
Mom? Dad?

Richard:
[half asleep] What is it, hon?

Olive:
Grandpa won't wake up.

Olive:
[going over eye test pamphlets] Mom, Dwayne's got 20/20 vision!

Sheryl:
I bet he does.

Olive:
Now, let's see if you're colorblind.

[Olive opens the pamphlet]

Olive:
What's the letter in the circle?

[Dwayne looks confused]

Olive:
The letter in the circle?

Frank:
Can you see a letter, Dwayne?

Olive:
It's an A. See? Right there?

Frank:
It's bright green.

[Dwayne scribbles anxiously on his notepad - "What?"]

Frank:
Dwayne, I think you might be colorblind.

[pause, Dwayne holds up his notepad again - "What?"]

Frank:
You can't fly jets if you're colorblind.

[Dwayne immediately falls into an emotional breakdown; Frank, Olive and Sheryl all yell for Richard to pull over the vehicle; Dwayne springs from the stopped van into an empty field] F***! [he collapses, screaming and sobbing, breaking his nine-month vow of silence]

Sheryl:
What happened?

Frank:
He's colorblind. He can't fly.

Sheryl:
Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. (waits several moments, then approaches Dwayne) Dwayne? Dwayne, honey, I'm sorry. Dwayne, come on. We have to go.

Dwayne:
I'm not going.

Sheryl:
Dwayne.

Dwayne:
I said I'm not, okay? I don't care, I'm not getting on that bus again.

Sheryl:
Dwayne, for better or worse, we're your family.

Dwayne:
[stands up] No, you're not my family, okay? I don't want to be your family! I hate you f***ing people! I hate you! (points to Sheryl, Richard, and Frank as he shouts) Divorce? Bankrupt? Suicide? You're f***ing losers! You are losers!

Sheryl:
[whispers] Dwayne.

Dwayne:
[begins to cry again] No, please just leave me here, Mom. Okay? Please, please. Please just leave me here.

Olive:
Do you eat ice cream?

Miss California:
Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia, except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.

Dwayne:
I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all of this, high school, everything.

Frank:
Do you know who Marcel Proust is?

Dwayne:
He's the guy you teach.

Frank:
Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he, uh, he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18-- ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-- those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that. "

Edwin:
Jesus, I'm tired. I'm so f***ing tired. Do you know how tired I am? If some girl came up to me, begged me to f*** her, I couldn't do it. That's how tired I am.

Richard:
Dad? Uh, watch the language, huh?

Edwin:
She's listening to music. Olive, I'll give you a million dollars if you turn around. [Olive is still listening to music while Richard and Sheryl looked at her] See?

Richard:
All right. But the rest of us.

Edwin:
Oh, the rest of you. [turns to Dwayne] Can I give you some advice?

Dwayne:
[shakes head "no"]

Edwin:
Well, I'm going to give it to you, anyway. I don't want you making the same mistakes I made when I was young.

Richard:
Can't wait to hear this.

Edwin:
Dwayne, that's your name, right? Dwayne? This is the voice of experience talking. Are you listening? F*** a lot of women, Dwayne.

Richard:
Hey. Dad!

Edwin:
Not just one woman. A lot of women.

Richard:
That's enough, all right?

Edwin:
Are you getting any?

Richard:
Dad!

Edwin:
You can tell me, Dwayne. Are you getting any?

Richard:
Come on, please.

Dwayne:
[shakes his head no]

Grandpa:
No? Jesus. You're what, 15? My God, man!

Richard:
Dad!

Edwin:
You should be getting that young stuff.

Richard:
Dad. Dad! Hey!

Edwin:
That young stuff is the best in the world. That young stuff is the best stuff in the whole world!

Richard:
Hey, Dad, that's enough! Stop it!

Edwin:
Will you kindly not interrupt me, Richard?! [turns to Dwayne] See, right now you're jailbait. They're jailbait. It's perfect. I mean, you hit 18, man, you're talking about three to five.

Richard:
Hey, I will pull this truck over right now!

Edwin:
So pull the truck over! F*** you! I can say what I want. I still got Nazi bullets in my ass!

Richard:
Ah, the Nazi bullets!

Edwin:
You're as bad as those f***ers at Sunset Manor.

[Richard toots the horn]

Frank:
What happened at Sunset Manor?

Sheryl:
Frank, don't encourage him.

Edwin:
What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I paid my money. They took my money. I should be able to do what the f*** I want!

Sheryl:
[to Frank] He started snorting heroin.

Frank:
[to Edwin] You started snorting heroin?

Edwin:
[in response to Frank] I'm old!

Frank:
Well, that stuff will kill you.

Edwin:
What am I, an idiot? [to Dwayne] And don't you start taking that sh*t. When you're young, you're crazy to do that stuff.

Frank:
[to Edwin] Well, what about you?

Edwin:
[to Frank] What about me? I'm old! When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.

Sheryl:
We've tried. Believe me. The intervention was a fiasco. He's worse than a two-year-old.

Richard:
Can we please talk about something else?

Frank:
I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?

Sheryl:
Frank.

Edwin:
Are you kidding me? It was a f***ing paradise. They got a pool, they got golf; now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a f***ing sofa. Look, I know you're a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?

Frank:
You must have been very busy.

Edwin:
Whoa. I had second degree burns on my Johnson, I kid you not.

Frank:
Really?

Edwin:
Forget about it.

Olive:
[takes off her headphones] What are you talking about?

Edwin:
Politics.

Olive:
Oh. [Puts her headphones back on]

Edwin:
[to Dwayne] F*** a lotta women, kid. I've got no reason to lie to you. Not just one woman. A lotta women.

Pageant Assistant Pam:
[Dwayne walks swiftly by] Are you authorized to be backstage?

Dwayne:
[emotionless; without stopping] No.

Dwayne:
Hey, where are the dressing rooms?

Contestant:
Are you even allowed back here?

Dwayne:
Just tell me where the dressing rooms are!