Mighty Max

[Max and Norman enter a room with several solid stone slabs as furniture]

Max:
Yeesh, what is this place?

Norman:
My room, Mighty One

Max:
Ah. Remind me never to have a pillow fight with you, Norman.

[Zygote faces his T-Rex against Max's devolved pet iguana, Thor]

Professor Zygote:
My dinosaur can beat your dinosaur!

Max:
Oh, now we're REALLY mature.

Max:
How about Norman? I really have a good feeling about him.

Norman:
I eat aliens for breakfast!

Max:
Ha, you see. They're even on his diet.

Max:
Hey Virg, how come you can't fly?

Virgil:
I learned to read instead.

Bea:
Who are you? And why are you dripping slime on the floor?

Bea:
Max, you and your stupid cap!

Max:
Hey, I don't make it work!

Max:
Don't I get to make my one phone call? My mom'll be worried if I don't call and let her know I'm in jail!

Norman:
Slow as ever, ungainly beast. Slow and stupid!

Max:
This squid is really losing his temper! And I'm losing my lunch!

Hanuman:
No, you can't do this. I do not want to be a hero again... please?

Max:
Sometimes you gotta do things, whether you want to or not!

Norman:
Yes! Sometimes you do.

Max:
Why are we still running?

Norman:
Good exercise.

Man:
Him!

Sarah:
Him!

Max:
Who him?

Max:
Come on, Virg. The only dinosaur living in Hawaii is big and purple and sings on TV.

Max:
Good means of summoning, Virgil. Why didn't you spell it out in pepperoni?

Virgil:
I wanted to make sure you read it before you ate it.

Max:
Oh great! A talking chicken doll telling me what to do!

Virgil Doll:
I'm a fowl, actually.

Max:
You can't fly the plane.

Bea:
Why? Because I'm a girl?

Max:
Because you don't know how.

Bea:
Yes I do. My mother taught me.

Max:
Whoa, a CD! No title? Just my luck, it might be the Village People.

Virgil:
We must act at once, Mighty One!

Max's Mom:
Max, you're not going into that tunnel unless I go with you.

Max:
Ohh, I wonder if other superheroes had to bring their moms along when they save the world.

Max's Mom:
Come on! You know I'm not like other moms. Careful honey, you might poke your eye out.

Max:
What are we facing this time? A beast? A monster? A demon?

Man #1:
It's a beast!

Man #2:
It's a monster!

Man #3:
It's a demon!

Max:
Ha! Ace Ventura always gets it!

Max:
Oh well. What would you expect from a fowl?

Man in Chicken Suit:
Hey! I'm a chicken, actually!

Skull Master:
Where is it, Mighty One?

Max:
Oh, what? The men's room? I think it's right around...

Skull Master:
THE ARCANA!

Virgil:
Skull Master, let the boy go.

Skull Master:
Reveal the location of the Arcana, and I will. Deny me, and I'll the cut the boy a new smile!

Max:
Stuck.

Norman:
You want me to break it?

Max:
Never mind him, we gotta realign those satellites.

Virgil:
I fear that will be impossible. Mega has created a force field around the controls.

Norman:
You want me to break it?

Max:
That's just about your favorite thing to do, isn't it Normie?

Max:
A Cyberskull action figure? That's a "Must Have" item on my Christmas list!

Norman:
I'm gonna make a pancake out of that pipsqueak!

Computer:
Please enter the access code.

Virgil:
Oh dear. It will take me days to decipher this.

Norman:
Allow me. [he punches the door and gets electrocuted] Ho! Aah!

Computer:
I'm sorry. "Ho, Aah" is not the correct access code. Please try again.

Max:
Maybe we should knock?

Virgil:
Knock?

Computer:
"Knock Knock" is the correct access code. [door opens] Please come in, and wipe your feet.

Max:
Mom! You gotta take that ring off!

Max's Mom:
I don't think it's going to fit you, Max. It's tight on me.

Max:
What's going on here?

Virgil:
Oh merely the end of the world!

Max:
Oh good. I was afraid it was something serious.

Max:
Virgil, the prophecy has got to have something to say about this mess?

Virgil:
With Skull Master's demise, the prophecy no longer applies! Nothing but chaos remains.

Norman:
Works for me!

Skull Master:
You fool, you can't save the world!

Max:
I can die trying!

Skull Master:
You will!

Max:
My mentor is an over-sized chicken?

Virgil:
I'm a fowl, actually.

Virgil:
Max, my boy. You are Earth's only hope!

Max:
You know, I knew you were going to say that. Come on man. What about the air force, or the U.N.? Arnold Schwarzenegger? I mean we don't want to hog all the glory for ourselves.

Virgil:
I'm afraid the aliens' ships are invisible to radar and your military is no match for their superior firepower.

Max:
Oh, and I am?

[opening lines of the series, as we see Skullmaster's digging machines at work]

Skull Master:
Dig. Swallow. Chew. Eat me a hole so I may bring... pain! A tunnel to unleash my torment... upon them. Up... on the surface... in the sun... Dig a path for me to be *freeeeee!*

Max:
[to pursuing lava beast] Hasta la bye bye, whatever you is!

Skull Master:
[the Skullmaster first meets Max] At last... the Chosen One. Turn around, so I may see you.

Max:
No, no, don't tell me, let me guess-Skullmaster, right?

Skull Master:
*You're* the Chosen One? Prophesighed to destroy me? [Scoffs] You're a worm, an insect, a nothing!

Max:
Hey, don't get me steamed, bonehead, or I'll gnaw your ankles off! [Whispers to himself] Gee, I hope I sounded tough enough!

Max:
[while nervously backing away] I think I hear my mom calling me. You know I'd really love to stay and chat, but she's a real monster if I'm not home by dinner...

Skull Master:
[Emerges from the shadows] More than me?

Virgil:
Every person has a gift, and in their gift, lies their destiny.

Max:
Hey, Virg, can chickens fly?

Virgil:
What was that?

Skull Master:
What has happened? The Chosen One could have done this. He's coming, as prophesied... to destroy me. Go! Find him first, and bring me his beating heart, and I'll eat it raw!

Norman:
Okay, I'm afraid of spiders! Don't ask me why. I've fought dragons, faced off against giant eyeballs, werewolves, and dinosaurs, but spiders... uuuh!

Virgil:
Bravery is not the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of it.

Max:
I can't hold on! What do I do?

Virgil:
Let go, obviously. [Max is hanging inches from the ground]

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster reforges the Crystal of Souls] At last, the Crystal of Souls, rejoined by the Lemurian Arcana, forged by dragonfire! Listen to it beat, like a human heart. But it does not yet live! Not yet, for that it needs souls! Simple, willing, souls...

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster steals the souls of his lizard slaves] People of Dragon Island, you have given your bodies and minds over to evil. But that is not enough, evil is ever hungry... Will you freely give your souls? [they roar the affirmative] Then join me, my villains, and you shall ghave unimagined power! And now, all that ever was, and ever will be, will bow before the ultimate power-*Skullmaster!*

Max:
The end of the world? Oh yeah, I've heard that before.

Virgil:
This time it is an understatement.

Max:
Okay, where to?

Virgil:
Forward, of course.

Max:
Maybe it's time to get the old peepers examined Virg, that's a thousand foot drop!

Virgil:
No no, it's far deeper. You must have faith, Mighty-One.

Max:
I must have wings, Virgil.

Virgil:
There not all they're cracked up to be. Don't worry, have faith. Step off the cliff!

Max:
Okay, but if this is your idea of a joke, it's a killer...

Max:
[Max points to the one empty space on Virgil's wall of prophesies] What's supposed to be here, Virgil?

Virgil:
Destiny is equal parts chance, free will and necessity. This is blank, because it is for you to fill, Mighty One.

Max:
Oh.Okay, no pressure... So, what happens next?

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster bursts through the space on the wall] You will die, Cap-Bearer!

Max:
I had to ask!

Max:
Uh-oh, that eye is seeing red!

Skullmaster:
This is the moment you have feared, Guardian. And with good reason-time to die!

Norman:
I won't go easy!

Virgil:
Quickly Mighty One, we must flee, if Skullmaster obtains the Cap before the Winter Solstice, I can't say what will happen!

Skullmaster:
But I can. All of eternity will be mine. I shall control time itself!

Max:
Hey, you don't want much, do ya?

Skullmaster:
What I want is the past, the present, and the future-something you have precious little of. My spirit is everywhere, Cap-Bearer! The Crystal of souls has summoned evil from every corner of the earth! You can run, but you cannot hide...

Max:
Whoa! Cyberskull junior has a little more oomph, wouldn't you say?

Max:
I hope I never see old boneface again...

Skullmaster:
How unfortunate. And I was so looking forward to this little reunion.

Max:
Whoops. Sorry about the boneface crack.

Virgil:
But how?

Skullmaster:
I always did outplay you in chess, old friend. And now, check, and mate!

Max:
I'm alive!

Skullmaster:
For now, Cap-Bearer, for now. And so is a certain chicken of our acquaintance.a

Max:
That's foul, actually!

Skullmaster:
But I will, how shall I put this delicately, kill him, unless you come to Stonehenge, and give me what I want.

Virgil:
Destiny is equal parts free will, chance, and necessity...

Max's Mom:
You better have a good excuse.

Bea:
A good one.

Max:
Well, I gotta go to the center of the earth to get a guy made out of lava to help me save a ten-thousand year-old chicken from getting killed at Stonehenge by a guy with no skin who wants to take over the world.

Bea:
Mmm. Sounds good to me.

Max's Mom:
I buy it.

Felix:
I thought it was that.

Max:
[Max makes a deal with Lava Lord] Hey lava-dude, what's 'cookin?

Lava Lord:
You! You've returned...

Max:
Yeah I just figured you might be interested in a little ah, revenge?

Lava Lord:
I am, Cap-Bearer-on you! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't destroy you right now?

Max:
Survey says:Skullmaster!

Lava Lord:
Yes, with luck one day I will get my revenge on him as well!

Max:
Well then lava, can I call you lavv? Thank you, today, is your lucky day...

Skullmaster:
Your "Mighty One", has three minutes to save your life.

Virgil:
He won't come, I've warned him of the danger.

Skullmaster:
Your foolish Cap Bearer values such worthless qualities as loyalty, and friendship. He shall be here.

Virgil:
You're very sure of yourself.

Skullmaster:
I don't like surprises.

Virgil:
[Max gives the Cap to Skullmaster in exchange for Virgil's life] Mighty One, Skullmaster's power is too great, I cannot move!

Skullmaster:
Pity, but you can die! Or do I get the Cap?

Max:
You promise to let him go?

Skullmaster:
You have my word.

Virgil:
Don't do it, Mighty One!

Max:
I have no choice, Virg, I can't let him kill you! Take it...

Skullmaster:
At last!

Max:
[Upon being given the Cap, Skullmaster betrays his word and destroys Virgil] Virgil! You promised!

Skullmaster:
Yes I did, didn't I?

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster prepares for his ascension] Hold him, Warmonger. But don't harm him... yet. I want him to understand what he's done. In just a few moments, when the sun sets through the great Trinodon, I shall stand in the centre of Stonehenge. The Crystal shall send out its rays, containing the greatest power in the universe, the power to transform time! Only He who wears the Cap, can absorb this power! And once I have it, I will not only control the present, but the past, and the future!

Max:
I'll believe it when I see it!

Skullmaster:
And you will! I will soon be the supreme power in the universe, and you and all others will bow before me, not only in the present, but in your memory, and forevermore!

Skullmaster:
[Thinking fast, Max leaps onto Skullmaster in a futile effort to stop his ritual, he inadvertantly disrupts the spell just enough to cause a catastrophic reaction, hurling everyone back in time to the very beginning... ] And now, the end of your destiny, and the beginning of my own! Goodbye, Max!

Max:
I gotta stop him! But how? It's the Cap... Not so fast, bonehead!

Skullmaster:
You fool! You can't save the world!

Max:
I can die trying!

Skullmaster:
And you will! What's happening? It's *you!* How could it be?

Max:
I'm the Mighty One! Or haven't you heard?

Skullmaster:
You've disrupted time itself! There's no telling what damage you have caused!

Max:
I could say I'm sorry, but-*I'm not!*

Skullmaster:
Curse you, Cap Bearer...!

Max:
[Arriving again at the very beginning of his journey, at first Max remembers nothing, but upon receiving the Cap once again in the mail, he remembers his destiny] Wait a second-this is deja vu all over again! "You have been chosen to be the Cap Bearer, go to the mini-mart and wait for a sign, Mighty Max-and this time don't take quite so long!" Alright Virgil! We are back at the beginning! And this time I'm really gonna kick some Skullmaster butt!

Max:
[Max leaves a hectic message for his mom, last lines in entire series] Hi mom, I'm calling in from a payphone in Mongolia, I got this weird cap in the mail, now I'm the Mighty One, and I have to help a ten-thousand year-old chicken save the world from the evil Skullmaster, so uh, I won't be home for dinner!

Virgil:
I'm a fowl, actually!

Norman:
This way, Mighty One! It's party time!

Max:
Okay Normie! Later!

Virgil:
Every person has a gift and in that gift lies their destiny.

Max:
[Max and co are rescued my a mysterious stranger] Hey, nice save, dude. Hi, name's Max.

Jules Verne:
And my name is Verne, Jules Verne.

Max:
Yeah, right! Pull the other leg, it plays Jingle Bells!

Max:
Geronimax!

Max:
Well now, with the Nautilus destroyed, and Nemo routed, I guess the world economy is safe once again, huh? I'm off to the mall! How about you, Julie?

Jules Verne:
Back to sleep, my friend. Only the future can tell me what I want to know.

Max:
Ah, it was really nice meeting you, Mr.Verne.

Jules Verne:
And you, Max. You, are a great character.

Max:
Aw, that's no way to make friends, Normie!

Norman:
I'm ashamed of myself.

Skullmaster:
You will suffer this impudence! You will beg for mercy!

Norman:
Yeah right!

Skullmaster:
And now the end, Cap-Bearer. Fire, and eternal pain and torment, for all but my followers.

Max:
Ew! Dragon-loogies!

Norman:
[Said to a gigantic dragon] I've fished with bigger wyrms than you!

Skullmaster:
Now, Capbearer, if I were to offer you this cup of dragon's blood...

Max:
Oh, that wouldn't make me evil. It'd make me hurl.

Virgil:
[Virgil tells the tale of Skullmaster's destruction of Atlantis and his imprisonment in the underworld] Five thousand years ago there was a great and noble people that lived in a city hidden beneath the waves. But rumours began:the end was nigh, their doom was at hand. There was one among them who played upon the people's fears, claiming that he and he alone could save them from catastrophe. But that one, was Skullmaster. Diabolically, he convinced the king that if all his people yielded up their souls to the crystal, they would survive-for where the souls go, the bodies can safely follow. The king ordered his people to transfer their souls to the stone. But the people hesitated, so Skullmaster used his dark powers to topple the very walls of the city, and the people quickly conceded their souls to the stone. But Skullmaster killed the king, and escaped with the crystal. And never released the souls inside, condemning them to the torment of being neither alive nor dead. With the power of the crystal, Skullmaster ruled the Earth for centuries-until the original cap-bearer arose to lead the last of the free people against him. But the Souless Ones were the hero's downfall, and he was trapped. In the end, the hero tricked Skullmaster into falling through the main portal to the center of the Earth. He left his cap behind, so that he and Skullmaster, would never return...

Virgil:
None of this is in the prophecy!

Max:
Good riddance, ya booger-'eatin spaz!

Max:
Come on, we got a chicken to save!

Norman:
Let's dance...

Max:
Forget the prophecy already, Virgil! What will be will be!

Virgil:
Mighty One? Is that you?

Max:
No, it's Amelia Earhart!

Virgil:
I'm sorry Mighty One, we must flee until you're old enough to fulfill your destiny!

Max:
Old enough? Hey, I'm old enough right now, man!

Virgil:
To go down to Skull Mountain?

Max:
Look, I already told you I am not going back down there! Besides, how do you know that's my destiny?

Virgil:
Because I know almost everything.

Virgil:
Now, repeat after me, I do hereby promise, never again, to refer to Virgil as "chicken-head".

Max:
[Max reasons with Freako's mob of mutant slaves] Stop! Listen to me, you're not monsters! You're humans! Incredibly ugly humans, but humans nonetheless! Hey, don't become like Freako, he wants to make the whole world like him-everyone! That means your friends, your families! Do you want what happened to you to happen to them? In other words, freaks of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your slobbering faces and, y'know, a few extra limbs-Stop Freako! Stop him now! [They cheer]

Max:
Okay anybody got any bright ideas, 'cause I'm fresh out.

Norman:
I say we fight to the death!

Max:
You always say that, Norman.

Norman:
True, but that doesn't make it a bad idea.

Ms. Fudder:
Computer: Please enter the access code.

Virgil:
Oh dear. It will take me weeks to decipher this!

Norman:
Allow me.

[He punches the door and is electrocuted]

Norman:
Ho! Aah!

Ms. Fudder:
Computer: I'm sorry. "Ho, Aah" is not the correct access code. Please try again.

Norman:
I'm gonna make a pancake out of that pipsqweak!

Max:
A Cyberskull action figure? That's a must have item on my Christmas list!

Cyberskull:
Free! I am Cyberskull reborn!

Max:
Yeah, well, you may be 50-feet tall, but to me you're still Marlin Dex, technodweeb!

Cyberskull:
I am a technogod! I am Cyberskull! I am now the eye of the sun!

Cyberskull:
Insignificant glitches! You would dare to challenge me?

Max:
Oh please! You can't even write a decent game program and you wanna rule the world? By a clue from the cluebank, Marlin!

Cyberskull:
Stop calling me that! You will call me *lord* Cyberskull!

Cyberskull:
Enjoy your triumph while you can. When I have absorbed all the world's energy nothing will stop me. Even now I feel a new power surging in my circuits!

Virgil:
Oh dear, if he gets any more power he will indeed be invincible!

Max:
We gotta find that eye of the sun thing, Virg. If I'm right, it'll take care of robo-nerd.

Max:
Check it out. Cyberskull's becoming a little unglued.

Cyberskull:
I must escape back into the bitstream!

Max:
Yeah well, I hate to break it to you, Marlin, but when you shut down the world's electrical power, you shut down the world's computer networks-there's no way back into the bitstream!

Cyberskull:
*No!*

Norman:
[after battling a toy-sized Cyberskull figurine] He's small but he's wiry.

Cyberskull:
You will not stop me, you obsolete quadrupeds!

Cyberskull:
Ha, that wasn't me, you protoplasmic preteen pinhead! That was just a shell, a prototype. You can't defeat Cyberskull, I am everywhere! All the world's information, all the world's wealth, is mine for the taking! Soon I will know everything, I will have everything-I will be a digital god!

Max:
It's the phantom of the keyboard!

Max:
Well, that's the last we'll see of Cyberskull. He had nowhere to go.

Virgil:
Perhaps, but this time I have a hunch...

Cyberskull:
[Later on in a garbage can, the Cyberskull action-figure toy comes to life] I am Cyberskull, it's time to play...

Max:
Now there's one nerd packin' a major 'tude!

Max:
That oughta crash supernerd's program!

Cyberskull:
I am not a nerd! I am Cyberskull!

Max:
Whoa, it's the nerd king.

Cyberskull:
I'm through interfacing with you!

Cyberskull:
Time for some data compression!

Virgil:
This creature is changing reality itself, we must stop him!

Norman:
I'm game.

Max:
Now they're really into computers!

Cyberskull:
[while warping the real world into a virtual world] Digitize! Reconfigure! Reprogram!

Virgil:
[Virgil and Norman are at a soccer game] Such a primitive game.

Norman:
I like it, but it'd be better with swords.

Max:
Little rough out there Normie?

Norman:
He's good, and that's bad.

Virgil:
He's electrons have gained critical mass-he can control all matter!

Cyberskull:
That was cheating! In *my* world you play by *my* rules!

Max:
Is he here?

Norman:
No, he's there.

Virgil:
Apparently he's everywhere!

Max:
Are we losing?

Cyberskull:
Welcome to the final level of my game! And I *do* mean final!

Cyberskull:
Oh, the virus is replicating... I am no longer a man-I am a god! A digital god!

Max:
Oh, please! Get a grip on reality pixel-puss.

Cyberskull:
That's just what I plan to do...

Virgil:
We're lost! The world belongs to Cyberskull!

Max:
No it doesn't! This world belongs to the best player, and I am that guy! Let's go play Dementoids!

Virgil:
Thank you, Mighty One. One more second and I would have been...

Max:
An electric chicken!

Virgil:
Yes. Electric fowl, actually.

Max:
[while riding on a dolphin] Put the pedal to the metal, Flipper!

The Conqueror:
Do not fear. I want to thank you, all of you.

Max:
For what? Creamin' ya?

The Conqueror:
For freeing me. I was condemned to fight for all eternity, until the mightiest warrior of all could defeat me. And that, warrior, is you. By the gods, now I can do what I've always wanted to do-join humanity! Hello friends! [he turns to the nearby crowds, who flee in terror] Do not run-do not run! Or I will smash you!

Max:
Yeah. Something tells me he might have to brush up on his social skills.

The Conqueror:
By the power of Zeus, the Dawning has begun!

The Conqueror:
Let the battle begin!

Norman:
My two favorite words...

The Conqueror:
Tremble before me, challenger! By the throne of Hera, I shall banish you forever!

Norman:
Yeah right!

The Conqueror:
By the mighty power of the gods, my staff of fire will not even leave ashes!

Norman:
Hmm, big talker!

The Conqueror:
You cannot turn your back on destiny!

Norman:
I can try!

Norman:
[Norman finally defeats the Conqueror] I live! For another 10,000 years, I live!

Virgil:
Quickly Mighty-One, there is danger in the air.

Max:
Man, how can you see it with all this fog?

Virgil:
I'm afraid that London is in the grip of vampiric terror, Mighty-one. Victims attacked for their blood, all with similar wounds on their necks.

Max:
Come on, Virgil, don't tell me we're hunting Dracula.

Virgil:
Certainly not, Mighty-One.

Max:
Oh, good. I'm glad to hear it.

Virgil:
I rather think it's one of his relatives.

Max:
Here goes nothin'. Good golly, Miss Kali! Is this dance taken?

Kali:
You will die a thousand deaths!

Max:
Yeah well, where I come from, one is usually enough.

Virgil:
Ah, now you've finally arrived, Mighty-One.

Max:
Yeah well, I'da been here sooner if, uh, someone hadn't made a mistake in the directions.

Virgil:
A mistake? Me? That's impossible. I thought I'd made a mistake once, but I was wrong.

Max:
Head over there, I got an idea!

Virgil:
Oh, finally...

Max:
What's going on here?

Virgil:
Oh, merely the end of the world!

Max:
Oh good. I was afraid it was something serious.

Max:
Virgil, the prophecy has got to have something to say about this mess?

Virgil:
With Skull Master's demise, the prophecy no longer applies! Nothing but chaos remains!

Norman:
Works for me!

Norman:
Time to bash some heads in!

Skullmaster:
There it is, Warmonger. Zero Island, the earth's geographic center. Zero degrees latitude, zero degrees longitude. Where, since the beginning of time, Hydra, last of the Titans, has maintained the balance between the positive and negative forces, in nature. Do you realize the significance of this balance, Warmonger? [Warmonger scratches his head in puzzlement] No, of course you don't. And by the time your feeble mind can comprehend it, it shall not exist, since, with the power of the Lemurian Arcana, I shall shatter that balance, forever!

Hydra's Good Side:
[the Titan Hydra philosophizes over the nature of darkness and light, but is surprised and brainwashed by Skullmaster] Blessed light, the wondrous force which gives life to all!

Hydra's Dark Side:
Bah, it is the darkness which permits the oblivion of sleep!

Hydra's Good Side:
Oblivion is waste, light is the ultimate good!

Hydra's Dark Side:
Then why is it that the good and pleasurable things in life, are so often called evil?

Skullmaster:
The answer is obvious, Hydra. It is because evil is the superior force. And that is why, I shall now invoke the power of the Lemurian Arcana! That the dark, the evil side of Hydra, may vanquish utterly, the side of light! And insufferably insipid "good!"

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
A new age of darkness has begun!

Max:
All right! Skullmaster's gonna be creamed!

Virgil:
Oh dear, this is catastrophic!

Max:
Ya' see, I can't figure you out, Virg. If there's one dude in the whole universe who deserves a 'creamin, it's old boneface!

Virgil:
But don't you see? The Prophecy call for the Mighty-One and the Mighty-One alone to defeat Skullmaster-if anyone else destroys him the Prophecy will never be fulfilled, and an even more terrifying evil could overtake mankind!

Max:
Oh no, you mean?

Virgil:
We must protect Skullmaster!

Max:
Listen, Skullmaster, I know we haven't exactly seen eye-to-eye on a few things...

Skullmaster:
You shall die, Cap-Bearer!

Max:
Yeah, that's one of 'em, but listen guy, can't we all just get along? At least for a little while?

Skullmaster:
[He leaps at Max but is atomised by Hydra] No! Ahhhh...!

Virgil:
Beware, Mighty-One, there is much power in that page, it can either bring you victory, or... well, how can I put this, you might create a molecular chain-reaction, resulting in a process not unlike spontaneous combustion.

Max:
You mean I might go kablooey?

Virgil:
Yes, well that is another way of expressing it.

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
This time you will not escape!

Max:
Yeah? Well at least I'll go out with a bang! Whoa! Man I wish I felt this bright in algebra-class!

Virgil:
Well done, Mighty-One-turn your power toward Hydra!

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
Your power is insignificant, for it is the power of light! Now feel the power of ultimate darkness!

Max:
[Max breaks the spell controlling Hydra] Well at least I can take it, I just wish I could dish it out a little more... I guess two heads are better than one-or are they? You're toast Hydra, 'cause I know the real source of your power! Your left head!

Hydra's Dark Side:
You cannot hope to survive with such feeble power!

Max:
Oh please, who asked you, wimpo? You're not worth the effort, it's the left head I'm worried about!

Hydra's Dark Side:
Fool! The side of the dark is far more powerful!

Hydra's Good Side:
Negativity is not power! Light shall triumph!

Virgil:
It's working! The Mighty-One is restoring Hydra's positive polarity!

Max:
Uh, Virgil, you mean you weren't kidding when you said the end of the world?

Norman:
He's a Lemurian. They never kid.

Skullmaster:
I have obliterated the balance of nature, but that power is useless without the power to control those forces. Now, Warmonger, the time has come to proceed with the next stage of my plan... The page of control! Not here? But that's impossible!

Warmonger:
[Warmonger betrays Skullmaster and takes control of Hydra himself with the stolen page] Ah, it was you that taught me that nothing is impossible, Skullmaster! That even a faithful servant, treated like a dog, might invoke the power of the Arcana, to take control of the most powerful force in the world!

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
[Hydra kneels to Warmonger] Master, we await your command!

Warmonger:
A simple command: destroy Skullmaster!

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
We hear, and we obey!

Skullmaster:
Warmonger, you treacherous dog! Call off that monster!

Warmonger:
I've often wondered how it would feel to see you cringe before me!

Hydra's Dark Side, Hydra's Good Side:
[Hydra pauses before the helpless Skullmaster] Master?

Warmonger:
[laughs triumphantly] Destroy him!

Virgil:
The Prophecy can no longer be fulfilled-we're doomed!

Warmonger:
I have taken Skullmaster's place! And I'm going to wipe out the Mighty-One so I can rule the world! Hydra, your powers are mine to command!

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
Yes, master!

Warmonger:
[pauses] Uh, what exactly is that power again?

Hydra's Good Side, Hydra's Dark Side:
[Hydra demonstrates, turning air into rock, water into fire and land into water] To receive, to transmit, to reverse, to transform!

Virgil:
Oh dear, I do believe the sky is falling!

Max:
Well surf's up, Chicken-Little!

Hydra's Good Side:
Ah, light! Blessed light! Child of the sun!

Hydra's Dark Side:
A weakling compared to the dark, infinite power of space!

Hydra's Good Side:
Light is the giver of life!

Hydra's Dark Side:
But darkness is the ultimate end of all things!

Warmonger:
[Later, Skullmaster reveals himself to still be alive and surprises Warmonger] I lost this round to the Mighty-One, but now that I've gotten rid of Skullmaster, the world is still mine to conquer!

Skullmaster:
Really? And what makes you think, I'm gone?

Warmonger:
[Cowers in terror] Skullmaster! I, it was all a mistake, I, I never meant to...

Skullmaster:
Kill me? I know. Everything that happened was according to my plan, not yours. The Lemurian sun-symbol, was the one power I feared, and so I forced the Cap-Bearer to waste it battling Hydra, so he would be unable to use it on me!

Warmonger:
But I saw you die!

Skullmaster:
The pages of the Arcana grant many powers, illusion is one of them. Once again, Warmonger, you have proved yourself an excellent servant. But we must prepare for the final triumph-for now there is nothing on earth that can stop me!

Norman:
I move for no squid!

Virgil:
Beware, Mighty One. I have serious doubts about our host's mental stability.

Max:
Not me. I *know* he's crazy!

Max:
This'd be fun if I wasn't so scared!

Ravendark:
Doom Dragon: I'm awake-and after ten thousand years, I'm hungry...

Max:
Hey, we made it! And no chicken tandoori!

Ravendark:
Doom Dragon: Burn, insect!

Ravendark:
Who dares to intrude upon me in the midst of my workings?

Max:
Nobody here but us chickens!

Ravendark:
Doom Dragon: Like a burden you stand, little Thunderer, but I want to hear you scream as I swallow you whole!

Norman:
[Swings hammer into face] Swallow this!

Skullmaster:
Fool. Work your lackey's magic, and let me loose again! Crack the planet that dares to chain me. Wake the dragon, so that it may set me free!

Ravendark:
Doom Dragon: Where are you, Thunderer? We have old business to discuss. Thunderer, Thunderer, Thunderer, would you test your mettle on me again? What do they call you now? Lancelot? Little John?

Norman:
[Heroic voice] They call me... [normal voice] Norman.

Max:
Norm you know this guy?

Norman:
I fought it before. They even wrote a song about it.

Max:
What, Puff the Magic Dragon?

Norman:
The hammer and helmet of Thor! I thought I'd lost these forever! Still fits.

Max:
Wait a minute-you were Thor?

Norman:
Yes, I served Odin.

Ravendark:
Doom Dragon: When I'm free, Thunderer, I'll rip you like I rip this mountain!

Norman:
Ha-ha! Boastful wyrm! Surrender now and spare yourself needless pain!

Ravendark:
Doom Dragon:Curse you, Thunderer! You, you hurt me...

Virgil:
Very good Norman, I believe he wishes to kill you again!

Norman:
Thank you, Odin.

Norman:
Ah, the Doom Dragon... We meet again, old wyrm. The years have clothed you in dirt and shrubbery, great lizard. I hardly recognized you.

Max:
Who's he talking to?

Virgil:
Norman is addressing the Doom Dragon, Mighty One.

Norman:
You shall fall as always, foul beast.

Max:
The dragon in the cave?

Virgil:
The dragon is the cave, Mighty One.

Max:
The whole cave! I suddenly don't feel so mighty...

Virgil:
Mighty One! I sincerely hope you have a plan of some sort?

Max:
Plan? Moi? Come on, you know I just improvise!

Skullmaster:
Where is it, Mighty One?

Max:
Oh, what? The men's room? I think it's right around...

Skullmaster:
The Arcana!

Virgil:
Let the boy go, Skullmaster!

Skullmaster:
Reveal the location of the Arcana and I will. Deny me, and I'll cut the boy a new smile!

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster tortures a monk for information by dangling him over a cliff] Welcome, venerable one. I seek an ancient book of power. A book whose secrets will enable me to rejoin the shattered Crystal, of Souls. I seek-:Monk: The Lemurian Arcana? But this book is hidden in the lost city of Devagon, innaccessible for thousands of years. You'll never find it, even the city's location is a secret! :Skullmaster: Secrets are bad for the soul, venerable one. So much so, if you do not tell me what I need to know, I shall be forced to teach you, to fly... :Monk: It is impossible!

[Skullmaster drops the monk to his death]

Skullmaster:
Pity.

Max:
You ain't seen nothin' yeti!

Skullmaster:
Ah, the Arcana! Of course, you didn't expect to leave this room alive, did you?

Max:
[laughs nervously] Well, you know, call me optimist! Uh, why kill me if I'm not really the Mighty-One?

Skullmaster:
[Chuckles diabolically] Oh, but you are the Mighty-One, Maximillion is just my unwilling slave, sent to pose as the Cap-Bearer to ensure my victory this day. And now, I have the Cap, the Arcana, and my revenge!

Max:
Yeah, well you also have something else, bonebrain-company! [he hammers a switch, releasing a trapped yeti which promptly dives on Skullmaster]

Skullmaster:
Curse you, Cap-Bearer!

Skullmaster:
Behold, the most powerful book on earth, the Lemurian Arcana! With its power, I shall make the Crystal of Souls whole, and the world my kingdom!

Virgil:
Mighty-One, forgive me for doubting you, but I had to be sure who the true Mighty-One was!

Norman:
I knew it all along.

Max:
You know, so did I.

Spike:
[while being dangled over a cliff by Norman] You can't kill me! If you do, you'll be no better than me!

Norman:
[drops him] I can live with that.

Max:
Norm! Is Spike always like this?

Norman:
No, he's usually not in this good of a mood.

Norman:
I just don't think I can win...

Max:
Oh come on, Norm! You can beat this wimp, you're a big guy!

Norman:
Yeah, but he's a bigger guy.

Max:
Oh yeah. He does make a point.

Norman:
My father's axe! Now I can avenge his death...

Spike:
Over my dead body!

Norman:
Heh heh, works for me.

Virgil:
Once again you must save the world, Mighty One.

Max:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so what's the emergency this time, huh? Crazed ghouls? Rabid llamas? Thee-toad sloths bent on world domination?

Max:
I love adventure banter.

Norman:
Hold on, noble chicken, we'll save you!

Virgil:
It appears the aliens ignite when they rise above a sub-freezing temperature.

Max:
[Sniffs] Whoo! Yeah, and they smell like old sneakers when they burn.

Escaped Scientist:
How do I know you're not one of them? We've all been seperated, anything could happen.

Max:
That's true, but how do we know you're you?

Escaped Scientist:
Why would I question you if I was one of them?

Virgil:
Could just be a clever ploy to throw us off.

Escaped Scientist:
Yeah well, maybe your questioning me questioning you, is just a cleverer ploy to throw me off!

Max:
What scares me is that almost makes sense. What do you think, Normie?

Norman:
I'm not even sure if I'm who I think I am!

Norman:
Let me go or I'll rip out your spine and use it as a charm bracelet!

Max:
Virgil, the next time the earth needs to be saved, call 911.

Lava Lord:
[Lava Lord is released from his fiery tomb] To move, to feel... It must be-the Crystal of Souls is shattered! Skullmaster! That gutless thief corrupted its power to cage my might, and steal my kingdom! But now that I am free, I will have my revenge!

Skullmaster:
[watching through a shard of the crystal] And I will be waiting... The shattering of my crystal released you, Lava Lord, but your freedom will lead to obliteration, not revenge! And as for the Cap-Bearer, who caused this disaster, I crave nothing more, than the chance to shatter him, in return!

Max:
Virgil-I've had it! I'm giving you back the cap!

Virgil:
You can't, it is your destiny to be the Cap-Bearer, and to go back to Skull Mountain and destroy Skullmaster!

Max:
No, Virgil, I am serious, ok? This is it, no more, zip, nada, finito, stick a fork in me, I am done, the end!

Virgil:
Very well... If that is your wish, there is one way to relieve you of this burden. Follow me. You see, because of an impending battle in the underworld, not to mention your destruction of the Crystal of Souls, Skullmaster has been so distracted and weakened, you should be able to destroy him, before he even knows you're there.

Virgil:
You see, Mighty One, even though it's earlier than I planned, we can still defeat Skullmaster, but only if you do what I say.

Max:
Okay, sure, uh-huh...

Virgil:
No! No matter what happens, when the time comes you must do exactly what I say. You must, *promise*.

Max:
Okay, okay, Virg, I promise.

Virgil:
Good.

Max:
But then you promise-no more of this hero stuff, no more Mighty Max, ok?

Virgil:
No more Mighty Max! For in destroying Skullmaster, we all would have fulfilled our... destiny.

Virgil:
[Max and co secretly arrive in Skullmaster's realm but are quickly ambushed] Now quickly, before anyone knows we've arrived in Skull Mountain, we must... Oh dear.

Skullmaster:
Your strategic manoeuvres were always so painfully easy to anticipate. I knew you would come to pick over my dead bones, old friend.

Max:
You know, I was afraid of something like that.

Skullmaster:
This time, we'll be picking over chicken bones... Attack!

Max:
So Virg, any random thoughts about a possible plan B?

Virgil:
Fall in behind the guardian, and run!

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster and Virgil make a deal ] Don't you see, Virgil? There are only two possible results if you pursue this ridiculous prophecy to the end:either your Cap-Bearer succeeds, and we both die, or your Cap-Bearer fails, and you die, all by yourself. There is however, a third possibility.

Virgil:
I'm listening.

Skullmaster:
You know you can't count on this worm of a Cap-Bearer you call Max-whereas my strength and your mind can ensure that the wisdom of Lemuria will prevail.

Virgil:
And so you are suggesting?

Skullmaster:
A partnership.

Virgil:
Oh, hmmm... An intriguing proposition.

Skullmaster:
Of course, the key to making our dream come true is the Cap.

Virgil:
Of course. The Cap, it is.

Skullmaster:
Well?

Virgil:
I will agree! But only if you spare the boy. Spare Max!

Skullmaster:
Very well... But I must have the Cap!

Virgil:
Agreed. Now listen carefully Skullmaster, I am beginning-yes indeed, I am beginning to formulate a plan...

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster interrogates a captive Virgil] It's good to see you, Virgil, "old friend." But I've been thinking, even though you were my teacher in those distant days of Lemuria's golden age, there were many lessons I learned that you never taught.

Virgil:
Lessons of cruelty and selfishness?

Skullmaster:
Lessons of effectiveness and realism! In case you haven't noticed the world is a very cruel place. Take for example, the destruction of my prized possession, the Crystal of Souls, by your nasty little Cap-Bearer... On the other hand, friendship also has its place, old friend.

Virgil:
Do you imply that I should use my wisdom to help restore your crystal? Why should I?

Skullmaster:
So I can stop your Cap-Bearer from destroy me! Of course...

Virgil:
You want me to interfere with your destiny? It's impossible. What is written, must be.

Skullmaster:
In case you've forgotten, old friend, it is also written that your destiny and mine, are inexplicably bound-when I die, you are doomed as well. And the treasures of the ancient wisdom will perish with us, forever. So, old friend, which will it be? Life, and sovereign power with me, or death?

Norman:
It took me a long time to grow that hair...

Max:
Hey, Normie, it took me even longer to grow this head!

Max:
Nice backhand, Normie!

Norman:
Learned it on the centre court in Camelot.

Lava Lord:
Skullmaster, you thief, 5000 years ago, you stole my kingdom! But now I'm back, to take my revenge!

Skullmaster:
Lava Lord, only a mewling coward hides behind machinery. A true warrior would meet me sword to sword!

Skullmaster:
Congratulations, virgil. The Cap-Bearer is doing exactly what you said he would. In fact, it looks as though I have judged you unfairly all these thousands of years. It seems, that your deviousness and trickery, more than match my own!

Virgil:
They most certainly do...

Virgil:
Mighty-One, I need your full attention now!

Max:
Why should I listen to a stinky traitor like you!

Virgil:
Forget your question and remember your promise! You agreed to do exactly as I ordered-and my orders are, destroy Skullmaster now!

Virgil:
What are you waiting for, Mighty-One? Shoot now and be done with it forever! Your final destiny as a hero has come!

Skullmaster:
Before you do, Cap-Bearer, consider-if you destroy me, Virgil dies as well!

Norman:
Mighty-One, what are you going to do?

Max:
I don't know...

Virgil:
Mighty-Max! You promised to follow my orders exactly, no matter the consequences, and my directions are, to fire your missiles, now!

Skullmaster:
Cap-Bearer! The other world is just over those falls! The choice is yours-either kill your friend, or take us all through the portal, to the upper-world!

Virgil:
Listen to me, Mighty-One, it is written that when Skullmaster dies I must die as well! As Cap-Bearer, you must destroy us both to save the world!

Max:
Oh get outta here, Virgil, you know I can't do that!

Virgil:
Max! You must fulfill your destiny, it is written!

Max:
Hey, Virgil, in my book it's written don't save the world by killing your friends, ok!

Skullmaster:
[Skullmaster is finally free from the underworld] The sun-the sun! Ah... to feel the sun again. To feel the wind. To be, free! So much for your prophecy, old friend. And thank you, Mighty-One, for the role you played in my destiny!

Skullmaster:
I am back where I belong! Back to force all to bow before me, as they will forever. The final conflict, has begun!

Max:
Uh... did I do something wrong?

Virgil:
You agreed to follow my instructions, to fulfill your destiny! But what you did instead, was to take the greatest evil this world has ever known, and set it free!

Norman:
Calm down, Virgil. You know what these outbursts do to your blood-pressure.

Virgil:
On the other hand, since destiny is composed of equal parts, chance, free-will, and necessity, when you exerted your free-will, by refusing to take an innocent life, namely my own, rather than altering your destiny... you actually raised it to a higher plane! Well done!

Max:
Uh, do you have any idea what he just said?

Norman:
I think he said you're going to be the Cap-Bearer-for a very long time.

Virgil:
Because of your actions, Skullmaster now has the opportunity to destroy the world. But never fear, the right way is frequently the more difficult way, and after all you are the Mighty-One, Mighty-One.

Max:
Oh no...

Virgil:
Sometimes even destiny needs a helping hand.

Norman:
Follow me!

Max:
Yeah! Follow him!

Virgil:
What on earth are gorillas doing driving chariots?

Max:
Trying to kill us, Virg!

Max's Mom:
I don't know, Virgil. Do you think Max is okay?

Virgil:
Oh, don't worry. I'm sure he'll be alright. I mean, it's only a bloodthirsty eight-hundred-pound gorilla wanting to tear him limb from limb. He's faced much worse!

Max's Mom:
Gee, thanks.

Max:
Well here's the 64,000 dollar question Dr. Bob, why?

Dr. Bob:
Well, Ricky, it's the usual story: after all the bomb-testing the radiation kinda seeped through my little shelter. Over the years it's made me, different. I need radiation to live now, I can't live in the outside world, but all that's gonna change, and you're gonna help me, son. All it takes, is a little good-old-fashioned American ingenuity. Like this, I've mutated these little rascals to help me. I control them by radio to tunnel all over-or should I say, under, the state of Nevada, connecting all the underground atomic testing sites, that control the detonators.

Max:
You mean you've turned this state into one humongous thermonuclear bomb?

Dr. Bob:
Well, Rusty, it'll irradiate the whole world, and then, by golly, I can go back to the surface.

Max:
Yeah, but you'll kill everyone else on earth!

Dr. Bob:
Well yes, but you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

Virgil:
Norman! Where are you?

Norman:
[Bursts through nearby wall] I couldn't find the door.

Dr. Bob:
[Dr.Bob calls off his giant scorpions] Fred, Ethel, Lucy, Stop! Bad bugs!

Dr. Bob:
Now, if you'll just be patient, in about forty minutes we'll have some apple pie.

Max:
Forty minutes? Why don't you just nuke 'em?

Dr. Bob:
[Flies into a rage, then abruptly calms down] Nuke? Nuke! What are you talking about-who sent you here! Oh, nuke, that's a peach! Kids today, beatniks, bongo drums and that rocking-roll, what next?

Max:
[Mutters to himself] How about psycho therapy for starters...

Dr. Bob:
You've ruined everything, Skippy! You've destroyed the work of forty years! You're disrespectful, foolhardy and obstinate-but I like your spunk!

Max:
Uh-oh, my mom really hates it when I rearrange the geological structure of the earth.

Dr. Bob:
Okay you two, just to show you I'm a good guy, you can watch the really big show from here.

Max:
I think I'd rather catch a rerun, Dr.Bob.

Max:
[Upon seeing the diminutive aliens] What do you know? The Munchkins have landed! Hey, are you guys from the Lollipop Guild or the Lullaby League? [the leader of the aliens steps closer to Max, glowering angrily] Uh, sorry, just a little uh, Munchkin humour there! :Alien Leader: We are the martyres from the star you call Sirius B, and we are not interested in earthling trivialities! :Max: Hey, The Wizard of Oz is not trivial, it's a classic! You know, you'd love the part with the flying monkeys. I'll bet you-:Alien Leader: Silence, whippersnapper! :Max: [Whispers to Norman] You see? They have seen The Wizard of Oz!

Virgil:
Can't we discuss this like gentlemen?

Norman:
I'm no gentleman!

Norman:
You're like a mother hen!

Virgil:
You are incorrect in your denotation of species, and gender!

Max:
Watch out, Bea! There are...

Bea:
Three eerie looking things in black robes behind me?

Max:
Yeah. How'd you know?

Bea:
Lucky guess.

Jiffie:
Help, help! I'm being kidnapped by snakes!

Max:
Always the fooler, never the fool... What am I saying?

Bea:
Max! You don't have to do this to impress me!

Max:
I'm not!

Bea:
Oh, I get it, still trying to impress Jiffy!

Max:
Jiffy-shmiffy!

Max:
Anyone get the license off that snake?

Max:
She's gonna blow!

Bea:
Oh, what are we gonna do?

Max:
There's only one thing to do: settle this once and for all-mono a snako!

Max:
[to a skeleton] Too much fibre, bud.

Jiffie:
Who are you? What do you want? Why are you dripping slime on the floor?

Bea:
Max, you and your stupid cap!

Max:
Hey, come on! I just wear it, I don't make it work!

Venom:
Silence! You dare interrupt the sacred rites of renewal, that kept me alive over 3000 years?

Max:
No kidding. He doesn't look a day over 2000.

Venom:
Mock me fool, but after I absorb the combined lifeforce sucked out of your bodies, by the ankh of power, no less than Apophis himself will honor me! Soon, I and I alone will be master of cosmic destiny!

Venom:
No! You've disrupted the celestial timing! Do you realize what you've done?

Max:
Spoiled your moontan?

Venom:
I am Venom, apostle of Apophis, rightful conqueror of the world, last of the supreme pharaohs!

Max:
Supreme pharaohs? Isn't that a Seattle grunge band?

Venom:
At last, you're mine!

Max:
Yeah, and you're ugly!

Talon:
Fool! You cannot harm my flesh, for I, Talon, am immortal!

Norman:
I like a challenge.

Virgil:
Mighty-One, this is a very powerful entity. I wouldn't make him angry.

Max:
I'm not making eyeguy here angry, I'm helping him before he pulls the great big cosmic boner of the millennium!

Max:
[Max reasons with the gate guardian] Get with the program here buddy, I'm the Mighty-One! You got my Cap, how can I "beareth the Cap" if you've got it? You are the one keeping the Cap-Bearer from the Cap, you see? Is that in the job description? And, and, meanwhile, if Talon destroys the earth because you wouldn't let me save it, well sorry but, it's gonna be on your head-y'know, if you had one.

Max:
Yo, Talon! Birdboy! Lose something?

Talon:
My disc! Thief, I shall tear the flesh from thy skull!

Max:
Oh yeah, you and who else!

Norman:
[Points at gigantic eagle] Him!

Talon:
[Talon tries to tempt Max with an offer of immortality] Can we not share this mystic disc? When the earth is thine and the astral domain is mine, we shall rule for all eternity! Thy death would ever-more await thee, and infinite tomorrows are boundeth for thee!

Max:
You know what Talon? That's really tempting, but something tells me you're not the one who dolls out eternity. So you want it-go get it!

Talon:
I have scavenged one million fleshless souls of man and beast, grant me passage to earth where I may hunt my fill-so long has it been since I have tasted pulp and blood!

Max:
A Virgil doll? I asked for a CD player... [he pulls the doll's string]

Virgil:
Virgil Doll: Greetings, Mighty One, a dire situation awaits you at the Rock of Gibraltar. Take the portal to the archery range, and next time, wait till your birthday to open your presents!

Max:
Great, a plastic chicken-doll telling me what to do...

Virgil:
Virgil Doll: Plastic fowl-doll, actually.

Talon:
The Mighty-One! Then all the souls of the earth are mine!

Max:
Whoa! That's not just another pretty face!

Talon:
Surrender fool, thou has entered the domain of Talon, hand over thy Cap!

Max:
Uh, sorry, my mom told me never to talk to strangers, especially ones with no skin and birds on their skulls-later!

Max:
This isn't fun anymore...

Talon:
After him! I can smell his fear and I shall taste his soul!

Talon:
[after being hacked by Norman's sword] Pain! I feel pain!

Norman:
Hurts to be mortal, don't it!

Talon:
Hand over the disc, and I promise thou will not suffer long in thy frozen death!

Max:
Well gee, that sounds like a really fair offer, can I think it over?

Talon:
Thou can die!

Talon:
Unhand the disc or I shall tear out thy soul and eat it whilst thou watches!

Virgil:
But he is immortal, Talon!

Talon:
Then he shall suffer for eternity!

Max:
I wonder what it'd be like to live forever...

Virgil:
You were tempted, Mighty-One, but I knew you'd make the right choice in the end.

Max:
Yeah, but just imagine what my comic book collection'll be worth in 30,000 years!

Max:
[to cab driver] I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but follow that sabretooth tiger!

Max's Mom:
[the sabretooth is shredding velvet curtains in a restaurant] I hate it when cats do that.

Max:
[Max falls through a portal and is caught by Norman, narrowly avoiding a tar pit] Ah, good catch Normie! Where are we?

Norman:
[Points] It's the "pits", Mighty-One.

Virgil:
Mighty-One, we must act at once. Danger is near.

Max:
Excuse me, um, aren't there any union rules about superheroes getting two weeks of R&R?

Norman:
I haven't had a day off in 2000 years.

Max:
Yeah, I've noticed the dark circles under your eyes.

Max:
You know, he was probably the first superhero...

Virgil:
Indeed, but your use of the past-tense is incorrect, Mighty-One. Gorr lives on, protecting the world from that immortal beast.

Max:
Oh, I thought I had a tough job.

Norman:
[Norman is overcome by an unnatural rage] Now we'll have to fight.

Max:
You can't beat this guy.

Norman:
I can beat anyone!

Max:
Norman, yoo-hoo, Norman, it's me Max, the Mighty-One, the Cap-Bearer, your buddy, remember?

Norman:
Mighty-One, I fight, it's what I do. I'll kill him!

Felix:
You cannot kill a spirit!

Norman:
Then he'll wish he was dead!

Max:
Yes! Intelligent good-looking superhero kid one, big dumb ugly doofus, zippo!

Virgil:
The demon of violence is in each of us. It cannot be stopped by more violence, it cannot be killed, but we can recognise it, control it, and channel its energy.

Max:
Mmm? Oh, sorry Virg, did you say 'somethin?

Virgil:
You know I really must start writing things down...

Max:
[Norman steps through the door of a deserted cabin they find and is disgusted by what he sees. He steps out and shuts the door behind him] What is it, Normie?

Norman:
You don't want to see this, Mighty One...

Max:
Hey man, I've seen violence on TV and movies!

Virgil:
No! This is real, and real violence has real consequences!

Max:
So, end of Lockjaw, end of story, right?

Virgil:
Lockyar, and neither he nor the story was ended.

Norman:
He came back.

Max:
Whoo, and I bet he was peed-off.

Virgil:
Indeed. It was five hundred years ago in these very woods, Norman and I managed once again to defeat him. We hid his axe and his key and imprisoned him in one of the immortal trees, destined to stand for all eternity.

Norman:
But someone cut it down...

Max:
Hey, Virg, how come you can't fly?

Virgil:
I learned to read instead!

Max:
[while falling] Hey, Virg! How come you can't fly!

Virgil:
I learned to read instead!

Max:
Is it me, or are these aliens a little on the weird side?

Max:
Way to go, Virg! If I get my brain sucked out it'll be on your head!

Max:
I wonder what the penalty is for grand theft mothership?

Ernie:
This is one of those real aliens, right?

Max:
No, it's my grandma.

Max:
[after landing in a vat full of brains] This must be the think tank, huh?

Virgil:
Well, how do I look?

Max:
Like a chicken in an alien costume. Let's go.

Max:
Something tells me this is the key to stopping the aliens.

Virgil:
You are right! If you can disrupt the alien's computers, they cannot invade. That disc is earth's only hope! Mankind's fate is in your hands, Mighty Max. No matter what happens, don't lose the disc-whatever the obstacles, the danger, the enormous odds, persevere! Just when it seems darkest...

Max:
Virg! Maybe you could lighten up on the pressure, just a little?

Max:
[Max first sees the inside of the alien's ship] Coolness! All those comic books I read were right!

Max:
[Max emerges from a portal] Something tells me I'm not from Kansas anymore...

Virgil:
Actually, you are.

Max:
Oh how humiliating, having to suck up to a nerd... I never realized saving the world would come at such a high price.

Norman:
Fifty to two, hardly seems fair... I'll fight with my eyes closed!

Max:
How about Normie? I really have a good feeling about him.

Norman:
I eat aliens for breakfast!

Max:
Ha, you see? There even on his diet!

Max:
Listen, Virg, I got this feeling that I'm really close to the crystal.

Virgil:
Intuition, Mighty One. The teachings of Mujaji are taking hold-the crystal waits in a cavern at the top of those stairs, as does Skullmaster.

Max:
Skullmaster! By myself? Well, why did we recruit all of these heroes if I've gotta face Skullmaster by myself?

Virgil:
You are not alone, Mighty One. The heroes have allowed you to come this far, they have taught you many things. It is your destiny to face Skullmaster, and shatter the crystal.

Max:
So you keep telling me.

Virgil:
The fate of a million doomed souls, of the very world, rests upon your shoulders, Mighty One.

Skullmaster:
[Max, alone, enters a dark cavern containing the Crystal of Souls, and a hidden Skullmaster] Welcome, "Mighty One." Enter, and die...

Skullmaster:
[the Crystal of Souls is finally shattered] The crystal! You destroyed my crystal... Enjoy the few seconds of life which remain to you! I will teach you a thousand subtle shades of pain, a hundred ways to die, until I finally lay your lifeless body at my master's table!

Yona-Ya-In:
Skill is merely focus. When focus is achieved, you need only release it.

Beowulf:
A powerful spirit will overcome any obstacle.

Max:
If it's all fate, then it's going to happen anyway, right?

Norman:
Some of it's fate, some of it's free will.

Max:
How do I know which is which?

Max:
Okay, so let me get this straight, you don't know what's happening, you don't know who's doin' it, but you know you need me to come to Egypt to fix it?

Virgil:
Once again Mighty One, you have succinctly encapsulated our predicament.

Virgil:
No, Mighty One, I think we might well be advised to use caution. Is there a side entrance?

Norman:
[Breaks a huge block out of the wall] There is now.

Max:
That's what I like about you Normie, you really know how to make an entrance.

Isis:
Infidels! You have desecrated this holy ceremony, I condemn you to the realm of the ancient dead!

Max:
You mean Miami?

Norman:
[while trying to pry a disembodied hand from around his throat] Hands off!

Isis:
Oh Amon-Ra, god of gods, the Justified One draws close. It is the time of the Joining. Give life to my husband, Osiris! Hear me, oh ancient gods of Egypt, once the hand of Osiris is rejoined, he shall awaken, and we shall once again make mountains tremble, and the hearts of mortals stand still!

Max:
[while fending off hordes of zombie hands] Oh man, I am never gonna give anybody a hi-five again!

Virgil:
Unhand me!

Norman:
I like hand-to-hand combat!

Max:
Look ma, no hands!

Norman:
Where'd it go?

Max:
Well, I guess the hand is quicker than the eye!

Max's Mom:
There's no way to stop them, we're too late!

Virgil:
Not so. I know Mighty-One, that you are the Justified One, I know you are he who is true of voice, I know you can stop them!

Max:
What the heck are you talkin' about?

Virgil:
...I don't know.

Osiris:
Thank you, Justified One. You have given me a great gift, and I am, unworthy...

Max:
Ah sure, don't mention it.

Isis:
Osiris, we must destroy them!

Osiris:
No, Isis, my beloved, you have lived too many lives, felt too much pain, you're heart has grown cold.

Isis:
True husband, I have lived with mortals, as a mortal.

Osiris:
You have forgotten, that we exist to serve mortals, not destroy them. Come, let us return together to the sands of Egypt, for all eternity...

Max:
Well, as Anubis said to the mummy: "that just about wraps things up!"

Max's Mom:
Oh, I hope you don't expect applause for that.

Max:
No thanks mom. I already had a big hand, ha-ha!

Virgil:
Witch doctor:Zombies coming!

Max's Mom:
How can you tell?

Virgil:
[Points] Because they are standing right over there.

Max:
Oh! Mega-gross! I'll never be able to eat an egg-salad sandwich again!

Max:
School! What a way to ruin a perfectly good day!

Max:
[Max burst into a police station, panicking] Excuse me, sergeant, I have an emergency to report-now I know this may sound crazy, but zombies have taken over the city-I don't know how it happened, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my trip to Tahiti-are you listening to me man? [He notices the officer is also a zombie]

Norman:
This job just keeps gettin' better.

Max:
You hear that?

Virgil:
I don't hear anything.

Max:
Me neither-I don't like it!

Max's Mom:
So what are these nasty looking things, anyway?

Virgil:
Witch doctor:They hold the lifeless soul of the zombie. If one attaches, that person will become a zombie.

Max's Mom:
Sorry I asked.

Max's Mom:
Maybe they're friendly zombies.

Max:
[sarcastically] Yeah, and they're here to give us the key to the village.

Max:
[Max notices a strange hieroglyph on a temple wall] mom, look at this! What does this mean?

Max's Mom:
It's a zombie symbol-the hole in the body is where the soul once was. According to legend, a zombie neither lives nor dies, but exists only in limbo.

Max:
Kinda like bein' in school.

Max's Mom:
This figurine is incredible. Do you think I could possibly have it?

Virgil:
Witch doctor: If you like, but I must warn you. This place is filled with evil.

Max:
Mom, mom, um... I don't think it's such a good idea messing around with evil. Call it a hunch.

Max's Mom:
I just wanted something special for the museum... I never thought it could lead to the end of civilization as we know it!

Max:
It's okay, mom... it could happen to anyone!

Virgil:
Greetings, Mighty One. I fear the world needs you once again.

Max:
What? Didn't I just save it last week?

Virgil:
Indeed you did, but you are to join us post-haste. Take the portal by the septic tank to Oregon, turn right at the Sacoya-third truck from the left, then on to the Chinese laundry, and then...

Max:
Whoa, hold the phone, would you, Virg? If I don't get this all down I'm liable to end up in Albania!

Max:
You mean big furry dudes who grow long fangs and hair on their palms and wear bad makeup once a month like the Wolfman?

Max:
Another day, another monster blown to bits!

Max:
Open sesame!... Open Saskatchewan! Oh, open or I'm gonna be dead meat!

Norman:
Give the word, Mighty One, and we can be out of here.

Virgil:
Norman, no! That is, uh-without law, there is only chaos. After all, we are innocent, we must wait for the chief constable to let us go.

Max:
Thank you Socrates...

Max:
Aye! Uh, I mean yeah!

Lao Chu:
Seventh night of the seventh month. The seven lights of Tsu-Sheng, fulfill the prophecy. It is time. I, Lao Chu, command you-take the city, drive out the human pestilence!

Lao Chu:
I, Lao Chu, Emperor of the Rats, am to be frightened by a human boy?

Max:
Well, at least I don't look like a hamster in a bathrobe!

Virgil:
Are you afraid to challenge him, oh great Emperor?

Max:
Oh, oh good idea, Virg! Make him mad!

Lao Chu:
[Lao Chu tosses a rubix cube-like puzzle to Max] Solve this, "Mighty-One" or my children will gnaw the marrow from your bones...

Additional Voices:
Thank you, Mighty-One. You have set me free, and banished the spirit of Lao Chu for the next ten thousand years. According to prophecy.

Max:
Is there anything that doesn't have a prophecy?

Additional Voices:
There is a chance Lao Chu could be brought back. If the broken pieces of his heart were reunited...

Virgil:
Highly unlikely.

Max:
[the scene cuts to Lao Chu's loyal rats, scurrying into the darkness with the shattered pieces of the heart] I don't know, Virg. I smell a rat...

Virgil:
There's more than one way to break a heart.

Virgil:
Lao-Shu Chenwan, the Emperor of the Rats, has returned to lead his people.

Max:
And is that good or bad?

Norman:
It's good... if you're a rat.

Norman:
[after looking at mutants coming their way] I eat mutants for... never mind.

Virgil:
Zygote will never bother us again. He has evolved to the infinite, beyond such primitive concepts as good and evil.

Norman:
[Norman is battling hideous mutants] This is getting ugly.

Max:
I think they started ugly!

Max:
What's the big idea?

Professor Zygote:
The "big idea" as you put it, is the future! Where you and I will spend the rest of our lives, whether we like it or not. I intend to evolve mankind, to the superior creature he must become!

Norman:
I'm gonna bash your big brain in!

Professor Zygote:
You will be pleased to know that your mental capabilities will long outlive you, once I have incorporated them into my own genetic matrix.

Virgil:
Somehow that fails to assuage my disquietude.

Professor Zygote:
Show off.

Professor Zygote:
[Zygote evolves himself into a gigantic brain] I, have evolved!

Norman:
That, is a big brain.

Max:
Wow. He should have quit while he was a head.

Professor Zygote:
[Zygote invades Max's mind] I am thought! Pure thought! And I will have my revenge, on the one named Mighty-Max!

Max:
Hey! What are you doing?

Professor Zygote:
I am doing nothing! You're own primitive mind will destroy you!

Max:
Do you mind-this is my mind!

Max:
[In a warped nightmare world created by Zygote, Max encounters a demonic version of his mom] Mom?

Max's Mom:
[Voice distorts horribly as she grows gigantic and hideous] Eat your veggies, sit up straight! CAREFUL, YOU MIGHT POKE YOUR EYE OUT!

Max:
Oh man, this is worst than my worst nightmare!

Professor Zygote:
All your loved ones have turned against you, Mighty-Max. You are just a little boy. A scared, little boy...

Max:
No wait, this is all in my mind. And if I know anything, I know that you guys are always on my side. Nothing Zygote tries can change that. You're out of your mind, Eggbert! And you're outta mine!

Professor Zygote:
I shall merely evolve further, I shall not be held back!

Max:
You know, you're right. I mean, who am I to hold you back? I am advancing you as far as this machine will go!

Virgil:
Mighty-One, no!

Max:
I know what I'm doing, Virg! I think.

Professor Zygote:
[Zygote evolves to the point where he becomes one with the universe] I think... I feel... I, *know!* Oh, the music, the music! How beautiful it is! It is the music, of the stars...

Max:
There's no chance that was a friendly bloodcurdling roar, is there?

Professor Zygote:
My dinosaur can take your dinosaur!

Max:
Oh, now we're really mature!

Max:
It's all over, Zygote!

Professor Zygote:
Oh no, you imbecile, it is only the beginning! I was a fool to be obsessed with the past-it is the future where we are all going! I am just going to get there first!

Professor Zygote:
Ah, I see, I understand! So, Mighty Max, I'll see you, in the future...

Max:
Come on, Virg, the only dinosaur living in Hawaii is big and purple and sings on TV!