Sunday Morning Rapture

Tommy 'Tiny' Lister:
The question is, ARE you ready for Jehovah's return? If Jehovah came back RIGHT NOW, WOULD you make it?

Sharon Johnson:
[in hysterics] THEY'RE GONE!

Charles Wilson:
Gone where?

Sharon Johnson:
I thought I was saved!

Charles Wilson:
Saved from what?

Sharon Johnson:
I thought I was saved! I thought I WOULD BE GOING TOO!

Charles Wilson:
Going where?

Sharon Johnson:
Everybody's been raptured, Charles!

Charles Wilson:
What rapture?

Sharon Johnson:
Just like Mama said! He came! They're gone! WE'RE STILL HERE! We're still here! What'm I supposed to do now?

Pastor Tim:
IT'S OVER! WE'VE ALL BEEN LEFT BEHIND!

Riley Kilgore:
What do you mean left behind? Where is everybody? What happened?

Pastor Tim:
They're gone! THEY'RE ALL GONE!

Riley Kilgore:
Where did they go? What's over?

Pastor Tim:
Life! Life as we know it!

Riley Kilgore:
No! It can't be!

Pastor Tim:
Watchu mean it can't be? Don't you get it, man? It wasn't just talk! It finally happened!

Tommy 'Tiny' Lister:
The Sunday Morning Rapture. If Jehovah came back RIGHT NOW, would you make it in?

Marcus:
Oh man that some fools man, no, hey my mom be talking about that crap sometimes, know? The Rapture, Jesus coming back...

Tommy 'Tiny' Lister:
Well y'all heard of Pac, right? Tupac Shakur, right? [everyone agrees] I did his last movie called Gang Related, and I had this opportunity to tell him about this gangsta called Jesus Christ. I punked out Shak telling him about who Jesus Christ was, to get HIM ready for the Rapture. So I'm telling y'all real talk, how many times you watch my movie? [guys start counting] Well I tell you what, listen up, this is the game we gonna play. If I make this shot, everybody's in church with me, alright?

Riley Kilgore:
There's got to be something we can do! There's got to be a way that we can go too! How much?

Pastor Tim:
How much WHAT?

Riley Kilgore:
How much is it gonna take to get me OUT of here? How much is it going to take for me to go see my Katrina?

Pastor Tim:
A CHECK? A CHECK IS NOT GOING TO GET YOU TO SEE NOBODY!

Riley Kilgore:
[takes cash out and waves it around] Look, here's a thousand dollars. That's all I have on me now, but I can go to the bank and see about getting more if you need it. Here, take it.

Pastor Tim:
Don't you get it, man? Your money is WORTHLESS NOW!

Riley Kilgore:
What do you mean worthless? I am Riley Kilgore, it wasn't worthless when you were having all those anniversaries, your special sessions, and asking for ties.

Pastor Tim:
[laughs dryly] YOU'RE Riley Kilgore.

Riley Kilgore:
Yeah.

Pastor Tim:
Don't you get it, RILEY? YOU CAN'T BUY YOUR WAY INTO HEAVEN! It's as easy as BUYING YOUR WAY OUT OF HELL!