Stage to Chino

J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs:
I wouldn't ride on that stage again if it means staying in this town for the rest of my life - heaven forbid.

[Boggsie recognizes Dan as an undercover postal inspector]

J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs:
I never forget a face.

Dan Clark:
In this case forget mine.

Dan Clark:
Where is this Elliott I hear so much about?

Singer, Pals of the Golden West:
His office is over there... with the "Mister" on it.

Dude Elliott:
That mail contract is worth $15,000. I can afford to be generous.

Charlie Lait:
I haven't noticed it.

Caroline McKay:
Maybe our luck will change.

Charlie Lait:
Not as long as Elliott is after the mail contract.

Caroline McKay:
You mean Elliott is our bad luck?

Caroline McKay:
If he's crazy enough to drive, I'm crazy enough to hire him.

Charlie Lait:
But I don't understand...

Dan Clark:
You wouldn't. You're not crazy.

[Dolan is unhitching Dan's stagecoach horses]

Stagecoach passenger:
Having trouble?

Henchman Dolan:
Not me. I'm having fun!

[Using reverse psychology, Dude convinces Slim to fight Dan]

Dude Elliott:
He's just waitin' for you to start something!

Slim:
Well, I'm an accommodating guy. I'll wait for him in the bar.

Slim:
I've got some money burning a hole in my pocket.

Dan Clark:
When you put that fire out, come and see me.

[Dan leads a henchman away to be questioned]

Dude Elliott:
What do you expect to find out from him?

Dan Clark:
Oh, to see if two and two make four or twelve and eight make twenty.

Charlie Lait:
They might shoot!

Dan Clark:
Uh-huh. So might I - and I'm a lot closer!

[fearing that Dan has stolen their gold, the miners stop his stagecoach]

J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs:
I'll vouch for him!

Miner:
Who'll vouch for you?

Charlie Lait:
What'll I tell them?

Dan Clark:
Tell 'em you're Santy Claus and you've come to take back your presents.

[commenting on Caroline's half-burned stagecoach, which has been "repaired" with oilskin and wallpaper]

Dude Elliott:
If you see that patchwork on the road, don't let it pass you - it might scare the horses.

[recurring line]

J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs:
And don't call me Boggsie!

[last lines]

J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs:
With my compliments - the finest baby rattle west of the Mississippi!