The Ellen Show

Connie Gibson:
[Connie, the bus driver, has been fired] You drove right over my heart, and you didn't even signal.

Ellen Richmond:
If that isn't a country song... it really should be.

Ellen Richmond:
The sled is by far the worst designed children's toy, *ever*! I mean, think about it! It's a piece of wood with no mechanism for braking or steering, mounted on top of two blades! What...they couldn't find a way to run electricity through it?!

Mary:
[referring to a repeated line from "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"] Ohhhh, Mr. Claus!

Ellen Richmond:
The other day I found the garbage in the freezer!

Catherine Richmond:
Well mom puts it in there so that it won't smell.

Ellen Richmond:
I guess that explains why the garbage men all press it up against their faces in the morning. But then explain why yesterday I found the dishwasher full of cans of soda...

Catherine Richmond:
Oh, well mom runs them through the short cycle to sanitize the tops.

Ellen Richmond:
And that would explain the scalding hot diet coke I drank yesterday.

Catherine Richmond:
Well, just do what I do, and put a few cans in the trash at night, and by morning they'll be nice and frosty!