Sons & Daughters

[from trailer]

Kerry:
No offense, mom, but I'd rather kill myself then be in a relationship where sex isn't the number one thing.

Sharon Fenton:
Huh...

[from trailer]

Cameron Walker:
What are you wearing, by the way? This isn't a rave, it's an anniversary party!

[from trailer]

Cameron Walker:
You sat on Bom's lap, which you're way too old to do, and now he can't get up.

Jenna:
He is a sweet old man... he can't...

Cameron Walker:
Yeah, with a woody!

[from trailer]

Colleen Halbert:
Aunt Rae talks, I don't listen. She just talks and talks.

[from trailer]

Cameron Walker:
I'm gonna go take a shower.

Liz Walker:
Okay. Clean off that embarrassment!

[from trailer]

Marni Walker:
Hey, grandma! We're going to hell... because we're Jews!

Liz Walker:
Mazel Tov!

Colleen Halbert:
Uh...

Cameron Walker:
Who told you that, honey?

Marni Walker:
Aunt Rae!

Liz Walker:
Aunt Rae?

Liz Walker:
Aunt Rae!

[from trailer]

Kerry:
So, when you guys wanna... do it... does dad come to your bed, or do you go to his? And if you do it, do one of you spend the night at the other's one bed? Like a little sleepover..?

Sharon Fenton:
I was gonna name you PonyBoy, but then the epidural wore off so I named you Jeff, because it's sporty.

Kerry:
So if you have seperate beds what happens when you do it. Do you push the beds together? Or do you go to his bed? Or does he go to yours? And if he comes over to yours does he stay the night? Like, a sleepover?

Sharon Fenton:
[flustered] Do it? How do you know what do it is?

Kerry:
Mom, I'm thirteen. I know what do it is.

[Cameron didn't actually get a vasectomy]

Don Fenton:
What about when you had me put ice on your balls?

Cameron Walker:
Appearances.

Don Fenton:
I'm sorry to inform you that the murder has been colonel'd.

Don Fenton:
[at Merv's funeral] Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.