Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Name a shrub after me - something prickly and hard to eradicate.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Well, Stephen... the bird's flightless?

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
Yes.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
It's not going anywhere.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
There! I have you! You're completely dished. Do you not know that in the service

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship *is* England.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
To wives and sweethearts.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
May they never meet.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
This is the second time he's done this to me. There will not be a third.

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
May I have the coin, please?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Do you want to see a guillotine in Piccadilly?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Want to call that raggedy-ass Napoleon your king?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
You want your children to sing the "La Marseillaise?"

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
Well, Mr. Blakeney, it would appear that you have the makings of a naturalist.

Blakeney:
Well, sir, perhaps I could combine them to be a sort of... fighting naturalist, like you, sir.

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
By comparison, the Surprise is a somewhat aged man-o-war. Am I not correct?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Would you call me an aged man-o-war, doctor? The Surprise is not old; no one would call her old. She has a bluff bow, lovely lines. She's a fine seabird: weatherly, stiff and fast... very fast, if she's well handled. No, she's not old; she's in her prime.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
He leaned across the table, he looked me straight in the eye, and he said, "Aubrey - may I trouble you for the salt?"

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
I've always tried to say it exactly as he did, ever since.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
For England, for home, and for the prize!

Nehemiah Slade, Able Seaman:
Never met a dead man that bought me a drink.

Joe Plaice, Able Seaman:
And I never met a live one that you bought one for, neither.

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
By comparison, the Surprise is a somewhat aged man-o-war. Am I not correct?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Would you call me an aged man-o-war, doctor? The Surprise is not old; no one would call her old. She has a bluff bow, lovely lines. She's a fine sea-boat: weatherly, stiff and fast … very fast, if she's well handled. No, she's not old; she's in her prime.

Sailing Master John Allen:
Well, we can patch up the main and mizzen, the foresail's too far gone, I'm afraid, so we'll bend our spare.

Lt. Thomas Pullings:
Mr. Lamb is confident, with basic repairs we can get home as we are--

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
We're not going home.

[Everyone in the room freezes in awkward silence]

Sailing Master John Allen:
But, to refit, we need a port, and the Acheron may be still be looking for us.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
We can refit at sea. Here. We're at shoals. As you said, Mr. Allen, she is taking the war to the south seas, and we are supposed to stop her.

Sailing Master John Allen:
But, Sir, with respect, she's a vastly heavier ship. She's out of our class. She could be halfway to Cape Horn by the time we're repaired and under way.

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Well, then, there's not a moment to lose.

Midshipman Blakeney:
Is it true about how they put the last stitch through your nose?

Midshipman Calamy:
What do you mean?

Midshipman Blakeney:
Old Joe told me that when you die, they stitch you up in your hammock with the last stitch through your nose, just to make sure you're not asleep. Not through the nose, you'll tell them?

Midshipman Calamy:
(nods)

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
(After the crew's rate of fire is not satisfactory enough) Lads, that's not good enough. Remember, we need to fire two broadsides to her one. Do you want to see a guillotine in Piccadilly!?

Crew:
No!

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Want to call that raggedy-arse Napoleon your king!?

Crew:
No!

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
You want your children to sing the "La Marseillaise!?"

Crew:
No!

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Mr. Mowett, Mr. Pullings, starboard battery!

[The crew is watching Dr. Maturin perform brain surgery on the ship's deck]

Able Seaman Slade:
Is them his brains, sir?

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
No, that's just dried blood.

[The crew grumbles in disappointment]

Dr. Stephen Maturin:
[after wiping away the dried blood] Those are his brains.

[The crew "Ohhs" in wonder]

[Capt. Aubrey is briefing his officers]

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Right! From now on, no sirs, no salutes, no ayes, no whistles, no bells.

Officers:
[as one man] Aye, sir.

Midshipman Blakeney:
Excuse me, Sir?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Remove your hat, Blakeney. We're whalers here.

Midshipman Blakeney:
[removes his hat] May I speak with you, Sir?

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
Yes, yes.

Midshipman Blakeney:
Mr. Calamy says I'm not in the boarding party, I want to say...

Capt. Jack Aubrey:
I know what you want to say. My answer is no. [Blakeney lowers his head in disappointment] You'll lead your gun crew and then when we board, you'll take command of the ship from here on the quarterdeck. Do I make myself clear?

Midshipman Blakeney:
Take command of the ship? Thank you, Sir.

Jack Aubrey:
What's the butcher's bill?

Jack Aubrey:
Men must be governed. Often not wisely, I will grant you, but they must be governed nonetheless.

Jack Aubrey:
What is it with this man, did I kill a relative of his in battle perhaps? His boy, God forbid?

Jack Aubrey:
Right lads, now, I know there's not a faint heart among you, and I know you're as anxious as I am to get into close action. But we must bring them right up beside us before we spring this trap. That will test our nerve, and discipline will count just as much as courage. The Acheron is a tough nut to crack … more than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers, and they will sell their lives dearly. Topmen, your handling of the sheets to be lubberly and un-navy like. Until the signal calls, you're to spill the wind from our sails, this will bring us almost to a complete stop. Gun crews, you must run out and tie down in double quick time. With the rear wheels removed, you've gained elevation, but without recoil, there'll be no chance for re-load, so gun captains, that gives you one shot from the larboard battery … one shot only. You'll fire for her mainmast. Much will depend on your accuracy … however … even crippled, she will still be dangerous, like a wounded beast. Captain Howard and the marines will sweep their weather deck with swivel gun and musket fire from the tops. They'll try and even the odds for us before we board. They mean to take us as a prize. And we are worth more to them undamaged. Their greed … will be their downfall. England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship is England. So it's every hand to his rope or gun, quick's the word and sharp's the action. After all, Surprise is on our side.

Jack Aubrey:
Down! All hands down!

Jack Aubrey:
We do not have time for your dammed hobbies, sir!

Stephen Maturin:
[Quoting Alexander Pope] He who would pun would pick a pocket, sir.

Stephen Maturin:
You know, I'm very sympathetic of mutineers – men pressed from their homes, their chosen occupations …

Stephen Maturin:
[After amputating Blakeney's arm] I've never seen a braver patient.

Joseph Nagle:
[Is drunk and is insulting Hollom by bringing the "Jonah theory" out into the open] It's like Killick says. Mornin' o' the battle, 'e doesn't 'ave the guts to beat to quarters. Then 'is entire gun crew's killed, 'cept for 'im. Momen' 'e goes up the mizzen, Will falls. And whose watch was it when we lost our wind?

Captain Jack Aubrey

I will grind whatever grist the mill requires to fulfill my duty!