Popular

April Tuna:
Hi Lily E., Josh Ford, I was wondering if you would like to form a m?nage?

Josh Ford:
I'm failing Spanish April, no el comprende.

Lily Esposito:
April! Do you know what that word means? It's... inappropriate.

April Tuna:
Does she use five syllable words like that in bed? BRING IT!

Mary Cherry:
We're smart, we're witty, and we've got asses that rock!

Harrison John:
Eat me, Nicole.

Nicole Julian:
Sorry hon, I'm on appetite suppressants.

Cherry Cherry:
[about daughter Mary Cherry] She may not be smart or pretty, but she's as loyal as a rottweiler!

Cherry Cherry:
I'm Cherry Cherry. Mother of... Mary Cherry.

[Mary Cherry isn't happy with the pretty Asian exchange student]

Mary Cherry:
Exquisite, my ass!... Which Rocks!

Mary Cherry:
[after being shown a cheer routine] Do we have to do those splits? I'm a Christian.

Nicole Julian:
Sugar D., stop staring at Mary Cherry like she's a Hot Pocket.

Nicole Julian:
Sure, I'll put Carmen on the squad. When hell freezes over and/or Melissa Joan Hart gets nominated for an Oscar.

Nicole Julian:
You'll play right into Sam's cold, unmoisturized hands.

Mary Cherry:
This is worse than Kathie Lee Gifford singing cabaret!

Mary Cherry:
I lied about my secret. it's actually more shockin' and scandalous than all yours combined. I slept with Josh too, and Joe at the same time.

Josh Ford:
Hey! I'm not like that!

Mary Cherry:
Shut your dirty whore mouth, player player! But two men folk could not satisfy my carnal cravings. That's why Lily... slept with us too.

Lily Esposito:
I did not!

Mary Cherry:
Stop lyin', lil Lilly, you loved it!

Lily Esposito:
[on top of Mary Cherry beating her against the sofa] Mary Cherry, you are a total liar. I hate liars and I hate you!

Mary Cherry:
Oh, give me... just give me a minute!

Lily Esposito:
What?

Mary Cherry:
Stop trying to kiss me, Lily.

Carmen Ferrara:
[after catching Mary Cherry peeping on the boys in the shower] OK, I have to turn you in, 'cause this is wrong.

Mary Cherry:
No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Carmen, wouldn't you like to know everything there is to know about the mysterious, the debonair... Josh?

Carmen Ferrara:
Get rid of that fog, Mary Cherry.

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
What in the name of Bob Vila is going on here?

Mary Cherry:
It's her fault. She slipped me a ruffie!

Mary Cherry:
[after finding out they have been locked in the girls bathroom] Oh, my God, y'all. We're *caged*!

Mary Cherry:
What's it gonna take to get me on that squad? Everybody's got a price, even you, whore of Babylon.

Nicole Julian:
Funny you should mention demands, back-seat tease. I did some doodling in study hall. Now, obviously I'm a girl in need. However, seeing as we have history, I've decided to lower the list of demands from 300 to 1. Give me your knee.

Mary Cherry:
Never. I draw the line at amputation. But, um, I tell you what. I'll give you my uterus and we'll call it a day, okay?

Police Officer:
I'm gonna have to give you a ticket

Cherry Cherry:
And I'm gonna have to give you the finger.

Police Officer:
That's it. I'm booking you! Spread 'em!

Cherry Cherry:
Only after a wedding proposal and a credit check!

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
You know what, Brooke? Cancel my subscription, I'm over your issues.

Nicole Julian:
Our next nominee - a size 10 - Mary Cherry!

Cherry Cherry:
Dang! She does look as big as a house, don't she?

Nicole Julian:
[after Carmen ripped off her shirt] What are you looking at, Salmonella?

April Tuna:
A quivering mound of scary flesh. And that's President Salmonella to you. You gonna crawl out the window?

Nicole Julian:
No, I'm leaving the same way I came in. Good day.

Harrison John:
Mary Cherry, you are the most beautiful women in the world. Will you please cha-cha with me and be my lady?

Mary Cherry:
I'd thought you'd never ask, Jose. Shake your booty!

Mary Cherry:
I went to Freaknik in Hotlanta and turned the mother out!

Harrison John:
I thought that you of all people at this school would be different.

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
I am different.

Harrison John:
You want to be unique, sure. Just like everyone else.

Nicole Julian:
The b*tch is back.

Nicole Julian:
[about Brooke] I am going to get that b*tch.

Mr. McQueen:
Are you drunk? I'm calling your mother.

Nicole Julian:
Do you think she cares? She doesn't. In fact, the only time I ever get any attention around her is when I've done something particularily horrible. So I guess tonight at prom I'll have to outdo myself.

Big Girl:
[wants to fight] Do you like pain?

Nicole Julian:
Not in this context.

Nicole Julian:
[after punching out a girl for Cherry Cherry] I am one tough b*tch.

Mary Cherry:
[amazed] You had my back!

Nicole Julian:
[pause] No one but me gets to push you around.

Nicole Julian:
[to Brooke] Maybe 10 years of vomiting has ruptured your ear drums.

Brooke McQueen:
You're going to apologize to Sam and call George and tell him you can't go to prom. Do you hear me? Are you getting this? You're not going because its the right thing to do.

Nicole Julian:
You are so full of sh*t. Everything I told Sam was true. You are setting everything up so that Harrison compares you to her and chooses you. The only reason you want George free is so she has someone to fall on.

Brooke McQueen:
That's not true.

Nicole Julian:
I know you Brooke, I know you hate to lose. And i know you thing you hate me right now. But you really will, when one day you step into Harrison's house and see me straddling him.

Brooke McQueen:
[slaps her]

Nicole Julian:
[slaps her back] Don't mess with me Brooke.

Brooke McQueen:
You are not going to prom. I will see to that.

Nicole Julian:
I am going, and there's nothing you can do about it. And if you think that I"m scared of you throwing your weight around...

[blows lightly]

Nicole Julian:
...step on a scale.

Josh Ford:
Damn! [punshes table]

Lily Esposito:
[flinch]

Josh Ford:
[shocked] Lily why are you flinching? Baby, you know I would never hurt you. Why did you flinch?

Lily Esposito:
[crying] I don't know.

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
I miss you so much Dad. I ache over it. I don't like the person I've become. I know you know I'm in a henious living situation now. In my heart I know you want my mom to be happy and she's trying so hard but I keep screwing it up. I feel like I never had the chance to say good-bye to you.

Brooke McQueen:
[sarcastic] Are we having fun yet?

Nicole Julian:
J.Lo has no shame. If I had an ass that big I wouldn't leave the house.

Brooke McQueen:
Are you spying on me now?

Mike McQueen:
Should I be?

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
[tied up] I've lost feeling in my fingers.

Mary Cherry:
Aw. Poor boiling water over Sam's hands.

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
No I'm good!

Lily Esposito:
Herbal things. They guarantee breat size enlargement in days!

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
They're snake oil!

Lily Esposito:
I don't care what they're made of I need breasts!

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
Drop those pills!

Carmen Ferrara:
What is it?

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
Sorry. Therapist/Client priveledge.

Harrison John:
I am also forced to admit that Brooke's other accusations are also true. I have been taking painkillers... for pain! And the reason is... I have Leukemia. Therefore, I'm withdrawing from the race. Because I have to fight my own battles. And until I do, I'm in no way ready to fight yours. And Brooke... as in fact the winner, I hope that you learned a lesson a good friend of mine just taught me. That when darkness approaches, you have to muster your courage... and harness your strength... and stare it straight in the eye, because that's the only way you can live with yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, my best friend Sam's going to take me to the hospital.

Mike McQueen:
[referring to Brooke's pork chops] Sam, you barely touched anything on your plate.

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
Oh I am a vegetarian.

Jane McPherson:
Since when?

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
Since I bit into those pork chops.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Is Mary Cherry retarded?

Wanda Ricketts:
I want pie.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Popita Fresh? You're humming, you're bopping... I'd say you're almost mm-bopping.

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
Just listenin' to Jenny Lopez.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Huh. I thought she had a lower voice... and didn't sing in triplicate. I've got you, chola!

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
Go to heck! I don't need to stand here listening to your ethnic slurs, biyotch.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
I was merely speaking Latina, the way you did last week, Poppy.

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
I was out sick for three weeks with the Sydney flu. My fever was so high, I was seeing koala bears.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Or was it pigs, as in "Bay of"?

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
I wasn't in Cuba!

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Actually, I think you didn't have the flu at all. Instead, isn't it true that you are secretly the internacional chapter president of the Hanson Fan Club? And have been on a goodwill mission to bring bad music to an island paradise that is 15 years behind us?

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
Okay! I've tried everything! Aversion therapy. Alternative rock counseling. The Backstreet Boys. I can't shake my Hanson addiction. I'm so uncool.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Listening to Alanis is uncool. Listening to Hanson is pathetic.

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
[crying] I need help.

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
You need me, chiquita.

Harrison:
Brooke. I met God.

Brooke:
Excuse me?

Harrison:
God. She came to visit the hospital. She carried a schedule.

Brooke:
I think you need to take down some of those angel posters and put up some Marilyn Manson.

Nicole Julian:
No one can break me.

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
Can you repeat exactly what you said to Miss Esposito this morning?

Josh Ford:
I said 'damn. Where you been hiding those.'

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
I see. Miss Esposito, how did you feel when he said that?

Lily Esposito:
I felt... trashy. Dirty. I didn't like it.

Josh Ford:
Look, I didn't say anything bad, I gave her a compliment. Something that would make any normal girl feel good about herself.

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
Pretend Miss Esposito is your mother going out. Go ahead. Say something to make her feel good about herself.

Josh Ford:
[silent]

Lily Esposito:
Someone getting an epiphany?

Harrison John:
Describe what you would want Miss McPherson to wear on this date.

Harrison John:
Fine, I know what you want me to say, you're right. A nice dress, a little cleavage... some leg.

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
Now imagine your little sister in her place. An innocent, a baby you held in your hands. How would you feel if she went on a date dressed as you described what you wanted Miss McPherson to wear?

Mary Cherry:
Oh, my God! Y'all! This is just like that movie "Alive!", where... where rational people, abandoned in nature, go mad with hunger and eat each other like lust-crazed cannibals! And my blood sugar's plummetin' by the minute.

Nicole Julian:
Well, FYI kids, if I gotta munch a bunch on any of these Birkenstock wearers, I'm gonna need a lot of Tabasco, which we don't have.

Mary Cherry:
[pulls out a bottle of Tabasco from her purse] How you doin' Carm?

Cherry Cherry:
Adam Rothchild Ryan?

Adam Rotchild Ryan:
Here.

Cherry Cherry:
Damn! I bet your real name's Alice, ain't it?

Cherry Cherry:
What the hell is that? Somebody smells like old lady?

Nicole Julian:
Come on Krupps, you know you want it. [Nicole jumps on Principal Krupps]

Principal Calvin Krupps:
Ms. Julian! Dismount me!

Lily Esposito:
[someone has written FAG across her locker] Leave it on. I want people to see what hatred looks like.

Harrison John:
Hey everybody! This is Exquisite Woo.

Mary Cherry:
[pulls Exquisite by her arm] Let's get one thing straight China girl. The only thing exquisite at this school is my ass!

Nicole Julian:
Excuse me. Nicole Julian and Stone Cold are like fashion and anorexia. They go together. Thank you.

Mary Cherry:
Well, I'd do anything to be a scream queen, Mr. Director Man. Anything!

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
Why aren't you under the table?

Nicole Julian:
Because if I wanted to play dust mop, I'd have worn your clothes.

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
Falling bricks, Cherry! Take cover!

Principal Calvin Krupps:
Let me just start by saying, I am not a policeman.

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
But I bet you own the outfit.

Nicole Julian:
Vera Krupps is one of God's typos.

April Tuna:
Gosh. I'm a freakin' fox!

Mary Cherry:
Its a vicious circle. Work spend work spend. I cannot be poor under these conditions!

Lily Esposito:
It's a lot easier when you don't have a choice.

Brooke McQueen:
What is your problem?

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
Brooke, don't.

Brooke McQueen:
No, I want to know. Would it kill you to be nice?

Ashley #3:
I'm not trying to get invited to your Christmas party Marcia Brady, I just don't want to talk about food!

Ashley #3:
Why is he here? Clearly we don't have the same problem.

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
People call me 'Sugar'

Ashley #3:
And I bet you answer

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
Those girls look at me and see everything they hate about themselves.

Harrison John:
Brooke, all this is just about proving to yourself that you are a good person.

Brooke McQueen:
If that's what you think then you don't know me.

Mary Cherry:
Hey, I don't hear those keys a-clickin' Miss Agatha Christie!

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
I have lost feeling in my fingers.

Mary Cherry:
Oh! Olga, be a hon would you, and run some boiling water over her hands?

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
No! No, no. Let's, let's, let's continue.

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
No, no! You cannot hold me hostage here!

Mary Cherry:
I think you underestimate the power of my will!

[pulls out duct tape]

Samantha 'Sam' McPherson:
[eyes widen]

George Austin:
How can I vote for someone I'm allergic to?

April Tuna:
Shut up, all of you! Don't you see the end is near? Get with it! We slave over homework, we get in trouble with our parents, and for what? I know I, for one, would like to escape... to another planet. If elected student council planet, I aim not to fight alien visitation, but welcome it. I propose to convert Kennedy High's football field into a UFO welcoming station. *They're coming*!

Clarence:
Harrison, I can't thank you enough for my Christmas present. That is the ugliest, cheapest-ass tree I've ever seen.

Clarence:
YOU BLEW UP THE WORLD MAN!

Harrison John:
[about to commit suicide] What are you doing here?

Clarence:
I'm an angel. [thunder rumbles] Angel-in-training. I get my wings if I help you. So please, don't do anything stupid and jeopardize my career.

Mary Cherry:
Sugar D, look at my new lips. I'm one sex poutin' lady. Whatever it takes, Nic'll do it.

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
What if I ask for something... [inhales deeply then smiles] forbidden?

Nicole Julian:
Sometimes the only way to get beyond the thrill of that forbidden fruit... [whispers seductively] is to taste it!

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
Ok, I will help you, if I can lose myself in the pillowy softness of Mary Cherry's new lips.

Mary Cherry:
What? No! I'm holding out for Joe! or Justin Timberlake.

Nicole Julian:
You owe me, Cherry! You stole my knee! Sugar, do our bidding and Mary Cherry will let you, for a one time use only, have your way with her tawdry, posturepedic [whispers] mouth!

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
Ladies, you have yourself a cameraman.

Nicole Julian:
[after Principal Krupps shows Sugar D's hidden camera... turns to Mary Cherry] B*tch! I'm gonna kill you!

Mary Cherry:
[hides behind Sugar D] No! No Nic! Nic, I tried to stay strong. But if I get suspended, I'd be off the Glamazons.

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
Yeah! And I'd get kicked off the team and my boys need me right now in a time of crisis.

Mary Cherry:
We realized the only thing worse than violating the sacred trust of our friendship would be being unpopular. The ultimate, heinous taboo!

Nicole Julian:
[smacks Mary Cherry's forehead]

Mary Cherry:
Ow!

Nicole Julian:
In one hour, I'll have a new right knee cap. And once again, I'll be perfect. Thanks, Mary Cherry.

Mary Cherry:
As you know, Nic, I'll do anything to be popular. Anything! Hey, um, is that anesthetic Darvon drip taking effect, hon? Just count backwards from the number of your last sexual partner.

Nicole Julian:
Nine hundred nine, 908... [lost consciousness]

Mary Cherry:
Yeah. I'll do anything to be popular... except vandalize my stunning beauty. Now, who's knee cap can I buy thus reeling in status yet remaining scar-free?

Nicole Julian:
You track down that personal shopper, find a hole in Gwynnie's schedule.

Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino:
I barely know the guy!

Nicole Julian:
If I wanted your opinion, the subject would be pancakes. Dial!

Miss Roberta 'Bobbi' Glass:
I am the original 'Town Without Pity,' people.

Mary Cherry:
Okay, Popita, I made flash cards. Now, tell me what the word means 'cause we're being tested in Bio on definitions. [shows flash card with the word "Paramecium"]

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
Paramecium. Oh, that's a hard one. Is a... n algae-based...

Mary Cherry:
Whew! Sorry, ding-a-ling. It's a single cell. Moving on and praying hard for you... [shows next flash card with the words "Tom Ford]

Poppita 'Poppy' Fresh:
[gasps] I know this one. Gay, fabulously successful head designer for Gucci!

Mary Cherry:
Whoo! Ding ding ding! Very good.

Nicole Julian:
[surprised] Okay, hi! That's not gonna be on the test.

Mary Cherry:
Well, it should be.

Wanda Rickets:
I'm teen trash.