Spitting Image

Waitress:
[Thatcher is dining out with her Cabinet] Would you like to order, Sir?

Margaret Thatcher:
Steak, please.

Waitress:
How would you like it?

Margaret Thatcher:
Raw

Waitress:
And what about the vegetables?

Margaret Thatcher:
Oh? They'll have the same as me...

Brian Walden:
[Interviewing Tony Blair] Mr. Blair I put it to you if you were Prime Minister, if you are Prime Minister, what would you do?

Tony Blair:
Well under a Labour govermont of course, we would spend money on education, the health service and roads. We will also charge less money for tax and that is what the Labour Party is all about

Brian Walden:
A nice decision but how will you pay for it?

Tony Blair:
Well it will be a happy society, where pensioners are paid more, benefits are higer and we will be shinny happy people holding hand and that is what the Labour Party is all about.

Brian Walden:
Mr. Blair, I must insist how will you pay for it?

Tony Blair:
Well it will be a land of Milk and Honey, where there will be trees of plenty and a garden of paradise and that is what the Labour Party is all about.

Brian Walden:
PAY FOR IT WILL YOU HOW?

Tony Blair:
Oh, well that's an interesting question Brian there is a lot of ways we can find the money.

Brian Walden:
How?

Tony Blair:
Well we can look down the sofa for a start.

Brian Walden:
Mr. Blair I put it to you that you have nothing to back up your policies?

Tony Blair:
Well it is funny you should ask that Brian, because having nothing to back up your policies thats is...

Brian Walden:
What the Labour Party is all about.

Tony Blair:
Exactly... No!

John Major:
My Father was in the Circus, you know.

Director:
[Timothy Dalton is lying on the floor in his dressing room] What's going on here? What's the hold-up?

Make Up Artist:
It's Mr. Dalton, sir, he's collapsed. He's all stiff and lifeless.

Director:
What? Can't he move at all?

Make Up Artist:
Only his eyebrows, sir.

Director:
Oh, good God. You know what this means...

Make Up Artist:
What sir?

Director:
Roger Moore-tis has set in!