Son of a Seahorse

Nick Kilpatrick:
I wake up next to you, I want to shoot myself in the head. Twice!

Nick Kilpatrick:
I'm not yelling, I've never yelled at you, I would never yell at you, and I'm not angry!

Madison Kilpatrick:
Well, you're not using your indoor voice.

Madison Kilpatrick:
I have to go lose five pounds the hard way. Had tacos for lunch.

Madison's Brother:
You know, your sister was a better cook before she married you.

Nick Kilpatrick:
Well, I was reading the book, and the gentlemen in the book said that I should be myself.

Madison Kilpatrick:
Yes, but he wasn't specifically talking about you.

Daniel Taintview:
Good evening, ladies. My name is Daniel Taintview. And this is my son, B. J. Taintview. We've traveled over half an hour to be here tonight. We would have got here sooner, but a girl named Coyote Hills had just arrived and I had to see to her. She is now ready to take me thousands of times per week. I have two others that I'm currently drilling waiting for me in Atlanta. So, ladies, if I say I am an ass-man, you'll agree. Out of all the men who beg to drill your lots, maybe one in twenty will be true ass-men. This is the way this works. Here, if you have a p*ssy and I have a tongue - do you see it? are you watching? - and my tongue reaches all the way into your p*ssy and starts to eat it: I! Eat! Your! P*ssy! I eat it up!

Nick Kilpatrick:
Let's do it, baby! Let's get a divorce-o-rino!

Madison Kilpatrick:
You don't mean it. You sound less serious than I did.

Nick Kilpatrick:
Oh, I am. I am. I'm just ecstatic, that's all! I'm a swinger, I can swing again! I can get drunk, go to strip clubs. I can suck on a different pair of tits every night! Do you know there are few things in this word more wonderful than having more tits to hold than hands to hold them with? I can get drunk, and play my Sega Genesis. Not having you nag at me! And not having to look at your grotesque body: I've seen less back hair on a sheep, and your twat smells like you've been gang-banged by Pepe Le Pew! And I can get drunk!

Madison Kilpatrick:
One, I don't have any back hair. Two, they shear sheep naked. Three, Pepe Le Pew is singular. And four, five, and six: you don't drink!