The Adventures of Tintin

[from trailer]

Tintin:
Snowy, look at this... [points to a model ship]

[from trailer]

Tintin:
We can't go back, not now!... Not now.

[from trailer]

Tintin:
Are you going to take charge of this evidence?

Inspector Thompson:
Never fear, Tintin! The evidence is safe with us! [falls down stairs]

Thomson:
Thompson? Where are you?

Inspector Thompson:
Well, I'm already downstairs! You'd better keep up!

[from trailer]

[in a plane]

Captain Haddock:
You do know what you're doing, right?

Tintin:
Relax. I interviewed a pilot once!

[from trailer]

Captain Haddock:
I SWEAR to find that treasure before 'im!

[from trailer]

Captain Haddock:
Nobody takes MY ship!

[from trailer]

Tintin:
[inspecting the model Unicorn] What secrets do you hold...? [a roll of parchment slips out]

[from trailer]

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Find them, find them BOTH!

[from trailer]

Tintin:
If Sakharine gets to that ship before us, it's over!

[from trailer]

[a shipwrecked Haddock spots a plane]

Captain Haddock:
We're saved! A savior from above! [the plane opens fire]

Captain Haddock:
I thought you were an optimist.

Tintin:
You were wrong, weren't you? I'm a realist.

Captain Haddock:
Ah, it's just another name for a quitter.

Tintin:
You can call me what you like. Don't you get it? We failed.

Captain Haddock:
Failed. There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse. Don't you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Don't you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There's something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.

Tintin:
Captain, can you get us to Bagghar?

Captain Haddock:
What sort of a stupid question is that?

[gets up]

Captain Haddock:
Give me those oars! I'll show you some real seamanship, laddie! I'll not be doubted by some pipsqueak tuft of ginger and his irritating dog. I am master and commander of the seas!

Thomson:
[looks at the newspaper] Great Scotland Yard! That's extraordinary!

Tintin:
What is?

Thomson:
Worthington's having a half-price sale on bowler hats!

Inspector Thompson:
[snatches the newspaper] Really, Thomson! This is hardly the time...

[looks at the newspaper]

Inspector Thompson:
Great Scotland Yard!

Thomson, Tintin:
What is it?

Inspector Thompson:
Canes are half-price too!

Captain Haddock:
So you thought you'd sneak in an' catch me with me trousers down, eh?

Tintin:
I'd rather you keep your trousers on if it's all the same to you!

Tintin:
How's your thirst for adventure, Captain?

Captain Haddock:
Unquenchable, Tintin.

Tintin:
What have you done?

Captain Haddock:
I lit a wee fire...

Tintin:
*In a boat?*

[explosion]

Tintin:
Well, this is a fine mess.

Tintin:
We've got bad news. We've only got one bullet.

Captain Haddock:
What's the good news?

Tintin:
We've got ONE bullet.

[last lines]

Tintin:
There's a clue to another treasure. How's your thirst for adventure, Captain?

Captain Haddock:
Unquenchable, Tintin. [Snowy winks at us]

Allan:
Mr Tintin?

Tintin:
Yes, that's me.

Allan:
There's a crate here for you, sir.

Tintin:
But I didn't order anything.

Allan:
[knocks out Tintin] That's 'cause *you're* in it! [stuffs him into the crate]

Ivanovich Sakharine:
You may kill the boy, but NOT Haddock!

Allan:
Oh, come on, sir, he's a rum soak! We should have killed him long ago...

Ivanovich Sakharine:
[draws his blade] Do you think it was an accident I took Haddock's ship, Haddock's crew, Haddock's treacherous first mate? Nothing I do is an accident!

Captain Haddock:
Sir Francis Haddock was the greatest captain of the seven seas! Why do you think I drink? It's because I know I'll never be like him!

Tintin:
To think, all it took was one day in the Sahara! Congratulations, Captain, you're sober!

Red Rackham:
Kill his men!

Sir Francis Haddock:
Nooooo!

Captain Haddock:
It was Allan, he nobbled me... and there was a bottle...

Tintin:
There always is!

Captain Haddock:
No, it's not like that...

Tintin:
I can smell it on you!

[Haddock hurls bottles at Sakharine]

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Go ahead, have a drink. It's all you've got left!

Ivanovich Sakharine:
The legend says only a Haddock is able to find the treasure... but it took a Rackham to get the job done!

Tintin:
Great snakes!

Captain Haddock:
Billions of blistering barnacles!

Captain Haddock:
Ten thousand thundering typhoons!

[Thomson and Thompson plan a trap for the wallet thief]

Inspector Thompson:
It's childishly simple!

Thomson:
To be precise: it's simply childish!

Bianca Castafiore:
I am most grateful to Professor Sweetie Pie, for bringing me here to Bagghar! [Sakharine winces]

Nestor:
Good evening, sir. I trust you had a pleasant voyage.

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Do I pay you to talk?

Nestor:
You don't pay me at all.

Captain Haddock:
Red Rackham!

Ivanovich Sakharine:
That's right! An ancestor of mine, just as Sir Francis was yours!

Captain Haddock:
Unfinished business...

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Oh, it's good you remember, Haddock - killing you drunk wouldn't have been as much fun!

Inspector Thompson:
You are under arrest!

Thomson:
To be precise: you are under arrest!

Captain Haddock:
Blistering treasure! It's Red Rackham's barnacles!

Captain Haddock:
My memory isn't the way it used to be.

Tintin:
How was it?

Captain Haddock:
I've forgotten.

Captain Haddock:
What is this peculiar beverage? It had no bouquet, it's completely transparent.

Tintin:
It's water.

Tintin:
Bad news, Captain. We've only got one bullet.

Captain Haddock:
What's the good news?

Tintin:
We've got one bullet.

Captain Haddock:
[Haddock is chasing Sakharine's Bird] 10,000 Thundering Typhoons! Come here you pilfering parakeet!

Silk:
I'm not a bad person. I'm a kleptomaniac.

Thomson:
A what?

Inspector Thompson:
It's fear of open spaces.

Thomson:
Poor man. No wonder he keeps his wallets in the living room.

Captain Haddock:
Nobody takes my ship!

Tintin:
They've already taken it.

Captain Haddock:
But nobody takes my ship twice!

Captain Haddock:
[seeing Snowy for the first time] A giant rat of Sumatra!

Tintin:
[sees The Unicorn model ship in mirror reflection] Snowy, look at this. [views model ship in glass case] Tripled masted. Double decks. Fifty guns. Isn't she a beauty?

Peddler:
It's a very unique specimen, that is. An old sea captain's estate.

Tintin:
[reads label] "The Unicorn."

Peddler:
The Unicorn. Many wars sailed that ship. That's very old, that is. Built in the sixteenth century.

Tintin:
Seventeenth, I would think.

Peddler:
Named by Charles the First.

Tintin:
Charles the Second.

Peddler:
That's what I said, Charles the Second.

Allan:
Mr Tin...tin?

Tintin:
Yes, that's me.

Allan:
Delivery for ya.

Tintin:
But I didn't order anything.

Allan:
That's because it's you that's gettin' delivered. [smothers Tintin with chloroform and stuffs him into the crate]

Sakharine:
Where is it?

Tintin:
[regains consciousness] Where's what?

Sakharine:
[bangs cane against cage] Oh, I am tired of your games. The scrolls from the unicorn. A piece of paper like this. [shows Tintin scroll]

Tintin:
You mean the poem.

Sakharine:
Yes.

Tintin:
The poem written in Old English.

Sakharine:
Yes.

Tintin:
It was inside a cylinder.

Sakharine:
Yes.

Tintin:
Concealed in the mast.

Sakharine:
Yes!

Tintin:
...I don't have it.

Captain Haddock:
[wakes up from his drunkenness and notices Snowy, jumps] Ahhhhh! A giant rat of Sumatra. [sees Tintin stumbling into his room through the window; brandishes a bent pipe, thinking he's an intruder] So, you think you can sneak up behind me, and catch me wi' my trousers down, huh?

Tintin:
[dodging Haddock's blows] I would rather keep your trousers on, if it's all the same to you.

Captain Haddock:
I know you're here. You're one of them!

Tintin:
Sorry?

Captain Haddock:
He sent you here to kill me!

Tintin:
Look, I don't know who you are!

Captain Haddock:
That was his plan, to bump me off! Murder me in my bed by a baby-faced assassin![Snowy bites his ankle, tries to shake him off] Arrgh!

Tintin:
Assassin? Look, you've got it all wrong! [Captain Haddock and Tintin stops fighting] I was kidnapped by a gang of thugs. [drops rod]

Captain Haddock:
[cries comically] Oh, the filthy swine! He's turned the whole crew against me!

Tintin:
Who?

Captain Haddock:
The sour-faced man with the sugary name. He's bumped them all off, every last of'em.

Tintin:
Sakharine!

Captain Haddock:
Nobody takes MY ship!

Tintin:
You're the captain?

Captain Haddock:
Of course, I'm the captain. Who else can I be? [Tintin shushes him] I've been locked in this room for days, with only whiskey to sustain my mortal soul. [Tintin reveals door is not locked, looks at Haddock exasperatingly] Oh...I assumed it was locked.

Tintin:
Well, it's not. Now you must excuse me, if they find me here, they'll kill me. We have to keep moving, try to find my way off this drunken tub [leaves Haddock's room with a bang of the door].

Captain Haddock:
[taken aback] Tub?!

Captain Haddock:
Tintin, wake up. Come warm yourself, laddie.

Tintin:
[regains consciousness; alarmed] Captain, what have you done?!

Captain Haddock:
[warms hands] You looked a little cold, so I lit a wee fire.

Tintin:
IN A BOAT?!

Tintin:
[looking in pistol] Bad news, captain. We've only got one bullet.

Captain Haddock:
What's the good news?

Tintin:
[aims pistol at enemy plane] We've got ONE bullet. [shoots at the plane, sending it crashing in the sea]

Captain Haddock:
You do know what you're doing, do you?

Tintin:
Um, more or less. [starts up plane]

Captain Haddock:
Well, which is it, more or less?

Tintin:
Relax, I interviewed a pilot once.

[Thomson and Thompson have discovered Aristides Silk's collection of stolen wallets]

Aristides:
I'm not a bad person! I'm a kleptomaniac.

Thomson:
[to Thompson] A what?

Thompson:
It's a fear of open spaces.

Thomson:
Poor man, no wonder he keeps his wallets in the living room.

Captain Haddock:
Nobody takes my ship!

Tintin:
They've already taken it.

Captain Haddock:
But nobody takes my ship TWICE! So what's our next plan?

Tintin:
There is no plan.

Captain Haddock:
Of course there's a plan. you've always got a plan.

Tintin:
Not this time. Sakharine got the scrolls. He's headed for the treasure. Could be anywhere in the world. We'll never see him again. It's over.

Captain Haddock:
I thought you were an optimist.

Tintin:
Well, you were wrong, weren't you? I'm a realist.

Captain Haddock:
Ah, that's just another name for a quitter.

Tintin:
You can call me what you like. Don't you get it? We failed.

Captain Haddock:
Failed. There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse. Don't you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Don't you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There's something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.

[Thomson and Thompson rescue Sakharine from the water and into a boat]

Thomson:
We have you now, you devil. You are under arrest!

Thompson:
To be precised, you're under arrest.

[Sakharine simply puts his hands in the air slowly and accepts defeat]

Tintin:
We have to get to Bagghar ahead of Sakharine.

Captain Haddock:
I know. I know! Why?

Tintin:
[referring to Sheik Omar Ben Salaad] Because he has the 3rd model ship.

Captain Haddock:
How do you know?

Tintin:
[pulls out brochure] The Sheik collects old ships. [points to picture of the Unicorn] And this is the prize of his collection.

Captain Haddock:
Blistering blue barnacles, that is the Unicorn!

Tintin:
Captain, do you see the distortion around the model?

Captain Haddock:
Uh-huh. Aye.

Tintin:
It means that Ben Salaad exhibits it in a bullet-proof glass case in his palace.

Captain Haddock:
And Sakharine's going there to steal it.

Tintin:
Yes, he has a secret weapon: the Milanese Nightingale. But that won't be enough to solve the mystery, and that is why Sakharine needs you. That's why he made you his prisoner. There is something he needs you to remember.

Captain Haddock:
I don't follow you.

Tintin:
[sighs] I read it in a book... [sits back down] ...that only a true Haddock can discover the secret of the Unicorn. [pause]

Captain Haddock:
I don't remember anything about anything.

Tintin:
But you must know about your ancestors. Sir Francis. It's your family legacy.

Captain Haddock:
My memory's not what it used to be.

Tintin:
Well, what did it used to be?

Captain Haddock:
I've forgotten.

Tintin:
Captain, can you get us to Bagghar?

Captain Haddock:
What sort of a stupid question is that? [gets up] Give me those oars! I'll show you some real seamanship, laddie! I'll not be doubted by some pipsqueak tuft of ginger and his irritating dog. I am master and commander of the seas! I know these waters better than the warts on my mother's face. [notices Tintin and Snowy unconscious] Look at the pair of them, fast asleep. Typical landlubbers, eh? No stamina these days. Nevermind. I'll get you there, Tintin.

Captain Haddock:
Tintin? Tintin. Come warm yourself, laddie.

Tintin:
[regains consciousness; alarmed] Captain, what have you done?!

Captain Haddock:
Oh, no need to thank me. [warms hands]

Tintin:
What? [tries to put out the fire with his foot]

Captain Haddock:
You looked a little cold, so I lit a wee fire.

Tintin:
IN A BOAT?! [sees oars in Captain's hands] No, those are our oars. We need those oars!

Captain Haddock:
Yes, but not for much longer. [breaks oars in two]

Tintin:
Have you gone mad?! [as he throws water at the fire] Quick, Captain! Captain, help me! Captain, help me, quick!

Captain Haddock:
He's right. What have I done? What have I done?! [opens a bottle of whiskey]

Tintin:
NO! CAPTAIN, NOT THAT! [boat explodes in flames]

Captain Haddock:
[regretfully] Thundering typhoons!

Aristides:
Thank you so much. No need to come in, I'll be quite all right.

Thomson:
No, but we insist.

Thompson:
Better safe than sorry. It's the least we can do.

Thomson:
There we are.

[Thomson and Thompson have discovered Aristides Silk's collection of stolen wallets]

Thompson:
Good grief, what's all this?

Aristides:
It's my...collection?

Thomson:
What a lot of wallets.

Aristides:
I-I can't help it. It started with coin purses and sort of went on from there, really.

Thompson:
You ought to be careful. Haven't you heard? There's a pickpocket about.

Thomson:
Yes, he'd love this. Can you imagine?

Aristides:
What do you mean "pickpocket"?

Thompson:
Oh, a master criminal. A bag-snatching purse-pilfering wallet-lifting sneak thief.

Aristides:
I'm not a bad person! I'm a kleptomaniac.

Thompson:
[to Thomson] A what?

Thomson:
It's a fear of open spaces.

Thompson:
Poor man, no wonder he keeps his wallets in the living room.

Aristides:
Wallets, I-I just can't resist the lovely little things. It's a-It's a harmless habit, really.

Thompson:
Good heavens, Thomson! Look at this! His name's Thomson too!

Thomson:
[chuckles] What a coincidence!

Thompson:
No, Thomson. This is Thomson without a P, as in "psychic".

Thomson:
No no no, it's Thompson with a P, as in "psychiatrist".

Aristides:
[showcasing the wallets he stole] Look at this one. A green one I managed to pick this from a pickpocket actually pickpocketing at the time. A-And this one...

Thomson:
No, you had it wrong. There is a P in "psychic".

Thompson:
I am not your sidekick. You are mine.

Aristides:
Smell it, won't you [sniffs a wallet] Piggy leather.

Thomson:
How dare you!

Thompson:
How dare you! I met you first.

Thomson:
I met you first.

Thompson:
No you didn't.

Thomson:
Yes I did..

Thompson:
No you did not!

Thomson:
Yes I did!

[Thomson and Thompson continue to bicker until Aristides throws wallets at both of them]

Aristides:
Listen up! I can't stand it anymore. Alright, I'll come quietly. Take them. Take them! TAKE THEM ALL!

Thompson:
Stop it! Pull yourself together man! We can't take your wallets. Do we look like thieves?

Thomson:
[pulls out Tintin's wallet] Good heavens, Thompson. This looks familiar. Can't be.

Thompson:
[holds Tintin's wallet] It is.

Both:
Tintin!

Tintin:
Well, this is fine mess.

Captain Haddock:
Billions of blistering blue barnacles! I swear, as the last of the Haddocks, I'll find that treasure before him!

Captain Haddock:
[after being nearly shot by enemy plane] Troglodytes! Slave traders! Mutant malingerers! Freshwater politicians!

Captain Haddock:
Typical landlubbers, eh? No stamina these days.

Captain Haddock:
FUMES!

Captain Haddock:
By Jupiter, I have a beard? Since when did I have a beard?!

Captain Haddock:
To the death, Red Rackham.

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Do you think it was an accident I took Haddock's ship, Haddock's crew, Haddock's treacherous first mate? Nothing is an accident.

Ivanovich Sakharine:
We go back a long way, Captain Haddock and I. We've unfinished business. And this time, I'm going to make him pay.

Ivanovich Sakharine:
The legend says only a Haddock can discover the secret of the Unicorn. But it took a Rackham to get the job done. So you've lost again, Haddock. That's right. Why don't you have a drink? It's all you've got left, isn't it? Everything that was rightfully yours is now mine. [referring to the Karaboudjan] Including this ship.

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Oh, I'm glad you know the truth, Haddock. Until you could remember, killing you wouldn't have been this much fun!

Ivanovich Sakharine:
Faster you idiot! Faster!

Ivanovich Sakharine:
IDIOTS! You idiots! What have you done?! [Tom: We killed them, boss, like you wanted.] NO! Not like I wanted! I needed Haddock ALIVE!