Nutty Professor 2

Buddy Love:
Oh, you bastard. [sees a rubber ball, because his body has dog DNA]

Buddy Love:
[after catching a rubber ball filled with youth formula] What the hell is that? (Sherman; Who's dumb now?)Oh, Sherman. Oh, you sneaky son of a b*tch. Oh, Sherman. [turning into a baby] Oh, SH*T! Uh, uh Everyone calm down, relax. everything is under control. [woman stares at his penis] What the hell are you looking at?! This is an impressive package for a toddle!

Sherman Klump:
Buddy Love, I am SICK, and TIRED, of your S-H...

Dean Richmond:
"I"

Sherman Klump:
Thank you. T-E!

Buddy Love:
Oh, ho-ho-ho. My shite?

[Sherman is serenading Denise with the assistance of a Mariachi band]

Sherman:
Denise will you...

Buddy:
Hey Sherman. You hear me Sherman?

Sherman:
...Denise will ya...will ya...let me come up there and put my beef in your taco?

Mexican band:
"...Put the beef in your taco!

Denise:
What?

Sherman:
[Buddy cackles, Sherman's conscious comes back] Oh, no! No, no, no! (Chuckles) That's not what I meant to say, Denise! That was just a little joke! I just wanted to see if you wanted to go out and get some Mexican food. That's why I said that.

Denise:
...Well I am kind of hungry, but I'm not...

Sherman:
Yeah, you are huh? Yeah, I bet you could stand for a big ole whopper right now, huh?

Mexican band:
"...A big ole whopper right now!

Neighbor:
You're sick!

Sherman:
Yeah, I got to tell you, I'm a Jumbo Jack man myself, if you know what I mean. Yeah and I'm loaded with secret sauce! Yeah, come on!

[Sherman does a perverted dance in front of a shocked Denise, and falls to the ground, sexually humping it.]

Neighbor:
You're gonna ruin my lawn, you pervert!

Granny:
You better eat up Isaac, 'cause you gonna need your strength. Yeah, later on, me and Isaac gonna watch "Mating Season on the Serengeti." Doesn't take a lot to get Isaac going.

Cletus:
Timeout! Let me call a timeout on that.

Anna:
Lord, my, my.

Cletus:
I don't want to hear about you old-ass geriatrics.

Granny:
Oh, yeah Cletus? Me and Isaac might be dried up geriatrics, but ain't nothing wrong with Isaac's love tackle.

[Table falls silent].

Ernie:
Oh snap now.

Granny:
What's a matter Cletus, cat got your tongue? Did I step on a nerve Cletus? I got ya, got ya, got ya!

Granny:
Come on Cletus, come on right now! But I'm gonna tell you something, I gotta a razor in this here bag.

Cletus:
Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something, that ain't even no bag you got in your hand, that's your titty.

Anna:
Cletus!

Cletus:
What are you talkin' about? She is an old bag with titties.

Anna:
Jesus!

Cletus:
Old bag with old bag titties!

Anna:
Damn it, Cletus! Don't you mind?

Ernie (quietly to Ernie Jr.):
Heh, he called Grandma a titty bag!

Granny:
[to Cletus] Death!

Granny:
The other day I got out the shower and I bend down to reach for a towel, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Shot through my chest and up around my shoulder and down my spine. I thought "Oh, Lord." I thought I was dying. I bent over and looked, and I was standing on my own titty.

Anna:
You don't need a breast reduction, just be more careful.

Granny:
Both feet too, both feet.

Grandma Klump:
Does Cletus know I'm strapped?

Cletus:
Come on, shoot.

Grandma Klump:
I'm strapped, nigga!

Denise:
[persistent] Sherman, look at me! Who am I?

Sherman:
Ah, pretty lady!

Denise:
[sobbing] Oh, honey! It's going to be okay, I'll take care of you.

Sherman:
[at same time] Yeah, nice lady!

Cletus:
Come on, let's get him home.

Anna:
[Answering door] Oh my goodness! Is there a fire?

Fireman Stripper:
Yes ma'am. I'm afraid there is.

Anna:
I don't smell no smoke. [sniffs]

Fireman Stripper:
[Walks in and beings playing music from stereo] There's a fire in my pants, and it's getting muy caliente! [begins stripping]

Party guests, Bridesmaid and Denise:
Ooh! [laugh and clap]

Sherman Klump:
You know it's funny how you get used to certain things in life. You get used to being overweight. I did. You even get used to people making fun of you. Somewhere along the line I got used to being alone. And I just don't want to be alone anymore.

Sherman Klump:
[Has lost all of his intelligence. Denise asks him to tell her who she is] Ah, pretty lady!

Sherman Klump:
[To Denise] I never... never wanted to hurt you. Understand? I thought that if you knew Buddy was a part of me, you wouldn't have me.

Dean Richmond:
Deals come and go. Wellman will always be Wellman. But you know what bothers me? I walk down the street and this cute little boy says, "Look Mommy, there goes the Hamster's B*TCH!"

Dean Richmond:
"I'm not that kind of... [screaming] GUUUUUUUUUUUY!!!!!!"

Buddy Love:
[Sherman, losing his intelligence, misspells "Sh*t" S-H-I-T-E] Oh, ho-ho-ho. My shite?