The Naked Civil Servant

Quentin Crisp:
Any film, even the worst, is better than real life.

Quentin Crisp:
Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.

Young Queer-baiter:
See that copper over there? If you don't give us a quid each, right? I'm gonna tell him you been fiddling with these two.

Quentin Crisp:
I defy you to do your worst. It can hardly be my worst. Mine has already and often happened to me. You cannot touch me now. I am one of the "stately homos of England".

[first lines]

Mr. Crisp:
Do you intend to spend your entire life admiring yourself?

Quentin Crisp:
If I possibly can.

[last lines]

Quentin Crisp:
Never looking at anyone unless they demand I look. Never speaking to anyone unless spoken to.

Mr. Pole:
You mustn't embrace her, she is my ex-wife, not yours!

1st Policeman:
Are you pansy?

Quentin Crisp:
I don't know any other meaning of this word apart from being a flower!

Quentin Crisp:
When the war was declared, I bought two pounds of henna.

Quentin Crisp:
Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

Quentin Crisp:
Women speak a language which I don't understand.

Quentin Crisp:
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper.

Quentin Crisp:
[His friend has become a nun] How is it there?

Art Student:
Every moment has been agony, but I couldn't have done otherwise.

Quentin Crisp:
Story of our lives.