Struck by Lightning

Carson Phillips:
2, 4, 6, 8. Heard you like to fornicate.

Claire Mathews:
Even if you spread whatever information you have on us around this school, no one is going to believe you. Got it?

Vicki Jordan:
Actually, I will TOTALLY believe him.

Claire Mathews:
You don't count.

Vicki Jordan:
Oh, we don't count? Thank you very much.

Malerie Baggs:
They will believe... 'cause we will spread that sh*t like Nutella.

Sheryl Phillips:
You were on ADD medication as a kid, and you turned out somewhat decent.

Carson Phillips:
No, I wasn't.

Sheryl Phillips:
I hid it in your food.

Carson Phillips:
I thought I was just really calm and mature for my age.

Sheryl Phillips:
Nope, you were drugged. When your father and I started our divorce, you started asking so many questions we found it easier to roofie you than answer you.

Carson Phillips:
I wrote you a story, Grandma.

Grandma:
Oh, let's see. "Once upon a time there was a boy." Why! It could use a little development, but-but it's a great beginning.

Carson Phillips:
Shakespeare once wrote that life is but a dream - and that's exactly how I live my life, from one dream to the next, hating every update of reality.

Grandma:
He used to be such a happy boy. He used to write me stories. I remember the first story he ever wrote me. "Once upon a time there was a boy," and that became "Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted to fly," and it just got better and better over time. Now, I never did find out whether the boy got to fly.

Carson Phillips:
In what grade do we stop believing in ourselves? In what grade do we just stop believing, period? I mean, someone has to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Someone has to be a ballerina. Why not us? I can't be the only one that gets that.

[first lines]

Carson Phillips:
I always thought death would be different. I expected a great wave of realization to sweep over me - suddenly the meaning of life would be answered along with every other question I ever had - but there was nothing to realize. I was dead.

Carson Phillips:
Malerie, why-why do you film everything? I mean, I'm sure you don't want to remember... EVERYTHING.

Malerie Baggs:
What isn't worth remembering? With good memories come bad memories and I've got a lot of both. At least this way I can fast-forward through all the bad stuff.

Carson Phillips:
Because a life without meaning, without drive, without focus, without goals or dreams isn't a life worth living. Life comes at you fast. It runs through your body and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like... lightning.

Carson Phillips:
[voiceover] I wanted to be heard so bad that I never thought about listening, but what I regretted the most was that I lived every day waiting for my life to begin.

Student:
What's this?

Malerie Baggs:
A magazine.

Student:
[to Carson] Dick.

Carson Phillips:
[voiceover] The higher your cloud, the further your rain falls.

Carson Phillips:
I don't want you to sh*t a dime for me, Nicholas.

Carson Phillips:
[talks emotionally] Sometimes I just don't get it. Life. I mean, why do some of us have to work so hard for things we believe in and others don't? I mean, why do some of us care so much? Why are some of us selfish by nature and some of us are selfish to survive?

Grandma:
[knits] Dear, I'm making this for my grandson.

Carson Phillips:
[whimpers] What is it?

Grandma:
[hesitates] A scarf-blanket.

[is stirred and laughs]

Carson Phillips:
You've seen my end, but where do I begin?

First Grade Teacher:
When something takes away something else, what do we call that? Not addition, but...

Youngest Carson:
Homicide.

Sheryl Phillips:
If you were decent. you would just let me sleep.

Carson Phillips:
If I's decent. I'd just PUT you to sleep.

Sheryl Phillips:
You know, you make me wish I'd had that abortion back in the '90s.

Carson Phillips:
That makes two of us.

Justin Walker:
Hot Stuff, can you freeze fire?

Malerie Baggs:
Yes. Well, um... have you seen the movie The Last Airbender?

Justin Walker:
No. I-I sleep with girls.

Remy Baker:
I hate you more than I hate the holocaust.

Carson Phillips:
Bite me, hobbit.

Carson Phillips:
Poor Mom. She spent her entire life trying to be Betty Crocker... and became Betty Ford.

Sheryl Phillips:
Never have a kid to save a marriage. It does not work.

Vicki Jordan:
Carson, why do you care so much? Just don't, okay?

Sheryl Phillips:
You need to be on antidepressants.

Carson Phillips:
No way. You're medicated enough for the both of us.

Grandma:
You remind me of my grandson.

Carson Phillips:
I do? Why is that?

Grandma:
You're sad-looking.

Carson Phillips:
Thank you for being the perfect example of something I refuse to become!

Emilio:
I literally put the dick in valeDICtorian.

Principal:
I think I speak for the entire faculty when I say... your son was an absolute joy.

Carson Phillips:
Oh, kiss my embalmed ass.

Carson Phillips:
So, Emilio, how long have you been a fornicating exchange student, hm?

Life comes at you fast. It runs through your body and tries to escape and be expressed in anyway possible. It's a lot like...lightning.