The Batman/Superman Hour

Catwoman:
[of Bruce Wayne] I like the way that man operates.

Joker:
What're you trying to do, drown me?

Catwoman:
Not a bad idea, Joker.

Catwoman:
I stole those jewels fair and square.

Batman:
One doesn't expect company to drop in while flying in a helicopter.

[last lines]

Dick Grayson:
Just goes to show you that consorting with criminals doesn't pay any more than crime itself. Right, Bruce?

Bruce Wayne:
[clearing his throat]... So it would seem, Dick. [Dick hides a wicked grin]

Robin:
DM-1313. It's gotta stand for Dollman and double bad luck.

Dollman:
I'll have to build my little men better next time.

Robin:
You'll have plenty of time for that play... in your new workshop, at Gotham Jail! [laughs with Batman]

[last lines]

Commission James Gordon:
Merry Christmas.

Mr. Freeze:
Bah, humbug!

Robin:
Those sailors should be made to walk the plank.

The Penguin:
You miserable refugee from a Halloween party!

Batgirl:
I've always meant to ask you, Catwoman, who does your hair? [a cut to her reveals seaweed in it]

Robin:
Since when did the Riddler turn to simple vault-heists?

Batman:
Relax, Riddler, you're in no hurry now.

Batman:
We've got a new disguise for you, Riddler. [holding a prison uniform] Only this one won't fool anybody.

Robin:
He sounds like a cartoon character.

Batman:
As Superman would say...

Robin:
Up, up, and away!

Batman:
You may be a bowling champ but I used to be a basketball star.

[last lines]

Robin:
We were just beginning to have some fun, Commissioner.

Batman:
Yes, Catwoman and her friends invited us to, play some games.

Commission James Gordon:
How nice. But I know a game they'll probably be playing for a long time. It's called Rockpile.

Robin:
That's not democracy, it's larceny.

Batman:
It's anarchy.

Robin:
Holy smokes, Batman!

Batman:
Cool it, chum. We're not done for. Yet.

Joker:
Not yet, but in a moment you'll be *well*-done!

[last lines:
"In Again Out Again Penguin"]

Bruce Wayne:
A crafty bird, the Penguin, but he can't fool you.

Commission James Gordon:
Well, n - no-no, no. Not often, that is.

[Bruce and Dick grin at each other]

Joker:
No safe is safe from me. [opens the safe entrance to see Batman's head there]

Batman:
Except this one, Joker.

Barbara Gordon:
You don't know it, Commissioner Gordon, but your daughter's got a date with action.

The Riddler:
When you came through that door, you were sprayed with knockout gas.

The Penguin:
Don't put me on, you - you - Good night. [falls asleep]

Joker:
[cornered] Ohh-h-h-h, n-o-o-o-o.

Batgirl:
Ohh-h-h-h, y-e-e-e-s.

Batman:
Now it's a Rogues' Gallery, not a monument.

Batman:
Now, Robin, we've got to make up for our own opera, The Revenge of the Caped Crusaders.

Robin:
There goes our bull, matador.

Robin:
Talk about the phantom of the opera.

Batman:
You can't trap ghosts.

Joker:
[last lines: "Opera Buffa"] [seeing a photo of Batman and Robin's statues in his cell] Oh, no! Take them away, please! [they and Commissioner Gordon laugh]

The Riddler:
Riddle them with your fists!

Batman:
Puny joke, Robin.

Robin:
Have some more guns! [uses a hook to knock over a rack of them, causing them to strike the Joker's henchmen]

Batman:
[of the note Riddler left] That's no riddle; it's a challenge.

Robin:
[sees Catwoman] What's that, Batman, a cat or a sewer rat?

Robin:
Reports of our death are very exaggerated!

Chief O'Hara:
Welcome home, crooks!

[last lines]

The Riddler:
All right, so you got us. But you have to give back that sack full of silver dollars we left at the bank. That was *our* money - a thousand dollars.

Batman:
Oh, that reminds me. Here's a bill for the electricity you stole by tapping Gotham City's underground cable. By coincidence, it comes to just one-thousand dollars. [Riddler cries and Catwoman growls; he, Robin, and Chief O'Hara laugh]

Simon the Pieman:
By ginger, it was a snap.

Simon the Pieman:
Simon says, laugh.

Batgirl:
Chocolate syrup. A delicious way to die but, personally, I'll take vanilla.

Robin:
Riddle me this, Riddler. What puffs and puffs, but makes you get out of breath?

The Riddler:
You smart-aleck kid, I'll...

Robin:
Smoke!

[last lines]

Commissioner James Gordon:
What a wonderful joke! Imagine Bruce Wayne as Batman! How incredible!

[laughs with Dick]

Joker:
But we're going to divide the loot; don't you trust me?

The Penguin:
You want at honest answer?

Joker:
[last lines: "Two Penguins Too Many"] You and those idiotic birds of yours.

[the penguin chick begins biting his leg, causing him to run and it to chase with the older two following]

Mr. Freeze:
[learning that he's turned to robbery] Batman has finally gotten smart.

Mr. Freeze:
Alive!

Robin:
[uses a foot to jab the ice-gun being held at him out of the henchman's hand] And kicking.

Jimmy Olsen:
Do you believe that malarkey about Luthor, Mr. Kent?

Superman:
Well, Jimmy, it's only fair to give a reformed man a chance to prove himself.

Jimmy Olsen:
Nuts! I don't trust that creep, and I'm keeping an eye on him.

Commission James Gordon:
Could it be the Joker?

Batman:
Negative.

Robin:
Not the Riddler either. Which leaves...

Batman:
The Penguin. Yes, it's got his style, but...

Robin:
But what, Batman?

Batman:
He's got to owe the diabolically ingenious structure of this crime to someone else.

[last lines:
"The Crime Computer]

Batman:
[laughing] That Alfred. He never fails to amaze me.

Batgirl:
[last lines: "The Great Scarecrow Scare"] Can we take him down, Batman?

Batman:
I don't know. Since this a cornfield maybe he's finally found his place: scaring crows!

[they laugh with Robin]

Batman:
You want the world, Freeze? Here! [throws a globe]

Mr. Freeze:
Don't worry, you'll all defrost. In about two weeks! [leaves laughing]

Batman:
[last lines: "Enter the Judge"] Case is closed.

Robin:
[the convict's mouth is taped shut] And for a change, so is his mouth.

The Riddler:
[after capturing Robin in the suit of armor] I'm the first fisherman to catch a sardine still in the can.

The Riddler:
If Robin escaped from this truck, he really is a Boy Wonder.

Robin:
[on the roof] Thanks for the compliment, old buddy!

Robin:
Holy mackerel!

Batman:
How do you test the strength of a Batrope?

Robin:
With a few jerks!

[last lines]

The Riddler:
Gee, Commissioner, I was just kiddin' around - havin' a little fun. So, how much time can a judge give me for that?

Robin:
That's easy, Riddler. What is it that seems to run on forever until it comes to a period?

The Riddler:
A long... sentence. [Batman, Robin, Batgirl, and Commissioner Gordon laugh]

Batgirl:
[grabs onto the chandelier the Riddler holds onto after he orders his men to seize her and uses it to propel herself out the window after them] Thanks for the lift!

Dick Grayson:
[at the end of it while the Riddler's men are at the base ready to advance] Careful. It's dangerous to fool around on diving boards! [leaps off and somersaults in midair so they charge and end up falling into the swimming pool]

Batgirl:
Riddle me this, Riddler. What kind of mill leaves tire tracks?

The Riddler:
Uh - a treadmill?

The Riddler:
Crossword, you designed this trap. Now where would the secret button be that lowers the paper floor over the acid tank?

Crossword (henchman):
Uh... I give up, Riddler.

The Riddler:
Idiot, that's not a riddle! I'm asking you where the secret button is!

Crossword (henchman):
Oh. Sorry, boss.

Batman:
I'm getting very close.

Catwoman:
[turns on the lights] Just close enough, Batman!

Catwoman:
He carries a hardware store in that belt of his!

Batman:
I hate to cast pearls before swine, but... [throws the pearls from a necklace before Catwoman's henchmen to trip them]

Catwoman:
The game is yours, Batman, but you've used up your nine lives. When we meet again, and I promise you we will, there will be a different ending.

[last lines]

Batgirl:
What's that hyena laughing at now?

Joker:
Just this, Batgirl: you can't arrest me for looking for phony money I never really found.

Commission James Gordon:
No, but the laugh's on you, Joker. I'm locking you up for making a movie without a permit.

Joker:
What? You can't do that to me!

[everyone else laughs]

Robin:
Why would Catwoman want a kid working with her?

Batman:
Maybe she's asked the same question about me?

Robin:
Wh... I'm - that's different!

Catwoman:
Take the jewels off the dummies, too.

Batman:
[her henchman turns a cloaked figure around to reveal it's Batman] Now who's a dummy?