The New Adventures of China Smith

China Smith:
[narrating] It's been a long stand of years since the Japs left Sumatra under fire and not a few since the Dutch packed up and went home under protest. There's still many an English soldier's grave lost in the jungle above Bandong. The question is, how to go about finding one of them? But the St. Vincent family wants to take a hero's bones home to England and they need a guide. Now that would be me - China Smith by name.

[China and Mohamet arrive at a small trading post]

Mohamet:
The last outpost of civilization - if one can call Trader Grekoff civilized.

China Smith:
Well, he'll have a cooling drink I shouldn't wonder.

Mohamet:
He has everything, but it will cost you four prices.

Trader Grekoff:
Watch out for the nasty jungle creatures. They'll give you a nasty sting.

China Smith:
If they have the energy.

China Smith:
Maybe you've sunk so low that you'd shoot your own father to save your greasy hide.

Trader Grekoff:
Not at all, Mr. Smith, but I hardly think he'll turn over his own son to the police.

China Smith:
Maybe he wouldn't turn you in for desertion, but I will - the moment you set foot outside this post. You made your own grave, St. Vincent. The least you can do is stay in it!

[China enters his cabin and finds a beautiful woman searching his luggage]

China Smith:
Smith is the name - William Smith - as you've no doubt discovered from my suitcase. You'd be Passenger Number 12.

Sandra:
I-I must have the wrong cabin.

China Smith:
In a manner of speaking, yes, but not by mistake. How much did my sordid friend with the fez pay you for your trouble.

Sandra:
Ten dollars... and another ten if I found what he wants.

China Smith:
Oh, that's twenty dollars! They'll not be much of a stipend left.

Sandra:
How did you know?

China Smith:
The poor lad has a yen for intrigue but he lacks talent. He worked too hard ignoring you. Now me, I'm a dedicated man myself, but I found time for a passing glance.

Maggie:
Then what is your price, Mr. Smith. A man like you always has one.

China Smith:
That I have - a kind word, an honest gesture, a feeling heart - the kind of currency you don't seem to carry around.

Quaile:
What do you know about Bibles?

China Smith:
Bibles? Well, more than a heathen but less than a priest.

[Quaile wants to hire Smith to steal his bible back from a Communist colonel]

Quaile:
I know it's dangerous...

China Smith:
Dangerous? For two thousand dollars, it's ridiculous. Getting in and out of North Indochina is tough enough.

Quaile:
Twenty-five hundred.

China Smith:
And that's to burgle an army officer's house, too?

Quaile:
Three thousand and all expenses.

China Smith:
Including burial?

Quaile:
Four! I'd go myself, but... Will you please help me?

China Smith:
You just hired a Smith! It's a fine nice word, "please". And you'd have saved yourself some money if you'd used it sooner.

Quaile:
That man - I think he works for a man named Banning. I made the mistake of showing him my Gutenberg Bible. He and his niece have been after it ever since.

China Smith:
You'd do well to show it to them again - if only to let them read the Commandments.

China Smith:
[narrating] There's one problem about having the reputation as a troubleshooter - someone's always handing you trouble.

[last lines]

China Smith:
[looking heavenward] A gun and a Bible - it's a wonder he puts up with us.

China Smith:
As I started to say, Maggie, I'd love workin' for you - or the other chap - but I don't work both sides of the street at once.

Maggie:
I no longer believe in fairy tales, Mr. Smith. Neither the one about Santa Claus nor the one about honor among thieves.

China Smith:
After a long, hard life, I've found them both to be true.

Maggie:
I'll match what this man offers to pay you, so you'll collect twice. Is it a deal?

China Smith:
No deal... and it must be shocking to find out there *is* a Santa Claus.

Min Su:
Remember, Mr. Smith - the end of all stories is death.

China Smith:
[narrating] There's a saying among the Chinese that the past is as clear as a mirror and the future is dark as lacquer. Still, there are those who will try to predict and those who will be frightened by the prediction. The commodore's wife, for one. And I'm willing to set her fears to the Commodore's life at rest - for a small fee, of course. I be China Smith - a man's whose future is completely unpredictable.

Aban:
You wish to consult the stars The secrets of the future and the meaning of life are hidden therein, Mister... Smith.

China Smith:
And did you find my name in the stars?

Aban:
There are no mysteries to those who look for their answers in the heavens. I am Aban.

China Smith:
Well, then this will come as no surprise to you.

[Smith punches Aban in the nose]

Mrs. Tilson:
[to Smith] Oh, you must be the new chauffeur Carla's been telling me about. I do hope you won't mind if we call you Smythe. It's a trifle more gentile, don't you think.

Mrs. Tilson:
Now all you have to do is guard him every moment until the 13th. That's the danger spot, you know.

China Smith:
I expect there's little to worry about. I already had a talk with the man who threatened the commodore.

Mrs. Tilson:
You discovered who it is? So quickly?

China Smith:
Well, the Commodore knew where to find him.

[Smith glances at his fist]

China Smith:
I did no more than, ah, deliver the message.

[last lines]

China Smith:
Sure now, I'll be around as long as you need me.

Mrs. Tilson:
Oh, I'm so relieved. Thank you. Thank you very much, Smythe.

China Smith:
Smythe is it? China Smythe?

China Smith:
[narrating] The China seas hold peril enough for a ship far from home. There's typhoons and reefs and treacherous waters and when a freighter is pulled off the high seas and impounded, it's little short of legal piracy. It's a sad state of affairs for the owner, hereafter to be known as the Countess Van Eidel. How can a lady get her ship back? Well now, she can try the illegal services of China Smith - an honest man, to be sure.

China Smith:
Once you forbade me to steal the Mokahama, but times have changed since then. Now I'm thinking it's our best solution and if you'll but rely upon my judgement, I'll take her out at four bells. But how far she'll get is up to the angels and the luck of the Irish - which hasn't been the best of late.

Norodam:
You are a singularly well-informed man, Mr. Smith. I think I would like to know more about you. What brought you here? Who are you?

China Smith:
I am a man named Smith - William Smith. I was brought here by the winds and the tides. I am a drifting log, Mr. DeLott... a tidewalker, which is little better than a beachcomber. And if that tells you nothing? it's an honest answer at least, which is more than you gave me!

Shell:
These monkeys won't shoot. I say we take 'em.

China Smith:
It's an appetizing thought, but Mr. Nordom is a man of influence in Saigon. I expect he could have us shot in the back and convince the court it was suicide.

[Smith barges into Mr. Nordam's office and finds it empty]

China Smith:
Ah, he's the one. A back way out... and I'll be usin' it myself if you don't mind.

Miss Giong:
I'm sure that we prefer that you did.

China Smith:
And a pox on you, Miss Giong.