Real Husbands of Hollywood

Lance Bass:
Same time next week?

Kevin Hart:
Ain't no same time. Get your ass out.

Lance Bass:
What? I thought we had fun.

Kevin Hart:
This wasn't fun. Let's go over the reasons why. I got $5000 stolen from me, don't know where my Black Card is, and on top of that, I sniffed some panties which left what seems to be a herpes on my lip! No, if I wanted to go out with you again, Lance, that would that I would have to be sick in the head.

Lance Bass:
Ha-ha!

Kevin Hart:
You don't know this about me.

Kevin Hart:
I got a condition.

Kevin Hart:
I got tourettes.

Kevin Hart:
So, from time to time, I'm talking...

Kevin Hart:
Da - Oh, dang, sh - [bleep] !

Kevin Hart:
You see what I'm saying?

Kevin Hart:
I don't have control over it.

Kevin Hart:
It's a disorder, you know?

Kevin Hart:
But, what's going on?

Kevin Hart:
Me and Bella were talking, which...

Kevin Hart:
God [bleep] , she's fine!

Sugar Shane Mosley:
What?

Kevin Hart:
No, man, no, man...

Kevin Hart:
From my tourettes perspective.

Kevin Hart:
That's not me.

Kevin Hart:
Let me tell you something, Robin. You? Your little 15 minutes of fame you had is up, baby. Done. What you need to do is return your style and Paula back to black people.

Kevin Hart:
We were talking about a charity that was trying to get you to fight it, right?

Sugar Shane Mosley:
What charity?

Kevin Hart:
Uh, it's a charity for kids with Tourette's, like me.

Sugar Shane Mosley:
Yeah, I'll do it.

Kevin Hart:
Yeah.

Sugar Shane Mosley:
If I can pick my victim.

Kevin Hart:
Yeah! Of course! Nick Cannon will be somebody good for you to fight.

Sugar Shane Mosley:
How about you?

Kevin Hart:
Mother - [bleep] - you done lost your mind if you think I'm - I'm sorry. That's not me, that's Tourette's again.

Kevin Hart:
If this is me and you, let's do something different, like, skip or walk race! You ever walk race?

Sugar Shane Mosley:
Have your people call my people, mother - [bleep] [pushes Kevin's head with his finger]

Kevin Hart:
Okay.

Sugar Shane Mosley:
That's not tourettes!

Kevin Hart:
I know. That was your finger. Right. Right.

Kevin Hart:
All right, guys. Hey, drive safe! [JB laughs. Shane and Bella drive off] Right. What the f - [bleep] was that, Oliver?

Oliver Grant:
I tried to warn you about a car!

Kevin Hart:
You didn't try to warn me about nothing! You... you're supposed to be my bodyguard.

Oliver Grant:
I'm your assistant.

Kevin Hart:
You're my everything!

Trina Shaw:
I've been getting emails, phone calls all day long congratulating you on coming out of the closet about your condition. You are the Frank Ocean of tourettes. Huh?

Kevin Hart:
All right, first of all, how is this gonna be Mr. Magnum to Frank ocean? Huh? Second - Look. Listen to me, Trina, okay? I'm not gonna f - [bleep] do it!

Trina Shaw:
Okay, your tourettes is getting worse, okay?.

Kevin Hart:
Trina, don't...

Kevin Hart:
[in confessional] You know, sometimes it takes handling from your boys to make you realize your own potential.

Kevin Hart:
I mean, JB and Oliver both made me realize that Shane's no better than me.

Kevin Hart:
I mean, we're the same height - give or take an inch or few, in his favor - we're the same weight, uh, both divorced, AND he's like 45 years older than me.

Kevin Hart:
Yes, I think I can beat Shane's old ass.

Kevin Hart:
Now that you can walk, Regina, do us both a favor, and walk over there to that door. And when you get there, I want you to basically get the f - [bleep] - ck out! Because we are doing a scene!

Sanaa Lathan:
Kevin! How dare you talk to Regina like that.

Kevin Hart:
I'm not talking to Regina like nothing.

Regina Hall:
You are lucky that Boris has me on a spiritual man, because if he didn't, I would take this newly working foot and I would shove it so far up your tight - [bleep] - that I would so f - [bleep] - ck your little brain. God don't like ugly, and that is you.

Kevin Hart:
[to Trina] This - This is getting sad. No trust means no relationship. I don't know that girl! [in confessional] I know exactly who that is. Me and Charmagne are what you would call, uh, "secretly dating." She's a bank teller/gangster rapper. A straight up bangster. That's what we call them in the business. See, as you can tell, I'm one of those guys who likes to keep it real, which is why I met her. You want to know what else is real? [holds up an erotic picture of Charmagne in a bikini] This. That's why I'm in trouble. Guess I'd better go handle that.

Anger Management Guy:
Now, I like to begin my session with a positive visualization. I'm gonna close my eyes and tell you what I see, okay?

Faizon Love:
Is this like "wax on, wax off"?

Anger Management Guy:
A gold - Kind of. A gold white light - a rainbow light of positivity of which no negativity can enter. Now, close your eyes. Tell me what you see.

Faizon Love:
[closes eyes; inhales and exhales] [singsong] 2 Chainz! [laughs] I just bought it. I downloaded the CD. It's good!

Customer:
[in confessional] I was racist until today. That little monkey saved my life. Go, Obama!

Charmagne:
Why do the bank robbers got my money, Kevin? Huh? How do the bank robbers got my money? My baby is gonna need a tattoo!

Kevin Hart:
A tattoo on what? The baby's a fetus!

Kevin Hart:
Listen to me. Listen to me! Stop, stop! Stop walking! Stop it! Stop! [voice breaking] You have no idea what my day's been like today, okay? I'm at a bank, I get my - robber - money taken and stuff, I'm out here in the...

Charmagne:
Kevin, are you crying?

Kevin Hart:
No... my allergies just act up when I get sad.

Kevin Hart:
I'd like to make a withdrawal... two months ago.

Charmagne:
What are you doing here, Kevin?

Kevin Hart:
I'm here because you called my lawyer talking about your nonsense about you being pregant.

Charmagne:
It ain't no nonsense, okay, I am pregnant. And I'm gonna need some money, Kevin, all right? My baby needs diapers, clothes, studio time...

Kevin Hart:
Studio time?

Charmagne:
Mm-hmm.

Kevin Hart:
What the hell? Are you trying to tell me the baby rapping already?

Charmagne:
That's where it happened, and don't act like you don't remember.

Kevin Hart:
Hey, lower your voice! You're putting my business out here in this bank.

Charmagne:
You're gonna have to pay me, all right? Or I'm gonna let all of the blocks know about our baby, all right? And I'm gonna send that video in of you sounding like a little punk. I keep "Media Takeout" on speed dial, boo, okay?

Kevin Hart:
Listen...

Charmagne:
So meet me tonight at the boathouse by the lake with $100,000.

Kevin Hart:
$100,000?

Charmagne:
That's what I said.

Kevin Hart:
Oh, you done bumped your big ass head. I ain't giving you no $100,000. I just gave you $90,000 to produce your last mixed tape with Dre! You forgot about that?

Charmagne:
Okay, so, you know what? You want to play? You want to play with me? Okay, I got you. [yelling] Look, everybody!

Kevin Hart:
Whoa...

Charmagne:
Kevin Hart is a little freak with a little...

Kevin Hart:
Hey - hey, girl! Hey, girl! Put it down! Lower it!