The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius

[Sheen and Carl are playing a board game]

Sheen:
Seven. Your llama falls into a mud pit.

Carl:
Sheen! There are no mud pits in "Llama's Day Out".

Sheen:
Maybe *that* explains why I'm having no fun.

[Jimmy is struck by lightning over the phone]

Carl:
Jimmy! Are you okay? If you can hear me, give me the answers to 5a through 11c. You know, just so I know you're OK.

Nick:
We have to what?

Sheen:
You heard him. We have to make our teacher toss the lunch monkey. We need a bucket, an umbrella, and whatever they were serving for lunch in the cafeteria last Thursday.

Jimmy:
Bring my screwdriver and my special CD of town-saving music.

Crowd:
(In unison) You were right and we were wrong.

Jimmy:
Thanks. A healthy skepticism is the sign of... Say it again.

Crowd:
(In unison) You were right and we were wrong.

Jimmy:
Now in French.

[Crowd repeats in French]

Jimmy:
Now in Chinese.

[Crowd mutters in confusion]

Jimmy:
We found the lost tomb.

Cindy:
Shouldn't we call National Geographic or Harvard?

Libby:
Or Harrison Ford?

Nick:
Get out of my way, Shine.

Sheen:
SHEEN.

Carl:
We saw a ghost, and it has Jimmy!

Cindy:
Good. It can keep him.

Sheen:
You really have some anger issues, don't you?

Hugh:
Watch me shot-put this potato.

Judy:
Oh, ooh, be careful!

[Hugh throws the potato out the window]

Man:
Ow! My eye!

Cindy:
So, do we have to refer to you as Queen Libby?

Libby:
No. "Your mighty fine royal fabulousness" will do.

[Cindy watches Jimmy and Betty dance]

Cindy:
I wouldn't dance with Nerdtron if he was the last boy on earth.

Sheen:
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Cindy:
*Methinks* you better button your yap before I button it for you!

[a button appears on Sheen's mouth]

Cindy:
You just can't accept the fact that my plan is better than yours.

Jimmy:
Is not!

Cindy:
Is so!

Jimmy:
Is not!

Cindy:
Is so

Carl:
[screaming] STOP IT! STOP IT! CAN'T YOU SEE THIS CONSTANT FIGHTING IS TEARING US ALL APART?

[pause]

Sheen:
[laughing] That was cool, Carl. I really believed you for a second.

[Carl and Sheen see Prof. Calamitous enter the Candy Bar]

Carl:
Sheen. It's the perp!

Sheen:
Hey, yeah. You wrestle him to the ground and cuff him, and I'll watch.

Carl:
Why do you get to watch?

Calamitous:
May I use your...

Sam Melnick:
Telephone? Teeth whitening kit? Restroom?

Calamitous:
Restroom!

Sam Melnick:
No. It's for paying customers only.

Calamitous:
All right. I'll have a chocolate...

Sam Melnick:
Sundae? Rumball? Milkshake?

[Jimmy and Officer Tubbs enter]

Jimmy:
Officer Tubbs, man that bathroom.

Officer Tubbs:
Thanks. Don't mind if I do.

[Repeated line]

Jimmy:
Think. THINK.

[the inside of Jimmy's brain is shown]

Jimmy:
Brain blast!

[Jimmy and Cindy have switched bodies and are taking a pop quiz]

Cindy:
The ant is a member of the vegetable family

Jimmy:
Name the planets: Farkle, Gubgub...

[Later]

Miss Fowl:
I would like an explanation for the two abominable grades

Cindy:
There's a perfect explanation. I, Jimmy Neutron, am a gabble-headed dipstick.

Jimmy:
But not as big a dipstick as you are, Miss Fowl. And if I don't get a month's worth of detentions for this, you're even dumber than you look.

Cindy:
Well, how many detentions is *this* worth, Miss Foul-breath?

[Cindy kicks papers on Miss Fowl's desk]

[Hugh is playing with Brobot]

Hugh:
I got your nose. (It comes off) I really do... Here's 5 bucks.

[Jimmy feeds the Willie Loman 3000 too much book gum]

Willy Loman 3000:
Once upon a time... It was the best of times, It was the worst of times... Elementary, my dear Watson... Hop on Pop... You're a sor-sor-sor-sorcerer, Harry... Danger, Jimmy Neutron... Dangerdangerdangerdangerdangerdanger...

[shuts down]

[Jimmy and Cindy go to Retroland]

Jimmy:
I am not having fun.

Cindy:
Neither am I, Nerdtron.

Jimmy:
Want some gum?

Cindy:
NO!

[Thomas Edison appears in Jimmy's Time Pincher]

Edison:
That Henry Ford is such a knucklehead... Where am I? Who took my iced tea?

Jimmy:
Get ready for the time pincher's maiden voyage.

Sheen:
You're bringing a girl with us?

Cindy:
Your sick patch dissolved into my skin, Nerdtron!

Sheen:
Jimmy, your patch pulled a Houdini.

Libby:
Cure me, or suffer the consequences.

Carl:
I don't want to be a bubble boy!

Sheen:
Poem? I thought we had to do an interpretive dance!

Carl:
No, that's Thursday.

Terry Finster:
Is that pie plate talking to me?

Class:
[singing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"] Oh, Jimmy Neutron, you are great/ and so beyond compare-o./ The rest of us aren't even fit/ to wash your underwear-o.

Jimmy:
Sometimes it's a burden to be such a genius.

Sheen:
I know what you mean. That's why I decided early on to sabotage my highly scientific brain with cartoons and sugar.

[Jimmy has made himself stupid]

Jimmy:
You guys wanna see My loopy dance? I'm loopy, I'm loopy, I'm loopy loopy loopy.

Carl:
Normal Jimmy seems kinda stupid.

Sheen:
Yeah, he's really messed up. I like him!

Carl:
Me too! Let's keep him.

Willy Loman 3000:
Hey-hey-hey, y-you look like a couple of intelligent young men.

Carl:
Na-hah, it's just the glasses.

[watching Jimmy's TV show]

Hugh:
Look at our little Jimbo. The camera loves him.

[things go wrong on Jimmy's show]

Hugh:
My mistake. The camera only likes him as a friend.

Jimmy:
I present to you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld.

Carl:
A llama?

Jimmy:
No.

Carl:
A baby llama?

Jimmy:
No.

Carl:
A baby llama with a hat?

Jimmy:
No!

Cindy:
An invention of yours that actually works?

Jimmy:
No... I mean, yes!

Nanobot #2:
I want to do it!

Nanobot #1:
It's the captian's job.

Nanobot #2:
Sometimes the stewardess gets to talk.

Nanobot #1:
Get me some tea and a pillow and we'll discuss it.

[Cindy and Jimmy have swapped bodies]

Nick:
[to Jimmy] So, do you want to go to the concert, Cindy?

Jimmy:
I wouldn't go with you if you were the last boy on Earth. That's how stuck-up I am.

Cindy:
She doesn't mean that!

Carl:
Today, I found something that has never been seen before in the history of the world... a half-eaten Krunchy Kreme jelly donut! [all gasp]

Sheen:
But they're 100% irresistible! No-one cannot finish one!

Miss Fowl:
I'm afraid I know someone who could. An old student of mine, Finbarr Calamitous. He was a brilliant boy but he could never finish anything, not even sentences, that's why I failed him. And he was bad.

Nick:
Like me?

Miss Fowl:
No, you're bad in the new sense, meaning good. Finbarr was bad in the old sense. He disappeared one day after not finishing his lunch. I wonder why he has returned... Carl!

[Carl has eaten the rest of the donut]

Carl:
What? I don't know!

[In Carl's dream]

Jimmy:
I have to prove to Carl he's dreaming.

Cindy:
I washed your brain, but I had trouble getting the think stains out.

[Jimmy kisses Cindy]

Carl:
Jimmy kissing Cindy? I must be dreaming.

[later, out of the dream]

Cindy:
Not even in HIS dreams, Neutron!

[Cindy slaps Jimmy]

Jimmy:
I give you the Brain Drain 8000. The same dumbing down technology used by top radio personalities.

Sheen:
Jimmy, I really have to go to the bathroom! All I see is sand, and I'm not a cat.

Jimmy:
We gotta stop them before they reach Mount Incredibly Unstable! It's incredibly unstable!

Sheen:
Where do they get this stuff?

Hugh:
[On parenting] I find that it helps to set limits, like, "No time travel on school nights", or, "No teleporting your mother".

Sheen:
Hey guys! I think I found a bathroom! It smells like a bathroom! [Holds nose] I wish I had one of those deodorizers you hang in the car for the rear-view mirror.

Carl:
[Takes out deodorizers] Lemon or strawberry?

Sheen:
Thanks Carl.Hey! How come you carry those around with you?

Carl:
'Cause.

Grandma Neutron:
And forget Preparation H. I've made it all the way to Preparation X.

Nick:
[sees Jimmy dressed like Sherlock Holmes] Nice duds, dude. You lose a bet?

Jimmy:
[Sheen, Cindy, and Carl are sampling Jimmy's Book Gum]

Sheen:
Tastes fishy. Call me Ishmael. Starbuck, it's the great white whale. I'll get you, Moby Dick!

Cindy:
Give me that. Tastes like fried chicken. [southern accent] Oh, Ashley. Oh, Rhett. I don't know nothing about birthin' no baby.

Carl:
Mmm, William Shakespeare.

Jimmy:
That might be a little strong for you, Carl.

Carl:
[English accent] But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and Juliet is the sun. See how she rests her cheek upon her hand? Oh, were I a glove upon that hands, that I may touch that cheek.

[Sheen nervously takes a step away from Carl]

[repeated line]

Sheen:
Aha! I don't get it.

Sheen:
Remember, this game is for mature players only, so act even more maturer than we usuallly do. I'll try to grow a mustache.

Jimmy:
My dad's over 18. I'll act like him. [approaches counter and imitates Hugh] Well, howdy there, clerky-clerkotron.

Clerk:
Beat it. This game is for mature players only due to violence, exaggerated mayhem, and old-lady kicking.

Sheen:
THAT'S NOT FAIR! I demand my constipational rights!

[the boys are thrown out of the store]

Sheen:
If I win this election, you can be my first lady.

Libby:
Get a life.

[Cindy and Libby are having a yard sale]

Cindy:
What's the take?

Libby:
We're about $1.23 away from sharing an enchila-burrito from Taco Horn.

Jimmy:
These walls are lined with 3 feet of lead. No one's voice could possibly...

Sheen:
[from outside] JIMMY! LET ME IN!

[Hugh and Jimmy leave on a camping trip]

Judy:
Alone at last. Come on, Goddard, let's break out the cookie dough and watch gladiator movies.

Sheen:
Can I say it, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
Sure, go ahead.

Sheen:
Atomic Batteries to power, turbines to speed, and kick it, baby!

Jimmy:
Say it right.

Sheen:
Lift off.

Jimmy:
Much better.

Miss Fowl:
Jimmy and Cindy will work together on their projects.

[everyone gasps as thunder rumbles]

Miss Fowl:
Wow, that new school bell is a real waker-upper.

Hugh:
I just love our nine billion channel alien cable line-up!

Grandma Neutron:
And after they finished cleaning out my ears, there was enough wax to open a candle shop. And then they found this hair that they think could go straight to my foot.

[pulls ear and lifts foot]

Jet Fusion:
So, Beautiful, what's a beautiful girl like you doing with an evil dirtbag like Professor Calamitous?

Beautiful Gorgeous:
He's my father.

Jet Fusion:
[grunts in frustration] D'oh!

Commander Baker:
This is a dangerous mission. You may not come back alive.

Jimmy:
Can I get out of school?

Jimmy:
I love you, but I'm supposed to hate you.

Cindy:
What? Neutron, you are so dead!

Sheen:
You know what they say. Lies are just friends you haven't met.

Cindy:
[In Jimmy's body] Oh,yeah like I would really want to invent a tiolet in a briefcase!

Jimmy:
[In Cindy's body] Hey,that could have been an excellent relief to the traveling business man!

Military Staff:
Sir, we have reports of a 50-foot woman downtown!

Military General:
Thanks, but I'm looking for someone shorter, who enjoys walks in the park...

Military Staff:
[interrupting] She's not looking for a date, sir. She's terrorizing the town!

Military General:
Is there a difference? Okay, then, call in the military!

Military Staff:
We are the military, sir.

Military General:
Whoa, we got here fast!

Carl:
Not that fresh air and ticks in your sleeping bag isn't fun, but why do we have to go camping with you, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
Because if you don't, I'll be forced to publish these high-definition photos of you two playing with Pomono Beach Debbie Dolls.

Sheen:
Pomono Beach Debbie is an action figure. She posesses special powers that can defeat any adversary... except Ultra Lord, of course.

Carl:
I like the pretty bathing suits.

Giggles the Clown:
[to Jimmy] Can you teach me to get my hair in that ridiculous shape?

Sheen:
This year's play is "Macbeth in Space". What's that about?

Carl:
Some guy with a girl's last name.

Ike:
Principal Willoughby said it was written by a guy named William Shakespeare.

Oleander:
Isn't he the janitor?

Sheen:
Am I the only real man left?

Libby:
If by "man" you mean "doofus".

Calamitous:
My, aren't we the smart one. But not smart enough to fall into my... um... it starts with a T.

Jimmy:
Trap?

Calamitous:
Yes! And now you will be my scientific slave. You will finish my... um... um...

Jimmy:
Sentences?

Calamitous:
No! My, um...

Jimmy:
Inventions?

Calamitous:
Inventions! Finish my inventions. And with them I shall take over the... um...

Jimmy:
Universe?

Calamitous:
Um... smaller.

Jimmy:
The town of Retroville?

Calamitous:
And all those fools who laughed at me. They called me "Half-done" and "Never-finish", which weren't very good nicknames, but they stung just the same.

Jimmy:
Wait a minute. If you can't finish anything, how did you finish that robot?

Calamitous:
Who says it's finished. I never put in a bathroom. Speaking of which...

Edison:
[seeing the light bulb on Jimmy's lab] And where did you get that? Where I come from that's copyright infringement. Copyright infringement!

Jimmy:
[thinking that the junkman is coming back for them, he picks up a pipe for a weapon] I'm not going down without a fight. [Brobot appears]

Brobot:
Hi, Jimmy!

Jimmy:
Brobot?

Sheen:
Let's hit him anyways. He's the one who got us into this mess.

Brobot:
Now will you help me find my parents?

Sheen:
Well Brobot, that would be the "right thing" to do, but the "smart thing" to do would be find Jimmy's rocket, go home, and CALL IT A DAY!

Sheen:
Medulla oblongata. I don't know what it means, but I love it. [warrior voice] Back, or I will slay you with my medulla oblongata!

Jimmy:
[on the phone] Cindy, whatcha doin?

Cindy:
Neutron! Well after we hang up I'll be getting an unlisted number!

Jimmy:
Okay, Sheen. All you have to do is press the buttons...

Sheen:
Got it!

Jimmy:
I'm not done. Press the buttons one at a time...

Sheen:
Got it!

Jimmy:
I'm not done! Press the buttons one at a time when they light up. [Sheen says nothing] I'm done.

Sheen:
Got it!

Carl:
Hey Jimmy, I thought we weren't supposed to like girls.

Jimmy:
[Lovestruck] We don't. Betty is a woman.

Jimmy:
Don't couples usually go on second honeymoons?

Judy:
We had one of those, but thanks to a certain boy genius and his Forget-O-Blaster, we have lost all memory of it.

Jimmy:
Oh, yeah.

Judy:
As well as the fifth year of our marriage.

Hugh:
I wish I could remember that year. Do you think I had pie?

Cindy:
You turned your own grandmother into a baby?

Jimmy:
I have a loophole... I mean, explanation. It could have happened to anyone with a genius IQ and access to unstable chemicals.

[Jimmy has turned his grandmother into a baby]

Man:
Did that baby just talk?

Jimmy:
No, of course not. Everyone knows babies can't talk.

Grandma Neutron:
That's right, cause if we did, the Videotubbies would be cancelled so fast it would make their head aerials spin.

Carl:
[backstage, just before the curtain opens] Hey, Jimmy, I just found out that the play Macbeth has a curse and you're not supposed to say Macbeth cause if you say Macbeth bad things happen cause you said Macbeth and we've been saying Macbeth a lot and congratulations on getting the part of Macbeth. [gasps in sudden realization] I said *Macbeth*!

Jimmy:
[Sheen is slicing up a recently defeated lima bean monster] Fortunately, as all bean farmers know, phaseolus lunatus perishes when exposed to dry air and overly-nitrogenous soil.

Carl:
But you hit it with a hammer.

Jimmy:
[Jimmy had to kiss Cindy to escape from Carl's dream] Uh, Carl, you won't tell anybody about that awful desperate thing I did to wake you up?

Carl:
Sure thing, Jimmy.

Cindy:
[barging into Jimmy's kitchen] Not even in *his* dreams, Neutron! [slaps Jimmy]

Libby:
If you're asteroid inspectors, then let's see your badges!

[the aliens blast them with laser weapons]

Sheen:
Uh, Libby, I don't think they need no stinkin' badges.

Hugh:
I am Man, the pointy tip of the food chain! Gaze upon my opposable thumbs and tremble!

Sheen:
Why is this day unlike any other, you may ask? Because I brought a new Ultra-Lord action figure!

Cindy:
So? You always bring one of those, Ultra-Loser.

Sheen:
Mock if you must, O Maiden of Wrongness, for this is the Ultra-Lord Action Figure #3 with factory gender error.

Ultra-Lord:
[in girl voice] Like, will I wear this dress to the prom?

Carl:
This reminds me of the story of the boy who cried llama.

Sheen:
Wolf.

Carl:
[alarmed] Where?

Junkman:
Oh, Mommy. I could never put a price on you... so I sold you to the highest bidder.

Miss Fowl:
It has come to my attention that some of our candidates are guilty of bribery, blackmail and... murder! [audience gasps] Oh, sorry. Did I say murder? I meant operating a zeppelin on school grounds.

[Jimmy's pants disappear, leaving him in his underwear]

Cindy:
[laughing] I see London, I see France!

Carl:
You've got really good eyesight.

Judy Neutron:
Here's your breakfast, Hugh.

Hugh Neutron:
Thank you, sugar - wait a mm... This is bread! Soft, floppity, untoasty, non-crunchy, bleh bread!

Jimmy:
[Materno Tron is forcing Jimmy to bed early] It's only 7:00 and I'm not even tired!

Materno Tron:
Then I will just have to rock you to sleep! [picks Jimmy up and rocks him at a rapid speed] "Rock-a-bye Jimmy, on the treetop. I'll feed you kelp 'til your pants button pops!" [puts Jimmy down] Feeling tired now, son?

Jimmy:
[dizzy] Yes, and also very nauseous!

MaternoTron:
Where do you think you're going?

Jimmy:
...Outside.

MaternoTron:
Too dangerous. Outside is where the Civil War was held.

Grandma Taters:
[Grandma Taters assumes a martial-arts stance against Cindy and shouts] You wanna piece o' me, honey?

Cindy Vortex:
[assuming a martial-arts stance and shouting back] Bring it, wrinkles!

Cindy Vortex:
[upon seeing Grandma Taters for the first time] That's her? But she looks so sweet & innoncent.

James Isaac 'Jimmy' Neutron:
Yeah, so do child stars.

Carl Wheezer:
Jimmy!Jimmy!

James Isaac 'Jimmy' Neutron:
What is it, Carl?

Carl Wheezer:
Jimmy, Sheen is acting weird.

James Isaac 'Jimmy' Neutron:
Yeah, Carl where have you been for the past eleven years?

Beautiful Gorgeous:
It's time to say sayonara.

Sheen Estevez:
But, I don't speak ITALIAN.

Jimmy:
Ms. Gorgeous...

Beautiful Gorgeous:
Please, call me "Beautiful".

Carl Wheezer:
[walking backstage alongside Jimmy; Sheen gets shocked in the background while he's talking] Hey Jimmy, I heard that the play Macbeth has a curse and you're not supposed to say "Macbeth," because if you say "Macbeth," bad things will happen because you said "Macbeth" and we've been saying "Macbeth" a lot. And congratulations on getting the role of Macbeth. [horrified] I SAID "MACBETH!"

James Isaac Neutron:
How now, Soldier number five? What sayest thou?

Sheen Estevez:
[turns to audience, starts to speak and utters nothing]

Ms. Fowl:
[to Sheen] My lord, your wife, Lady Macbeth approaches.

Sheen Estevez:
[back to Ms. Fowl] I know! I was just taking a dramatic pause! [tries to speak again and says nothing, turns back to Ms. Fowl] What was it again?

Ms. Fowl:
[to Sheen, frustrated] My lord, your wife...

Sheen Estevez:
Macbeth lady, your my-lord approaches wife!

Principal Willoughby:
Oh, why didn't I get a puppet for that part?

Cindy Vortex:
[in audience, wearing a nose & glasses] Mr. Shimatsu? Would you like a cappuccino while watching the fabulous performance by the beautiful Cindy Vortex playing witch number two?

Corky Shimatsu:
No, thank you sweetheart. No distractions for the Corkster.

Hugh Neutron:
[taps Cindy; she turns around] Can I have a mocha espresso with plenty of sugar?

Cindy Vortex:
Yeah, right.

Old lady in audience:
Sshhhhh!

Hugh Neutron:
Exactly, yeah, shh the milk so it gets all foamy.

Principal Willoughby:
[off screen] Vortex! Get your tookus back on stage!

Jimmy:
Humans are supposed to be flawed. Their flaws mean that they're functioning perfectly.

Sheen:
Miss Fowl, could I be excused?

Miss Fowl:
No!

Sheen:
May I not be unexcused?

Miss Fowl:
[confused] Y-y-yes?

Sheen:
Psych! [runs out of the room, laughing]

Miss Fowl:
[irritated] Oooooh!

Jimmy:
Miss Fowl, will you not let me not leave the room?

Miss Fowl:
No! [defeated] Uh, yes.

Jimmy:
Thank you. [gets up from his desk and leaves]

Miss Fowl:
[frustrated] Ohhhh!

Carl:
Miss Fowl, can I never ever not be disexcused sometimes...?

Miss Fowl:
PLANT IT!

Carl:
'Kay.

Sheen:
I heard that, Carl!

Carl:
I didn't say anything!

Sheen:
I heard your thoughts! You think I'm being an annoying doofus!

Carl:
Jimmy, Sheen's brain is still growing! He's also being an annoying doofus.

Sheen:
I knew it!

Sheen:
Take it away Banjo playing boy!

Banjo Playing Boy:
Ok [plays the banjo] Wow, I didn't know I could play this, I guess that's the magic of animation.