Risky Business

Miles:
"My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place?"

Joel Goodson:
When it came right down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.

Miles:
That should never stop you.

Joel Goodson:
Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.

Lana:
Go to school, Joel. Learn something.

Jackie:
It's what you want. It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

Joel Goodson:
College women can smell ignorance... like dog sh*t.

Miles:
Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the f***." "What the f***" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

Miles:
Say "what the f***."... If you can't say it, you can't do it.

Lana:
Are you ready for me... Ralph?

Joel's Mother:
Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

Joel Goodson:
So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?

Lana:
That's right.

Joel Goodson:
Or a pimp?

Lana:
Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

Lana:
So, how're we doin'?

Joel Goodson:
Looks like University of Illinois!

Miles:
I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

Joel Goodson:
Porsche. There is no substitute.

Miles:
F*** you.

Joel's Father:
Sometimes you just gotta say "what the heck."

Miles:
Sometimes you gotta say "What the F***", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the F***", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity brings freedom. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.

Joel Goodson:
Yeah.

Miles:
What the f***.

Joel Goodson:
It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

Joel Goodson:
My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Guido:
Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever f*** with another man's livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.

Service Manager:
Who's the U-Boat Commander?

Joel Goodson:
Looks like the University of Illinois!

Guido:
Listen to me.

Joel Goodson:
No, no. You listen to ME!

Joel Goodson:
Sh*t!

Joel Goodson:
You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.

Guido:
A-hole?

Joel Goodson:
I want my stuff back right now.

Guido:
Now you listen to me, you little f***. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

Joel Goodson:
I don't think I am going to say, "What the f***?" anymore

Joel Goodson:
It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

“You ever get high Joel?”

•••I am dying to know the next few lines and cannot find it anywhere!!! Lol

In a sluggish economy, never ever f*** with another man's livelihood.

Miles:
What happened?

Joel:
Last night?

Miles:
That's right - with Kessler.

Joel:
She was babysitting down the street...

Miles:
We know that!

Joel:
So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...

Miles:
That could happen.

Joel:
...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says 'I think I'm in the mood.'

Barry:
She said that? What did you say?

Joel:
I didn't have to say anything.

Glenn:
Whatcha do?

Joel:
What do you think I did?

Glenn:
I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.

[Barry makes a wacking off noise with his cheek]

Miles:
I disagree. Did you have your bike there?

Joel:
Yeah.

Miles:
I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!

[The guys laugh]

Miles:
No guts, Goodson.

Joel:
Yeah, you know, when it came right down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.

Miles:
That should never stop you.

Joel:
She seemed too big.

Miles:
It could've worked out!

Joel:
I figured I would've gotten into trouble somehow.

Miles:
Sometimes you have to say, "What the f***!" Make your move!

Joel:
That's easy for you to say. I mean, you're all set, you're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!

Miles:
Joel, you wanna know something?

Joel:
What?

Miles:
Every now and then, say "What the f***." "What the f***" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future... So your folks are going out of town.

Joel:
Tomorrow.

Miles:
You got the place all to yourself.

Joel:
Yeah.

Miles:
"What the f***." If you can't say it, you can't do it.

Lana:
This is a beautiful place, Ralph. Is it all yours?

Joel:
It's my folks', actually.

Lana:
Do you know what it's worth?

Joel:
A lot, probably.

Lana:
Oh, yeah! Real estate? It's fabulous!

Joel:
Look, Lana... uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.

Lana:
Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks...Joel.

Joel:
You're kidding.

Lana:
No, I don't believe that I am.

Joel:
Can I send it to you?

Lana:
Can you send it to me, Joel?

Joel:
Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.

Lana:
How much do you have?

Joel:
I have 50 dollars.

Lana:
50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?

Joel:
I don't know.

[pauses]

Joel:
I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.

Lana:
I'm not good at waiting for people.

Joel:
I'll be quick.

Lana:
Give it a try.

Joel:
So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?

Lana:
That's right.

Joel:
Or a pimp?

Lana:
Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

Miles:
I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

Joel:
You're right. You are absolutely right to respond this way. I did not have a doctor's appointment. But I will tell you exactly what happened. "Unexcused." You see, Nurse Bolan lf you write "unexcused," I fail two mid-terms. It'll wreck my whole grade point average! If you'd just stop and listen to me, I'll explain everything. The truth is, my parents are away, and I met this girl. A call girl, actually. She came to my house. Look, you're writing again! This is not "unexcused"! If you will just listen to me, then you'll understand, Nurse Bolan. Why? Why won't you listen to me? [Nurse Bolen waves goodbye to Joel]

Girl:
I had a doctor's appointment.

Joel:
[pushing the girl out of the way] Excuse me. It wasn't the girl, it was my father's car. I put my father's car into Lake Michigan and I had to get it fixed. [Nurse Bolan waves goodbye again] Just give me a break. [grabs Nurse Bolan by her lapels] Let me put it this way. I have spent the last four years of my life busting my butt in this shithole! I'm sorry. I don't think I can leave until I get just a little compassion from you.

Joel:
Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.

Lana:
What's wrong with that?

Joel:
I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

Joel's Father:
Haven't I been telling you. Every once in awhile you just got to say, "what the heck" and take some chances.

Joel:
You are so right.

Joel Goodson:
[voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

Joel Goodson:
[about Lana] It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.

Lana:
I'm really trying to be friends with you. But I'd appreciate it if you'd stop laying these little judgments on me while you're leaning on your daddy's $40,000 car.

Guido:
Joel, you look like a smart kid. I'm going to tell you something I'm sure you'll understand. You're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? The time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never ever f*** with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart, and I hope you are, you're not gonna make me come back here.

Joel'S Mother:
Just use your best judgment. We trust you.