Poor Little Rich Girl

Barbara Barry:
Do I have to eat any more of this?

Stebbins:
Most definitely. Spinach is very rich in vitamins. I might say disgustingly rich, and very good for you, Miss Barbara.

Barbara Barry:
Why is it so many things you don't like are good for you?

Stebbins:
I couldn't say offhand, Miss Barbara, but you must eat some more of your spinach.

Barbara Barry:
Why do I have to?

Stebbins:
Well, you see, your lunch calls for so many vitamins, and you must have them.

Stebbins:
That's the third sneeze.

Collins:
I'm afraid you'll have to go to bed.

Barbara Barry:
But I'm not sick. I feel fine!

Woodward:
Oh, Collins, she's perfectly well. A sneeze is nothing to be alarmed at.

Collins:
Maybe so, But I'm responsible for the child. Come along, dear.

Woodward:
The child sneezes, and you'd think the world has come to an end. Why can't they leave her alone? She's a perfectly normal, healthy child. The way they carried on here, you'd think she was made of glass! Something ought to be done.

Collins:
How Mr. Barry can stand that woman is beyond me.

Woodward:
You can't expect a widower and a man as busy as Mr. Barry to notice everything that goes on in the house.

Margaret Allen:
It seems I can't go anywhere or doing anything with Barry making trouble for me. I hate that man! He causes me more sleepless nights.

Richard Barry:
Sleepless nights? What does he do, play his trombone under your window or something?

Margaret Allen:
Everything but that. I lay awake half the night thinking up new ideas, and in the morning I find out Barry's not only beaten me to them, he's topped me in a thousand ways. I wish he'd drown in his own soap suds. But I shouldn't be boring you with my troubles.

Richard Barry:
That's all right. You in this business?

Margaret Allen:
Yes, I'm with the Peck Company. Advertising.

Richard Barry:
I see. I'm sorry you dislike this fellow Barry, though. He's really not a bad sort.

Margaret Allen:
Oh, you know him?

Richard Barry:
Slightly. My barber cuts his hair. Perhaps I could bribe him to cut his throat.

Dan Ward:
Oh, Mr. Barry, do you think she would do?

Richard Barry:
Let me see. Yes, she'll do very nicely.

Dan Ward:
Thank you, Mr. Barry. That's just what I thought.

Margaret Allen:
Well, of all the nerve! Letting me talk my head off without even telling me! Just another example of Barry's cleverness, I suppose!

Dan Ward:
What was she burning about?

Richard Barry:
I keep her awake nights.

Barbara Barry:
Will you read to me from this?

Woodward:
All right. Which one is it to be?

Barbara Barry:
It's the one where Betsy runs away from the orphan asylum and meets Tony the organ grinder and his monkey.

Woodward:
[reading] "Betsy Weir was two years old when her mother died. Because the family was poor, Betsy couldn't stay at home, so she was sent to an orphan asylum."

Barbara Barry:
Which was an ugly red brick building far, far away from where Betsy used to live.

Woodward:
Yes, from where Betsy used to live. "Then a young man came dancing around the corner in a green coat and bumped right into her. 'Excuse me,' said the young man. 'I'm always bumping into people. That's why they call me Puddin'-Head.'"

Woodward:
Collins just gets panicky every time the child sneezes.

Richard Barry:
Collins is right. I want every precaution taken.

Woodward:
Of course I know it's none of my business, Mr. Barry, but did you ever stop to consider that the piling up of precautions and attention was bad for the child? Why she's watched over and pampered and babied to death. If I were you, I'd send Barbara to school where she could be with other children.

Richard Barry:
Well, there may be something in that. Ring up Collins and tell her I want to speak to her.

Barbara Barry:
I know what Collins will say. Collins always says no. Daddy, why do I always have to play alone? Why can't I play with other children?

Richard Barry:
Honey, how would you like to go to school?

Barbara Barry:
Oh, goody, goody, goody!

Richard Barry:
Well, I guess that settles it.

Barbara Barry:
You know, Daddy, this house wouldn't be so lonesome if you'd stay home once in awhile.

Richard Barry:
If I stayed home all the time, there wouldn't be any house.

Barbara Barry:
Daddy, marry me and let me be your wife!

Barbara Barry:
It's Tony the organ grinder! And his monkey! I know who you are, you're Tony.

Tony:
Dat's a-right. Antonio's my middle name.

Barbara Barry:
I'm on a vacation. Do you want to come along?

Tony:
You a very nice-a little bambina. You go home-a to your mama, eh?

Barbara Barry:
I have no mama.

Tony:
Oh, dat's-a too bad. Den go home-a to your papa. Hey, what's your name-a?

Barbara Barry:
Betsy Weir. I used to live in an orphanage, but they were mean to me, awfully mean, and now I'm on a vacation to see new faces. Your face doesn't look very new.

Tony:
Well, it's a-good enough for me.

Jimmy Dolan:
Don't forget, we've got another radio audition tomorrow. You know, this radio racket is a lot harder than Vaudeville used to be. Remember when we got married?

Jerry Dolan:
No, and don't remind me. By the way, I'm getting tired of these radio auditions. If we don't land a job soon, I'm going home to my mother.

Jerry Dolan:
Well, that's better than bringing the old bat here.

Jimmy Dolan:
Tony, who is she?

Tony:
She's an orphan, I tell-a you! She run away, and she a-follow me here.

Jimmy Dolan:
Jerry, she's a natural. Look at her! Did you ever see a better bet?

Jerry Dolan:
Who is she?

Jimmy Dolan:
She's part of our act, Dolan, Dolan, & Dolan. What's your name?

Barbara Barry:
Betsy Weir. Are you Puddin'-Head?

Jerry Dolan:
I'll say he's Puddin'-Head. What's this all about?

Jimmy Dolan:
That kid's a novelty, just what we need for our new act.

Jerry Dolan:
Are you crazy? What do you know about the child?

Jimmy Dolan:
Everything there is to know. She ran away from an orphan asylum.

Jerry Dolan:
Orphan asylum, your aunt. Did you notice her hands? Well, they don't manicure them at an orphan asylum.

Jimmy Dolan:
I don't know. A buddy of mine got his hair cut in Sing Sing.

Jimmy Dolan:
Now, listen, sweetheart, remember, you're Bonnie Dolan, the radio star. Don't use your real name around here. Don't even think about it. Just forget that you're Betsy Weir.

Barbara Barry:
Are we playing a game?

Jimmy Dolan:
That's right. Will you play along with us?

Barbara Barry:
I like games.

Jerry Dolan:
Now, don't forget, Betsy.

Barbara Barry:
The name's Bonnie Dolan.

Barbara Barry:
[singing] My boss Mr. Cupid told me to make hearts loop the loop, never ever to sing about the Good Ship Lollipop or animal crackers in my soup.

Richard Barry:
Now, Mr. Peck, I understand this place is, well, is going to pot. I'd be willing to, uh, take it off your hands for you. That is, if you'd care to sell.

Simon Peck:
Do I understand that you - ?

Richard Barry:
You understand me to say that I'll buy you out. How much?

Simon Peck:
Do you have the collosal nerve to suggest that I sell my business to you?

Richard Barry:
Well, why not? You've been losing money for the past two years You're practically broke.

Simon Peck:
Get out! Get out before I kick you out! Get out!

Barbara Barry:
Why do you want me to go? You're all alone, and I'm not doing anything, either. Tell me a story.

Simon Peck:
I don't know any stories.

Barbara Barry:
You know, you remind me of old Mr. Spindleshanks. He's the old grouch in the Betsy Weir stories who helps Betsy when she's hungry...

Simon Peck:
Hungry? You aren't hungry, are you?

Barbara Barry:
No, I just had lunch, and I did something bad, too.

Simon Peck:
What did you do?

Barbara Barry:
Well, we had spinach, and while Jimmy wasn't looking, I put mine on his plate!

Simon Peck:
You should've eaten your spinach. It's good for you.

Barbara Barry:
So I've heard.

Simon Peck:
Where are you going?

Barbara Barry:
I'm going to get along.

Simon Peck:
Why?

Barbara Barry:
You said for me to.

Simon Peck:
I never said anything of the sort. All I said was that spinach was good for you.

Margaret Allen:
The Dolans will be on in a few minutes, and if you want to hear a radio show, it'll make yours sound sick!

Richard Barry:
All right, I'll listen. I'll tell you about it at lunch tomorrow.

Simon Peck:
Now, remember, my dear, there's going to be a lot of people listening, but you mustn't be nervous, you mustn't be afraid.

Barbara Barry:
Afraid of what?

Simon Peck:
That's just the thing, my dear, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Barbara Barry:
Do you want me to be afraid?

Simon Peck:
Heavens no, darling! That's why I'm talking to you.

Barbara Barry:
If I do get afraid, it'll be on account of you talking so much.

Barbara Barry:
[singing on the radio] An ordinary day becomes a holiday when I'm with you.

Richard Barry:
It can't be! Her voice is just like Barbara's! If I didn't know my child was at school... I'd swear...

Margaret Allen:
All children's voices sound a lot alike. It's just that slight difference that makes Bonnie stand out. A proud father probably wouldn't even notice that difference.

Barbara Barry:
[on the radio] Marry me, and let me be your wife!

Richard Barry:
It is Barbara! I'm telling you, it's Barbara!

Margaret Allen:
Are you losing your mind? That's Bonnie Dolan!

Richard Barry:
I tell you, it's my daughter!

Barbara Barry:
[on the radio] Even funny spinach takes like pumpkin pie when I'm with you.

Margaret Allen:
You're just making a complete idiot of yourself. I know the child and I know her parents!

Richard Barry:
But, I'm her parent!

Jimmy Dolan:
Listen, darling, tell us the truth. Do you know Mr. Barry?

Barbara Barry:
You won't be angry if I tell you?

Jerry Dolan:
No, sweetheart.

Barbara Barry:
Mr. Barry's my daddy!

Jerry Dolan:
Didn't I tell you she didn't jump out of a hat? There's only one thing to do. Take her back to the apartment, telephone Barry where she is, and then duck.

Jimmy Dolan:
Listen, darling, tell us the truth. Do you know Mr. Barry?

Barbara Barry:
You won't be angry if I tell you?

Jerry Dolan:
No, sweetheart.

Barbara Barry:
Mr. Barry's my daddy!

Jerry Dolan:
Didn't I tell you she didn't jump out of a hat? There's only one thing to do. Take her back to the apartment, telephone Barry where she is, and then duck.

Jerry Dolan:
I love a military man!

Barbara Barry:
I love a military man!

Jimmy Dolan:
I love a military... nurse!

Barbara Barry:
What's your name?

Porter:
Rufus Washington Jackson Lee.

Barbara Barry:
All by yourself?

Barbara Barry:
Ach, mein gootness!

Barbara Barry:
I sneezed.

Tony:
Saluti.

Tony's Wife:
Saluti.

Barbara Barry:
But don't I have to go to bed?

Tony's Wife:
What's-a matter? You sleepy?

Tony:
You eat first.

Barbara Barry:
I like it here!

Tony's Wife:
So small, and so sweet.

Tony:
Maybe we keep her, yes?

Tony's Wife:
You crazy? What you want to do? You want to go to jail for the kidnap? Five children you have already, six with the monkey.

Tony:
All right, then I take her to the policemen in the morning.

Jimmy Dolan:
I've been workin' on a step that's gonna get Bill Robinson talkin' to himself.

Jimmy Dolan:
Suppose the kid's story does turn out to be a phony? So we believed her. So we fed her, took good care of her, and put her on the air. They can hang you for that, can they?

Jerry Dolan:
They can try.

Barbara Barry:
Didn't he like what we did?

Jimmy Dolan:
Sure he did. I guess he's just going in the next room to applaud.

Barbara Barry:
But you said we were good.

Jerry Dolan:
Never pay any attention to what he says.

Dan Ward:
This client of mine, the one I was telling you about...

Jimmy Dolan:
Yes?

Dan Ward:
He wants to see you this afternoon.

Barbara Barry:
We're good!

Jimmy Dolan, Barbara Barry:
[singing] We're good, we're good!

Dan Ward:
Can you be there at three?

Jimmy Dolan:
Can we be there at three?

Jerry Dolan:
Can we be there at three?

Barbara Barry:
We'll be there at five minutes to three!

Richard Barry:
Boss or no boss, how about a date for lunch?

Margaret Allen:
Oh, I couldn't possibly...

Richard Barry:
Oh, be a sport. You're even with me now, aren't you?

Margaret Allen:
I'm ahead of you.

Richard Barry:
When will it be?

Margaret Allen:
Oh, Friday at one?

Richard Barry:
Fine, at the Savoy?

Radio Station Receptionist:
Say, Margaret, isn't he one of our competitors?

Margaret Allen:
As far as I'm concerned, he has no competition.

Barbara Barry:
I didn't think I was gonna like you at first, but I like you now.

Simon Peck:
You do?

Barbara Barry:
Yes, your eyebrows are so nice and ragged.

Barbara Barry:
Do you know to play piggyback?

Simon Peck:
No, I don't think I do.

Barbara Barry:
Oh, it's easy. Stand up. Now turn around.

Simon Peck:
Like this?

Barbara Barry:
Now I put my arms around your neck, and you go like this, "Ride a cock to Banbury Cross to see a fine lady upon a white horse. Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes, she shall have music wherever she goes!" You run around and around while you sing it. Take my legs.

Simon Peck:
[running and singing] Ride a cockhorse to Banbury Cross, to see a fine lady upon a white horse! [a man enters his office] You get out! Can't you see I'm in conference? [He continues running and singing] Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes...

Barbara Barry:
Woah!

Simon Peck:
What?

Barbara Barry:
Do you always tell people to get out?

Simon Peck:
I do when I'm engaged in important business!

Jimmy Dolan:
Didn't I tell you all we needed was a break? Thirteen weeks on the dotted line, signed and sealed.

Jerry Dolan:
Oh, it's wonderful, Jimmy. I just hope we click.

Jimmy Dolan:
Oh, we'll knock 'em dead.

Barbara Barry:
Do we have to kill people?

Jimmy Dolan:
Oh, we won't kill them, we'll just slay 'em.

Jimmy Dolan:
My goodness, she sneezed! Get a doctor, quick! Maybe we should put her to bed. Maybe we should...

Barbara Barry:
Why don't you just say saluti?

Jimmy Dolan:
Huh?

Jerry Dolan:
How about gesundheit?

Barbara Barry:
Danke sch?n!

Margaret Allen:
You'll drown in your own soapsuds yet.

Richard Barry:
I'm afraid I can't afford to drown now. You know, you look very lovely tonight.

Margaret Allen:
Here, have a cocktail. It'll help sustain the illusion.

Margaret Allen:
Why do you have to be so stubborn?

Richard Barry:
You're the one that's being stubborn. Oh, why do I have to marry a girl like you?

Margaret Allen:
Who said you had to? Who said you're going to? Why, I wouldn't marry you if...

Richard Barry:
You'll marry me if I want you to.

Jerry Dolan:
You know, we're a couple of heels, running out on the kid like this.

Jimmy Dolan:
I know, but...

Jerry Dolan:
Yeah, and a couple of crooks, too.

Jimmy Dolan:
You're right. Everybody knows Dolan & Dolan, and they know we had the kid.

Jerry Dolan:
Yeah, and if we run away, it'll look worse.

Jimmy Dolan:
Let's go back and face them.