The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

Chris:
You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.

C.W.:
I know, perceptive.

C.W.:
A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but...

C.W.:
It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel.

Betty Ann:
You don't have a kosher bone in your body.

C.W.:
They all look the same upside down.

C.W.:
I hate her just like I hate that German Chancellor with the moustache.

Betty Ann:
You're searching my desk!

C.W.:
I wasn't searching I was rummaging.

Jill:
Gosh, all this passion in a lousy insurance office!

C.W. Briggs:
They say, I always get my man.

Laura Kensington:
Me too.

C.W.:
You have a nicely shaped buttocks.

Betty Ann:
You wormy little ferret!

C.W.:
Now you're mixing metaphors.

C.W.:
I may be a scummy vermin but I'm an honest scummy vermin.

C.W.:
You snore like a grizzly bear with a sinus condition.

C.W.:
My clergyman - who happens to be wanted for pederasty - will vouch for me.

C.W.:
The house is messy. If I knew you were coming I'd have rearranged the dirt.

C.W.:
Hide in the bedroom.

Betty Ann:
Can I sit down in there or will I catch something?

C.W.:
Germs can't live in your blood - it's too cold.

Chris:
Many a man has gone to the gallows on circumstantial evidence.

C.W.:
I found the Picasso. It wasn't easy. I was looking for a woman with a guitar and it was all cubes. It took me two hours to find her nose.

Betty Ann:
Who do you think I am, a peroxide little secretary with her brains in her sweater and whose ass you pinch?

Betty Ann:
You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ.

C.W.:
Never trust a woman who whistles for her own cab.

Betty Ann:
Sorry I'm late.

Betty Ann:
No problem. It's only an hour and 15 minutes.

C.W.:
Are you divorced or widowed? Did your husband commit suicide? I could understand that.

C.W.:
I can't stand her.

Betty Ann:
Don't pay attention to him. He's a sleazy little megalomaniac who's afraid of women.

C.W.:
If you've got a cold, someone's got to rub your chest down with Vick's.

Jill:
If anyone rubs my chest down they'd better bring a ring.

Laura Kensington:
You have a fresh mouth. I don't think I like it.

C.W.:
I tend to grow on people. We could meet later and I could grow on you.

Laura Kensington:
I have a strawberry birthmark on my thigh. Want to see it?

C.W. Briggs:
Sure, when can I take the full tour?

C.W.:
We'll have lunch. I know a great restaurant you'll love. Gestapo food.

C.W.:
Don't work too late. The bags under your eyes are getting bigger.

C.W.:
There's a deck of cards with naked women on it.

Laura Kensington:
Let me guess, you use it to play solitaire.

C.W.:
I used to date the six of spades.

C.W.:
Are you going to take your coat off? It hasn't rained in this apartment in 20 years.

Laura Kensington:
I'll slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Wait for me in bed.

C.W.:
More comfortable than that? What are you gonna put on, Jergens lotion?

Betty Ann:
So what, you always get your kicks fondling women's shoes?

C.W. Briggs:
Once in a while I'll fondle a whole woman...

C.W.:
The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime achievement award.

Al:
[Watching Jill walk away] My God, that girl's got a body that won't quit!

C.W.:
Quit? It won't take five minutes off for a coffee break.

Al:
So did you tell her who's boss?

C.W.:
Is she kidding, talking to me like that? It's 'cause she thinks she's smarter... you know, 'cause she graduated from Vassar and I went to driving school.