Producing Parker

Parker:
How dare you? You're the worst best friend ever.

Dee:
But I thought best friends share everything.

Parker:
Yeah, with each other. But a best friend doesn't put her best friend's fanoodle on TV for the entire world to see.

Chicago Hyatt:
Yeah, that's what the Internet's for.

Dee:
Honey, my mostly female and gay male demographic don't want just a great renovator. They want eye candy. That's the fantasy, darling. Getting nailed by the handyman. Don't you watch pornos?

Simon Nolan:
Why does Losers Anonymous care about the environment?

Dee:
Because it's a lost cause.

Simon Nolan:
Look, it's not a party unless if someone pukes or gets in a fight.

Parker Kovak:
It wasn't that bad.

Dee:
Your dog bit me.

Parker Kovak:
Yeah, but you bit him first.

Dee:
Either way, it was traumatic.

[first lines]

Parker Kovak:
Oh my God! It's disgusting. It's repulsive. It's downright disrespectful.

Simon Nolan:
[looking at Chicago's flashing underwear] It's not as good as yesterday. She wasn't wearing underwear.

Parker Kovak:
Not her. This. [hands over a wedding invitation card]

Chicago Hyatt:
I don't believe in pants.

Parker Kovak:
And apparently underwear on some days.

Chicago Hyatt:
Tuesdays and Thursdays. It has to breathe.

Parker Kovak:
Sorry, I'm just not that kind of girl.

Chicago Hyatt:
Well, I am. Give him over.

Chicago Hyatt:
Parker, don't you know Chicago's number one rule of life?

Parker Kovak:
[guessing] Don't work too hard?

Chicago Hyatt:
No, that's rule number two. Rule number one is this: Something is only embarrassing when you're embarrassed.

Parker Kovak:
That actually makes sense to me.