Paper Man

[a dead racoon is lying on the doorstep ahead of Richard and Claire]

Richard Dunn:
Oh, good lord... Claire!

Claire Dunn:
Oh, poor thing. It was quick, at least. Clean thoracic tear.

Richard Dunn:
We should give him a proper burial.

[Claire picks the racoon up, walks toward the stack of wood and throws the racoon behind it]

Richard Dunn:
It feels like I just lost my bearings.

Captain Excellent:
[Mocking] Saints alive, Richard! These competing patterns! What fool would combine these fabrics?

[Richard follows Abby with his bike. Just when Abby turns around, he manages to hide every time. When he passes the corner, Abby is ready with a spray nozzle aimed at his face]

Richard Dunn:
No, no, no! It's not like that! [They stare at each other] WD-40?

Abby:
For your wheels. Driving me nuts. [She sprays] Nice bike, though. I used to ride one of these when I was your age. My parents put it in a yard sale. So I had to kill them.

Abby:
Chickenshit.

Christopher:
Isn't this the guy that was following you? I mean, who does that?

Abby:
You do. It's just babysitting.

Christopher:
Then where's the kid?

Abby:
Well... He doesn't have a kid.

Christopher:
The guy's a perv, then. You gotta get outta here.

Abby:
He's a famous writer! Okay? Get a life.

Christopher:
You *are* my life.

Richard Dunn:
You made this?

Abby:
Yeah...

Richard Dunn:
How?

Abby:
I don't know... An onion, a couple of carrots... One of your beers, uh... Oh, hope that was okay, I just kind of helped myself.

Abby:
Remember the moment when you realized your soup didn't have to come out of a can? You konow, all manufactured? That your chicken noodle can kick Cambell's Chicken Noodle's ass any day?

Richard Dunn:
I think I'm having that moment right now.

Richard Dunn:
Does this couch make me look fat?

Abby:
Um... I wouldn't sit there...

Captain Excellent:
What do you want me to say?

Richard Dunn:
I don't know...

Captain Excellent:
No, literally... Tell me what you want me to say! Because, frankly, at this point I got nothing.

Abby:
[receiving a gift from Richard and takes a wild guess] Oh... It's a... Camel? Peacock?

Richard Dunn:
It's the swan. The beautiful, graceful swan.

Abby:
Sorry...

Captain Excellent:
How long have you been with her?

Christopher:
Since she was eight. You?

Captain Excellent:
Oh, Christ... It's gotta be over forty years. Second grade.

Christopher:
Isn't he a little old for you?

Richard Dunn:
I love you.

Abby:
What?

Richard Dunn:
Not in any way that's in... Uh, inappropriate or anything, nothing that's not... You know... Decent or... It's just if I examine my, if I look in my... heart, I find that, I think that it's... there's love there. For you. Yeah... I love you.

Abby:
It wasn't really a looney bin. And it was only for a few months. Just until I... My parents thought... I don't know... I never told them, I never told anyone. It was a pact. Amy and me were both supposed to go... in the water. She did it, but I swam back. I swam back... I couldn't... I don't know why we were so unhappy about. Eight... I guess you're too young to know you can get over anything.

Claire Dunn:
You're useless, Richard!

Richard Dunn:
Yes!

Claire Dunn:
You're totally USELESS! What is wrong with you?

Richard Dunn:
I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO TO WITH MY HANDS! You have a place in this world, Claire. You do something. Every day. I... I do this! And this is nothing.

Claire Dunn:
This was what you wanted. Coming here. This is what YOU wanted. Everyone - Jen and my sister and Liv - they all ENVIED me because I had the one who made me laugh. What happened? I don't know what happened!

Richard Dunn:
You stopped laughing.

Richard Dunn:
So... This is what the end of something looks like.

Captain Excellent:
The world went on, Richard.

Richard Dunn:
But never the same. Who knows how she might have changed the world, just by her being here? The ripple effect.

Captain Excellent:
What? If she hadn't died out, you'd be normal? Well-adjusted?

Richard Dunn:
Maybe.

Captain Excellent:
Doubt it.

Richard Dunn:
It's time for you to go.

Captain Excellent:
No.

Richard Dunn:
You know what I'm saying, Captain. I mean go and never come back.

Captain Excellent:
I'm not ready.

Richard Dunn:
It doesn't matter! You can't help me anymore. The doctor's right.

Captain Excellent:
But... Then you'll be all alone.

Richard Dunn:
Yes. The last of my kind.

[There is a silence between them]

Richard Dunn:
Okay. Do the voice... one last time. Please...

Captain Excellent:
[intense] When the world is imperiled... When evil surrounds you... When danger is lurking... Who do you call?

Richard Dunn:
[whispering] Captain Excellent...

[Abby is reading Richard's last letter]

Richard Dunn:
Richard regarded his solitude as something sacred as a well earned badge of honor, a cloak to be worn to ward off life. As his safety. Solitude is who he was. This caused those in his life to view him with a barely veiled contempt. Richard was certain tat he was not liked. Which is hard on a man. Maybe it was because he gave nothing that he received nothing in return. In any case, his situation had become intolerable. The closest things he had to friends were either imaginary or extinct. And Richard had reached a point of life where this was no longer enough. And then he met a girl... And she was warm. And she was sad. And she was maybe lonely in a way that reminded him of himself. She'd lost things that a girl should never have lost. And she knew things. And she taught him. And Richard thought: "Maybe this is what friendship feels like. Maybe." It was just a glimpse, they'd barely begun, really. But in those long, few winter days, she'd given him so much. Enough so that Richard could go on. And what had he given her? Just a few words on a page. Not much, perhaps. But for Abby, he hoped it was enough.

Abby:
I had this dream last night. You were in it.

Richard Dunn:
Oh. Was I interesting?

Abby:
You were you.

Richard Dunn:
If only everything in the world could be covered in butter. What a world that would be.

Richard Dunn:
What are we, Claire? Are we unhappy or are we just pretending to be unhappy?

Richard Dunn:
I wanted to have a baby!

Claire Dunn:
Is this what all this is all about?

Richard Dunn:
We could have had a baby, Claire! Why didn't we have a baby?

Claire Dunn:
Why? because you are a baby! You are an infant! You still have an imaginary friend!

Richard Dunn:
I just wanted a little warm thing. Something simple I could start with. A single relationship with a person that was new and pure. Where I could be me and they could be them, and that's all that is expected, and we could build this world where there was some one else other than me to think about and be about. The relief of being able to give the world someone else and let it be theirs. Let them have their turn. So it doesn't end with me.

[first lines]

[Richard and Claire arrive by car to a house]

Richard Dunn:
Pictures didn't do it justice.

Claire Dunn:
Oh!