The Linguini Incident

Lucy:
You know perfectly well, new sex is like crack.

James:
You're going to have to take that rag off your face if you expect her to read your lips.

Vivian:
She can read my tits!

[last lines]

Lucy:
We should go to the park this weekend and watch all the children shooting squirrels with their BB guns.

Vivian:
True. We don't appreciate nature, enough.

Vivian:
The simple plan is, no one in this room is going to have sex with anyone else in this room. We'll be platonic... like our parents.

Vivian:
You need to get laid.

Lucy:
YOU need to get laid!

Vivian:
I don't need to get laid. I stored it up before me and Hector broke up.

Lucy:
Stored up? What are you, a chipmunk?

Woman:
Are you the Ethereal Lucy?

Monte:
That's Lucy the Ethereal.

Woman:
And who might you be?

Monte:
Monte... the Emasculated.

Vivian:
You don't just make out with someone in a meat locker who you're indifferent to.

Monte:
AGGH! God, you're alive! I thought that rabbit was eating your head.