The Conrad Boys

[first lines]

Ben Conrad:
Charlie, you gotta come see this.

Charlie Conrad:
Don't you knock?

Ben Conrad:
Come look at my room.

Charlie Conrad:
Ben, I gotta finish this before school.

Ben Conrad:
I made a new wall for my fort and it's really strong.

Charlie Conrad:
Impressive, considering it's probably made out of couch cushions.

[last lines]

Ben Conrad:
Hey, Charlie. Hey, Dad.

Doug Conrad:
Hey.

Charlie Conrad:
Hey.

Ben Conrad:
Look at this. [starts swinging wooden sword]

Doug Conrad:
OK.

Ben Conrad:
Whoa!

Charlie Conrad:
Whoa! Look at that.

Doug Conrad:
Hey, look what I brought you. [pulls wooden shield out of bag]

Ben Conrad:
Cool!

Doug Conrad:
Yeah... Look at that, huh? [hands shield to Ben] Pretty good.

Ben Conrad:
Here. Hold this. [hands sword to Charlie] Attack me.

Doug Conrad:
Uh-oh.

Charlie Conrad:
Sure?

Doug Conrad:
En guard!

Charlie Conrad:
OK. [starts attacking] Bam. Bam. Bam.

Ben Conrad:
Now, do it slow motion.

Doug Conrad:
Slow motion.

Charlie Conrad:
OK. [starts attacking in slow motion]

Doug Conrad:
Whoo. That's great.

Ben Conrad:
Now, give it to Dad.

Doug Conrad:
[takes sword] Ready? [starts attacking]

Charlie Conrad:
Careful. [laughs]

Jordan Rivers:
You're interesting. I'm gonna write you as a character in my book.

Charlie Conrad:
Good luck with that.

Jordan Rivers:
[looking at photo] This your mom?

Charlie Conrad:
Uh-huh.

Jordan Rivers:
She's pretty.

Charlie Conrad:
Thanks.

Jordan Rivers:
Where is she?

Charlie Conrad:
She's on vacation.

Jordan Rivers:
Where's your dad?

Charlie Conrad:
He left.

Jordan Rivers:
So if I'm going to write a character based on you, I'm gonna need some more information.

Charlie Conrad:
Like what?

Jordan Rivers:
Well, first off... what are you?

Jordan Rivers:
Voil?!

Charlie Conrad:
It's my garage... with a blanket.

Jordan Rivers:
Smart-ass.

Jordan Rivers:
Go. Suck. Suck-suck-suck. You okay?

Charlie Conrad:
That's terrible.

Jordan Rivers:
I was gonna change into your PJ's but didn't want you to think I was too forward.

Charlie Conrad:
We're not gonna spy on the bagger.

Tori Marshall:
Why not?

Charlie Conrad:
Because he'll think we're freaks.