Madea Goes to Jail

Madea:
Hell to the yeah!

Madea:
I'm Madea! Ma to the damn D-E-A!

Madea:
[to Mr. Brown] God don't like you... He grew you in a petri dish!

Dr. Phil:
What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?

Madea:
Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.

Dr. Phil:
Yea but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.

Madea:
Yea but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.

Madea:
Cora do me a favor.

Cora:
What?

Madea:
Put the shut, to the up. Okay? Shut to the up.

Cora:
I'm having some me time.

Madea:
Did I ask you for some me time? Did I ever ask you for anything? I never asked you for nothing!

Big Sal:
Just shut up & let her talk!

Madea:
Thank you, Biggie Smalls!

Madea:
[car behind her is honking] I don't know what you blowing at me for but keep blowing.

Madea:
[about how sweet T.T. is] What're you in here for, stealing flowers? What'd you do, steal candy from the girl scouts?

T.T.:
I murdered 18 men.

Madea:
You're in here going on about what your daddy did to you. Your daddy is out there enjoying his life while you're in prison. You're here because of what YOU did.

Candace Washington:
What you gonna do? Beat me with your Bible every five minutes like my Grandma did?

Tanya:
First of all I don't know your Grandma, and second of all I don't carry a Bible, it's at home on my mantel.

Donna:
Don't need to carry it when you know every word of it.

Tanya:
You should know it.

Joshua Hardaway:
When we were in college, the others made fun of her, about her clothes and her hair, and I started avoiding her. One night, I had a date, and the football team said they would keep her company...

[crying]

Joshua Hardaway:
I came back that night and went into my room... and they... they raped her, and I didn't do nothing about it. I'm so sorry.

Madea:
He had to make it drizzle 'cause he couldn't make it rain.

T.T.:
[pulls out a box of brownies] TADA! Brownies for my brownie! I made them myself.

Madea:
Yeah, what do you mean "brownies for my brownie"? You trying to call me black or somethin'?

Joe:
You ain't gotta drive nowhere to get food. I know a place where you can get fed three meals a day for free.

Madea:
I ain't listening to none of your crazy talk right now, Joe.

Joe:
I ain't joking here, now. I know a place where you can go work, and they gonna treat you real nice, and give you three meals a day!

Madea:
What the hell you talking about? Where?

Joe:
Down there at the Georgia Aquarium, they had one of the whales die. You can just go on down there and swim around for a while, and they'll feed you. [chuckles]

Madea:
Just keep on laughing you rusty old bastard.

Joe:
Your mama is a Po-Po hoe!

Madea:
[from trailer] Did you see Basic Instinct? [pause] This isn't that kind of a movie.

Madea:
[looking at Cora's WWJD bracelet] What's that stand for, What's Wrong with Jermaine Dupri?

Cora:
No, What Would Jesus Do?

Madea:
Jesus didn't have no car, Cora.

Madea:
I don't understand why people want to be a victim. Your mama did this, your daddy did that. All they had to do was give you life and however good or however bad it was, now it's up to YOU to make something of it.