The Catherine Tate Show

Various Characters:
Right, Lauren, that's it! You are not going on this trip you will sit there all afternoon!

[a long pause as Lauren reflects on her actions]

Various Characters:
Am I bovvaad?

Various Characters:
I'm sorry, where's my manners? Would you like a Rhubarb and Custard?

Neville:
Um... no, thank you.

Various Characters:
No, I'm not a great fan of boiled sweets myself. It's just good to have something to suck on between blanket checks. Know what I mean?

Various Characters:
[as homosexual in denial] How dare you... how *very* dare you !

Various Characters:
Are you a farmer miss? You a farmer miss? You old McDonald miss? You old McDonald, innit.

Teacher:
No, Lauren you know very well I am not a farmer, now enough of this.

Various Characters:
Well, I'm not being funny or nuffink, miss, but you do smell like a farmer.

Various Characters:
Who dear? Me dear? Gay dear? No, dear!

Various Characters:
You ever see those women who leave their money to the cats. Oh, that DO make me laugh. What do the cats want with it? What are they gonna do? Go on a cruise? THEY'RE F***ING CATS!

[repeated line]

"Nan" Taylor:
What a f***ing liberty!

Martin:
I never met anyone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Various Characters:
That's because they're locked in a bathroom 14 hours a day, washing the shite off their hands.

Lauren Cooper:
Can I ask you a question?

Mr. Logan:
Not just now.

Lauren Cooper:
Can I ask you a question now?

Mr. Logan:
Just wait.

Lauren Cooper:
Can I ask you a question? I only want to ask you a question. Can't I ask you a question? I'm just asking you a question. Can I ASK you a QUESTION?

Mr. Logan:
What is it?

Lauren Cooper:
Are you the Doctor?

Mr. Logan:
...Doctor Who?

Lauren Cooper:
Are you English, sir?

Mr. Logan:
No, I'm Scottish.

Lauren Cooper:
So you ain't English, then?

Mr. Logan:
No, I'm British.

Lauren Cooper:
So you ain't English, then?

Mr. Logan:
No, I'm not. But as you can see, I do speak English.

Lauren Cooper:
But I can't understand what you're saying, sir.

Mr. Logan:
Well, clearly you can.

Lauren Cooper:
Sorry, are you talking Scottish now?

Mr. Logan:
No, I'm talking English.

Lauren Cooper:
Right, don't sound like it.

[after a disastrous start to the game]

Noel Edmonds:
We *can* turn this around Nan!

Lauren Cooper:
I don't think that you're quite qualified to teach us English.

Mr. Logan:
I am perfectly qualified to teach you English.

Lauren Cooper:
I don't think you are, though.

Mr. Logan:
You don't have to be English to teach it.

Lauren Cooper:
Right... have we got double English... or double Scottish?

Mr. Logan:
I'm not the Doctor, I'm your English teacher!

Lauren Cooper:
I don't think you are, though!

Mr. Logan:
Lauren...

Lauren Cooper:
I think you're a nine hundred an' forty-five year old Time Lord!

Mr. Logan:
Listen...

Lauren Cooper:
Did ya just pitch up from Mars?

Mr. Logan:
Don't be ridiculous.

Lauren Cooper:
You know your house, right?

Mr. Logan:
What?

Lauren Cooper:
You know your house?

Mr. Logan:
Yeah?

Lauren Cooper:
Is it bigger on the inside?

Mr. Logan:
Be quiet!

Lauren Cooper:
Did you park the TARDIS on the meter?

Lauren Cooper:
Do you fancy Billie Piper, sir?

Mr. Logan:
Right!

[slams book on table]

Mr. Logan:
You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach!

Lauren Cooper:
Thank you.

Mr. Logan:
You're pointless, repetitious, and extremely dull!

Lauren Cooper:
Bit like Shakespeare.

Mr. Logan:
You are not even worthy to mention his name! William Shakes - William Shakespeare was a genius! You, little madam, are definitely not! Now just sit there, keep your mouth shut, or I will fail you in this whole module right now!

Lauren Cooper:
[tsks] Amest I bovver?d?

Various Characters:
[Repeated line] What a f***ing liberty!!!

Am I bovered? Does it look like I’m bovered? I ain’t bovered!