The Moon Is Blue

Patty O'Neill:
I'm not being bossy. It's the mother instinct.

Patty O'Neill:
I've cured more hangovers than you could shake a stick at.

David Slater:
Never shake a stick at a hangover.

David Slater:
Don't you find I have a certain weird charm?

Donald Gresham:
Believe it or not, I am a full-fledged architect. Build you anything from a cathedral to a bomb shelter.

Patty O'Neill:
How much would a cathedral cost these days? A small one.

Donald Gresham:
[taking her to his apartment for the first time] Now, you're sure you don't mind coming in?

Patty O'Neill:
Quite sure.

Donald Gresham:
No qualms?

Patty O'Neill:
Not a qualm in the world. And I am not reflecting on your virility either.

Donald Gresham:
Let's leave my virility out of this!

Patty O'Neill:
I am so glad you don't mind.

Donald Gresham:
Mind what?

Patty O'Neill:
Oh, men are usually so bored with virgins. I am so glad you are not.

Donald Gresham:
Why are you so preoccupied with sex?

Patty O'Neill:
Who, me?

Donald Gresham:
Yes, you.

Patty O'Neill:
You really think I am?

Donald Gresham:
Well, you are always asking if people plan seduction or they're bored with virgins or they have a mistress... Now, if that isn't being preoccupied with sex, I'd like to know what is.

Patty O'Neill:
You may be right. [pauses momentarily] But don't you think it's better for a girl to be preoccupied with sex than occupied?

David Slater:
Would you consider our friend to be a man of... principles?

Patty O'Neill:
I certainly do. He is charming.

David Slater:
Yes, but I am told that I am not entirely without charm, but I have no principles whatsoever.

David Slater:
[about his ex-wife] She divorced me. Extreme cruelty - I hit her with a muffin dish.

Patty O'Neill:
You didn't!

David Slater:
*Stainless steel* muffin dish. Still warm from popovers. Right across the behind. Raised a welt that lasted for *weeks* according to her lawyer. I was never privileged to see it.

Patty O'Neill:
Oh, c'mon. You don't want to stay up here alone.

David Slater:
Haven't the faintest intention of being alone. You decide to leave, I should probably call up a dame I know and ask her to come over.

Patty O'Neill:
Don't say "dame", it's vulgar. At least say "girl"

David Slater:
This girl *is* quite vulgar. In the sense that she is earthy and uninhibited. By common definition she is essentially a dame rather than a girl. She's a lot of fun.

Patty O'Neill:
Then why don't you ask *her* to marry you?

David Slater:
Because she'll lose all respect for me if I made such an idiotic suggestion.

Patty O'Neill:
I just came back to ask you exactly what Cynthia meant when she called me a "professional virgin".

Patty O'Neill:
If Cynthia came down now and cried over you a little and fussed over you right bit, I bet...

Donald Gresham:
Let's not talk about Cynthia.

Patty O'Neill:
Well, she called me a "professional virgin". That's what I came back to talk about. Not Cynthia, don't worry, only what she said.

Donald Gresham:
It was a rather unfortunate phrase and I was mad...

Patty O'Neill:
May I ask why does Cynthia object to virgins?

Donald Gresham:
Look, nobody in their right mind could seriously object to being called a virgin.

Patty O'Neill:
OK, but it's this "professional" that makes me mad. I'd like to have that explained.

Donald Gresham:
It's not necessary to advertise it. That's really all the phrase means.

Patty O'Neill:
What's wrong with advertising?

Donald Gresham:
[exasperated] People who advertise are anxious to *sell* something!

Donald Gresham:
[on the observation deck at the top of the Empire State building] Oh? What are you excited about?

Patty O'Neill:
Coming up here. I wanted to for years.

Donald Gresham:
Well then, why didn't you?

Patty O'Neill:
Frankly, because I couldn't afford it. Can get a lovely pair of nylons for dollar twenty.

Donald Gresham:
[In the taxi, on the way to his apartment] You won't mind coming up, will you?

Patty O'Neill:
I am not so sure. Will you try to seduce me?

Donald Gresham:
I, I don't know. Probably. why?

Patty O'Neill:
Why? A girl wants to know.

Donald Gresham:
A girl is supposed to be intuitive about those things. You don't go around bluntly asking questions like that.

Patty O'Neill:
I do. I always do.

Donald Gresham:
And what happens if they say yes, they are going to try to seduce you.

Patty O'Neill:
I generally believe them. And then I am out one dinner.

Donald Gresham:
And if they say their intentions are honorable?

Patty O'Neill:
I generally believe that. But you get fooled some times. I hate men like that. I mean, after all, they are lots of girls who don't mind being seduced. Why pick on those who do?

Donald Gresham:
OK, I won't make a single pass at you. Do you believe me?

Patty O'Neill:
Yes. Yes, I do. You're nice. I like you.

Donald Gresham:
I could be lying.

Patty O'Neill:
That's true. Are you?

Donald Gresham:
I don't know. I've never run up against anybody like you before.

Patty O'Neill:
How nice!

Donald Gresham:
But I won't take an oath that I am not going to kiss you.

Patty O'Neill:
Oh, that's alright. Kissing's fine. I have no objection to that.

Taxi Driver:
You know, for what I learned on that trip, my psychiatrist will charge me at least twenty-five bucks.

Patty O'Neill:
Oh, I know! Let's not go out. Let's fix dinner up here. I am simply a sensational cook.

Donald Gresham:
Well, unfortunately I haven't any sensational food.

Patty O'Neill:
Oh, you must have something. [opens the icebox] I thought you surely must have some leftovers. You know, what I can do with leftovers is nobody's business! Do you like kadguree?

Donald Gresham:
I beg your pardon?

Patty O'Neill:
Kadguree. It's made with finnan haddie. Do you have any finnan haddie?

Donald Gresham:
I wouldn't be found dead with finnan haddie.

Patty O'Neill:
Aw, that's an awful thing to say. You haven't even tasted it. It's delicious.

Patty O'Neill:
Don't you ever eat meals up here?

Donald Gresham:
Nope.

Patty O'Neill:
No wonder you are so unhappy and maladjusted.

Donald Gresham:
I am not a bit unhappy and my adjustment is just dandy!

Patty O'Neill:
Well, I think it's awful to let this darling kitchen go to waste. This lovely icebox and stove. And that garbage disposal with nobody to use it. I want to cry, honestly.

Patty O'Neill:
I took my shoes off because my feet hurt.

David Slater:
Oh, you should never say your feet hurt.

Patty O'Neill:
Why not? They do.

David Slater:
"My foot, singular, hurts" is an intriguing statement. "My feet, plural, hurt" is a rather sordid admission.

Donald Gresham:
Believe it or not, I never touched her.

David Slater:
You know, it just occurred to me, that might very well have been the wrong you done her, according to Cynthia's book. Now I can understand why she was so sore this morning. A very humiliating experience. I probably should beat you up, anyway.

Donald Gresham:
Let me get this straight. I am to be horsewhipped for *not* seducing your daughter?

David Slater:
It's quite a new twist, isn't it?

Patty O'Neill:
You struck a woman?

David Slater:
Why certainly. In fact I seldom strike anyone *but* a woman. Oh, I'm not the belligerent type. I'm also a coward.

Donald Gresham:
Now don't be too modest. Occasionally you'll strike a small man.

David Slater:
If he's defenseless, yes.

David Slater:
Don't you find I have a certain weird charm?

Patty O'Neill:
Yes, that's your whole trouble. You have entirely too much charm.

Donald Gresham:
And it certainly *is* weird.

Patty O'Neill:
He has reasons for suspicion.

David Slater:
Take my advice and let them lurk.

Patty O'Neill:
What?

David Slater:
Suspicion, my child, suspicion. The lurking doubt. Is she or isn't she? Does she or doesn't she? Will she or won't she? Suspicion, the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world.

David Slater:
If more fathers had ripped more phones out of more walls, more daughters wouldn't get into trouble.

David Slater:
Now there's a man who's hard to please. He gripes when you're trying to be pure and he gripes when you're trying to be wanton.