The Brave Little Toaster

The Radio:
I think Houdini did this once, and if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.

Lampy:
Well, that's encouraging.

The Radio:
Boy, are we glad to see you!

Lampy:
Yeah. I really thought I'd turned in my warranty that time.

The Radio:
Until baggy here showed up!

Kirby:
I just slipped and fell in. That's all.

Lampy:
[laughing] Oh, yeah, sure, right.

Blanky:
You can't fool us. We love you.

The Radio:
That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.

Kirby:
Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the shore. Everybody off.

The Radio:
Listen to this! This is President Roosevelt awarding the vaccum the medal of honor!

[Radio places a leaf on Kirby's face, but Kirby blows it off, and everyone laughs]

Air Conditioner:
The whole bunch of you gotta have a combined wattage of maybe five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap metal time.

The Radio:
Things could be worse, you know.

Lampy:
How?

The Radio:
How what?

Lampy:
How could they be worse?

The Radio:
They couldn't; I lied.

Blanky:
He's not home.

Toaster:
We'll have to wait.

The Radio:
No. Let's wait inside!

Lampy:
But it's locked.

The Radio:
Luckily, my war training included inter-appliance codes. I will simply render the secret appliance knock, and we'll be welcomed by the native machinery. Stand aside, my meager companion!

[Radio knocks Lampy off the bed]

Lampy:
Holy Mother of Edison! What were you thinking? You could have broken my bulb!

Lampy:
Hey, come over here. I'm gonna...

The Radio:
Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?

Lampy:
Precisely - a total idiot!

The Radio:
If you sabre wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!

[the Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]

The Radio:
A blow for Richard! A blow for Marion! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th street!

Air Conditioner:
You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't you?

Blanky:
Yes. He was our master.

Air Conditioner:
Well, that's real nice, and any day now, he might come romping back, huh? He'll just come whistling through that door, and everything will be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.

Blanky:
Uh-huh.

Lampy:
It's a possibility.

Toaster:
Well, at least we try to be optimistic.

Air Conditioner:
[shouts] Optimistic? Somebody try to untie the knot in this guy's cord!

Kirby:
Why don't you just shut off?

Air Conditioner:
Hey, I'm really scared there, Kirby. What are you going to do, suck me to death?

The Radio:
I've always loved travel anyway: the open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grill.

Blanky:
Do we have to stop here?

Toaster:
Only for a while.

The Radio:
Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals within a few days, I've seen it happen!

Kirby:
And you'll be the first to go, dial-face.

Lampy:
So... uh... what's this thing with you and the Blanket?

Toaster:
What thing?

Lampy:
You know. All of a sudden, you're being so darned NICE to him all of a sudden.

Toaster:
Oh, that. I was just thinking, and I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.

Lampy:
Wow, that's weird.

Toaster:
What's weird about it?

Lampy:
I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to him before, and all of a sudden now you're nice to him all the time, and I don't know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, what it all means.

Toaster:
Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. [Lampy looks puzzled] Hmmm. It's, um, let's see... it's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. [Lampy scratches his head] It's like a glow...

Lampy:
A glow!

Toaster:
Yeah.

Lampy:
I think I know what you're talking about! It's like the feeling I get when I think about the Master.

Kirby:
The battery's gone dead!

The Radio:
We're trapped here like rats! Small little rats with no hair and one leg!

The Radio:
[points at the sun] Look, Lampy, from here you can see the really BIG lamp.

Lampy:
WOW! I wonder where his switch is?

[the Radio is navigating the journey]

The Radio:
North by northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.

[Toaster notices Kirby is reluctant to come]

Toaster:
You know, we could use someone who's really... strong!

Lampy:
And loud!

Blanky:
And grumpy!

The Radio:
And oblivious to reality!

Kirby:
Oh, come off it! Be serious.

Toaster:
I *am* serious!

Kirby:
You're insane!

The Radio:
Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.

Toaster:
What?

The Radio:
Or maybe it was a basset hound.

Kirby:
You're *all* insane!

The Radio:
[thinking Kirby is a whale] Damn thee, accursed whale! By the depths of Hell I stabbeth thee!

Kirby:
Climb on, you idiot!

The Radio:
Oh, it's you.

Kirby:
Where's Toaster?

Lampy:
He sank!

Toaster:
If a dog can do it, WE can do it!

Blanky:
But a dog has legs.

Toaster:
Ah, don't be a wet blanket.

Kirby:
[uf the Master] He's not coming back anyway.

Lampy:
He might. The fact is there's just not enough fact.

Air Conditioner:
What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line! Now get this through your chrome. We've been dumped! Abandoned!

Blanky:
But he loved us.

The Radio:
That's right.

Air Conditioner:
So what? He's a kid. He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a packaged deal.

Toaster:
But maybe they're...

Air Conditioner:
He's not coming back! Pure and simple!

Kirby:
Oh yeah? Did you talk to him recently or something? They could drive up any second!

Blanky:
You really think so?

Kirby:
I'm not talking to you!

Toaster:
Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.

Air Conditioner:
That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawling like a baby anytime now.

Toaster:
I think you're jealous.

Air Conditioner:
Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.

Lampy:
Dim?

Toaster:
Yeah, because the master never played with you.

Kirby:
Because you're stuck in a wall!

Lampy:
I remember the first time my bulb burned out. And I thought, "That's it! I'm burnt out! Eighty-sixed! To the showers!" But then the master gave me a brand new bulb... and I just glowed.

Toaster:
What are you laughing at?

Air Conditioner:
Absolutely nothing, nothing at all.

Lampy:
I think he was laughing at us.

Air Conditioner:
You know something? You're a bright little lamp.

Lampy:
Thanks... Hey!

Lampy:
Legs would help, you know.

Kirby:
Brains wouldn't hurt either.

Lampy:
Lay off.

The Radio:
Yeah, pipe down, carpet-breath.

Toaster:
You know, guys? We are going to need some kind of shelter.

Kirby:
Yeah. Shelter for the likes of them.

The Radio:
Come over here and say that, chrome dome.

Kirby:
What?

The Radio:
Oh sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous vacuum".

Black and White TV:
Boy if he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive out to the cab...

[Plugsy switches the station; an announcer speaks Spanish]

Lampy:
Hey!

The Radio:
What's the idea?

Plugsy:
Oh, many pardons. Was you watchin' that channel?

Chris:
Really, now, why don't you just go out and find a new one?

Rob:
Are you kidding? Where am I gonna find another toaster like this? [Shows her badly damaged Toaster]

Chris:
Like that? Probably nowhere.

Blanky:
[off-screen from a distance] Help me! I'm stuck!

Toaster:
I hear him.

Lampy:
I don't see him anywhere.

The Radio:
Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a white, fluffly little angel with a knob-nose.

Kirby:
He's just stuck in a tree, that's all! Look!

Zeke:
[Elmo St. Peters had fainted after the appliances scared him half to death and escaped] Did I catch ya at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes.

The Radio:
Why listen to this. I'm picking up something. I think its a news flash: President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about. So lock up the office, take down the top and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends the best of luck and a fond farewell.

Kirby:
Ah, you're all a bunch of junk. [They all laugh]

Chris:
Hey, what about Rooney's down on 53rd? They've got like used vacuums and junk.

Black and White TV:
This just in: Rooney's vacuums found to be uh... um... carcinogenic in recent lab tests. Big, big tumors on those rats. Bleagh! We've got photos to prove it,

[photos of showgirls]

Black and White TV:
and I don't even wanna look at them. Uhh!

Lampy:
Boy, he sure has grown!

The Radio:
Look at him! What a heartbreaker!

Toaster:
He graduated too!

Kirby:
Of course. He knows how to work hard.

Blanky:
He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.

Black and White TV:
[good-naturedly] Still needs ya? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!

Black and White TV:
Why wander endlessly through this sprawling wasteland they dare to call a city when your dreams are all under one roof? Our roof! Corner of 3rd and East. Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of... of... TOTAL BARGAIN MADNESS!

[Burts out laughing and collapses]

Rob:
Have you ever heard of this place before? Looks pretty neat.

Air Conditioner:
So... It's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you move around, you think you're better than I am. I'm not an invalid. I was designed to stick in the wall! I like being stuck in the stupid wall! I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials...

[Begins to spark and fizzle furiously]

Toaster:
We didn't mean it. Really!

Air Conditioner:
[bellows] IT'S MY FUNCTION!

[continues sparking and fizzing and glowing]

Toaster:
No, wait. Wait!

Kirby:
He's gonna blow!

Toaster:
Quick, yank your plugs!

[the appliances all unplug themselves just as Air Conditioner blows up]

Blanky:
Poor Air Conditioner.

Toaster:
I didn't think he'd take it so hard.

Kirby:
Ah, he was a jerk anyway.

The Radio:
Why if it isn't ol' Rabbit Ears!

Black and White TV:
Why if it isn't ol' loudmouth!

Blanky:
Hey, TV!

Lampy:
How ya doing?

Black and White TV:
Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.

Toaster:
The cabin hasn't been the same since they took you away.

Kirby:
Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.

Black and White TV:
[grinning] Well I see you haven't changed.

The Radio:
Why, I don't believe I've ever seen quite so many smiles before.

Kirby:
I've never seen contraptions with so many buttons and knobs and dials before.

Computer:
Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Lampy:
Wow.

The Radio:
Well, what does that mean?

Lampy:
I don't know. What's that mean?

Entertainment Center:
Plugsy.

Plugsy:
Yeah?

Entertainment Center:
Did you hear that? He's taking some old... STUFF to the dorm instead of us.

Blanky:
There may be lions in there...

The Radio:
And tigers and bears. Oh my.

Lampy:
[sarcastically] He's such a baby! Ma-maa!

[first lines]

The Radio:
Good morning, good morning, gooooood morning!

Kirby:
What do you mean what are we going to do today? The same thing we've done for the last 2000 days! Chores!

Blanky:
Chores?

Toaster:
It'll be fun.

The Radio:
Fun? I'm up for some fun. Listen to this, a broadcast from Wrigley Field. It's the bottom of the ninth...

[Lampy shuts Radio off]

Lampy:
I don't see how doing chores is supposed to be fun.

Kirby:
It's not supposed to be fun. It's work.

Blanky:
I don't like to work without the master.

Toaster:
Well, okay. If you guys don't want to work, why don't we play a game?

The Radio:
A game? What sort of a game?

Lampy:
What are the rules?

Toaster:
There's only one rule... no one stops until the house is clean.

Kirby, Blanky, The Radio, Lampy:
Boo!

Lampy:
Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!

Kirby:
Great. Let's spread out the blanket and have a picnic.

Blanky:
But I'm full of stickers!

Kirby:
Well, my bag's full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Who's idea was it to come this way, anyway?

The Radio:
Why, it was the lamp's, I tell ya!

Lampy:
Oh, yeah? Who's supposed to be the big shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth? Mr. Big Loudmouth?

Kirby:
Yeah!

Toaster:
Where are we, anyway?

The Radio:
Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second and I... Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and... PeeWee Reese is at the plate! There's the pitch, and he hits! [he hits a rock which bounces off everyone else] Oh, and it's a triple play!

Lampy:
Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, and Kirby can push us!... No, no, no... Hey! What about the master's pogo stick?... No, no, no... Hey! Why don't we get the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull?... No, no, no... Hey!

The Radio:
Shut up! Shut up!

Toaster, Kirby:
SHUT UP!

The Radio:
Let somebody else try for a change!

[makes everyone stand on top of Blanky]

The Radio:
Arise, Hassan, arise, O magic carpet...

Blanky:
Oww!

Toaster:
What's wrong?

Blanky:
He stepped on me!

Lampy:
Did not!

Blanky:
Did too!

Lampy:
Did not!

Kirby:
Did too!

Lampy:
Did not!

Toaster:
Hey, hey, hey, come on! How do you guys expect us to get there if you're fighting all the time?

Blanky:
You mean we're not there yet?

Toaster:
[chuckles] No, not yet. We've got a long way to go.

Kirby:
Oh, boy! You're telling me!

Toaster:
[They approach the waterfall and Kirby freaks out and tries to swallow his cord] Kirby, no!

Lampy:
Get the cord out of his mouth, don't let him swallow it!

The Radio:
Switch him off!

[Toaster jumps on Kirby and flips his switch]

Mother:
Rob, are you sure you have enough underwear?

Rob:
Mom, you packed enough underwear to stock the whole dorm.

Mother:
Did you pack enough socks?

Rob:
Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything, I'm going to college. It's just college.

Mother:
Just give me something to worry about.

Rob:
[talking over his mother] I'm your mother.

[Blanky has gone up to the attic to see if the master is coming; when he doesn't, Blanky starts crying]

Lampy:
Well, was it him? [Toaster glares at him] I was just wondering whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know. [Blanky climbs back down, crying] So we can assume that it wasn't him?

Toaster:
Let's get back to work.

The Radio:
Get ready, you devil dogs, because the master bebop blaster of all time is about to give you a soul injection!

The Radio:
[sinking in the mud] Well, this concludes our broadcast day, or week... actually, this concludes all broadcasting of any sort. We'll try to leave you with a suitable tune

[plays Al Jolson singing "Mammy"]

Elmo St. Peters:
Now where did that radio go? I could have sworn I left it right here in this very spot. What did it do, just get up and walk away?

Lampy:
Are you sure this is the right way?

The Radio:
I'm as sure as I am honest.

Lampy:
In that case, we're definitely lost.

The Radio:
[panicked to Toaster] You gotta help me, you gotta hide me! Bread, I can get you bread, mountains of hot cross buns...

Toaster:
Radio, pull yourself together.

The Radio:
Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We'll return to our regularly-scheduled program momentarily.

Kirby:
[Blanky cries after Rob hasn't returned; of the photo] Cry, cry, weep, wail and snob! It's disgusting! Every time! I can't believe it! Every single. Give me that stupid thing!

Chorus:
[singing] Since you came here uninvited/We all knew you'd be delighted./This is not the time or place to hedge./ No one here would be so bold to,/But since you asked and no one's told you,/Let us take you to the cutting edge!

Computer:
[rapping] I can process words, accounting too./And my pixel screen displays for you./Computer graphics locked into your memory.

Phone:
[rapping] With fiber optics cast in plastic/For natural sights and sound fantastic./Just reach out and talk to your dear old Uncle Emery!

Chorus:
[singing] More, more, more!

Computer:
Everything you wanted and more.

Chorus:
[singing] More, more, more!

Sewing Machine:
[singing] Let me tell you what it's for./Here's the printout with the score./Get yourself together on the edge.

Chorus:
[singing] You want to go to old Rio De Janeiro, my dear?/You want to join in any Club Paradise?/You'd really rather stay at home, where the picture is clear./You get it on the stereo./And you don't even have to go./More, more, more!/ Everything you wanted and more!/More, more, more!

Plugsy:
Any time or place you wish,/You might meet up with some dish./Pull yourself together on the edge!

Mixer:
[rapping] If you want a lean machine/ To whip you up some mean cuisine,/I'm on ze scene, totally automatic.

Microwave:
[rapping] Hey, I can bake your biscuits, too./ Pop some dough, boy, out for you./I'm micro-solid state and that's no static!

Chorus:
[singing] More, more, more!/ Everything you wanted and more!/More, more, more!/ We're the bytes and chips to call./You just have yourself a ball./ It's all hyperactive on the edge!/From LEDs to CRTs,/ Woofers, tweeters, antenna trees,/ And ultra-nylon life of ease./Everything you dreamed of on the edge!

Computer, Plugsy:
And more!

Mother:
You can just take some of our things. Oh, this lamp will look so cute in your dorm room.

Chris:
Go for it!

Rob:
Well, what are you going to read by, then?

Mother:
Oh, I'll buy some candles. I won't read. I'll go out.

Rob:
Thanks, Mom, but I'm not taking any of your stuff. I'll just pick up some cheap stuff at some old appliance store like... whatever.

Black and White TV:
That's right, folks! Appliances! Cheap appliances! Available now at Ernie's Disposal!

Rob:
Where's a good bargain place around here?

Chris:
You should have gone for the new stuff.

The Radio:
[bumps into a car] Oh, were you in line here first? Of course! Pardon me.

Race Car:
[singing] I once ran the Indy 500. I must confess, I'm impressed how I did and I wonder how close that I came. Now I get a sinking sensation; I was the top of the line, out of sight, out of mind, so much for fortune and fame.

Black and White TV:
A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in... um... every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus, where you ride the Ferris Wheel of Values for a better tomorrow!

Surfer Car:
[singing] Once drove a surfer to sunset./There were bikinis/and buns filled with weenies./Believe me, just couldn't forget./Pico, lets go up to Zuma./Pico, lets go up to Zuma./From Zuma to Yuma,/the rumor was I had a hand/in the lay of the land./Get up and go hit the highway.

The Radio, Lampy, Blanky, Toaster, Kirby:
[singing] There goes the sun, here comes the night. Somebody turn on the light. Somebody tell me that fate has been kind.

Chorus:
[singing] You can't go out! You are out of your mind!

Mish-Mash:
Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, a lamp and a shaver! Oh, god! I'm a mish-mash!

Lampy:
You can't even hear your own thoughts around here with all the racket around here.

Lampy:
Hey. Hey. What's that?

Blanky:
A car!

Kirby:
I don't want to hear another word about cars!

Toaster:
You said it.

The Radio:
It sounds pretty close.

Kirby:
Just don't even start!

Lampy:
Sounds real close!

Toaster:
Well, I'm going with or without you.

Kirby:
Well, I say we stay. We're gonna have a new master anyway once someone buys this cottage.

Blanky:
But I don't want a new master! I want our master!

Toaster:
Well? What about the rest of you?

The Radio:
You boys are gonna need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last more than five minutes out there! I was once a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the forces of nature!

Lampy:
Were you really a mountaineer?

The Radio:
Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shoot moose together on the Klondike.

Lampy:
Wow. Well, you know, I was thinking, you guys are gonna need someone bright along too.

Toaster:
Good idea.

Lampy:
We are pioneers! Whoa!

The Radio:
This is my sleeping place, see? And nobody crosses this line!

Lampy:
Yeah, well, you'd better not wake us up at 6:00, as usual!

Kirby:
What are you complaining about? You didn't do any work today.

Toaster:
Hang on tight, Blanky!

Blanky:
I am!

The Radio:
Don't let the tremendous height scare you.

Lampy:
Just shorted right out.

The Radio:
Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chap.

Lampy:
How does he look?

The Radio:
A little better than you, actually.

Kirby:
Lay off! Just lay off!

Toaster:
What's the matter?

Lampy:
We were worried about you.

The Radio:
You had us real scared there, pal.

Kirby:
Well, there's nothing wrong with me, pal! Just back off!

Blanky:
Don't be angry.

Kirby:
Just keep your antenneas and knobs and wires and ribbons off my chrome! Who needs you guys, anyway? Gotta drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight! I'd be better off without you!

Blanky:
But Kirby...

Kirby:
Especially you, you little rag! [pauses for a while, then turns to the waterfall] So, uh... how do we get across this thing, anyway?

Kirby:
[after he falls into a mud hole] I knew I shouldn't have let you guys drive. [he starts sinking] Oh, this is great fun! Let's make these outings a regular thing, okay?

Scary Clown:
[whispering] Run.

[repeated line]

The Radio:
Listen to this!

Green car:
[singing] I worked on a reservation. Who would believe they would love me and leave on a bus back to old Santa Fe? Once in an Indian nation, I took the kids on the skids where the Hopi was happy to lie there and say: "You're worthless."

[last lines]

Lampy:
[as he and his friends head off to college, laughs] Oh, I'm aching from joy!

Radio:
[first lines] Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. All seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding---

Lampy:
Hey, what's the big idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!

Radio:
Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? [lights on] WHOA! Not in the face there, pal!

[Blanky bawls after realizing the Master hasn't returned]

Kirby:
[annoyed upon hearing Blanky crying] Rrrhhh! Cry, cry, weep, wail and sob! It's disgusting! Every time! I can't believe it! Every single-- Give me that stupid picture! [tries to suck in Rob’s picture frame]

Blanky:
No, no!

Toaster:
I just put it away!

Kirby:
In the garbage! [Radio and Lampy help him]

Blanky:
No, you can't!

Kirby:
Wimp!

Toaster:
[annoyed] Let go!

Kirby:
He's not coming back anyway.

Lampy:
He might. The fact is, there's Just not enough facts.

Radio:
Fight breaks out in the peaceful mountain cottage. The shocking world, and bringing Geneva Talks to a grinding halt!

Blanky:
Stop it!

Kirby:
Let me have it.

Blanky:
You can't!

[the picture of Rob, their Master, flies through the air and crashes; Blanky gasps in shock]

Kirby:
[shocked] Oh, no.

[the appliances go toward the broken photo stand of Rob; suddenly cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]

Toaster:
What are you laughing at?

Air Conditioner:
[stops laughing and smirks] Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.

Lampy:
I think he was laughin' at us.

Air Conditioner:
You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.

Lampy:
Oh, thanks. [offended] Hey!

Air Conditioner:
You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?

Blanky:
Yes. He was our master.

Air Conditioner:
Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same; Real peachy-keen-like.

Blanky:
Uh-huh.

Lampy:
It's a possibility.

Toaster:
Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.

Air Conditioner:
"Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!

Kirby:
[angrily] Why don't you just shut off?!

Air Conditioner:
Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?

Kirby:
Hmph!

Air Conditioner:
What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome; [blows a gust of cold wind at the appliances] We've been dumped! Abandoned!

Blanky:
But he loved us.

Radio:
That's right.

Air Conditioner:
So what? He's a kid; He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.

Toaster:
But, maybe they're all--

Air Conditioner:
[interrupts Toaster] He's not comin back, pure and simple.

Kirby:
[to Air Conditioner] Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.

Blanky:
[to Kirby] You really think so?

Kirby:
[to Blanky] I'm not talkin' to you!

Air Conditioner:
The whole bunch of ya gotta have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.

Toaster:
Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.

Air Conditioner:
[sarcastically] That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a baby any time now.

Toaster:
I think you're jealous.

Air Conditioner:
Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.

Lampy:
[angrily] "Dim"?!

Toaster:
Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.

Kirby:
'Cause you're stuck in the wall!

Air Conditioner:
[blows cold air; angrily] So... it's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's goin' on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you can move around, you think you're better than I am! I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS DESIGNED TO STICK IN A WALL!! I LIKE BEIN' STUCK IN THIS STUPID WALL!! I can't help it if the kid was TOO SHORT TO REACH MY DIALS!!

Toaster:
We didn't mean it! Really!

Air Conditioner:
[roaring] IT'S MY FUNCTION!!! [He begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth and on the appliances providing cover for themselves from the sparks]

Toaster:
Don't! Wait! Wait!

[The appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]

Kirby:
[alarmed] HE'S GONNA BLOW!

Toaster:
YANK YOUR CORDS!

[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]

Kirby:
[behind chair] THE FUSE!

[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the appliances see the Air Conditioner's blown up remains.]

Blanky:
Poor Air Conditioner.

Toaster:
I didn't know he'd take it so hard.

Kirby:
Well, he was a jerk anyway.

Lampy:
Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?

[revving is heard]

Blanky:
[happily] A car!

Kirby:
[angrily] I don't want to hear another word about cars!

Toaster:
[agreeing with Kirby] You said it.

Radio:
Sound pretty close.

Kirby:
Just don't even start!

Lampy:
Sounds real close.

[pauses for a few seconds, and when they the Master is gonna pick them up, and then go hides. But then, they hear a hammer, and look out the window to see a “For Sale” sign; Blanky looks shocked. Radio hums with Taps, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor, Lampy moaning sadly]

Toaster:
[angrily] STOP IT! [scenes cut to jumps on the box and stand on top] We’re going out to find him!

Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky:
WHAT?!

Kirby:
What are you talking about? What do you mean?

Toaster:
Exactly what it I said. We’re gonna go out and find the master.

Blanky:
[scared] To the city?

Toaster:
Yeah, no matter what.

Lampy:
Well, how exactly would you propose we’re gonna do that, exactly?

Toaster:
I-- I don’t know!

Kirby:
Oh, come off it. Be serious!

Toaster:
I am serious!

Kirby:
You’re insane. [backs away]

Radio:
Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.

[pauses they look at each other]

Toaster:
[confused] What?

Radio:
Or maybe it was basset hound.

Kirby:
You’re all insane!

Radio:
It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. [country accent] In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundred of miles... to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. He had to find his way across the rugged mountain and scorching desserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.

Toaster:
If the dog can do it, we can do it!

Blanky:
But a dog has legs.

Toaster Ah, don’t be a wet blanket.

Lampy:
Actually, legs would help, you know.

Kirby:
Brains wouldn’t hurt, either.

Lampy:
Lay off.

Radio:
Yeah, pipe down, carpet breath!

Toaster:
Well, I’m going with or without you.

Kirby:
I say we stay. We’ll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.

Blanky:
But I don’t want a new master. I want our master.

Toaster:
Well, what about the rest of you?

Radio:
You boys are gonna need a leader. Why, alone, you wouldn’t last for five minutes out there. I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the forces of nature.

Lampy:
Were you really a mountaineer?

Radio:
Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.

Lampy:
Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.

Toaster:
Good idea.

Radio:
Listen to this. World War II, the Normandy Invasion. And who's there but Lampy to light the way?

[the appliances look at Kirby]

Toaster:
Y'know, I thought it’d be good to have somebody come along, who’s really... strong.

Lampy:
And loud.

Blanky:
And grumpy!

Radio:
And oblivious to reality.

[Toaster hits appliances in annoyance]

Toaster:
Well?

[pause; a few seconds later, Kirby begrudgingly joins in]

Kirby:
[under his breath] I just know I’m gonna regret this.

[the rest of the appliances cheer.]

Lampy:
[opens fuse box, and pulls out last fuse] Wow. This was our last fuse.

Toaster:
See? [puts last fuse in transmitter] It's a good thing we're getting out of here.

Radio:
[turns on kitchen light] I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the files clogging up my grille.

Kirby:
Yeah? Well, how are we going to travel?

Lampy:
Hey, I got an idea. We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. [Kirby pushes the bed, and Toaster, Blanky and Radio and fall down] No, no, no. Hey! What’s about Master’s Pogo stick? [the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, but it goes in the wrong direction, and the appliances crash] No, that’s no good. Hey, how about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? [Kirby pulls the skateboard, but the refrigerator falls off the skateboard, and Blanky shivers in the freezer] No, no, no. Hey!

Radio:
[annoyed] Shut up! Shut up!

Toaster, Kirby, Blanky:
[annoyed] Shut up!

Radio:
Let somebody else try for a change. Arise, Hassan, arise, O magic carpet.

Radio:
North, by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.

[Lampy lands on Blanky]

Blanky:
OUCH!!!

Toaster:
What's wrong?

Blanky:
He stepped on me!

Lampy:
Did not.

Blanky:
Did too!

Lampy:
Did not!

Blanky and Kirby:
Did TOO!!

Lampy:
Did NOT!!

Toaster:
Hey, hey, hey. Come on. How do guys expect us to get there if you're fighting all the time?

Blanky:
You mean we're not there yet?

Toaster:
[calmly and smiling] No, no, not yet. [rubs Blanky's head] We got a long way to go.

Kirby:
Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.

[18 seconds later]

Toaster:
? Life is like a journey on a road that's within. Head says you should stay, but your heart says to begin. So you go. ?

All:
? But you don't want to go. ?

Toaster:
? Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease. You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ?

Toaster and Lampy:
? And you'll go...just where you want to go. ?

Appliances:
? Time flies by in the city of light. Time stands still in the country. There's no time for a fuss and a fight. As we travel the land. ?

Lampy and Radio:
? And I'd be satisfied, just to be, not denied. ?

Toaster, Lampy and Radio:
? To reside with some pride. ?

Appliances:
? While I ride to the City, The City Of Light. ?

Lampy:
? Light shines like a diamond in the City at night. ?

Radio:
? When that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ?

Kirby:
? But you know, we got a way to go. ?

Blanky:
? Let us meet the master, we don't wanna make him wait. ?

Lampy and Blanky:
? You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gate ?

Appliances:
? To that city of light! ?

[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby privacy.]

Lampy:
? Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ?

Toaster:
? Master is a man of great reflection. ?

Radio:
? Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ?

Blanky:
? Master is a man of our affection. ?

All:
? Time flies by in the city of light. Time stands still in the country. There's no time for a fuss and a fight, as we travel the land. ?

Lampy and Radio:
? And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ?

All:
? To reside with some pride, while I ride to the City, the City Of Light. ?

Lampy:
Hey, come over here. I'm gonna---

Radio:
Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?

Lampy:
Precisely. A total... idiot!

Radio:
If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!

[Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]

Radio:
A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th Street! Hey! No!

Kirby:
[accidentally sucks up Blanky] Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what!

Lampy:
[stops the battle.] Hey, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?

Toaster:
[smiling] Good morning, everyone.

Blanky:
[smiling] Good morning, Toaster.

Radio:
[appearing from under Blanky] Hey, Slots.

Lampy:
[appearing from under Blanky] Salutations.

Kirby:
[in panic] THE BATTERY'S GONE DEAD!!!

Radio:
We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg.

Toaster:
[frantic] BLANKY?!? BLANKY?!?

Kirby:
BLANKET?! BLANKET?! Where are you, you little wimp?!

Toaster:
Lampy!

[Lampy faints and all appliances come to see Lampy unconscious after storm]

Kirby:
[see the waterfall; shocked] Oh, what’s-- What-- Oh, no! Oh, no! [tries to swallow his cord]

Toaster:
KIRBY, NO!

Lampy:
GET THE CORDS OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!!!!!!

Radio:
SWITCH HIM OFF!!!!!!!!

[Toaster jumps on Kirby]

Lampy:
Just shorted right out.

Radio:
Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chap.

Lampy:
How does he look?

Radio:
A little better then you actually. Keep it up Slots! Even carpet sweeping motion. He should come around sooner later.

Toaster:
Hey, I think it's working. Kirby! Kirby, can you hear me?

Blanky:
Wake up, wake up. Kirby!

Toaster:
You're all right!

Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky:
[happily] YAY!!!

Kirby:
[gutteral growl] Lay off! Just lay off!

Toaster:
What's the matter?

Lampy:
We were worried about you.

Radio:
You gave us a real scare, pal.

Kirby:
Well, there's nothing wrong with me, pal. So just back off!

Blanky:
Don't be angry.

Kirby:
Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome! Who needs you guys, anyway? Gotta drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better off without ya!

Blanky:
[hurtfully] But, Kirby--

Kirby:
Especially you, you little rag. [pauses few seconds when they heard the waterfall] So, uh, how we get cross this thing, anyway?

[scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]

Radio:
You know, I think, Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was in out of the hospital in no time.

Lampy:
Well, that’s encouraging.

Toaster:
Okay, Kirby.

Lampy:
Hey, we’re not dead.

[the appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]

Lampy:
Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!

Kirby:
Great. Let's spread out the blanket and have a picnic.

Blanky:
But I'm full of stickers.

Kirby:
Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?

Radio:
Why it was the Lamp's, I tell you!

Lampy:
Oh, yeah? Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth? Mr. Big... Loudmouth?

Kirby:
Yeah.

Toaster:
Where are we, anyway?

Radio:
Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh... [notices a small pebble] Oh, listen to this!

Lowell Winchell, Jr.:
It's the top of the 9th, the bases are all loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. Here's the pitch... [Radio kicks the pebble in the air] ...and he connects! [hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy] OH!!! And it's a triple play! [Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]

Toaster:
Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.

[Lampy drops rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing a dirt circle in the dirt]

Radio:
[about the circle in the dirt] This is my sleeping space, see? And nobody crosses this line!

Lampy:
Yeah, well you'd better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual!

Kirby:
What are you complaining about? You didn't do any work today.

Radio:
Yeah!

[Blanky crawls to Lampy who looks at him angrily]

Lampy:
Go find your own place to sleep, ya little fuzz ball.

[Lampy falls asleep; Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space, but Radio stops him.]

Radio:
Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind? It's a line. Aht-aht!

Kirby:
[annoyed] Good night! [falls asleep]

[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, but Toaster wakes up.]

Toaster:
[tired, shoos Blanky away] Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle somewhere else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.

[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself.]

[the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]

Blanky:
Do we have to stop here?

Toaster:
Only for a while.

Radio:
Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!

Kirby:
And you'd be the first to go, dial face.

Lampy:
Hey, fellas! We can stay in here! Look! [turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances gasp in horror, and hide in the bushes] W-What's the matter?

Radio:
Eaten alive, the poor sap.

[Lampy turns around to the scary face]

Lampy:
[scared] WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!! [runs and joins the others in the bushes]

Radio:
Oh, I thought you were a goner.

Lampy:
Ah, you wish.

Toaster:
You know, guys, we are gonna need some kind of shelter.

Kirby:
Yeah, shelter from the likes of them.

Radio:
[imitating boxer] Come on over here and say that, chrome-dome! [Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]

Kirby:
[shocked and angry] WHAT?!?

Radio:
Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say "vacuous vacuum".

[Kirby angrily grumbles]

Lowell Winchell, Jr.:
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!

[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]

Lampy:
Hey! Look!

[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner."]

Lowell Winchell, Jr.:
And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Lowell Winchell signing off. Good night, America and all the ships at sea. [static]

Toaster:
[pats Blanky, smiling] Thanks.

Blanky:
Oh, that's all right. [yawns and falls asleep]

Lampy:
So, uh, what’s this thing you and the Blanket?

Toaster:
What thing?

Lampy:
You know. All of a sudden, you’re being so darned nice to him all of a sudden.

Toaster:
Oh, that. I was just thinking, and I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.

Lampy:
Wow, that’s weird.

Toaster:
What’s weird about it?

Lampy:
I don’t know. I mean, you are never this nice to me before, and all of a sudden now you’re nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I’m, uh, I’m just trying to understand, trying to figure out, what it all means.

Toaster:
Well, it’s kind of hard to describe. It’s like being next to a new loaf of bread. [pauses] Hmm. It’s, um, let’s see... it’s like a warm, toasty feeling inside. Well, like a glow that just--

Lampy:
[happily] A glow?

Toaster:
Yeah!

Lampy:
I think I know what you’re talking about! It’s like the feeling I get when I think about the Master.

Toaster:
Yeah, that’s it.

Lampy:
I remembered my first time light bulb burned out. And I thought... That's it! It's over, I'm burned out! 86 to the showers! But then the Master put in a brand new bulb. And I just glowed.

Toaster:
Well, that's all his do it.

Lampy:
That's very interesting.

[The very next morning, bird chirping]

Toaster:
BLANKY?!? Blanky, where ARE you?! [slowly] BLAAAAANKYYYYY?!?

Lampy:
[weakly] Come on, Blanky! Speak UP for Pete's sake! [coughs and zaps]

Toaster:
No, no, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him.

Lampy:
I am feeling a little burned out.

Radio:
Listen to this.

Lowell Winchell, Jr.:
The lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery.

Blanky:
Help!

Toaster:
Hey, listen.

[the appliance's make it to Rob's apartment]

Lampy:
A113. This is it!

Toaster:
Go ahead.

[Lampy knocks the door and the appliances freeze; nothing happens]

Blanky:
He's not home.

Toaster:
We'll have to wait.

Radio:
So, let's wait inside! Relax!

Lampy:
But it's locked.

Radio:
Luckily, my war-training included inter-appliance codes. I'll simply run into this inter-appliance knock, and we'll be welcomed by the native machinery. Stand aside, my meager companion! [He begins to knock the door; then, he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out] Hiya, pal.

Plugsy:
[gasps; then dashes back inside and the door slams] It's them. [He and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again and he comes back out calmly] How do yous do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. All of yous.

Lampy:
Boy, he sure has grown!

Radio:
Look at him! What a heart-breaker!

Toaster:
He graduated, too!

Kirby:
Of course. He knows how to work hard.

Blanky:
He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.

T.V.:
Still needs you?! That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!

Radio:
Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!

T.V.:
Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!

Blanky:
Hi, T.V.!

Lampy:
How are you doing?

T.V.:
Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.

Toaster:
The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.

Kirby:
Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.

T.V.:
Well, I see you haven't changed.

Radio:
Kind of gives you a sense of security. Doesn't it?

Blanky:
Where's the Master?

T.V.:
Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co-- [Plugsy sneaks up behind him and changes his channel to Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]

Lampy:
Hey!

Radio:
What's the idea?

Plugsy:
Oh, many pardons. Was you watching that channel?

Toaster:
[whispering] K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!

Kirby:
I-I-I don't know.

Lampy:
Hey. I got an idea.

[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up, Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, Elmo screams, runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out.]

Lampy:
See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!

Megaphone:
JAILBREAK!!! JAILBREAK!!! JAILBREAK!!!

[Megaphone imitates a siren as Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage. Elmo St. Peters wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]

Elmo St. Peters:
Whoa... Uh... [confused] Wha?

Zeke:
Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes.

Toaster:
We need a longer cord.

Radio:
Why, we need an alternate power source, I say.

[while trying to find Rob, the appliances come across to a stoplight]

Toaster:
Excuse me, could you tell us how to get to, uh... to, uh...

Lampy:
2470 McBean Parkway.

[the stoplight points right and his light turns green]

Rob:
This sure doesn't look like "Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of total bargain madness".

Chris:
It's the right address.

Rob:
Hmm.