The Hollywood Knights

Sally:
Turk, did you come?

Newbomb Turk:
A little.

Sally:
A little? What do you mean a little? Either you came or you didn't come. Did you come or not?

Newbomb Turk:
I came.

Sally:
Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

Officer Clark:
Don't you think I'd look good in a moustache?

Bimbeau:
You'd be perfect. You'd be a perfect horse's ass.

Newbomb Turk:
[Wearing a wolf mask] Hey, Red Riding Hood, wanna be eaten by the Big, Bad Wolf?

Red Riding Hood:
F*** you Newbomb.

Bimbeau:
Lemme tell you buttholes somethin'! This sh*t's wwaaayyyyy outta line! And you squirrels better have some nuts in your mouth... or you're goin' downtown!

Bimbeau:
[after tasting the punch, which the Knights have urinated in] It does have a little wang to it. Good, though.

Newbomb Turk:
Did you ever hear the joke about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove.

[repeated line to a little boy]

Bimbeau:
You little son of a b*tch!

[Sally's friends are topless sunbathing by the pool]

Sally:
I don't know why you're doing that. The last time I did that my tits peeled so much I went from a B cup to an A.

Dudley:
Don't hurt me! I think I may be a bleeder!

Mrs. Freidman:
I've had this taste in my mouth before.

Smitty:
Everything changes, you know that. Nothing stays the same.

Sally:
I mean, I don't know what it's gonna be. Soon I'll be going away to college and I'll probably never see you again.

Newbomb Turk:
You're going to UCLA.

[Dudley is calling his mother from Tubby's]

Dudley:
Mother?

Dudley's Mother:
Dudley?

Dudley:
Mother, I am calling you to tell you I will be out rather late tonight. In point of fact, I might not be in at all.

Dudley's Mother:
You're not in bed, dear?

Dudley:
Mother, I have a assignation with a young lady. I am going to explore the boundaries of my manhood. Mother, I am going to get laid.

Dudley's Mother:
You're going to be late, dear?

Dudley:
Not late, mother, laid; the past participle of the verb 'to lay'. Mother, I am going to screw someone.

Dudley's Mother:
Oh! [faints]

Dudley:
Now, I just have to figure out how.

Bimbeau:
You know what I'd like to do to you, Newbomb? I'd like to kick the crap out of you!

Suzie Q:
How about a kiss?

Duke:
Sure, those never cost anything.

Suzie Q:
Yes they did. I got used to them.

Brenda Weintraub:
[Tape played over the PA system at the dance] Did you hear about Jean Freidman? I heard she had an abortion in Tijuana.

Shirley Weintraub:
That's doesn't surprise me. I heard she gave half the football team the clap. [chuckles] They sure played like they still had it last week.

Newbomb Turk:
That was the 'Ironbox' Twins, Brenda and Shirley Weintraub, coming to you live from the ladies' room at Tubby's Drive-In.

Mrs. Freidman:
[Speaking to a crowd of investors in her living room] Starting tomorrow, today is history...

Bimbeau:
[Overheard speaking to Officer Clark from the kitchen] HORSESHIT!

Mrs. Freidman:
Um, Nevans, there seems to be some sort of disturbance in the kitchen.

Nevans:
Um, yes, those are members of the Hollywood Police Dept.

Mrs. Freidman:
Oh, well... go take care of it.

Bimbeau:
[heard from the kitchen, screaming at Officer Clark] BULLSHIT!

Nevans:
I'll go see if I can't get those boys to calm down.

Officer Clark:
[singing to the theme of Lawrence of Arabia] Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia. He was an English Guy. He came to fight the Turkish.

Duke:
[looking at Jimmy Shines newly finished hot rod, joking] Is this piss yellow?

Tony Nancy:
[with mock shock] It's 'Tony Nancy' yellow!

Officer Clark:
[to Duke at a traffic light] OK a**hole, pull this yellow piece of sh*t around the corner here... you got me? Hear that? Move it!... Right now, a**hole! [Duke dumps the clutch and burns away from the traffic stop, leaving Clark looking confused]

Wheatly:
[yells out the window of his GTO as they pass Clark still in the street] Hey Officer Clark, are you lost or something?

Simpson:
[to Newbomb, who's back is turned] Hey pencil-dick... what time is it?

Newbomb Turk:
[grabs a sandwich to throw at Simpson] Time to eat! [turns and hurls the sandwich which hits Officer Bimbeau instead]

Black Kid:
Man, the fool ain't got no dick at all

Sally:
Turk, come over here. Now he happens to be very hysterically funny. I put him right up there with Steve and Edie. He has more talent in his little pinkie than you have in your whole... pinky.

Mrs. Freidman:
[Opens front door to find a bag on fire] Oh my god! Nevans! Juanita!

Nevans:
I'll take care of it! [Steps on the bag finding it contains dog poop]

Mrs. Freidman:
It's dog sh*t!

Newbomb Turk:
[Calling her from the street] Oh, Mrs. Freidman.

Mrs. Freidman:
[Notices one of the occupants is mooning her] I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!Juanita! JUanita, get out here!

Dudley:
We're going to... to go to... to Watts at two o'clock in the morning? Let's go!

PomPom Girl:
[During the cheerleader routine in the gym, the PomPom Girl in the middle's skirt flies up showing that she isn't wearing underwear, flashing both sides to the shock/delight of the crowd] You forgot your underwear. Your underwear! [PomPom Girl realizes what she's done and runs off in fear and shame]

Clark! Clark! You a**hole

Mrs. Friedman:
"We were talking, and..."

Nevins:
"And he knocked my pants off!"

Mr. Katzenbaum:
There's a young man outside. He wants to speak to 'Dick'. Is there a 'Dick' here?

Mr. Katzenbaum:
"MMMooning!"

Mrs. Friedman:
"That's right, Mr. Katzenbaum, mooning!"

Unknown:
"There's a guy in there in a Major Domo outfit, and he's farting!"

Bimbeau:
"Farting?"

Unknown:
"That's right, farting! He's farting all over the place!"

Bimbeau:
"Oh my god!"