Smash

Ivy Lynn:
[Getting mad at Derek] I don't need more time with the lyrics. You know what I need? I need to stop sleeping with men who are complete NARCISSISTIC PRICKS. [Starts to leave. Pauses] Oh and you're not THAT good-looking. [Now yelling as she storms out] And you're not that good in BED either!

Julia Houston:
It's over.

Frank Houston:
Is it?

Julia Houston:
Yes. Yes.

Frank Houston:
It was Michael, wasn't it? I thought, when I saw you two at the workshop, but then I thought, God, no, she wouldn't, she wouldn't, that's just not even... possible. That's what I thought.

Jerry Rand:
You came into this marriage with nothing.

Eileen Rand:
Except love.

Jerry Rand:
Bringing up love at a divorce proceeding is childish.

Eileen Rand:
Screwing every blonde that opens her legs for you is also childish. I guess that makes both of us children.

Derek Wills:
Eileen, be real. For me to audition [to direct] , Marilyn herself would have to pop out of that envelope and do me right here.

Julia Houston:
[on the phone with Tom] Oh, you say that, Tom, but then you get all impatient. If we don't cut [the demo] now, I'm gonna have to listen to you whine for weeks. Then we should do it because *I* wanna do it. [pause] I wanna do it tomorrow. [pause] I will call Ivy. Bye. [hangs up, to Frank] He *does* whine. I love him but... he whines.

Tom Levitt:
I have a new assistant and he made me macaroni and cheese.

Julia Houston:
I'm happy for you.

Tom Levitt:
I'm happy for me, too.

[a video clip of Ivy Lynn recording a demo for "Marilyn:
The Musical" goes viral]

Frank Houston:
Wow, it's everywhere.

Julia Houston:
It's idiotic theater blogs. I hate everyone who writes theater blogs!

Frank Houston:
Okay, some of it is...

Julia Houston:
Okay, I don't wanna know! [lies down] My God, this sucks! It gets out too fast! And then everyone just rushes to judgement before we even *have* a first draft! Reidel! Oh! Reidel started going after "Spider-Man" before they even started previews! He was already attacking everyone before they even started maiming people! [Frank laughs] Yeah, I know, I know. You didn't want me to do it. And you know? Fine, you were right. It's just a complete waste of time.

Frank Houston:
Reidel picked it up.

Julia Houston:
Of course he did! Little creep! Tom called him a Napoleonic Nazi. So right. [Frank laughs again, Julia giggles] "Napoleonic Nazi", it's good.

Frank Houston:
No. It's just, uh, Reidel loves "Marilyn". He's a huge fan of you and Tom, thinks "Heaven on Earth" is the best musical on Broadway in spite of its hideous title. Thinks the number online is a smash.

[Julia climbs onto the bed next to Frank and looks at the article]

Julia Houston:
Y'know, he's much smarter than people give him credit for. Everyone gets so mad at him, but he tells the truth.

[Karen and Dev just finished making out to "Some Like It Hot"]

Karen Cartwright:
You know what we should do tomorrow night? The one where they're making out in the ocean.

Dev Sundaram:
"From Here to Eternity", that was Deborah Kerr.

Karen Cartwright:
So?

Eileen Rand:
How'd it go? Did you tell her? [Tom is silent]

Derek Wills:
Oh, it's called a spine, Tom!

Katie Rand:
You know, people always say I'm such a good person and they're all Mahatma Katie. But I do... I try! I don't want to put toxic garbage into the world. I want to put something GOOD into the world.

Ivy Lynn:
I'd like to thank my mother, Leigh Conroy- the magnificent Leigh Conroy- for giving me the greatest gift. And that is a life in the theater. I can only hope that, one day, I can give that gift to my children. For me, there is nothing more magical than that moment right as the lights go down and the crowd is waiting in silence with anticipation for the show to begin. It's a moment full of hope and full of possibilities. So I'd like to thank the audience for coming and for believing, as I do, that there is nothing more important or special as live theater. Thank you so much.

Ivy Lynn:
He's been my best friend since I was eighteen years old. He is gay, gay, GAY, gay, gay.