The Double

Simon:
I have all these things that I want to say to her, like... Like how I can tell she's a lonely person, even if other people can't. Cause I know what it feels like to be lost and lonely and invisible.

Simon:
I don't know how to be myself. It's like I'm permanently outside myself. Like, like you could push your hands straight through me if you wanted to. And I can see the type of man I want to be versus the type of man I actually am and I know that I'm doing it but I'm incapable of what needs to be done. I'm like Pinocchio, a wooden boy. Not a real boy. And it kills me.

James:
You can't be doing anything gay. No ice-cream cones.

Simon:
I like ice cream.

James:
Of course. It's delicious. Ice cream is fine in a cup, but in a cone is gay unless you're with a woman at the time.

Simon:
Anything else?

James:
No riding on a motorcycle with another man. Exceptions are drive-by shootings, bomb throwings and purse snatchings. Anything else is gay.

Simon:
You seem to know a lot about this.

James:
Defense wins championships.

Simon:
It's terrible to be alone too much.

Workers' Services Executive:
You don't exist anymore.

Simon:
Excuse me?

Workers' Services Executive:
You're no longer in the system.

Simon:
Well, just put me back in the system.

Workers' Services Executive:
I can't put you back in the system.

Simon:
Why?

Workers' Services Executive:
Because you don't exist. I can't put someone who doesn't exist in the system.

Simon:
But I used to be in the system.

Workers' Services Executive:
Not according to the system. In fact, according to the system, you've never existed.

Simon:
How reliable is the system?

Workers' Services Executive:
Hey, it's completely reliable.

Simon:
Yes, but I used to exist. I do exist! I'm standing in the this room, aren't I?

Workers' Services Executive:
And?

Simon:
So how do I get back in the system?

Workers' Services Executive:
You need a card.

Simon:
Right. So can I please get a new card?

Workers' Services Executive:
No.

Simon:
Why?

Workers' Services Executive:
Because you're not in the system.

Mr. Papadopoulos:
Simon, give Rudolph his arm back!

Simon:
I don't want to be a boy held up by string.

The Colonel:
There aren't too many like you. Are there, Simon?

Simon:
I'd like to think I'm pretty unique.

James:
I would tear the a**hole off an elephant for a piece of trim I wanted that bad.