Taxi

Washburn:
Men are like cats, ya know? Sure, we'll play with a ball of yarn, unless you want us to play with the ball of yarn. Trick is, hide the ball of yarn.

Washburn:
But don't hide it where you can't find it, ya know? Like, 'Hey, what's the ball of yarn doing in the fride?' Whatever. Ya know what I'm saying?

Belle:
We've gotta play to your strengths. And thinkin ain't one of them.

Washburn:
Didn't see my nads, did ya?

Washburn's Mom:
Andy is not a really strong driver. See, he had a really bad experience when, uh, he had his first driving lesson, so...

Washburn:
Driving lesson? You call that a driving lesson?

Washburn's Mom:
Mmmm, Yes.

Washburn:
Dad let go of the wheel and said 'You better steer or else you're gonna kill the whole family'.

Washburn's Mom:
Yeah. It's good for ya.

Washburn:
We were going 90... I was six!

Washburn:
Mi Castro, su Castro.

Washburn:
You ask me where I'm from? What part am I from? Eeh... What part of Havanna? You know... ah... around the corner of... eum... Castro... Street.

Washburn's Mom:
Andy is not a really a strong driver. See, he had a really bad experience when he had his first driving lesson. So...

Washburn:
Driving lesson? You call that a driving lesson?

Washburn's Mom:
Yes!

Washburn:
Dad let go of the wheel and said "You better steer or you're gonna kill the whole family".

Washburn's Mom:
Yeah! It's good for you.

Washburn:
We where going 90, I was six!

Washburn's Mom:
That's right! And that's the way he taught you to swim!

Washburn:
I can't swim either!

Jesse:
(sniffs Belle's clothes) Wait a minute. Who you wearin' perfume for?

Belle:
What? Oh, no, no, no, no. No, I cut through Macy's. I got tagged.

Jesse:
Uh-huh.

Belle:
Why, you like it? Is it me?

Jesse:
Look, lemme tell you something, baby. There's only one thing I like on you.

Belle:
What's that?

Jesse:
And that's me.

(they kiss)

Man:
(hits cab window, jumps in back)

Belle:
Hey! What the hell is your problem? (wipes off window)

Man:
Cabbie, I need to be at the J.F.K. in fifteen minutes. 100 bucks says I make it.

Belle:
Whoo! Done. You jumped in the right cab today.

(pushes buttons, levers which converts cab in to a more high-powered cab)

Belle:
I don't usually stop for white guys. It's my way of balancing the universe.

Man:
(stares at watch irritated) That's fourteen minutes.

Belle:
(puts car in gear) Buckle up for safety, motherf-

(cab speeds off)

(after hearing about a robbery on the walkie-talkie)

Andy:
(to a car) Freeze! Official police business! I'm gonna need-

(the car tries to halt but instead swerves into a parked car. Another car, following close behind, hits it. Soon there is a major car pile up.)

Andy:
(seeing the wreckage, takes off)

Andy:
(holding badge) Hey! See this? This is a badge, okay? That means you're not allowed to SCREAM AT ME!

Belle:
(grabs badge) Aah!

Lieutenant Martha Robbins:
Washburn, you took a cab to a robbery? You thought that was okay?

Andy:
W-well, yeah.

Lieutenant Martha Robbins:
You drove your wheels through a bodega, and you killed Detective Manuel's parrot.

Andy:
Detective Manuel knew what he was risking when he took the parrot on the stakeout.

Lieutenant Martha Robbins:
(scoffs) I don't believe you.

Andy:
So ridiculous. Of all pets, I mean. Its the one that talks.

Andy:
(with fake Cuban accent) You guys are ever in Havana, you give me a call, okay? We'll have some tequila, cerveza. You know? Okay? Mi casa es su casa.

Man:
(suspiciously) What part?

Andy:
Uh, you ask me where I'm from?

Man:
Yeah. What part?

Andy:
What part am I from? (stalling) Uh, what part of Havana?

Man:
Yeah.

Andy:
You know, on the, uh, I live around the corner of uh, uh...Castro Street.

Man:
(looks at Andy then at his cohorts) Show's over, pig!

(Shootout begins, Andy and partner flee)

Andy:
(to partner, while running down stairs) How can there not be a Castro Street in Cuba? That's insane!

Belle:
(to Lieutenant Martha Robbins and FBI Agent Mullins) Ballistic test?! On what? We already know who shot my cab. (referring to Andy) It was that stupid idiot right there with that dumb look on his face.

Andy:
That's not fair. Agent Mullins wasn't even on the scene.

Belle:
Come on. Everybody's got a few tickets.

Agent Mullins:
Not 75. And not on a bicycle, Miss Williams.

Andy:
All I have to go on is the M.O., modus operandi. That's police jargon for-

Belle:
(cutting off) I know what it means. And it's not police jargon, it's Latin.

Andy:
Right. Whatever. It's both.

Belle:
Hey, why are we not doing this at the station?

Andy:
Sometimes a good cop's got to bend the rules so that laws don't get broken. You know what I'm sayin'? I'm not afraid to live outside the law.

Belle:
(scoffs) You're living outside of your mind. That's where you live.

(Two of the bank robbers are arguing in Portuguese)

Andy:
What are they sayin'?

Belle:
The redhead is sayin' she doesn't want to kill a cop. So, if we just play it cool then they'll leave us here tied up.

Andy:
Okay. Okay. I'll play it cool. Play it cool. (winks)

Belle:
Okay. Hey...what was that wink for?

Andy:
Shh. Hey, trust me.

Belle:
No, no, no, no, no, man. What was that about?

Andy:
Shh. Trust me. Trust me.

Belle:
Trust you?

Andy:
Yeah.

Belle:
Trust you? Hell no. Uh-uh. No way. (to bank robbers) Hey! Excuse me! Excuse me! Don't mean to interrupt. He's gonna do something. He just winked at me.

Andy:
Hey, what's wrong with you?

Belle:
What's wrong with me?

Andy:
Yeah!

Belle:
Uh, I got a problem getting SHOT! (to red-headed bank robber) Did you frisk him?

Red-headed Bank Robber:
(c*cks gun and point it at Andy) Si.

Bell:
Well frisk his ace again! He got at least one more gun on him. Cavity-search him!

Andy:
I do not! (to robbers) I swear!

Belle:
He's got a gun and he's gonna use it! He's crazy.

Andy:
Whose side are you on?

Belle:
MINE!

Andy's Mom:
(to Andy) Where's my Daewoo. Andy, did you do something to my car?

Andy:
(sees Belle mocking him behind his mother) Don't!

Belle:
(mouthing) You busted.

Andy's Mom:
Andy. (grabs Andy's face and lifts it to hers) Look at me, my darling. You didn't drive it through another bodega, did you?

Belle:
That was you?! It was you! You was on the cover of the Post. You killed that parrot.

Andy:
(embarrassed) Mom, what did I tell you about talkin' official police business, all right?!

Belle:
Stop playing! You live next door to your mom?

Andy:
It makes her feel safe.

Belle:
She's must not've seen you in action.

Belle:
What kind of grown-ass man live ten feet away from his mom?

Andy:
I wouldn't talk so much Isabelle Precious Williams.

Belle:
Who told you about my name?

Andy:
It's in your record. Precious. (mocking) My Precious.

Belle:
Go ahead. Say it again. Say it again, and see what happens. I dare you. (Andy doesn't say anything else. Belle turns over and falls asleep)

Andy:
(quietly) Precious.

Belle:
(voice distorted from laughing gas) Man, you stupid!

Belle:
What you gonna do with the girl, but love her...and pay her!

Belle:
Uh, I got a problem gettin' shot!

Belle:
(to Andy) This is your unmarked car? A Daewoo? Man, I know people. I can't be seen in this thing. Open the door. I don't wanna get Daewoo on my hands.

Belle:
That skank shot me.

Belle:
Ready to try and smoke you.

Andy Washburn:
Everyone has their weaknesses, okay! Superman has Kryptonite. Indiana Jones has snakes. You know? Whitney Houston has Bobby Brown...or vice versa.

Andy Washburn:
[From Outtakes] (voice distorted from laughing gas) I sound like Barry White's illegtimate white grandson.

Andy Washburn:
I'm not a very good driver!

Andy Washburn:
I remember savin' this one, I remember savin' this one. Oh, hey, Jesse!

Andy Washburn:
You calm down now, lady!

Andy Washburn:
(singing) This will be an everlasting love!

Belle's Boss:
(to Belle) Anyway, we're all real proud of you for getting your taxi license. Knowing that you're behind the wheel of a taxi in our fair city...makes us want to move to Albany.

Female Police Officer:
Washburn? What a loser!

Jeff Gordon:
Congratulations Belle.

Belle:
Buckle up for safety mother...