Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Amy:
[giving the traffic report, cheerfully] We're f***ed, Bob.

Penny:
I promise not to steal anything if you promise not to rape me.

Dodge:
Agreed.

Roache:
So, you wanna double stuff that cookie with me?

Dodge:
I just can't spend the last month of my life getting to know someone. It's ridiculous.

Diane:
You don't like Karen?

Dodge:
I couldn't possibly give a sh*t. I am not gonna sit across from someone and hear all their stories, even if she was someone I could be interested in, because I just... I'm not sure that the month between my wife leaving me and the end of the world sounds like good timing. Do you?

Penny:
I don't know, I just... I love records. I mean, they're not for everyone, you know? You really have to take care of vinyl. It's very delicate, it can get wrecked so easily. You really have to love it. Do you hear how full it sounds? Now, what you want to buy is a thicker record. They're more stable. The grooves in them are sort of deeper and wider. You get more detail. I mean, they're harder to carry around 'cause they're heavier, but they're worth it. You know, my parents have this... It's an amazing turntable. It's vintage, cherry wood Victor 45. Oh! Perfect tone. All the original parts. I can't wait to hear it again.

Warren:
This isn't the f***ing ark, Diane! This is the Titanic! And there is not a life raft in sight.

Penny:
God, it's the end of the world, and I'm still 15 minutes late.

Dodge:
How did you learn to cook like this?

Penny:
I watched everything my mum did, and did the exact opposite.

Penny:
You're a really nice person.

Dodge:
You are an awful judge of character.

Warren:
Put on some Radiohead. I want to do heroin to Radiohead.

[last lines]

Penny:
I don't want to fall asleep. Okay? Don't let me fall asleep. Promise.

Dodge:
I promise. What about your parents?

Penny:
They're romantics. They understand. Besides, they've got each other. I just want to be with you.

Dodge:
And I want to be with you.

Penny:
I couldn't live without you. No matter how long. What do we do now?

Dodge:
I just want to lay here with you. Just want to talk to you.

Penny:
Okay. What are we gonna talk about?

Dodge:
Where'd you grow up?

Penny:
Well, I was born in Surrey. My whole family are from there. My mum was a journalist before she married my dad. They never fought. Or at least we never heard them fight. Charlie's the oldest, then Benny, then me. We had a sister but she died when she was born. I still think about her.

[*explosion*]

Penny:
Oh God.

Dodge:
What was her name? What was your sister's name?

Penny:
Patricia. Patricia Hope Lockhart.

Dodge:
That's beautiful. That's a beautiful name.

Penny:
I wish I'd met you a long time ago. When we were kids.

Dodge:
It couldn't have happened any other way. It had to happen now.

Penny:
But it isn't enough time.

Dodge:
It never would have been.

Penny:
I'm scared.

Dodge:
I... am madly in love with you, Penny. You're my favorite, favorite thing.

Penny:
I thought that somehow we'd save each other.

Dodge:
We did. Penny. I'm really glad I got to know you.

[first lines]

Radio Announcer:
OK, what we're getting now is - yes, they're saying it was in fact a fire that erupted inside the external tank of the ship, exactly ninety-eight seconds after it entered the asteroid field. No one is sure what caused the fire which led to the massive explosion, killing all twelve crew members and scientists aboard the space shuttle Deliverance, taking with them our last and only hope. Once again, if you're just tuning in, the CSA space shuttle Deliverance has been destroyed. The final mission to save mankind has failed. The seventy mile wide asteroid known commonly as Matilda is set to collide with Earth in exactly three weeks time, and we'll be bringing you up-to-the-minute coverage of our countdown to the 'End of Days', along with *all* your classic rock favorites. This is Q 107.2.

Dodge:
[listening on the car radio] I think we missed the exit.

Penny:
Hello, officer, what seems to be the problem?

Officer Wally Johnson:
Well, for starters, you're driving at 15 miles over speed limit.

Penny:
Really? Huh, I thought I was making better time than that.

Officer Wally Johnson:
And uh, you know you got a tail light out.

Penny:
No...

Officer Wally Johnson:
Yeah... also, your plates... expired about a month ago.

Penny:
Go on.

Officer Wally Johnson:
Uh... that's it. That's everything. That's three things.

Penny:
Ah, why don't you write us out any number of expensive time-sensitive tickets and we'll be on our way?

Officer Wally Johnson:
May I have some identification?

Penny:
Yes, of course. My name is Penny and this is Dodge.

Officer Wally Johnson:
Okay. License and registration.

Penny:
Well you see that's where we got a problem because I didn't get a chance to retrieve my identification before fleeing my home during a deadly riot. However, we were fortunate enough to hitch a ride with a very nice trucker who turns out, hired a hit man to assist him in a suicide thus bestowing us with this. This beautiful mode of transportation. So... the answer is no... no license or registration here. However, given the current situation with the *** whistles while pointing to the sky *** couldn't you find it in your heart to set aside the law, just this once, and let us on our way so that I can give my friend here a fighting chance of being with the one he loves before we all reach our untimely conclusion?

Officer Wally Johnson:
No.

Dodge:
Wow. You have a lot of guns, and a lot of potato chips.

Warren:
[walks in drinking]

Diane:
Please, Warren. Couldn't we just have a few sober moments tonight?

Warren:
This is the last supper, Diane. You think Jesus was sober for his last supper? You think he turned water into lemonade?

Penny:
[noticing photograph] Who's the girl.

Dodge:
Who? Oh, that's Olivia.

Penny:
Is she the one that got away?

Dodge:
Well, they all got away, but she was the first, yeah.

Frank:
So, you're here to tell me all the things I did wrong?

Dodge:
No, *you* know all the things you did wrong.