Sesame Street

Old King Cole:
What ho! Bring me my royal pipe. And step on it.

Kermit the Frog:
[to the TV audience] At this point, you might think we'd go for the cheap joke. But we're not going to.

Grover:
Hello, sir, and welcome to Grover's Taxi.

Fat Blue:
Oh no, it's you!

Grover:
Yes it is I, your furry blue taxi driver. What can I do for you, sir?

Fat Blue:
I want to go to the library.

Grover:
Oh a very wise choice. The library is a wonderful place with books to read and you can listen to records like "The Air is Alive with the Sound of Music."

Fat Blue:
I know that. Let's go.

Grover:
You know you can take home books from the library too, if you bring them back of course.

Fat Blue:
I know. That's why I'm going there.

Grover:
Of course you could also go to the zoo.

Fat Blue:
I don't want to go to the zoo!

Grover:
Why? There are lions and tigers there. And the lions go Rrrrroar! And do not forget the monkeys, they are so cute, they go "Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!" And you can buy a balloon there.

Fat Blue:
I don't wanna hear "Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!" I don't want a balloon, I want to go to the library!

[repeated line]

Bert:
I don't get it.

[repeated line]

Bert:
It's not fair. It's just not fair!

Bert:
Oh, I love pigeons more then anything else in this world... besides oatmeal.

Forgetful Jones:
[repeated Line] I forgot!

[repeated question]

Bert:
Why me?

Gordon:
Sally, you've never seen a street like Sesame Street before. Everything happens here. You're gonna love it!

Big Bird:
Never refer to me as an item. I'm a bird.

[Oscar the Grouch's famous last line]

Oscar the Grouch:
Now leave me alone and get lost!

[Another of Oscar the Grouch's famous lines/catchphrases]

Oscar the Grouch:
Scram!

Grover:
Hello everybodeeeeeeeee! It is I, Grover!

Elmo:
Oh look, it's Mr. Noodle's brother, Mr. Noodle.

Big Bird:
Super. Duper. Flooper.

Mr. Hooper:
Hooper. Hooper.

Grover:
How about the museum? You can look at pictures of the mummies... And the daddies.

Fat Blue:
I don't want to look at pictures of the mummies and the daddies!

Fat Blue:
[in Grover's taxi] I do not want to go to the museum, I do not want to go the movies, I do not want to go to the zoo! I want YOU to drive ME to the library!

Grover:
Gladly, sir. If you do not mind waiting.

Fat Blue:
Waiting? Waiting for what?

Grover:
'Til I get my car fixed. It is broken.

Fat Blue:
I can't wait 'til your car is fixed. I'm in a hurry!

Grover:
Oh alright, sir, if you are going to be difficult. [calls out] Hey, Herry! Forget the gargage. We need to go to the library!

Fat Blue:
But I'm in a hurry. Hey...?

Grover:
Well in that case I shall call you a taxi. [calls out] Taxi! Taxi, we got a library job! Taxi! They never stop when you need them. Have you ever noticed that?

Cookie Monster:
Cookie Monster thief, not liar.

Slimy:
[after reading Trash Gordon] Read more! Read more!

Oscar the Grouch:
Uh uh. Sorry, Slimy, time for sleep now. So close your eyes and dream of all the wonderful Trash that's yet to come. [to the camera] You too. There'll be more Trash tomorrow.

Slimy:
Read! Read! Read!

Oscar the Grouch:
Okay, Slimy, although I do enjoy your pestering.

Oscar the Grouch:
[Referring to Slimy's book The Adventures of Trash Gordon] He loves reading Trash.

Slimey the Worm:
[after reading Trash Gordon] More! More! More!

Oscar the Grouch:
No, no more, Slimey. That was alot of excitement for a little worm. You get some rest and we'll read some more tomorrow. [to the camera] You're still here? Hey, why don't you go read a book or something?

[Grover is doing an exercise video]

Grover:
Jane Fonda, eat your heart out!

Fat Blue:
[angrily] Do you think you can bring me a meal *without* dropping it on the floor?

Grover:
Where there is life, there is hope.

Cookie Monster:
[as Alistair Cookie, host of Monsterpiece Theatre] Today, we bring you greatest play in English language: Hamlet, by William Shakespeare. It no get classier than this.

Kermit the Frog:
[trying to come up with rhyming song lyrics] Here, try this. Mary had a little canary. It was bluer than the sky. And every where that Mary went, the canary was sure to fly.

Don Music:
[shouts] But canaries aren't blue!

Kermit the Frog:
Jeesh!

Don Music:
I'll never get it! Never! You won't help! Oh! [bangs his head against the piano]

Kermit the Frog:
Uh, you'll hurt yourself in the head, there, Don.

Oscar the Grouch:
Say! Aren't you Johnny Trash?

Johnny Cash:
No, Cash.

Oscar the Grouch:
Cash, Cash!

Johnny Cash:
Yeah. Have a rotten day!

Oscar the Grouch:
[Oscar has just broken his arm in an accident during a mud road race in his can. He comes up cradling his arm, and one of the humans there suggested taking him to the hospital] Hospital? You want to take me to the hospital? With all those clean white sheets, and those nice clean nurses and doctors? [Pounds his hurt arm on the side of the can in frustration, yelling] I don't want to go... Ow! Ow! Ow! [Stops and cradles the arm again. Quietly, beat] Take me to the hospital.

[as Super Grover]

Grover:
Yes, it is I, *Sup*-er Grover! Protector of small children and bunny rabbits!

Ernie:
[Ernie is having Bert's head traced on the screen, unbeknownst to Bert who can't move and doesn't understand why] Okay, here is Bert's eye. [His left eye is traced] And here is Bert's other eye. [His other eye is traced] And the eyes are what you see with, right Bert? [Bert starts to say something, but is cut off immediately by Ernie] Don't say anything, Bert.

Big Bird:
[singing] ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. I wish I knew exactly what I mean. It starts out like an A word, as anyone can see. But somewhere in the middle, it gets awful "QR" to me. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. If I ever find out just what this word can mean, I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen.

[Repeated line]

Cookie Monster:
[before eating cookies] Cowabunga!

Prairie Dawn:
[Introducing Bert's play about taking care of one's teeth] Hello everyone, boys and girls. I want to welcome you and thank you for coming to see today's show. Today's show was written entirely by Bert, and was directed by Bert, and stars none other then our old friend Bert. If the play was just wonderful, you can thank Bert, but if the play was horrible, you have no one but Bert to blame.

Bert:
[after appearing from behind the curtain] Prairie, will you stop that? Just go to the piano and start the play!

Prairie Dawn:
[quieter] The stage manager is also Bert.

[repeated line]

Count von Count:
Greetings! I am the Count. They call me the Count because I love to count things.

[repeated line]

Oscar the Grouch:
Ding-dong! You're wrong!

Oscar the Grouch:
[as the gang is visiting Puerto Rico, Oscar is walking around asking various different natives one specific question, and appears not to be getting anywhere with it. He comes across Maria with a group of kids and adults, and asks her] Maria, could you tell me how to say 'no' in Spanish?

Maria Figueroa Rodriguez:
No.

Oscar the Grouch:
[Yelling in desperation] Can't anybody tell me how to say 'no' in Spanish?

Everybody:
[Loud enough to scare him into hiding] NO!

Maria Figueroa Rodriguez:
[Calmly as he reappears] Oscar, the way you say 'no' in Spanish is 'no'.

Ernie:
1Q.

Bert:
2Q.

Ernie:
3Q.

Bert:
4Q.

Ernie:
5Q.

Bert:
6Q.

Ernie:
7Q.

Bert:
8Q.

Ernie:
9Q.

Bert:
10Q.

Ernie:
What's that, Bert?

Bert:
10Q!

Ernie:
I couldn't hear you, Bert.

Bert:
[Yelling] 10Q, 10Q, 10Q!

Ernie:
You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome, Bert. [laughs]

[repeated line]

Kermit the Frog:
Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here at Sesame Street News...

Big Bird:
At last! Now you see him and you got to believe me. He's not imaginary after all. I told you all along there was a Snuffleupagus, my best pal. I told you, but you never believed me.

Gordon Robinson:
Wait a minute, Big Bird. Maria, Linda and I believed you.

Big Bird:
Yeah, but no one else did.

David Robinson:
That's right, Big Bird. We didn't, but...

Big Bird:
But what?

Snuffleupagus:
Yeah, but what?

Susan Robinson:
Big Bird, you have a right to be angry.

Big Bird:
I do?

Susan Robinson:
Sure, I mean after all this time, and we never believed you. That must have been very hard on you.

Big Bird:
Well, yeah.

Bob Johnson:
I'll tell you what, Big Bird. From now on, we'll believe you whenever you tell us something.

Big Bird:
You promise?

Bob Johnson:
We promise.

Snuffleupagus:
We might want to get that in writing.

Bert:
[Bert has reluctantly agreed to have Ernie give him a haircut... ] Ernie. I'm bald.

Ernie:
Um... well, I wouldn't say that, Bert.

Bert:
You wouldn't say that? [explodes] No, but it's true!

Ernie:
Well, I know it's true, I just wouldn't say it, Bert.

Bert:
[hysterical] You cut all my hair off!

Ernie:
Yes, well, I 'm sorry about that...

Bert:
Ernie!

Ernie:
But, but it will grow back again, you know...

Bert:
My hair!

Ernie:
- that's one of the great things about hair, you know.

Bert:
It'll take a *month* for it to grow back, Ernie!

Ernie:
[plaintively] A whole month?

Bert:
A whole month! What are you gonna do about it?

Ernie:
Uh... Bert! I have just the thing for you. Just a second. [ducks off screen]

Bert:
Oh, my hair.

Ernie:
[reappears carrying a large book] Here you go, Bert.

Bert:
What is that, a book?

Ernie:
Mm-hmm. [places it on the ledge in front of them]

Bert:
A book won't make my hair grow faster.

Ernie:
No, but it'll give you something to do while you're waiting. [snickers and runs off screen]

Bert:
Errnieee!

[repeated lines]

Grover:
[out in the distance] He-e-e-e-e-ey, froggy baby!

Kermit the Frog:
Oh, no. [Grover walks to Kermit and slaps his back really hard] Oof!

Mrs. Snuffleupagus:
Come along my darlings. Hello, Mr. Handford.

Mr. Handford:
Hello, Mrs. Snuffleupagus.

Snuffy:
Hello, Mr. Handford.

Mr. Handford:
Hello, Snuffy.

Alice Snuffleupagus:
Hi, Mr. Hand Foot. [giggles]

Mr. Handford:
Hi, Alice. [to the camera] Boy, now that's a lot of snuffleupaguses.

Ernie:
You know, whenever I'm not sleepy, Bert tells me to count sheep?

Count von Count:
"Count Sheep?" Who's that?

Ernie:
Uh, uh, it's not a who, it's a what.

Pat Playjacks:
Are you ready to play our game, Count?

Count von Count:
Oh, Yes. Sure thing, Pat.

Pat Playjacks:
What is your guess and how many pig squeals do you think it will be?

Count von Count:
Uh, One squeal, No make it two squeals, No wait, three squeals, No four squeals for five squeals.

Pat Playjacks:
Uh, Count. We can only take one guess.

Count von Count:
One guess, Two guesses, THREE!

Pat Playjacks:
THREE! Is three your guess? Okay, That's your guess. Three pig squeals so give the pig a spin on that turntable.

Cookie Monster:
What a dream! Oh, Very sad! [as he was going to eat a cookie] . OH! NO, NO, NO, NO! Never eat cookies again. NO! From now on, Me eat carrots. Yeah! [Eats carrots] , And fish [Eats fish] , And whole wheat bread [Eats bread] , And NO! NO! Cookies! Sorry, Cookie. Me cannot eat you ever... Say you talking, Cookie?... You crying, Cookie?... Hmmm [Eats the cookie] Well, Maybe sometime a cookie.

The Monster Cookie:
KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF, PAL!

Cookie Monster:
[Shocks and surprised] Uh, Uh, Cookie Talked!

The Monster Cookie:
Me not cookie, Me monster.

Cookie Monster:
Why, me too. Me, Cookie Monster.

The Monster Cookie:
Me, Monster Cookie.

Kermit the Frog:
[trying to come up with a rhyming song lyrics] Mary had a bicycle. It was painted red as fire. And whenever Mary wanted to take a ride, The bicycle had a flat tire.

Don Music:
I like it! [shouting for joy] I LIKE IT! Oh, that's great! You have the biggest talent of writing songs. This could be my biggest hit. Would you like to hear it?

Kermit the Frog:
Certainly, I would be an honor.

Don Music:
Okay, Fine.

Kermit the Frog:
[to the viewers] Ladies and Gentlemen, Live and in person, Here is Don Music doing his new hit song!

Announcer:
And now, It's time for the newest, hippest, best dressed detective show on television: "Miami Mice!"

Kermit the Frog:
Yeah, There are pal trees out there. What? What's on the palm tree? What's on? Oh, I am on. Oh, I am on. Oh, Cue the music! [Miami Mice theme plays] Hi-ho, This is Kermit the Frog, Speaking to you from the sunny tropics of Miami Florida. And who knows the subject of an adventure, Than the world's famous Miami Mice. And here they are right now, Here is Miami Mice J.P.

J.P. Mouse:
Oh, What's Happening?

Kermit the Frog:
...Tito!

Tito Mouse:
Que tal, Man!

Kermit the Frog:
Today, We are going to talk to you about adventures.

J.P. Mouse:
Say what, Frog?

Kermit the Frog:
An adventure, Where something exciting happens here!

Tito Mouse:
Adventures? Nah, We got none of that here.

J.P. Mouse:
Well, I wish we can help you out, Frog.

Kermit the Frog:
But you are the world's famous Miami Mice.

The Announcer:
We interrupt this presentation to bring you "A message from your local chicken!"

Gordon Robinson:
Hey, Zelda! You're on!

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Zelda the Chicken:
[Translating] For those of you who don't speak chicken, Zelda says that she is mighty proud to be a chicken!

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] She is proud because chickens lay eggs,

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] And eggs are good for you.

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] She is also proud that she is covered with feathers that keeps him warn in the winter and hoot in the...

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating]... in the summer.

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] She is also very proud that she can...

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] Can cluck!

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] Just remember, Folks! Dogs bark, Cats meow. Ducks quack, and Cows moo! But only a chicken can cluck.

Zelda the Chicken:
[Cluck-Cluck]

Gordon Robinson:
You're Welcome, Zelda!

The Announcer:
This announcement is sponsored by "The Proud to Be a Chicken Association"!

Mr. Johnson:
Oh boy, A bakery shop. Donuts, Cake, Cookies, Etc... I love this place.

Grover:
Oh, Hello, Sir!

Mr. Johnson:
Wait a minute, I know you! You are that waiter from over at Charlie's!

Grover:
Yes, I have many jobs over the years.

Mr. Johnson:
Alright, I want to make this very simple and not make any trobule, I would to buy a...

Grover:
[as he interrupts Mr. Johnson's sentence] Excuse me, Sir! Sorry to interrupt you, But I must ask you to please take a number.

Mr. Johnson:
But I am the only one in here!

Grover:
I am sorry, Sir. But that is our policy. The sign says John's Bakery, Not Grover's Bakery. I only work here.

Mr. Johnson:
Alright, I'll take a number.

Grover:
Now, The machine will give you number. And when I call the number, You will be served, So go ahead! [as Mr. Johnson pulls the lever of the number machine, It came out a sheet of the number] Very good. And what's your number?

Mr. Johnson:
Forty!

Grover:
Forty! And that's your number!

The Announcer:
We interrupt this presentation to bring you "A message from your local chicken!"

Gordon Robinson:
Hey, Zelda! You're on!

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] For those of you who don't speak chicken, Zelda says that she is mighty proud to be a chicken!

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] She is proud because chickens lay eggs,

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] And eggs are good for you.

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] She is also proud that she is covered with feathers that keeps him warn in the winter and hoot in the...

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating]... in the summer.

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] She is also very proud that she can...

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] Can cluck!

Zelda the Chicken:
[Clucking]

Gordon Robinson:
[Translating] Just remember, Folks! Dogs bark, Cats meow. Ducks quack, and Cows moo! But only a chicken can cluck.

Zelda the Chicken:
[Cluck-Cluck]

Gordon Robinson:
You're Welcome, Zelda!

The Announcer:
This announcement is sponsored by "The Proud to Be a Chicken Association"!

Lou Rawls:
[singing] Here's a song I'm gonna sing, song that you can sing / The story of the ABCs, after a while I want you to join me. / A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z. / ABCs, that's your ABCs. / Now you come on, come on and join with me. / I said A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, with a great big Z. / ABC, ABC, / That's your A, and your B, with a C. / ABCs. / A, B, C. / ABC.

Jackie Robinson:
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

C-3PO:
[greeting Big Bird] Look, R2, there's our large, yellow bird friend. Hello, friend bird.

Big Bird:
[has drawn caricatures of Luis, Susan, Gordon, Bob, Maria, David, Olivia, and Mr. Hooper. After handing out seven of them, he sees that Mr. Hooper is missing] Say, where is he?

Maria:
Big Bird, don't you remember we told you? Mr. Hooper died. He's dead.

Big Bird:
Oh, yeah, I remember. Well, I'll give it to him when he comes back.

Susan:
Big Bird, Mr. Hooper's not coming back.

Big Bird:
Well, why not?

Susan:
Big Bird, when people die, they don't come back.

Big Bird:
Ever?

Susan:
[shakes her head] No, never.

Big Bird:
Well, why not?

Luis:
Well, Big Bird, They're *dead*. They... They can't come back.

Big Bird:
Well, he's got to come back. Why, who's going to take care of the store? And who's going to make my birdseed milkshakes, and tell me stories?

David:
Big Bird, I?m going to take care of the store. Mr. Hooper - he left it to me. And I'll make you your milkshakes, and we'll all tell you stories, and we'll make sure you're okay.

Susan:
Yeah, we'll look after you.

Big Bird:
Oh, hmm. [walks around as he thinks] Well, it won't be the same.

Bob:
You're right, Big Bird. It's... It'll never be the same around here without him. But you know something? We can all be very happy that we had the chance to be with him, and to know him, and to love him a lot when he was here.

Olivia:
And Big Bird, we still have our memories of him.

Big Bird:
Oh, yeah, Our memories. Right. Why, memories... that's how I drew this picture. From memory. And we can remember him, and remember him, and remember him... as much as we want to. [looks at Mr. Hooper's picture] But, I don't like it. [chokes up] It makes me sad.

David:
We all feel sad, Big Bird.

Big Bird:
He's never coming back? [David and Olivia shake their heads] Well, I don't understand! You know everything was just fine. Why does it have to be this way? Give me one good reason!

Gordon:
Big Bird, It has to be this way... because.

Big Bird:
Just because?

Gordon:
Just... because.

Big Bird:
Oh. [looks at the picture] You know, I'm going to miss you, Mr. Looper.

Maria:
That's *Hooper*, Big Bird. Hooper. [she and the others chuckle]

Big Bird:
Right. [as he continues to look at the picture, the others gather around him. Our view pulls back to a wide shot of the set, and the screen slowly fades to black]

Oscar the Grouch:
[offscreen] Aw, how's that for disgusting? If I watch anymore of this hugging, I'm gonna get sick to my stomach! Let's get out of here! But first, I've got to say that this revolting spectacle was brought to you by the letters J and S and by the number 6. And Sesame Street is a production of the Children's Television Workshop. Hey, come on. I'll meet you down at the swamp. Heh heh.

Lothar the Grouch:
[via hologram] Oscar the Grouch... Oscar the Grouch...

Oscar the Grouch:
Eh, speaking. Go ahead, it's your nickle.

Lothar the Grouch:
I, Lothar the Grouch from the seventh moon of the planet Zircon have sent this message millions of miles through space for you alone. So listen carefully, I'm gonna say it just once. Oscar the Grouch...

Oscar the Grouch:
Yeah?

Lothar the Grouch:
Get lost! Heh heh heh. [hologram fizzles out]

Oscar the Grouch:
Man oh man, what do ya know? There is inteligent life in outer space!

Abby:
Come on, Leela!

Zoe:
It's time.

Leela:
I be right there.

Zoe, Abby:
Leela.

Leela:
I just texting my brother.

Abby:
Oh, hi! Welcome to Sesame Street. Leela is going to read a story.

Zoe:
Yeah, just soon as she done texting.

Abby:
Are you not texting that Leela.

Leela:
Almost, almost. There.

Zoe, Abby:
Yay.

Abby:
What's that.

Leela:
Uh, getting a text

Abby:
Hurry, Leela we want to hear a story.

James Earl Jones:
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.

Brian Williams:
Today's word is 'squid'. 'Squid' is a fantastic word. Squid squid squid squid squid squid.

Brian Williams:
This is Brian Williams saying good day, and good squid.