Moonlight

Mick St. John:
I would recommend not going into the office.

Beth Turner:
Okay...

Mick St. John:
Or upstairs... or through the grey door.

Beth Turner:
Wow! This all sounds so Alice in Wonderland.

Mick St. John:
Beware of the bottles that say "drink me"

Beth Turner:
This is really nice of you.

Mick St. John:
Well, mi casa es su casa.

Mick St. John:
That's Spanish, by the way, for keep her out of my stuff.

Mick St. John:
Mi casa es su casa. That's Spanish, by the way for 'keep her outta my stuff.'

Mick St. John:
Mick: Some people have guardian angels watching out for them, I guess you have a guardian vampire.

Mick St. John:
Donovan Shepherd was big for a while. He had the grunge charm of Kurt Cobain and the media savvy of Donald Trump. A lot of people thought he was the voice of a generation. It's too bad he went Manson in the end. Irony is even after being executed for murdering six people, he's more popular than ever.

Father Garza:
If this is about Donovan Shepherd, I didn't know what he was going to do.

Mick St. John:
When you turn a serial killer, it's not too hard to guess.

Beth Turner:
You just left.

Mick St. John:
You were kind of tied up with your editor.

Beth Turner:
You could have at least said goodbye.

Mick St. John:
Good [Beth kisses him]... Bye.

Mick St. John:
Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place at a particular time, or maybe it's the choices we make, the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in 85 years, it's that what we want doesn't always matter. What we want doesn't always matter, but then again, sometimes it's all that does.

Josef Konstantin:
Boy, a lot's changed in 400 years.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, there's no regular cat houses anymore.

Josef Konstantin:
Another casualty of the digital age. Categories. Blondes, Asians, Busty, Mature... Equestrian.

Mick St. John:
Hmm.

Josef Konstantin:
Choice, choice, choice. It's very efficient. Very... American.

Mick St. John:
You sound almost nostalgic.

Josef Konstantin:
Whatever happened to the good old days of 4 girls on a street corner undercutting each another?

Beth Turner:
So, your friends... are they, um...

Mick St. John:
What?

Beth Turner:
You know...

Mick St. John:
Vampires? Can't tell, can you? Scary!

Mick St. John:
He's a kid! Maybe 16 years old...

Beth Turner:
[disbelievingly] Sixteen?

Mick St. John:
What, going on 200... I saw a picture.

Beth Turner:
What an awkward age!

Mick St. John:
You're not kidding. You know boys that age think about sex 20 times a minute, and that's a scientific fact? Times two centuries, that's gotta take a toll.

Beth Turner:
Shouldn't we tell the police?

Mick St. John:
Well, he's a vampire. It's probably healthier all 'round if we don't.

Mick St. John:
Everybody's gone now, you can get up. [helps Beth to her feet] What are you doing here?

Beth Turner:
I was just about to ask you the same thing.

Mick St. John:
No. The person hiding around the corner in the other room gets to go first.

Beth Turner:
I mean - you've been avoiding me.

Mick St. John:
[quietly outraged] No I haven't.

Beth Turner:
Yes you have. Ever since, you know... the desert. You've been dodging my calls, avoiding me. And then we run into each other twice, first downtown and now here. Following two *completely* different paths, we end up in the same place. Don't you think that's a little strange?

Mick St. John:
You know what? I'm not big on categorizing things into strange and not...

Beth Turner:
[sarcastically] Wow. Vampires make really *bad* liars.

Mick St. John:
I just don't think we need to make this into a big deal...

Beth Turner:
It *is* a big deal. [raises her wrist dramatically] I *fed* you. You were dying out there, and I brought you back to life with my blood. With my *blood*. Mick! And now we're here. Together...

Mick St. John:
[frustrated] What do you want me to say? Huh? What do you want me to say?

Beth Turner:
I want you to admit that something happened between us.

Mick St. John:
OK. [pauses] OK. Something happened.

Beth Turner:
[disappointed, turns to walk away] If you're going to say it like that...

Beth Turner:
So, how does it work, anyway?

Mick St. John:
What?

Beth Turner:
Just, you know... the sex thing.

Mick St. John:
Your parents never told you?

Beth Turner:
They somehow skipped the part involving vampires... vampires and humans, I mean.

Mick St. John:
[taken aback, eyes on her and not the road]

Beth Turner:
[grinning] Oh, I'm talking totally hypothetically, believe me!

Josef Konstantin:
Boy, a lot's changed in 400 years.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, there's no regular cathouses any more

Josef Konstantin:
Another casualty of the digital age is categories: blondes, asian, busty, mature... equestrian. Choice, choice, choice. It's very efficient, very American.

Mick St. John:
You sound almost nostalgic

Josef Konstantin:
Y'know, whatever happened to the good old days of 4 girls on a street corner undercutting each other?

Mick St. John:
He's a kid, maybe 16 years old.

Beth Turner:
Sixteen?

Mick St. John:
Well, going on 200. I saw a picture.

Beth Turner:
Ugh. Awkward age.

Mick St. John:
You're not kidding. You know boys that age think about sex 20 times a minute? And that's a scientific fact.

Mick St. John:
Maybe it's the sum of a million coincidences we don't quite control that brings us to a particular place at a particular time. Or maybe it's the choices we make, or the actions we take. If there's one thing I've learned in the past 85 years is that what we want doesn't always matter. But then again... sometimes it's all that does.

Josef Kostan:
So, your reporter friend... What's her name?

Mick St. John:
You know her name

Josef Kostan:
Yeah, Beth. Right. So how's that going since happy hour?

Mick St. John:
Fine.

Josef Kostan:
Oh. Knowing you, that means you're avoiding her. You're a romantic in the abstract, my friend, but the reality of fang on flesh...

Mick St. John:
Look, you said you could help me find the missing girl.

Josef Kostan:
Did I?

Mick St. John:
Yes.

Josef Kostan:
Hmm. What do you think he's here for? [Talking about Rider]

Mick St. John:
Your new valet?

Josef Kostan:
No. Maestro of all things telephonic.

Rider England:
I hear you're looking for someone.

Mick St. John:
Right. [Mick hands Rider the Escort's Flyer]

Rider England:
Hmm. "A perfect 10." What'd she do, she break your heart?

Mick St. John:
No, her parents.

Rider England:
She requires references. You know that.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, I'm not looking to hook up. I just need the address.

Rider England:
No problem.

Beth Turner:
You just took off.

Mick St. John:
Well, you were kinda tied up with your editor.

Beth Turner:
You could at least have said good-bye.

Mick St. John:
Good...

Beth Turner:
[Beth kisses him]

Mick St. John:
-bye.

Beth Turner:
[Beth kisses him again then leaves]

Beth Turner:
[earnestly] I need this microchip inserted in my hand.

Mick St. John:
[incredulously sarcastic] Of *course* you do.

Josef Konstantin:
[bangs on Mick's sleep freezer lid] Get up! UP!

Mick St. John:
[yells] OK! OK! [groggy] Oh... God. Tell me it's not twilight.

Josef Konstantin:
Mmm... no. [pauses] I'm looking for somebody.

Mick St. John:
What? Do you think they're in here?

Josef Konstantin:
You know when I met her, she was building a pirate army.

Mick St. John:
A pirate army?

Josef Konstantin:
You know, back in the day you could do that kind of thing.

Josef Konstantin:
She stole money from me.

Mick St. John:
I *knew* it. How much?

Josef Konstantin:
A million bucks. Siphoned it from one of my accounts right before she disappeared.

Mick St. John:
What, did you give her your password or something?

Josef Konstantin:
[smiles sheepishly]

Mick St. John:
[disbelievingly] You *gave* her your password?

Josef Konstantin:
Not on purpose.

Mick St. John:
I don't even want to know.

Beth Turner:
[high on Black Crystal] Do you feel like this all the time?

Mick St. John:
[dubious] I dunno... I doubt it.

Mick St. John:
They're vampires. You're preying on your own kind!

Lola:
Don't get all sanctimonious on me. Humans kill each other every day and no one even blinks.

Mick St. John:
It's evil.

Lola:
Evil's a word that gets tossed around a lot. Like "great". Or "awesome".

Terrance:
[Mick throws gym back onto morgue table] Please tell me that's just lunch in there.

Mick St. John:
Not this time.

Terrance:
Oh! This is LA County Morgue, not 'Help You Autopsy' you can't just bring in your own bodies.

Terrance:
Well, silver should show up in the blood. [sticks needle into body, and draws back, sucking up only air] Blood should show up in the blood.

Beth Turner:
I can't believe this double standard. I had to spend two hours getting myself up to club admissionability, and you're just wearing the same thing you always wear.

Mick St. John:
Yes well, perpetual coolness is the vampire's curse.

Beth Turner:
You're gonna do that vampire jumping thing, aren't you?

Mick St. John:
I don't have a chip!

Beth Turner:
Just being human is so lame.

Lola:
Remember darling, half of the world is night.

Beth Turner:
Can you feel me Mick? Do you feel like this all the time?

Mick St. John:
I doubt it.

Josef Kostan:
Get up!

Mick St. John:
Oh God, tell me it's not Twilight.

Josef Kostan:
No, I need your help

Mick St. John:
You need my help?

Josef Kostan:
Don't make me ask again. I'm looking for someone.

Mick St. John:
What, you think they're in here?

Mick St. John:
[Mick is holding a stoned Beth under the shower water half afraid she'll hurt herself and half afraid he'll give in to the temptation she provides] It's the drug. It's the drug.

Mick St. John:
[Lola looks at Mick and decides to play a mind game with Beth] Are'nt you afraid he'll find someone else once you start to get older and lose your looks?

Mick St. John:
[Mick sees the look on Beth's face knowing that she's struck a nerve and decides to end it before Lola goes further] Leave her alone!

Beth Turner:
[Mick is holding a thrashing Beth in his arms tightly so she won't hurt herself as they stand in his shower with ice cold water pouring down. Beth high on Black Crystal pleads to Mick as she tries to seduce him] Turn me.

Beth Turner:
[Mick is floored by her request. And is fighting his growing attraction to her] It's the drug. It's the drug.

Mick St. John:
It's a one way street.

Tierney Tate:
Yeah. I'm going one way.

Mick St. John:
The wrong way!

Mick St. John:
Being human again, however briefly, put me back in the world. And it made me realize, I'm tired of hiding. Beth was right when she said being a vampire doesn't have to define me. Maybe I can use my job to live in both worlds. But jumping into *this*... makes me feel like I've gone from the Minor Leagues straight to the World Series. Welcome to Hollywood.

Tierney Tate:
I get it! I'm a celebrity. I chose to live my life in the public eye, but I *at least* have to have a couple people I can *trust*.

Mick St. John:
That's why you hired me. To make sure you trust the right people.

Mick St. John:
So how do you want to do this?

Beth Turner:
It's called dating.

Mick St. John:
Right, we uh, go out and get to know each other.

Beth Turner:
[starts giggling] You've known me since I was four.

Mick St. John:
Okay, it's weird when you say it like that.

Mick St. John:
Don't worry, Dad, I'll be careful.

Josef Konstantin:
Don't call me that.

Mick St. John:
Well you did turn me.

Josef Konstantin:
Return, okay. Return. And you were going to become a vampire again anyway. I'm not your sire.

Mick St. John:
Kind of my step-sire.

Josef Konstantin:
No.

Mick St. John:
It's not like you've slept with a vampire.

Beth Turner:
[jokingly] Once in college, but I was drunk.

Mick St. John:
Right.

Beth Turner:
It had to have been an accident. Who would have had a reason to kill her?

Mick St. John:
No one I know of! But since *I* was reviewing security, if she was in danger, I should have *known* about it!

Beth Turner:
You can't think that this is your fault!

Mick St. John:
I told her she could trust me. That I'd look out for her. Now she's dead!

Guillermo:
[sniffing the air as Mick enters autopsy] Mick! Welcome back to the land of the unliving.

Mick St. John:
[to a pair of vampire paparazzi] You should be ashamed of yourselves! Talk about blood suckers!

Mick St. John:
Can you keep your colleagues off of me?

Marshall:
In the name of vampire solidarity, we'd love to help but...

Clint:
You're celebrity PI now. You're the story, dude.

Scott Walsh:
I found out she was hiding something from me, okay? I was upset. The two of us, we didn't have secrets.

Mick St. John:
Everybody has secrets.

Scott Walsh:
Not me and Tierany.

Beth Turner:
Someone tried to kill me last night.

ADA Benjamin Talbot:
[into his bluetooth] Listen I'm going to have to call you back. [to Beth] Seems to happen a lot.

Beth Turner:
I wouldn't say "a lot."

Beth Turner:
What happens when a vampire thinks he's about to be exposed?

Mick St. John:
He moves on, changes cities, names. Starts all over.

Beth Turner:
Have you ever done that?

Mick St. John:
No. But I've been careful and lucky. I suppose one day my luck will run out. But until then...

Josef Konstantin:
[after Beth shows Josef pictures of Mick getting hit by a car] So what do you want me to do about this Foster character?

Beth Turner:
I thought you could handle it. You know pay him off.

Josef Konstantin:
You think that'll work?

Beth Turner:
No.

Josef Konstantin:
[pause] Well then, you know how I'm going to handle it.

Beth Turner:
Mick has protected me. Saved me more times than I can count.

Josef Konstantin:
And you're returning the favor.

Beth Turner:
Just don't tell him we're doing this.

Josef Konstantin:
I can keep a secret. [starts to leave then stops and turns around] But as long as you're involved with Mick and you work at Buzzwire, his secret will always be in danger.

Mick St. John:
[under his breath as they're being chased by Papparrazzi] I can't die. I can't die. I can't die.

Tierney Tate:
What?

Mick St. John:
Nothing. I'm fine.

Beth Turner:
I quit Buzzwire.

Mick St. John:
Why?

Beth Turner:
Well with Maureen gone, there's not even a vineer of respectability and I'm not going to make a living feeding off people like some sort of [Mick looks at her]

Mick St. John:
Yes, well uh, I suppose we're all vampires in some form or another.

Beth Turner:
[raising her glass] To vampires.

Mick St. John:
[raising his glass] To us.

Mick St. John:
[speaking of Beth] Yes. She uh - I think we're dating.

Tierney Tate:
You *think*?

Mick St. John:
Well it's complicated.

Tierney Tate:
Can you be yourself with her?

Mick St. John:
Mostly, yeah.

Tierney Tate:
Then uncomplicate it!

Mick St. John:
Can't die, can't die, can't die, can't die!

Beth Turner:
From dating to speed dating... hmm.

Mick St. John:
No, I didn't mean with me, just with me.

Beth Turner:
[timidly] So, do you... bite people's necks and... suck the blood out?

Mick St. John:
Actually, I get most of my blood from the blood bank.

Beth Turner:
[stunned] Oh. [primly] The Red Cross does not mention that in their literature.

Mick St. John:
I don't think they know.

Mick St. John:
And "wait in the car" means...?

Beth Turner:
Yeah, 'cause that worked out so well last time!

Mick St. John:
[referring to the stake protruding from his chest] The stake. Take it... out.

Beth Turner:
Uhn. OK. [grapples with the stake] Maybe it's like a piece of glass, you're supposed to wait until we...

Mick St. John:
[emphatically] Take it... OUT!

Beth Turner:
So how long can you stay outside? How much sun is too much?

Mick St. John:
Any is too much.

Beth Turner:
You're a delicate flower Mick St.John. [Mick smiles]

Beth Turner:
So, you know what you said earlier? Vampires really don't age?

Mick St. John:
Really don't.

Beth Turner:
So how old are you?

Mick St. John:
It's not polite to ask people their age.

Beth Turner:
That's just women. I know you must be older, but you look about 30.

Mick St. John:
That's how old I was when I was turned.

Beth Turner:
Wow. So when I was two...

Mick St. John:
I looked 30. When you're 82, I'm still gonna look 30.

Beth Turner:
So how old are you, really?

Mick St. John:
I'm gonna be 85 this November.

Beth Turner:
[snickering] Immortality looks pretty good to me.

Mick St. John:
Not from where I'm sitting.

Josef Kostan:
You know, after all these years, I still don't understand you. The bad guy was caught, justice was served, and you're sitting there like someone died.

Mick St. John:
Actually, four people died.

Josef Kostan:
Well, it's collateral damage for a greater good. And Pollock was a danger to all of us, humans and vampires.

Mick St. John:
I could have been like Pollock. If Coraline had let me go after she turned me, if she... she hadn't taught me how to survive as a vampire...

Josef Kostan:
Well, don't tell me you're saying something good about the ex.

Mick St. John:
No.

Josef Kostan:
But you're still thinking about her. I want to tell you something I've learned in my four hundred years. Two Buddhist monks are walking down a road, and they see a woman trying to cross a stream. The first monk picks her up, carries her across, she says thanks, and they go their separate ways. But the second monk is spitting mad; after a couple more miles, the second monk speaks up, tells the first monk "You violated the rules of our order when you carried that woman across the stream." And the first monk replied "I may have carried her across that stream, but you've been carrying her ever since."

Mick St. John:
I have?

Josef Kostan:
You stop carrying Coraline around, Mick. If you can't change the past, then you can't let it stop you from going forward.

Mick St. John:
You want to know how I became a vampire.

Beth Turner:
Yes.

Mick St. John:
Okay. I told you I was married, right?

Beth Turner:
Uh-huh.

Mick St. John:
Well, she was a vampire. I didn't know. And on our wedding night, she turned me.

[he laughs sardonically]

Mick St. John:
I went to bed a happily married man and I woke up a monster.

Beth Turner:
You're not a monster.

Mick St. John:
Believe me, I was.

Beth Turner:
You must find it hard to trust anyone now.

Mick St. John:
You asked me if I trusted you. You're the first human that I've told any of this to. About who I am and what I am. So, yeah, I trust you.

Beth Turner:
You're a private investigator. You don't have any contacts in the department?

Mick St. John:
It takes time to develop a contact. Years. People age, I don't. Cops, especially, tend to pick up on those kind of details. It kind of makes long-term relationships with humans difficult.

Beth Turner:
How long will it last? Until you turn back?

Mick St. John:
I don't know. Six months, maybe. Maybe less. But I'm making every day count. I don't want to have any regrets.

Mick St. John:
At the funeral, you were wearing his ring.

Beth Turner:
Yes. Yes, I was. But um, I realized even if he had proposed to me, I wouldn't have said yes.

Mick St. John:
Why not?

Beth Turner:
There's someone else. Has been for a while. I care about him a lot. And I think it's time he figured out what he's going to do about it.

Josef Konstantin:
You keep coming up with these excuses. You're not afraid Beth's going to get hurt. You're afraid *you* are.

Mick St. John:
I... am... in *love* with her.

Josef Konstantin:
Yeah. Yeah, you are. Go do something about it before it's too late.

ADA Benjamin Talbot.:
And you are?

Mick St. John:
I'm Mick St. John. I'm a private investigator.

ADA Benjamin Talbot.:
Right. Right. I've heard a lot about you.

Mick St. John:
Good things?

ADA Benjamin Talbot.:
No. No really.

Mick St. John:
Donuts. [takes a donut and takes a bite] Not bad.

Beth Turner:
How long has it been since you've had a donut?

Mick St. John:
1952.

Beth Turner:
Two words: Krispy Kreme.

Mick St. John:
[hears a door open in a witness's house] I'm going to have to *chase* this guy? Crap!

Mick St. John:
[as he's chasing a witness] I haven't run like this for a long time. For the first few minutes, it's *fun*. Let's just say right now, I do feel like I'm 85 years old. I really am going to have to cut back on those hot dogs and donuts.

Beth Turner:
Are you asking me out on a date?

Mick St. John:
Isn't that what humans do?

ADA Benjamin Talbot.:
I'll get a warrant.

Dr. Pierce Anders:
You've got no grounds.

ADA Benjamin Talbot.:
You know that judge you gave a bad nose job? She's better now.

Mick St. John:
What are you doing here?

Josef Konstantin:
Guerillermo called me. Said you were going to do something stupid. I said "Wait. That can't be the Mick I know."

Josef Konstantin:
[after Josef attacks Mick to prove a point] What?

Mick St. John:
You were right. I can't save her as a human. I *can* as a vampire. Change me back.

Mick St. John:
Your name came up in connection with a story that Maureen was working on.

Josef Konstantin:
Was her body found in the La Brea Tar pits?

Beth Turner:
No.

Josef Konstantin:
That was the only person I killed this week.

Mick St. John:
We need to talk with your PR agent.

Josef Konstantin:
Check the tar pit.

Josef Kostan:
So, have you sealed the deal yet?

Mick St. John:
It's not about sex.

Josef Kostan:
Everything's about sex.

Mick St. John:
I'm 52 years older than her, I drink blood bought from the morgue, and I tend to bite down when I...

Josef Kostan:
Some women like that.

Beth Turner:
You're a delicate flower, Mick St. John.

Mick St. John:
You don't understand Josef! Anders has Beth. My Beth!

Mick St. John:
I guess I am a delicate flower.

Leni Hayes:
[Mick sees a helicopter chasing them] What?

Mick St. John:
You just had to piss off an arms dealer. Didn't you?

Kevin Branch:
[after Josh hits him] We're friends man!

Josh Lindsey:
That just makes it worse!

Beth:
[Beth is offering Mick blood] I want to do this!

Mick St. John:
[thinking] What do you do when the one thing you need to save your life... is the *one* thing... that would make life unbearable?

Leni Hayes:
You got kids?

Mick St. John:
[grins, surprised and embarrassed] No! [pauses; grin fades, sadness] No. I don't.

Leni Hayes:
Well, if it's a boy, maybe I'll call him Mick.

Mick St. John:
[pauses] You should call him Jack. Jack's a good name.

Mick St. John:
[gazing at the wreckage of their stolen squad car, in flames] Great!

Mick St. John:
[voiceover] When I was still human, I survived the Battle of the Bulge. Six weeks in a trench in the Ardennes - coldest winter I'd ever felt. My buddy lost a foot to frostbite. I thought that was hell... I was wrong.

Mick St. John:
What do you get when you put a vampire in the desert? Maybe no more vampire.

Leni Hayes:
We have to get you to a hospital. This is not just regular dehydration. Something is seriously wrong.

Mick St. John:
[delirious] No hospitals. Just keep trying to get a signal. Call the number I gave you. Ask for Beth. Just talk to her. Only Beth.

Leni Hayes:
Who is she?

Mick St. John:
I trust her.

Leni Hayes:
Hey, is she your girlfriend?

Mick St. John:
[startled] No! It's... complicated.

Beth:
It's just that being on the hunt with you is kinda fun.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, it's just a giant thrill ride that never ends. You know some times it does end, with terrible screams and blood shed.

Beth:
Still we make a good team.

Beth Turner:
You're a delicate flower Mick St. John.

Beth Turner:
How long can you stay outside? How much is too much?

Mick St. John:
Any is too much.

Beth Turner:
You're a delicate flower Mick St. John.

[Mick smiles and turns away]

Mick St. John:
What do you do when the one thing you need to save your life is the one thing that would make life unbearable?

Mick St. John:
[voiceover] What do you do if the one thing you need to save your life is the one thing that would make life unbearable?

Mick St. John:
I guess I am a delicate flower.

Beth Turner:
I guess you are.

Beth Turner:
[Mick has fled to the desert in a bid to protect Lenny, a witness in a court case, and is lying in a bathtub, the life slowly sapping away from him. Beth arrives to see him dying. She bares her neck]. I don't know how to do this but I know you need it, so...

Mick St. John:
No. No! Get out!

Beth Turner:
You need blood

Mick St. John:
No, not yours. Not like this.

Beth Turner:
I want to do this.

Mick St. John:
[voiceover] What do you do when the one thing you need to save your life is the one thing that would make life unbearable?

Beth Turner:
I know you won't kill me and I know you won't try to turn me either. I've got this vampire friend who has been explaining this stuff.

Mick St. John:
[takes her forearm] . At some point you're going to have to stop me. [sinks his teeth into her arm]

Mick St. John:
[Beth has been knocking on Mick's door. He won't open up. She rests her head against the door, and so does he. Voiceover]. Maybe it was her blood in my veins that made me feel her, that beating of her very living heart. Or maybe we've always been connected. Either way, being near me puts her in danger so it has to stop. [she pauses and leaves. So does he].

Beth Turner:
I like being on the hunt with you.

Mick St. John:
It's a giant thrill ride that never ends.

Mick St. John:
[voiceover as he stares at vending machine] I was beginning to hallucinate. The vending machine had V8 juice and looked like a vampire's gold mine.

Josef Konstantin:
You have to understand, Mick and Coraline's relationship was one of those terrifying, completely self-destructive freakshows that you spend your whole life searching for knowing it can only end in one or both of you dead.

Beth Turner:
That's your idea of love?

Josef Konstantin:
What can I tell you, I'm a romantic.

Beth Turner:
[Beth is busy breaking into Morgan's apartment while Mick serves as a decoy -having Morgan help him with a case involving infidelity-as Beth picks the lock we hear in a voiceover] I had an old boyfriend in college who taught me how to chug a beer in one sitting and as a party trick how to pick a lock. Funny how things come in handy.

Beth Turner:
[Beth is snooping around Morgan's apartment which is a mess. Beth is thinking in a voice over] I read that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they leave their house. So far all I knew about Morgan was she had great taste in shoes.

Coraline:
[Coraline who is going under the name Morgan Vincent is working with Mick as a photographer and is getting impatient as she watches their subject because Mick is on the phone] Hurry up! The clothes are about to hit the floor!

Mick St. John:
I'll be right there!

Beth Turner:
[Beth over hears this and says jealously over the phone at Mick] Whose clothes are about to hit the floor?

Mick St. John:
[Mick has explained the nature of his relationship with Coraline to Beth which he admits drove him crazy. Recalling a time he drove to Coraline's party house drunk smashed a window with patio chair in a jealous rage broke in and swept her up in his arms and kissed her. He looks up at Beth and says simply] I'm tired of chasing ghosts.

Beth Turner:
Save him. Please, for me. Save him!

Mick St. John:
He's human, Beth. Okay. [holds up his bloodied hands] THIS is what happens!

Beth Turner:
Because it's such a curse. I *know* you tell me all the time.

Mick St. John:
You don't know! Beth, how could you know?

Beth Turner:
If you hate what you are so much, then why do you go on living?

Mick St. John:
[thinking] You make me want to. [speaking] I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure.

Beth Turner:
What if that were me lying there instead of Josh, seconds away from death, would you have saved me? Would you have saved me?

Mick St. John:
I would've done the same thing.

[thinking]

Mick St. John:
She asked me something I asked myself over and over again. The truth is I don't know what I'd do. What do know is at the end of the day, not a lot separates life and death, only one thing: eternity.

Beth Turner:
You really hate being a vampire don't you?

Mick St. John:
Well, hate's a strong word. So yeah, that works.

Mick St. John:
[Mick in vice over as he is trying to save Josh's life after being shot] The heat was getting to me and the blood was getting to Beth.

Mick St. John:
[trying to save Josh after he's shot] I was a medic back in World War II. Multiple gunshot wounds were common. You did the best you could with what was available to you.

Josef Konstantin:
It's a threat to our secrecy. What is this, the 1720s? We're discreet! We don't leave bodies lying around. Now we have to be extra vigilant. We live in an age of fingerprint scans, DNA tests, genome mapping...

Mick St. John:
...Josef! Relax!

Josef Konstantin:
I am relaxed. This is relaxed. You're only 90. You've never been chased by a torch-bearing mob.

Josef Konstantin:
You seriously drink this stuff? What is it, like, non-fat, soy, vegan blood?

Mick St. John:
[reaches for Josef's glass] If you don't like it...

Josef Konstantin:
I didn't say that.

Mick St. John:
Are you sure?

Josef Konstantin:
Get outta here.

Mick St. John:
[to Professor Ellis] So, tell me something, professor. Do the salutary effects kick in before, or after, the sex with your students?

Mick St. John:
[voiceover] Forever is a long time with an ex-wife like mine.

Beth Turner:
Right. Blood cult. So, we're talking vampires? [laughs] I know... they don't exist. But something has to explain all the killing and the Gotharama around here, I mean, obviously she had a thing for vampires.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, I guess they're back in style. [pauses] You know, some people actually find them attractive?

Beth Turner:
[disbelievingly] Really?

Mick St. John:
[chastened and deadpan] Yeah.

Beth Turner:
[looks around for Mick, who's disappeared... again] Stop doing that!

Christian Ellis:
I *am* a vampire.

Mick St. John:
[sarcastically] Really.

Christian Ellis:
Well, not in the way most commonly portrayed in dime-store novels. When most people hear the word "vampire" they immediately conjure up an image of some undead monstrosity running around at night trying to drink human blood...

Christian Ellis:
When most people hear the word vampire, they immediately conjure up an image of some undead monstrosity running around at night trying to drink human blood.

Mick St. John:
I hate that.

Mick St. John:
[sotto voce] Mmm. Hate that.

Josef Konstantin:
[to Mick] Hey look. I know you have morals and scruples and that's fine, sort of.

Josef Konstantin:
[to Mick] Hey, you have a soft spot for the mortal ones. A fascination with all the charming things they do while listening to the tick tick tick of their own looming demise, that's fine, that's good. Everyone needs a hobby.

Mick St. John:
The killer's not a vampire, Josef.

Josef Konstantin:
There were bite marks.

Mick St. John:
Two stab wounds.

Josef Konstantin:
What, and the blood?

Mick St. John:
Well, you hit an artery, you're bound to get some of that.

Josef Konstantin:
So you're telling me some poser wannabe drinking blood out of a Snoop Dogg chalice is behind this?

Mick St. John:
Hey, and don't forget. I'm your only friend who doesn't like you just for your money.

Josef Konstantin:
That's true. Sad, but true.

Josef Konstantin:
Well you, my friend, must get her to stop.

Mick St. John:
What d'you mean? Like she's driving along and suddenly her car explodes?

Josef Konstantin:
I was thinking of you ask her nicely, but... fielder's choice.

[Steve is pinning a mic onto Beth's bra]

Beth Turner:
You're taking a long time putting that mic on.

Steve Balfour:
Just trying to get it exactly right here.

Beth Turner:
Does that include feeling me up?

Josef Konstantin:
You seriously drink this stuff? What is it like nonfat soy vegan blood?

Mick St. John:
You don't like it... [reaches for glass]

Josef Konstantin:
[pulling glass away] I never said that.

Mick St. John:
You sure?

Josef Konstantin:
Get outta here!

Josef Konstantin:
[to Mick] Now I know you have morals and scruples, and that's fine-sort of.

Josef Konstantin:
Vampire solidarity. Rah rah rah, and all that.

Mick St. John:
Hey, and don't forget. I'm your only friend who doesn't like you just for your money.

Josef Konstantin:
True. Sad but true.

Mick St. John:
We're on the same side.

Josef Kostan:
Sorry. I'm not questioning your loyalties.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, good.

Josef Kostan:
Yeah, vampire solidarity. Ra ra ra and all that.

Josef Kostan:
It's about time you got back!

Mick St. John:
Make yourself at home!

Josef Kostan:
I did! I poured myself a drink. You seriously drink this stuff? What is it? Like not-fat, soy, vegan blood?

Mick St. John:
Sixty years is a long time to deny yourself the touch of another, but you do it. Because you just can't bear the thought of seeing yourself as a monster in someone else's eyes.

Josef Konstantin:
Why haven't you killed him?

Mick St. John:
There's more than one suspect, Josef.

Josef Konstantin:
So kill them all! That's what I would do.

Mick St. John:
Sometimes the past doesn't just catch up with you. It haunts you. Makes you think about the choices. On that night 22 years ago, I followed a trail, found the girl. And came face-to-face with the woman who'd made me a monster. Coroline.

Mick St. John:
Forever is a long time with an ex-wife like mine.

Mick St. John:
The last time I held her in my arms, she was only a child. Over the years, I've tried to stay close, just out of sight. In case she needed me. Tonight she did.

Beth Turner:
[first meeting] Do I know you?

Mick St. John:
You tell me.

Beth Turner:
You're a cop. Right?

Mick St. John:
No.

Beth Turner:
Reporter?

Mick St. John:
Nope.

Beth Turner:
We've met before. You look very familiar.

Mick St. John:
Well maybe I've just got one of those faces.

Mick St. John:
Somewhere in the city a killer is loose. Josef wants me to hunt him to keep our secret safe. I just wanna make sure he doesn't do it again. You don't have to be a vampire to get a taste for blood.

Interviewer:
Mick St. John. Thank you for joining us tonight.

Mick St. John:
You're welcome.

Interviewer:
So, what's it like being a vampire?

Mick St. John:
Being a vampire sucks. It's a bad joke I know, but it's the truth.

Interviewer:
So you drink blood?

Mick St. John:
Why? You offering? I'm just kidding. Yeah, I- I have a guy.

Interviewer:
You mean like a dealer?

Mick St. John:
Yeah, like a dealer.

Mick St. John:
So you never bite anybody?

Mick St. John:
No. No. Unless they really ask for it.

Interviewer:
You sleep in a coffin?

Mick St. John:
No. That's an old wives tale. I sleep in a freezer. And while we're on the subject: garlic is tasty on pizza.

Interviewer:
Does it repel you?

Mick St. John:
Repels my dates, sometimes. Toss holy water on me I get wet. Crucifixes? Ok, if you like that kind of thing. Oh, and I definitely can't turn into a bat. That'd be cool though, wouldn't it?

Interviewer:
What about daylight?

Mick St. John:
Daylight's not good. Daylight's not good. The longer I'm in the sun, the worse I feel.

Interviewer:
But you don't burst into flames?

Mick St. John:
Not if I can help it.

Interviewer:
How do you kill a vampire? Wooden stake I'm guessing.

Mick St. John:
No. A wooden stake won't kill a vampire. Flamethrower, would kill a vampire. Or we can lose our head. I mean, literally. Other than that we heal.

Interviewer:
You seem like a very nice guy. But don't most vampires kill people?

Mick St. John:
Most vampires don't have boundaries or rules, but I do. I don't hunt women and I don't hunt children. I don't hunt innocents. But there's predators out there that need to be dealt with.

Interviewer:
Is that why you became a private investigator?

Mick St. John:
It's a way to use my special abilities.

Interviewer:
Any advice for the vampire wannabes out there?

Mick St. John:
Yeah. [looks in camera] Stay out of my way.

Beth Turner:
Do I know you?

Mick St. John:
You tell me.

Beth Turner:
You're a cop, right?

Mick St. John:
No.

Beth Turner:
Reporter.

Mick St. John:
Nope.

Beth Turner:
We've met before, you look very familiar.

Mick St. John:
Well, maybe I've just got one of those faces.

Beth Turner:
Ok. Question: what do you like better? "Vampire Slaying Rocks L.A-"

Mick St. John:
There's no such thing as vampires.

Beth Turner:
I don't think the girl in the fountain would agree. I mean- [turns back and he's gone]

Beth Turner:
We got to get a shot of the body.

Steve Balfour:
Nah, cops won't let anyone get close.

Beth Turner:
I'm not leaving without my money shot.

[pause]

Beth Turner:
Oh, my god. Did I just say that?

Steve Balfour:
Yes.

Beth Turner:
I've become a news whore overnight.

Steve Balfour:
Not... overnight.

Mick St. John:
[voiceover] When you live forever, it's disappointing how little humans change. Technology, though, it always gets better. If I hadn't become a vampire, I would have missed out on the Internet, TIVO, World of Warcraft... and GPS.

Josef Konstantin:
[pulls up in his car, says gleefully] You made the news.

Mick St. John:
[disgusted] Great.

Josef Konstantin:
Well, apparently attempted murder. The charge against you carries a twenty-year penalty. A fire-arm enhancement adds another fifteen. That's what they called it: enhancement.

Josef Konstantin:
Look. Prison is not the vampire's friend.

Mick St. John:
No. [agreeing] No.

Josef Konstantin:
Look on the positive side. In 25 years you'll probably get a book deal.

Mick St. John:
[sarcastically] Well, thank you.

Josef Konstantin:
You're way off your game, pal.

Mick St. John:
What did you say?

Josef Konstantin:
You heard me.

Josef Konstantin:
I know you have morals a scruples, and that's fine. Sort of.

Josef Konstantin:
Poured myself a drink. You actually drink this stuff? What is it like nonfat soy vegan blood?

Mick St. John:
[reaching for glass] If you don't like it...

Josef Konstantin:
[pulling glass away from Mick] Never said that.

Mick St. John:
You sure?

Josef Konstantin:
Get outta here!

Beth Turner:
I keep dreaming about you. Why? [she walks over to Mick]

Mick St. John:
[vamped out] Please, don't look at me.

Beth Turner:
[looks at the state that Mick's in] Oh my god. [Mick turns to look at her; his eyes silver and blood drips down his chin; she gasps] What are you?

Mick St. John:
I'm a vampire.

Beth Turner:
Oh my God. What are you?

Mick St. John:
I'm a vampire.

Josef Konstantin:
[Josef has either arm around two lovely women in seductive clothing who are freshies... humans who willingly donate blood to vampires] Which would you like red or white?

Josef Konstantin:
[Mick eyes them both prospectively and hungrily] The red.

Josef Konstantin:
How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm eating?

Mick St. John:
[Lee Jay is holding a blowtorch to Mick who's been shot with silver bullets and now wants Mick to turn him. Mikc refuses] The last thing this world needs is an eternal you!

70-Year-Old Det. Bobby Desmond:
[Mick is fired up about the release of the convict that he helped put away] Now, don't go breaking your hip or anything! Remember we are 70 years old now.

Mick St. John:
[Mick smiles as the old detective is blind and can't see that he hasn't aged] I will. Take care Bobby. [They hug]

Mick St. John:
[to Josef] Your office is not a safe place! Y - I'm going to bed.

Mick St. John:
[to Josef] You've already died once this week, isn't that enough?

Josef Konstantin:
[after Mick pulls the stake out of his chest] Thanks.

Mick St. John:
You're welcome.

Josef Konstantin:
What are you using back there, barbeque tongs?

Mick St. John:
Would you hold still, I'm trying to get the second bullet.

Josef Konstantin:
Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to help find out who killed me?

Mick St. John:
You know, this, all this, isn't your fault.

Josef Konstantin:
Yeah, but it is. I'm the one that did this to her.

Josef Kostan:
Well, you just gonna stand there all day or you gonna help me find out who killed me?

Josef Kostan:
That bastard staked me!

Mick St. John:
You know for a 400 year old vampire, you have a really low threshold for pain!

Josef Konstantin:
Giving is different from receiving!

Mick St. John:
Josef Konstantin celebrated as a civic minded entrepreneur. *Definitely* worth putting the monkey suit on for. And of course, there are fringe benefits. [looks at Beth] Like spending the evening with Beth.

Beth Turner:
This is great, I feel like I'm back at my High School Prom.

Josef Konstantin:
You know Prom really wasn't that big in the 1700's. Or High School either. Plague. The Plague was big.

Josef Konstantin:
Mick's not usually the jealous type.

Beth Turner:
Speaking of jealous. [watching Mick and Simone talking]

Josef Konstantin:
Don't worry, Mick isn't suicidal enough to hit on my date.

Beth Turner:
*Your* date? Let me guess. She was born to Hungarian Aristocracy in 1758. Danced Swan Lake with the Bolshoi Ballet, before you turned her.

Josef Konstantin:
Actually Simone's was born in Recita. '80. And nobody turned her.

Beth Turner:
Your girlfriend's *human*?

Josef Konstantin:
She's not my girlfriend. She's one of my lawyers. Quite an up-and-comer. And a very willing source of refreshment.

Beth Turner:
She just let's him drink her blood?

Mick St. John:
Yeah, it's not that uncommon. A lot of vampires have human... donors. We call them "freshies."

Beth Turner:
Is it like a paid arrangement or friends with benefits?

Mick St. John:
Well depends on the circumstances.

Beth Turner:
So I- I suppose you've had freshies.

Mick St. John:
I've been a vampire for over 50 years now.

Beth Turner:
I'll take that as a "yes." How many?

Mick St. John:
Don't know off the top of my head. Not many.

Beth Turner:
Rough guestimate.

Beth Turner:
150 years with one person, that seems like a long time.

Mick St. John:
Well it depends on who you're with.

Beth Turner:
How long were you and Coraline married?

Mick St. John:
Technically 33 years. And that did feel like a long time.

Beth Turner:
But here you are dipping your toe in the dating pool again. Do you realize this is our *fourth* official date?

Mick St. John:
Define official.

Beth Turner:
Any outing that *doesn't* involve dead bodies.

Mick St. John:
You are such a romantic. You know that?

Mick St. John:
[finding Dominic's body] I guess this won't be our fourth date after all.

Beth Turner:
But at least you were with Josef. It give you some kind of alibi.

Simone Walker:
But then it would give them a reason to look at Josef more closely. I *can't* risk that.

Beth Turner:
[looks over her shoulder then back to Simone] It's kind of weird talking about that with someone else.

Simone Walker:
We're members of a really exclusive club, you and I.

Mick St. John:
[Guillermo's being really careful with Dominic's body] That's beautiful. Getting soft after all these years?

Guillermo:
Hurst was in my March Madness bracket. The dude helped me win the office pool. Can't a man grieve?

Mick St. John:
The Police found blood on Dominic's body. B+

Josef Konstantin:
[to Simone] You see? There you go. [to Mick] Simone's cleared.

Simone Walker:
I'm B-.

Mick St. John:
Still think you should give the Police a sample.

Mick St. John:
There's a much easier way to settle this. [reaches for Simone's wrist, starts to bear his fangs]

Mick St. John:
Josef don't. [Josef takes a bite. Then offers her wrist to Mick]

Josef Konstantin:
Here. For professional purposes only, of course.

Josef Konstantin:
Hi Beth. We were just having drinks.

Beth Turner:
I can see that!

Simone Walker:
[to Josef] We should go.

Josef Konstantin:
But this is so awkward... I love awkward.

Simone Walker:
I know. [Simone leads Josef out]

Beth Turner:
You okay?

Mick St. John:
Yeah. Well I got hit in the face with the Sacred Ass Paddle.

Beth Turner:
Karma.

Guillermo:
Humans getting busy with vamps, always trouble.

Mick St. John:
That it is.

Mick St. John:
So how long have you been in college?

Lisa:
40 years or so. It's the perfect life for a vamp. Nobody notices when you sleep all day. And there's a constant rotation of Frat Boys too drunk to notice when a hicky's not a hicky.

Mick St. John:
No one notices the puncture wounds in the neck?

Lisa:
That's not the artery I go for.

Mick St. John:
Oh.

Mick St. John:
[the police try take Emma into custody. Mick restrains her. ] This is *not* how it goes. You know that!

Emma Monaghan:
I... will *not*... go to jail!

Mick St. John:
Okay we'll figure that out. But think about what you're doing. [shows his teeth] You're endangering all of us! Think about Jackson.

Emma Monaghan:
I guess we know whose side you're on.

Beth Turner:
[after Emma's taken into custody] That wasn't so bad.

Mick St. John:
A homicidal desperate vampire is in custody. And she's going to need to feed soon. It's *very* bad.

Josef Konstantin:
I haven't tried to turn anyone since Sarah Whitly. We all know how that worked out.

Mick St. John:
So you're worried you'll kill her?

Josef Konstantin:
No. Maybe I won't. Forever's a *long* time. [Mick chuckles] Commitment issues.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, me too.

Beth Turner:
[to Simone] Mick would never turn me. He's kind of the anti-vampire vampire.

The Cleaner:
You *never* should have allowed the Police to take Emma into custody!

Mick St. John:
What was I supposed to do? Let her kill a couple cops maybe a DA?

The Cleaner:
Collateral damage.

Mick St. John:
No! Not to me.

Mick St. John:
[after explaining the plan] Questions?

Logan Griffen:
Can my code name be "Lando Calrissian?"

Josef Konstantin:
What's plan "B?"

Mick St. John:
There is no plan "B."

Josef Konstantin:
[watching the execution] We *don't* have to watch this!

Mick St. John:
Yeah, we *do*!

Beth Turner:
Look for months now, you've been saying that things can't work between us. That we live in different worlds. And I didn't want to hear you but maybe you were right. [starts to tear up] You can't come back to my world. And I'm not ready to join yours.

Mick St. John:
Wait a minute. *That's* what you think this is about? You think I want to *turn* you?

Beth Turner:
Wouldn't you? Eventually... What happens when I start to get old? Maybe then I'd want it too. [sniffs] I don't want to have to make that decision. Emma and Jackson made me realize that you were right. I don't - think I can do this any more. [Mick leaves]

Mick St. John:
I've spent the last 55 years, trying to close the door on forever. But I *can't* any more. I *can't* close the door on *Beth*!

[last lines]

Mick St. John:
[Beth's crying, her back is to Mick] Want to know what Emma and Jackson made me realize? That YOU were right! You were right all along. This *isn't* about being a vampire or a human! This is about *us*!How we feel about each one another. Right here! Right now!

Beth Turner:
The night that we first met... met again, whatever, what was I wearing?

Mick St. John:
Blue jeans, white striped shirt, cream jacket.

Beth Turner:
[Beth turns around faces Mick] What about my shoes?

Mick St. John:
You were barefoot.

Beth Turner:
How can you remember that?

Mick St. John:
Because I love you.

[Beth goes to Mick; they kiss]

Coraline:
[as Beth's leaving] I think she's beginning to like me. She didn't stab me this time.

Mick St. John:
Is there any chance this cure could be intensified to be made permanent?

Coraline:
That's what I've been trying to do. But I haven't been successful.

Mick St. John:
What have you been testing on vampires?

Coraline:
Just rogues. It helps with the research and they need to be put down anyway. So I'm just killing two bats with one stone really.

Mick St. John:
[Beth tells Mick that Josh was going to propose and isn't sure about what she would've said because she's falling in love with Mick] How did you know that she was the one?

Mick St. John:
[Mick thinks carefully, he knows Beth is feling raw from Josh's death and coupled with the fact that he was married to Coraline and she's asking marital advice is new and unwelcome territory. He also doesn't want his feelings for her to get in the way] I don't know. It just felt right.

Mick St. John:
At the oddest time, you might find yourself feeling lucky-like maybe you found somebody. Then bam! That's exactly when the ex-wife comes in.

Mick St. John:
[Mick is playing in a band and sees Coraline walk by] I wouldnt throw her out of bed for eating crackers.

Coraline:
Mick is always persistent.

Mick St. John:
They say there's someone out there for everyone. But what if that person was born in a different time? What if you never would've met but for one horrific twist of fate? And what if you finally found her and you knew there was no way? What then?

Mick St. John:
Sixty years is a long time to live in darkness. A long time to deny yourself the touch of another. But you do it. You do it because you just can't bear the thought of seeing yourself as a monster in someone else's eyes.

Mick St. John:
What have you done to me?

Coraline:
I made you immortal

Mick St. John:
No. You've made me a monster.

Beth Turner:
You were at the other crime scene.

Mick St. John:
Yeah.

Beth Turner:
Do you have some connection with the case or are you just a crime scene junkie?

Josef:
The challenge for our kind is to continually find new reasons to live.

Mick St. John:
And what are you living for after all this time.

Josef:
The best reason of all, my friend. Love.

Mick St. John:
There are a lot of misconceptions about vampires. Garlic and holy water don't do jack. And crucifixes? Come on. You can spot a vampire if you know what to look for, though. The dead don't give off body heat.

Mick St. John:
What do you do when what you want most and what you fear most are the same thing? What then? Live long enough and the past always catches you.

Mick St. John:
I'm working the case on my own.

Beth Turner:
How come?

Mick St. John:
Because I don't like seeing people get away with this kind of thing.

Beth Turner:
You don't think the police will catch whoever's behind this?

Mick St. John:
They might. In time. But they're hamstrung by rules and regulations. I'm not.

Beth Turner:
So, you work outside of the law. Is that what you're saying?

Mick St. John:
Let's just say I work parallel to it.

Mick St. John:
You know what? Being a vampire sucks. Bad joke, but it's the truth. See, what you don't realize until you become immortal is that life is precious because it ends. It's only when you live forever that you begin to understand how few things actually make life worth living.

Beth Turner:
I know quitting Buzzwire was the right decision but I don't know ...

ADA Benjamin Talbot:
Being and unemployed isn't all you dreamed it would be.

Mick St. John:
So we gonna find your designers at the bottom of the tar pits?

Josef Konstantin:
Mick, please. I don't have the energy to kill everyone who pisses me off... I hire some people.

Josef Konstantin:
[to Mick after seeing Beth in the news] You are positively Pavillovian where Beth is concerned.

Mick St. John:
Damn! This makes K rations seem gourmet.

Army Buddies:
Yeah!

Ralph:
File a complaint. [Mick laughs] Oh wait a minute. We're in the middle of nowhere fighting Germans.

Mick St. John:
This isn't nowhere. It's a forest... in Italy.

ADA Benjamin Talbot:
You know when I asked you here, it *wasn't* a group invitation.

Beth Turner:
Oh, I didn't call Mick.

ADA Benjamin Talbot:
I mean it just seems where ever one goes, the other one's not far behind.

Mick St. John:
Every vampire knows, children's blood is more pure, less free radicals. But some crave it because they think it tastes better. Like something cooked in butter instead of margarine. Leo's one of those vamps. He's also the nervous type. If Jacob heard taping, I may have found the mouse.

Leo:
I didn't take him! Children are a precious gift. I just like their blood!

Beth Turner:
Hey so I just saw a photo of you at Robert's. You were in the war with his father. Why didn't you tell me you wanted to help because you knew the family?

Mick St. John:
Because they could *be* my family.

Beth Turner:
So you think Robert...? How could you not know you had a son?

Mick St. John:
When I left Layla, I had no idea she was pregnant. I checked Robert's birthdate, it's possible.

Beth Turner:
Why did you leave her?

Mick St. John:
Because Ray survived. He was in a coma for months, he lost his dog tags. The Army didn't know who he was. When Ray turned up, I made myself scare. What else could I do? I left my best friend for dead, and then I stole his wife... It was wrong.

Beth Turner:
It wasn't wrong if it was love!... Was it love?

Mick St. John:
[Mick flashes back] Yeah. Yeah, I think it was.

Mick St. John:
It seems strange to have a son who looks old enough to be your father.

Mick St. John:
It's been opened recently. Once he was in the kitchen, he could take the servant's stairs to the attic, and take his time.

Robert Fordham:
To take my son!

Beth Turner:
So Jacob was right. The monster was in the walls.

Mick St. John:
And in the floors, and in the ceiling.

Mick St. John:
You investigating *me* now?

ADA Benjamin Talbot:
Depends, you got anything to hide?

Mick St. John:
No. Not anymore. Papparrazzi exposed my deepest secrets. Shoe size: 10 1/2. Favorite color: blue.

Beth Turner:
Boxers not briefs? How'd we get onto to this delightful subject?

ADA Benjamin Talbot:
We digressed.

Mick St. John:
You should get some rest too.

Beth Turner:
[scoffs] It's hard to get sleep knowing Jacob's out there with this nut.

Mick St. John:
We'll get him back... We *have* to!

Beth Turner:
The D.A.'s office will narrow down the list. Ben's got a good team.

Mick St. John:
"Ben?"... Wow... Should I be jealous.

Beth Turner:
Of course. Even if I have no romantic interest in him, your jealousy make me feel desirable.

Mick St. John:
I thought my human past was dead. Hidden away in storeage. But now I find it may be alive and well, living in West Adams. Only my human DNA will tell me for sure.

Josef Konstantin:
I left my cell phone here yesterday. Spent 400 years without one. Now I can't go a day.

Josef Konstantin:
So G.I. Mick, why the trip down memory lane?

Mick St. John:
I need DNA to confirm that I fathered a child with my best friend's wife after the war.

Josef Konstantin:
[slight chuckle] Wow! Never a dull moment. I'll give you that.

Mick St. John:
[waiting expectantly] Come on. Give me your best shot. I know you're dying to.

Josef Konstantin:
You want the truth? [moves closer to Mick] See I've been playing with some vamps in my day. But uh, no rug rats. Well not that I know of. Guess they'd all be dust by now so... Kind of moot point but... Yeah you know, it's one of my *only* regrets. And I don't believe in regrets.

Mick St. John:
The boy who was kidnapped, he might be my grandson.

Josef Konstantin:
I hope you get the kid back. Your last contribution to the human gene pool.

Mick St. John:
Yeah, guess he is.

Josef Konstantin:
Unless you and Beth rewrite the rules of vampire love and figure out how to procreate. [sees Beth] Hi Beth.

Mick St. John:
So about what Josef said ...

Beth Turner:
What? That we can't have a baby?

Mick St. John:
You want to have my baby?

Beth Turner:
What do you think about Elliott for a boy?... I'm kidding. Relax. But I mean children are part of most normal human relationships.

Mick St. John:
Our relationship being neither normal nor human.

Mick St. John:
But Josef was right. Vampires can't have kids. So I mean if it's going to be a deal breaker...

Beth Turner:
Whoa. Whoa! I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. I mean we haven't even slept with each other yet. May not be any good. [pause then both smile] Look let's just focus on getting Jacob back. And we'll worry about our children when the time comes.

Mick St. John:
Yeah.

Mick St. John:
How do you tell a man twice your age, that your his father?... You don't!

Beth Turner:
[after Beth narrowly avoids an attack in the library] If you keep sneaking up on me like that, I am gonna MACE you one of these days!

Mick St. John:
It's only a matter of time.

Beth Turner:
[after Mick gets the DNA results] Hey. Family's not only about DNA.