Sex and the Matrix

Neo:
Carrie, there's something I have to tell you about the Matrix.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[ashamed] Oh! I threw up in the Matrix, didn't I?

Neo:
No, no. You threw up in the real world. The Matrix is a system created by robots. It's like the real world, but it isn't real. The Matrix is real, but it's like the real world that isn't real. At least, that's what the robots want us to think. But I don't think the robots are real. Wait... Robots, but it's real, but they told you it's fake, but they know it's real... There are a lot of numbers, or... Wait.

[frustrated]

Neo:
I should've written this down.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[raises one eyebrow, narrates] Something told me this wasn't the first time he was confused.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Oh, like you two have never woken up covered in goo.

Neo:
This is where you belong, Carrie! Here, in the real world.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Neo, your apartment has no natural light. I'm wearing a freakin' potato sack, and I've got an outlet in the back of my head! Screw the real world, give me the Matrix! Manhattan... Martinis... cute men.

Neo:
I'm Neo!

Carrie Bradshaw:
[narrates] There he was: cute, cocky, and awfully flexible.

Morpheus:
I am Morpheus.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[mimicking him, amused] I am Carrie.

Samantha Jones:
Shh! Get back to the part about the big black man.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[reading the words that have appeared on her computer] Follow the White Rabbit?

[a knock comes at the door; it's a man dressed as a white rabbit]

White Rabbit:
Here's your vodka and cigarettes.

Carrie Bradshaw:
The White Rabbit!

White Rabbit:
[sardonic and world-weary] No way. Where?

Carrie Bradshaw:
[recounting the adventure to her friends] Neo assured me that his roommate was away on business. Apparently, business wasn't too good.

Neo:
Aw, you've got to be kidding me!

[Morpheus, looking out the window at the storm, turns to face them]

Neo:
Dude, what are you doing here? Didn't you see the sock on the door?

Carrie Bradshaw:
[to Neo] Hey, who's the third wheel?

Morpheus:
I am Morpheus.

Carrie Bradshaw:
[sassily imitating his voice] I am Carrie.

Morpheus:
Let me tell you why you are here. Come. Sit down.

Neo:
[disgusted] Aw, dude, you are not gonna cockblock me again!

Carrie Bradshaw:
So, how come I haven't heard about this Matrix place? Did it just open? Can I get on the guest list?

Morpheus:
Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

Neo:
[coughing to cover his comment] Bullshit!

Morpheus:
Take the blue pill: You wake up in your bed, and believe whatever you want to believe.

Neo:
I believe just because I ate your last Hot Pocket doesn't give you the right to get all up in my grill!

Morpheus:
You take the red pill: You stay in Wonderland.

Carrie Bradshaw:
Ooh, Wonderland!

[She takes the red pill and drinks it with a glass of water]

Carrie Bradshaw:
[narrating] I should have known better. The last time I took one of those, Wonderland became Wonder-what-the Hell-Happened-Last-Night-Land.