Oliver the Eighth

Stanley:
[reading newspaper] Listen to this... wealthy young widow with large fortune seeks male companionship... object matrimony.

Oliver:
It's probably some old crab with a face that would stop a clock!

Stanley:
Well, I'd marry her.

Oliver:
You would!

Stanley:
No, listen... I'd take some of the money, and I'd have her face lifted. Then we could settle down, congenial, and we would have to scrape chins any more... wouldn't have to work hard any more.

Oliver:
Tell me that again.

Stanley:
Well, I could take some of the money... and I'd have her skinned... and she'd be able to look at a clock without having to work hard any more... and we could settle down and scrape each other's chin... and congenial... if I didn't have to work hard anymore.

Oliver:
I know exactly what you mean.

Jitters the butler:
[Watching Stan eat an imaginary meal] Eh eh eh! You're using the wrong fork!

Stanley:
[Looks and sees that he is, in fact, holding a spoon, which he throws down in disgust] You're nuts!

Jitters the butler:
Who said I was nuts?

Stanley:
She did! [points to the widow]

Jitters the butler:
Nice weather we had tomorrow.

Stanley:
Well I couldn't help it, I was dreaming I was awake - then I woke up and found meself asleep!

Stanley:
[giving his famous shrill whistle as Jitters walks away after picking up the imaginary cards] HREEE-yer-REET! [Jitters turns and comes back] You dropped one.

Jitters the butler:
[obligingly reaches down to pick up another imaginary card] Oh - - thank you!

Oliver:
[in a disgusted mocking tone] 'You DROPPED one' - - HUMPH!

Oliver:
[preparing to leave to mail the answers to the wioidnow's personals ad, but then noticing what appear to be some extra initials written near the bottom of Stan's envelope] What does "P.T.O." mean?

Stanley:
"Please Turn Over".

Oliver:
[turns over the envelope and sees, "S.W.A.K. X" written near the gummed flap] "Sealed With A KISS" - - [Gives his famous scrunched-eyed grimace of disgust at the silly mushiness of the message] MMFPH!

Oliver:
[preparing to leave to mail their answers to the widow's personals ad, but then noticing what appear to be some extra initials written near the bottom of Stan's envelope] What does "P.T.O." mean?

Stanley:
"Please Turn Over".

Oliver:
[turns over the envelope and sees, "S.W.A.K. X" written near the gummed flap] "Sealed With A KISS" - - [Gives his famous scrunched-eyed grimace of disgust at the silly mushiness of the message] MMFPH!