The Absent Minded Professor

Prof. Ned Brainard:
Let's see, flying rubber... Flubber!

Prof. Ned Brainard:
Corners beautifully, doesn't it?

Prof. Ned Brainard:
I'm an American! See it? My credit cards!

First Referee:
There's nothing in the rule book that says one team can't jump higher than the other.

Biff Hawk:
Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.

Prof. Ned Brainard:
Substance X, we dub thee... Flubber!

Prof. Ned Brainard:
Mr. Hawk, let me get this straight. You want me to turn my discovery over to you so you can blackmail our government?

Alonzo P. Hawk:
All right, then look at it this way: Medfield College can grow and prosper, or it can wither and die on the vine. That's entirely up to you.

[the fire crew has arrived to rescue Alonzo Hawk, who is now bouncing out of control]

Fire Chief:
[shouting through megaphone] Mr. Hawk! This is the Fire Chief speaking! We'll have everything under control in just a moment. Now Mr. Hawk, try to relax.

Alonzo P. Hawk:
Relax? How can I relax, you fat-head?

[the fire crew's net had been accidentally broken by Alonzo Hawk during their attempt to rescue him]

Fireman:
I told you we needed a new one.

Fire Chief:
You told me? What do you think I've been telling the town council? How am I supposed to buy a new net without an appropriation?

Fireman:
Well, don't get hot. I only mentioned it.

Fire Chief:
Well, you just keep the kinks out of the fire hose. That's all I want from you. I'm the Chief!

[Prof. Brainard has repeatedly slammed his Flubberized Model T down on Prof. Ashton's car roof while in motion, causing to go out of control and crash into a police car]

Prof. Shelby Ashton:
[as he and the two officers get out of their crashed cars] Officer! Help me! It's after me! Help me!

Officer Hanson:
[his face and suit covered in hot coffee thanks to the crash] I do hope that you will excuse my appearance, but I was just having a cup of *boiling hot coffee*.

Prof. Shelby Ashton:
But it's after me!

Officer Hanson:
What's after you?

Prof. Shelby Ashton:
I don't know, some kind of a... thing!

Officer Hanson:
A thing? Can you describe it?

Prof. Shelby Ashton:
I don't know. I didn't see it. But it flies. And it made a noise, like, uh, "Aaa-OOO-gah! Aaa-OOO-gah!" And then it banged down on the top of my car! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! And when I looked, there wasn't anything there!

Officer Hanson:
Oh, that kind of a thing.

Prof. Ned Brainard:
I'm a desperate man, Charlie, and desperate men do desperate things.