The Queen

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
[To Tony Blair] If you imagine I'm going to drop everything and come down to London before I attend to my grandchildren who've just lost their mother... then you're mistaken. I doubt there is anyone who knows the British people more than I do, Mr. Blair, nor who has greater faith in their wisdom and judgement. And it is my belief that they will any moment reject this... this "mood" which is being stirred up by the press, in favor of a period of restrained grief and sober, private mourning. That's the way we do things in this country, quietly, with dignity. That's what the rest of the world has always admired us for.

Tony Blair:
That woman has given her whole life in service to her people. Fifty years doing a job she never wanted! A job she watched kill her father. She's executed it with honor, dignity and, as far as I can tell, without a single blemish, and now we're all baying for her blood! All because she's struggling to lead the world in mourning for someone who... who threw everything she offered back in her face and who, for the last few years, seemed committed 24/7 to destroying everything she holds most dear!

HM the Queen Mother:
You must show your strength. Reassert your authority. You sit on the most powerful throne in Europe, head of an unbroken line that goes back more than a thousand years. Do you think any of your predecessors would have dropped everything and gone up to London because a bunch of hysterics carrying candles needed help with their grief? Huh! As for that silly Mr. Blair with his Cheshire Cat grin...

Other Characters:
Alastair Campbell: [to Tony Blair] They, er, sent a copy of the Queen's speech. Might want to scrape the frost off it first... Oh, I phoned them with a couple of suggestions, to make it sound like it came from a human being.

Portrait Artist:
You may not be allowed to vote, ma'am, but it is your government.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Yes. I suppose that is some consolation.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Have we shown you how to start a nuclear war yet?

Tony Blair:
Er, no.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
First thing we do apparently, we take away your passport and spend the rest of our time sending you around the world.

Tony Blair:
You obviously know my job better than I do.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Yes, well, you are my tenth Prime Minister, Mr Blair. My first, of course, was Winston Churchill. He sat in your chair in a frock coat and top hat. And he was kind enough to give a shy young girl like me quite an education.

Tony Blair:
I would imagine.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
In time, one has added experience to that education and a little wisdom, better enabling us to carry out our constitutional responsibilities to advise, guide and warn the government of the day.

Tony Blair:
Advice which I look forward to receiving.

Prince Charles:
I should go to Paris. I told my people to start organizing a jet.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
What, a private one?

Prince Charles:
Yes.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Isn't that precisely the sort of extravagance they always attack us for?

Prince Charles:
How else am I supposed to get to Paris at this time? The airport at Aberdeen will be closed and -

HM The Queen Mother:
Charles dear, use the Royal Flight; they keep one plane on permanent standby, in case I should kick the bucket.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
No, Mummy, that's out of the question; this isn't a matter of State.

Prince Charles:
What are you talking about?

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Diana's no longer a member of the Royal Family. She's not an HRH. This is a private matter!

Prince Charles:
She's mother to your grandchildren!

HM The Queen Mother:
What is happening now?

Prince Philip:
I don't know; I can't hear, everyone shouting!

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Do you think it wise for the boys to go stalking so soon?

HM The Queen Mother:
Anything that gets them into the fresh air is a good thing.

HM Queen Elizabeth II:
Well, maybe they shouldn't take their guns. I mean, if a photographer were to see them, it might send out the wrong signal.

HM The Queen Mother:
If there is a photographer out there, he could be the first kill of the day.

Queen of a Nation, Queen of Hearts.

Tradition Prepared Her. Change Will Define Her.

Our Leaders. Ourselves.