Spider-Man 2

Peter Parker:
Hi.

Mr. Ditkovich:
What's hi? Can I spend it?

Mr. Ditkovich:
If promises were crackers, my daughter would be fat.

Mr. Ditkovich, at numerous points in the film:
Rent?

[Peter is waiting for the bathroom and Mr. Ditkovich pushes in front, closing the bathroom door behind him. He opens it again.]

Mr. Ditkovich:
Rent?

[Peter closes the door in Ditkovich's face.]

Norman Osborn:
AVENGE ME!

Stan Lee (cameo):
Look out!

Joseph "Robbie" Robertson:
[a garbage man brings the spidey costume at the Bugle] Where the hell did you get that!?

J. Jonah Jameson:
You're fired. ...Parker, hello? You're fired!

Peter Parker:
Why?

J. Jonah Jameson:
[looks at Peter's latest photos in his photo book] Dogs catching Frisbees? Pigeons in the park? A couple of geezers playin' chess?

Betty Brant:
[walks in urgently] Boss!

J. Jonah Jameson:
Not now.

[Brant walks out]

Peter Parker:
Well, I was thinking maybe the Bugle could show another side of New York for a change.

Robbie Robertson:
We got six minutes to deadline, Jonah! We need page one!

J. Jonah Jameson:
[looks over at Robbie, ignores him] Parker, I don't pay ya to be a sensitive artiste! I pay you because... [notices Brant heading back for his desk] Still not now! [Brant walks back out] I pay you because for some reason that psycho Spiderman'll pose for you!

Peter Parker:
Spider-Man won't let me take any more pictures! You've turned the whole city against him!

J. Jonah Jameson:
A fact I'm very proud of! Now, get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma! [intercom alarm goes off; he presses the intercom button]

Betty Brant:
Boss, your wife's on the line! She said she lost your checkbook!

J. Jonah Jameson:
Thanks for the good news! [turns off intercom]

Peter Parker:
Mr. Jameson, please, isn't there any of these shots you can use? I really need the money.

J. Jonah Jameson:
[with faux sympathetic 'puppy-dog' face] Aww... Miss Brant?!?

Betty Brant:
[walks in] Yes?

J. Jonah Jameson:
Get me a violin!

Robbie Robertson:
Five minutes to deadline, Jonah!

J. Jonah Jameson:
All right, run a picture of a rancid chicken. Here's the headline: "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"

Hoffman:
[leans in] Some food got poisoned?

J. Jonah Jameson:
[glares over] I'm a little nauseous, yah!

Peter Parker:
[after a short pause] All right, Mr. Jameson. [hands Jameson a photo of Spider-Man]

J. Jonah Jameson:
[briefly analyzes the photo] It stinks. Robbie, there's your Page 1: "Masked Menace Terrorizes Town!"

Robbie Robertson:
I told you he's not a menace!

J. Jonah Jameson:
And I told you...

Robbie Robertson:
I'll take care of it.

J. Jonah Jameson:
I'll give you $150.

Peter Parker:
$300.

J. Jonah Jameson:
That's outrageous! [hands Peter his check] Done. Give this to the girl.

Spider-Man:
We sure showed him.

Aunt May:
What do you mean, we?

Doc Ock:
[grabs Spider-Man] You're getting on my nerves.

Spider-Man:
I have an knack for that.

Doc Ock:
Not anymore. [squeezes harder]

Spider-Man:
Where is she?!

Doc Ock:
Oh, she'll be just fine. Let's talk.

[they fight]

[Peter has to get past his landlord who is insistent on collecting rent from him]

Peter Parker:
Hi.

Mr. Ditkovich:
What's 'hi'? Can I spend it? You're two months behind rent again. Again!

Peter Parker:
I'm sorry, I'm promise I'll get it in sooner or later-

Mr. Ditkovich:
If promises were crackers, my daughter would be fat!

Peter Parker:
All I have is this $20 for the rest of the week and-

Mr. Ditkovich:
[snatches the $20 from Peter's hands] Sorry doesn't pay the rent. And don't try to sneak past me. I have ears like a cat, and eyes like a rodent.

Peter Parker:
Thanks, Mr. Ditkovich.

Ursula Ditkovich:
Hi, Pete! [accidentally knocks over pan, and oven catches on fire. As Ursula is putting out the fire, Mr. Ditkovich slams the door in Peter's face]

Garbage Man:
[on bringing in Spider-Man's discarded costume] Now look, uh, I think I deserve a little something for this.

J. Jonah Jameson:
Give ya fifty bucks.

Garbage Man:
I could get more than that on eBay.

J. Jonah Jameson:
All right, a hundred. Miss Brant, give this man his money and throw in a bar of soap!

Peter Parker:
[Aunt May is moving, and boxes are outside her house] Hey, where are all my comic books?

May Parker:
Oh, those dreadful things? I gave those away.

Peter Parker:
(regarding Uncle Ben) Aunt May, you shouldn't blame yourself.

May Parker:
Oh, I know I shouldn't. It's just...you wanted to take the subway, and he wanted to drive you. If only I had stopped him, then all three of us would be having tea together.

(There is a brief pause of silence. Finally, Peter speaks)

Peter Parker:
I'm responsible.

May Parker:
For what?

Peter Parker:
For what happened to Uncle Ben.

May Parker:
But, you were at the library. You were doing your homework.

Peter Parker:
He drove me to the library, but I never went in.

May Parker:
What do you mean?

Peter Parker:
I went someplace else, someplace where I thought I could win some money, to buy a car, because I wanted to impress Mary Jane. It happened so fast... I won the money, the guy wouldn't pay me, then he got robbed... the thief was running towards me... I could have stopped him, but I wanted...revenge. I let him go, I let him get away. He wanted a car, he tried to take Uncle Ben's. Uncle Ben said no... and then he shot him. Uncle Ben was killed that night for being the only one who did the right thing. I held his hand when he died. I've tried to tell you so many times...

May Parker:
You'll never guess who he wants to be... Spider-Man!

Peter Parker:
Why?

May Parker:
He knows a hero when he sees one. Too few characters out there, flying around like that, saving old girls like me. And Lord knows, kids like Henry need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to HOLD ON a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams. Spider-Man did that for Henry and he wonders where he's gone. He needs him.

[Peter parks the car of two thieves outside the theater in a red zone]

Officer:
Hey, buddy! You park there, I'm towin' it!

Peter:
Whatever.

[Peter walks into theater lobby]

Doorman:
Ah! Shoelace.

[Peter stops, bends down to tie his shoelace, then moves forward again]

Doorman:
Wait, you might want to...[motions for Peter to fix tie]

[Peter fixes tie and moves forward again]

[Doorman stops him entering theater]

Doorman:
Can I help you?

Peter:
Yeah, I, uh, I've come to see the show.

Doorman:
Oh, I'm sorry sir: "No one will be seated after the doors are closed."... It helps maintain the illusion.

Peter:
Ah, I understand. Umm... Miss Watson, She's a friend of mine, she asked me to come.

Doorman:
But not to come late.

Peter:
But, I have to see the show. If you just let me in, I'll stand by the–

Doorman:
Shh. (Points his hands to the sign that says, "Quiet please while play is in progress")

J. Jonah Jameson:
[talking about Otto Octavius] What are we gonna call this guy?

Hoffman:
Doctor Octopus?

J. Jonah Jameson:
That's crap.

Hoffman:
Science Squid?

J. Jonah Jameson:
Crap!

Hoffman:
Doctor Strange?

J. Jonah Jameson:
That's pretty good... [Hoffman smiles in acceptance] But it's taken! ...Wait, wait! I got it! Doctor Octopus.

Hoffman:
I...but... I like it.

J. Jonah Jameson:
Of course you do. Doctor Octopus. New villain in town: Doc Ock.

Hoffman:
Genius.

J. Jonah Jameson:
What, are you lookin' for a raise? Get out!

Uncle Ben:
All the things you've been thinking about, Peter, make me sad.

Peter:
Can’t you understand? I’m in love with Mary Jane.

Uncle Ben':
Peter all the times we talked about honesty fairness justice all those times I counted on you to have the courage to take those dreams out into the world.

Peter:
I can’t live your dreams anymore. I want a life of my own.

Uncle Ben:
You’ve been given a gift Peter, with great power comes great responsibility. Take my hand son.

Peter:
No, Uncle Ben. I’m just Peter Parker. I’m Spider-Man no more. No more.