The Proud Family

Oscar Proud:
I thought y'all were already "gonie".

Sticky:
Okay. I was feelin' her for a minute, but your girl is straight-up looney.

Penny Proud:
What kind of pig raised you like that?

[repeated line]

Oscar Proud:
Trudy!

Mr. Peterson:
Hello, Mr. Proud, do you remember me, Alvin Peterson?

Oscar Proud:
Of course, I remember you Peterson. I'll never forget my favorite all day sucker. ha ha. I negotiated you down to nothing, when I bought this house.

Mr. Peterson:
Mm hmm, well I see you've done nothing to since you bought it.

Oscar Proud:
Look, why are you here Peterson?

Mr. Peterson:
Ugh, I feel bad about the deal I made with you.

Oscar Proud:
Ah ah hey, I'm not giving you any more money, Peterson. I think $500 was more then a fair price for house.

Mr. Peterson:
No no no no, I come to warn you. Your house is haunted.

Oscar Proud:
Yeah I know, everyday by my mama.

Mr. Peterson:
No no, Mr. Proud, your house will be visited tonight by the ghost of Garret Krebs.

Oscar Proud:
It's Halloween, I hope see a lot of ghost, goblins, and crazy former home owners. Here, have a proud scary snack.

Mr. Peterson:
I'm serious [pops a snack into his mouth and then spits out] Man these are nasty, how do you make any money anyway? ugh listen, this was once owned to Garrett Krebs, but 30 years ago on Halloween, Krebs' house was reposed. He was so broken hearted he died, the same day. But he swore that every 10 years, he would come back and scared away the family that dared to live in this house. Why did you think I sold the house so cheaply to you 10 years ago?

Oscar Proud:
Ahem, because I'm a savvy negotiator?

Mr. Peterson:
No you boob, it's because Garrett scared me out, I felt bad about not telling about the ghost when I sold you the house, so now you know. If I were you Mr. Proud, I pack up my family and skedaddle-addle.

Oscar Proud:
If I were you Peterson I get my nose checked.

Mr. Peterson:
Why do I need to get my no... [Oscar slams the door in Peterson face] YE-OW!

Oscar Proud:
THAT'S WHY. [laugh hysterically]

Oscar Proud:
One of our new neighbor's sho is ugly! Good Goo-ga moo-ga!

Trudy Proud:
I heard humming and I thought it was the mouse!

Oscar Proud:
You thought the mouse was humming?

Penny Proud:
Why is daddy dressed like a Ghostbuster?

Oscar Proud:
I ain't afraid of no mouse.

Trudy Proud:
What're you doing?

Penny Proud:
You insist on treating me like a baby so I might as well eat like one. [sucks on a bottle]

Trudy Proud:
I haven't cleaned that bottle yet, it's full of soap. [Penny spits it out, the twins laugh]

Penny Proud:
I have the two coolest parents in the world!

Suga Mama:
The two DUMBEST parents, who would give a teenager a credit card?

The Credit Card:
The bill don't come till the end of the month, so you've just got to get to it first.

Penny Proud:
And do what with it?

The Credit Card:
I don't care! Crumble it, toss it away, make a airplane out of it!

Trudy Proud:
I don't know about downloading, uploading, or whatever. What bothers me, baby, is that downstairs, I didn't hear a single thing from you. Everything was "Mega says."

Penny Proud:
Mega said you would say that.

Penny Proud:
[Find Mr.Min sobbing uncontrollably, on the the empty record store floor] Mr. Min, what happen?

Dijonay Jones:
Yeah, where is everybody?

Mr. Min:
[sarcastic] Oh, I don't know. Maybe they're home, listening to the free music they get off EZ JACKSTER!

Penny Proud:
Everybody, can't be doing that?

Mr. Min:
Oh yeah, even my mother's doing it. AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, PENNY! AND THE EZ JACKSTER! IT AFFECTING EVERYBODY! LOOK! [points at store TV]

Marsha Mitsubishi:
Last weeks apprehension, of Penny Proud's has to turn millions of young people from trading music via EZ Jackster. In fact, more EZ Jacks as they are called, are joining the free music movement. As a result, record sells are down severally. One of the place hit hardest, is Wizard Kelly industries.

Various Character Voices:
She's right Wizard, we're down in the fourth quarter.

Wizard Kelly:
[changing into basketball uniform] Down in the fourth quarter? Well put me in the game and pass me the ball.

Marsha Mitsubishi:
[on a TV taken by repomen] Even world famous music artist like, Sir-Paid-A-Lot are changing their lifestyles

Sir-Paid-A-Lot:
Hey dawg. Not my big screen TV, you can't take that. I'm in the middle of watching the game. DAWG!

Marsha Mitsubishi:
The spiraling record sells are affecting all parts of society. Malls are empty, hair salons have closed. there isn't a signal citizen that EZ Jackster hasn't affect.

Oscar Proud:
[at Proud Snack factory] No records, no record release party, no record release party, no record release snack. BUT THESE BABIES ARE GOOD FOR MORE THEN EATING. YOU CAN STRIP PAINT WITH THEM, PAVE YOUR DRIVEWAY, EVEN RESOLE YOUR SHOES! THAT'S RIGHT, PROUD SNACKS!

Marsha Mitsubishi:
That's it for tonight, I'm Marsha Mitsubishi, and... [given papers] sigh, and I'm looking for a job too.

Penny Proud:
Daddy?

Mr. Min:
You, you did this, Penny. To all of us, it's all because of you.

Dijonay Jones:
Mm-hm, I tried to tell her

Mr. Min:
The only good thing about this is I have to fire you.

Dijonay Jones:
I'm gonna miss ya Boo.

Mr. Min:
You, too. Queen Latifah.

Dijonay Jones:
[sarcastic] Thanks a lot, Penny.

Trudy Proud:
[after Penny is publicly arrested] I've never been so humiliated in my life.

Oscar Proud:
So I forgot to take the Christmas lights down, I said I was sorry.

Suga Mama:
Not you, Jingle Bells, she's talking about Penny.

Suga Mama:
Leave that baby alone, she just loves music just like her Suga Mama.

Trudy Proud:
To the tune of $145?

Suga Mama:
Ground her.

Dijonay Jones:
[entering Penny's room where she's downloaded music for 2 days] Hey Penny, what've you been up to all weekend? [sniffs] Besides not bathing?

Reshonda Watson:
This is Reshonda Watson, moderating the presidential debate at Willy T. Ribb Middle School. Yet another indication that my career is nearly over. But I digress.

Oscar Proud:
No dating 'til after you're married.

Oscar Proud:
In my day, we did clean, wholesome dances.

Suga Mama:
The freak, the grind, the bump, the shake-your-rump.

Penny Proud:
Well, I'm grounded.

Dijonay:
Me too.

Lacienega:
Me three.

Zoey:
Ditto.

Penny Proud:
I learned my lesson. I'm never gonna wear that outfit again.

Dijonay:
Shoot, My mama burned mine.

Lacienega:
My daddy put mine in a paper shredder.

[a minute of silence]

Penny Proud:
Well, we don't hear you. Earth to Zoey!

Zoey:
I'm wearing mine under my clothes right now. I like the power.

[Other three say "Dang." and start to laugh]

Penny Proud:
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

Oscar Proud:
It's the year 1955, and NOBODY says the word 'black' in this family, young lady.

Penny Proud:
1955? Where am I?

LaCienega Boulevardez:
Come on, everybody, Mr. Andrews doesn't like for us to be tardy.

Penny Proud:
What's he going to teach us, how to Mop-N-Glo? [laughs, they stare at her] He IS the janitor.

Dijonay Jones:
Well this janitor can sweep you back a grade.

Penny Proud:
Does anybody know who Angela Davis is?

Suga Mama:
Power to the peoples.

Penny Proud:
Yah!

Mr. Carson:
[Trying to get to the bottom of the Graffiti with Penny's name on it all around the school] Somebody's gonna tell me what I wanna know!

[Takes Sticky's headphones off]

Mr. Carson:
How 'bout you, Gadget Boy?

Sticky Webb:
I got a gadget in my pocket; It's called a *breath mint*!

Mr. Carson:
Whoa, you're not only funny-looking, you're also *funny-talkin'*! Now drop and give me...

Sticky Webb:
[resigned] I know, give you ten...

Penny Proud:
THAT'S IT, I HAD IT WITH YOU, IT'S OVER!

Johnny McBride:
Wait, what's over?

Penny Proud:
WE'RE OVER!

Johnny McBride:
I thought you like me. I thought you were my girlfriend. I know it's my wheels, right?

Penny Proud:
No, Your wheel aren't the reason why I don't like you. But they are the reason I'd said I be your girlfriend. That, and because I felt sorry for you, but I don't anymore. You need a personality check, Johnny. You're rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, you disrespected my parents, my grandmother, ME! You're not a nice person, Johnny, but my family there are nice people, and I'm sorry I ever brought you around. So, why don't you break.

Johnny McBride:
I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore, but I do. You're the first person to ever say that about me, I mean you actually see me.

Penny Proud:
NO, I SEE THROUGH YOU! And if you write my name on a wall, a bus, or that blank space in your mind, I'm gonna tell LaCienega's mom, who's a cop, now roll.

Johnny McBride:
Cool. But Penny,no matter what.We'll always have Ski Mountai...

Penny Proud:
GET OUT OF HERE! [Slam the door in Johnny's face]

Dijonay Jones:
[while practicing a cheer] Rip, rip, ree! Kick 'em in the knee! Rip, rip, rass! Kick 'em in the...

[pauses nervously]

Dijonay Jones:
Uh, other knee!

Oscar Proud:
[after Chester the duck eats his cobbler] I'm tellin' you, there's something wrong with a duck that eats a man's cobbler!

Oscar Proud:
What do you think you're doing?

Joseph:
We're here to celebrate Kwanzaa.

Oscar Proud:
I thought we did that yesterday.

Bobby Proud:
[singing] Oh, everybody knows Kwanzaa's seven days.

Oscar Proud:
Seven days? I don't do anything for seven days.

Suga Mama:
'Cept go without bathing.

Felix Boulevardez:
What's with the kufi, Goofy?

Penny Proud:
Daddy, why can't I have a cell phone for Christmas?

Oscar Proud:
Because people with cell phones have cell phone bills, and you have a can and string allowance.

Bobby Proud:
[singing] I loves me some fruitcase. [smells it] But this smells like the bottom of somebody's boot-cake. Ooh! [kicks it out the window]

Stephanie:
My mother homeschools me.

Zoey:
How can you be homeschooled if you don't have a... oops.

Stephanie:
I guess I'm just being schooled then.

Trudy Proud:
I'm not attached to anything in this house. [crash] Suga Mama! Not my good china!

Suga Mama:
What do you care? You're not attached. [drops another plate] Whoops, dropped another one.

Stephanie:
Joseph says it's better to be a family in the street than strangers in a home.

Oscar Proud:
It's like James Brown said, [singing] It's a man's world! And there's no room for uno girl.

Suga Mama:
James Brown never said that.

Penny Proud:
There's no law that says I can't play on your team. However there are plenty of laws that say you can *not* call me babydoll.

Trudy Proud:
Are you saying only a boy can take a hit?

Oscar Proud:
I'm saying there's no pain like football pain.

Trudy Proud:
What about childbirth?

Oscar Proud:
[grumbles] Yeah chidlbirth's worse, but I'm not signing a permission slip for that either!

Trudy Proud:
Then I will.

Suga Mama:
Hey you biscuit head coach! Put my grandbaby in the game!

Trudy Proud:
Oscar, what're the twins doing here?

Oscar Proud:
You remember, Trudy, year ago, hospital, crying, 'I ain't never having a baby again!'

Penny Proud:
Daddy, $5 is not enough to see a movie.

Oscar Proud:
It is at the dollar theater.

Penny Proud:
But all those movies are dubbed in Spanish.

Oscar Proud:
Adios, mu chacho.

Penny Proud:
That's it, we don't even have enough money for the Gross Sisters to jack.

LaCienega Boulevardez:
Isn't that a good thing?

Penny Proud:
No, because it means we have nothing.

Trudy Proud:
Oscar, I'm worried about my baby, she might catch a cold.

Oscar Proud:
She'd catch more than that if she were in here, 'I'm not doing my chores', I brought her into this world...

Trudy Proud:
Now wait just a minute. *I* brought her into this world, and I want her back in this house.

Oscar Proud:
Where're you going?

Suga Mama:
I'm taking my grandbaby a pie.

Oscar Proud:
What? You never made me any pie. Shoot, they don't need it. [takes a bite out of the pie] Hmmm, tart yet sweet, crunchy yet mushy. What kind of pie is this?

Suga Mama:
Prune.

Boy:
[after the kids are kicked out by their parents] I want my mommy!

Penny Proud:
[deep voice] Silence!

Dijonay Jones:
Hi, Mr. Proud, [sees Bobby] and "Mr. Ain't too proud to beg".