Nobody Knows Anything!

Virus:
Hey, I got one for ya. If you had to blow some guy, who would it be?

Jimmy:
Excuse me?

Virus:
Say you have to blow some guy, who would you pick?

Jimmy:
I don't have to blow some guy.

Virus:
Yeah I know you don't have to, but if you did, who would it be?

Jimmy:
I try not to entertain that thought, and I don't think it's healthy when you do it.

Virus:
C'mon, entertain it for a second; they got a gun to your head.

Jimmy:
Well, if they got a gun to my head, odds are I'll be blowin' one of them.

Virus:
You're missing my point.

Jimmy:
Your point? I didn't realize there was a point.

Virus:
Forget about it. All right?

Jimmy:
Nah- All right. Who are they - friends of yours?

Virus:
No.

Jimmy:
This doesn't make any sense.

Virus:
I don't know. Look, they're just guys, all right? They're like bored frat guys, they're out on a drinking binge looking for something to do, and somebody gave 'em a gun.

Jimmy:
I give up. Who do I want to blow?

Virus:
I dunno.

Jimmy:
See? Neither do I.

[first lines]

Sarah:
I need ta... grab 'em in the first minute.

Jimmy:
I still don't see how renting is funny.

Virus:
Well it's not funny. It's cheating.

Jimmy:
But funny and cheating are synonyms

Virus:
Whatever.

Jimmy:
"Whatever." Good response; I guess you win.

Virus:
[speaking rapidly, pointing gun into mirror] You laughin' at me, huh? Huh? You laughin' at m- What am I, a clown? Do I amuse you? I'm what, I'm funny now? Huh? You must be laughin' at me; I don't see anybody else around here!

Patty:
You're mixing your movies, dipshit.

Virus:
What?

Patty:
You're mixing your movies.

Virus:
No I'm not.

Virus:
[back to mirror] How the *f**** do I amuse you, huh?

Patty:
That's Joe Pesci.

Virus:
No, Pesci wasn't in Taxi Driver.

Patty:
That's what i'm saying. You're mixing your movies.

Virus:
No I'm not.

Patty:
[disgusted] Whatever.

Virus:
"Whatever." Good response; I guess you win.

Gun Expert:
Y'know guns are what made this country great. Don't you agree?

Sarah:
[noncomittal shrug]

Gun Expert:
C'mon. Feel one.

Sarah:
Well... I'd rather not; I don't believe in guns.

Gun Expert:
Well ya know, you don't know what it's like until you... you touch the love shaft of Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

Sarah:
Actually, being a girl, it's all right for me not to be into guns.

Gun Expert:
Whatdya mean, "being a girl"? That's all the more reason ya need one - all these crazies in the streets! You wanna be raped?

Sarah:
[instantly shakes head rapidly]

Gun Expert:
No. Then you carry a gun.

[last lines]

Phil Phillips:
[counting cash from Uncle Lou] I think he might be short.

Uncle Lou:
It's all there! It's all there.

Phil Phillips:
[rapid] Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute.

Frankie C.:
Are you... a little short.